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misskitka

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Everything posted by misskitka

  1. Porcelaon,

    My version of bipolar is not that common. I am manic and depressed 5-8 times every day and I have been labeled as ulradian by some. It's quite hard to deal with but i do well in spite of this.

    Don

  2. I have tried a whole lot of meds over the years, 12 of them not counting antidepressants. Lithium was the only one that did anything, and as well, was the only one that did not produce adverse reactions. I have tried without twice in the last 20 years and both times I nearly lost everything including my friends and family.

    I do not even feel it, it's very supple and very effectiv...

  3. Dear bipolars, I take lithium for 22 years now, and 100mg of Seroquel to help me sleep when manic for about 10 years, and that's it. I am ultradian so I am mad several times a day in spite of this. I have tried over a dozen other meds that did nothing for me so I am stuck with this. Don
  4. Porcelain,

    Your message was incomplete but I have tried 20 meds in the past and only lithium has ever helped me. It is so mellow it's like it is having no effect but twice in the last 20 years I quit and my life became a train wreak in slow motion. Several bipolar friends tried it but they found side effects, and I never have. It has been used for bipolar since the 1850s so there is in...

  5. Danielsaun, Geodon seemed to help really well for a few months but after 4 months or so I was back where I started.. As far as changes in sleep patterns, it could be you are mood cycling and are overall somewhat more manic right now so not sleeping much. I have hourly patterns on top of daily patterns on top of monthly patterns and I get overwhelmed by it so try to deal with things on an hourly basis. I self medicated for 35 years before I was diagnosed. It kept me calm and in control as well as any mood stabilizer does today. These days smoking just drains all my energy away, maybe because I am much older now and not 'cool' anymore ha ha!!. Don
  6. Bisous, That may be right. I have always been very manic, psychotic, so I have never seen it before. Don
  7. Linda,

    I just got back from a discussion about how I felt about being diagnosed with bipolar I. That was the first day of the rest of my life. Lithium was prescribed that day and 3 days later I felt so good, relaxed and happier than in a long time. SO being diagnosed saved my life and removed all the negative pressure. Every time I feel overwhelmed now I just remember my former life.

    Don

  8. Emjay, I have been bipolar since I was 8 in 1963. I have also been type 1 diabetic since 1959. I have also gone on spending sprees, buying stuff I shook my head at the next day Luckily I have taken back more than I have bought because I have always cycled fast. A good friend has a bipolar son, and every year like clockwork he has to drive all over town canceling the 6 cars his son had bought the day before. I have always had some project in writing or design or something and everything in my life got pushed to the side because no matter what it was, it was as important as world peace to me. I lost many years doing this. This is likely the reason I was forced to retire and am now broke. I do totally enjoy the buzzing mania feeling. Because it feels so good bipolars set up situations where the buzz will come back. It's as addictive as the best of drugs. If you have had more than one episode of mania and depression then you have bipolar I not II which is only one episode. I have 8 of these every day. I don't even have time to drive somewhere to buy something, lucky now I guess at least in one way. After having 35 years of bipolar and attempting ******* several times a year I was finally diagnosed and I felt very happy knowing there was a reason I felt so crappy and so good all the time. Once I was taking lithium I was able to breath and that was super nice. It was such a relief. The last 22 years has been difficult but I still feel better than I did before. I have to keep reminding myself of my last life. Don
  9. Withered, I feel so bad by the losses you have had to bear. I have had 4 friends commit ******* over the years, but many of my friends are or have been bipolar. One even back in 1969 and I still think about him often. Being ultradian bipolar these events reminded me of how serious the disease is. I am manic and depressed 8 times a day so life is a struggle for me, especially with respect to relating to family and friends. Most normal people never understand what life is like for us. My wife does not understand but if I am in a bad way she does everything she can to make this easier for me. Other than my 2 bipolar net friends I have large words on my giant white board that says "I's unfair to believe anyone will understand me". I have never met a doctor, a talk therapist, nor a psychiatrist who ever truly understood either. I have been bipolar since I was 8 years old, and that was my first ******* attempt, in 1963. Super rapid cycling (ultradian) forced me to to get help because I was afraid for my life. I tried 12 or more drugs but the only one that ever did anything was lithium, and that is nearly a natural thing, found on the ground all over. I spent many nights in emergency and lots of time in the mental hospital here. I have not made that trip now for 15 years so I feel good about that.. I was told by a psych nurse and 2 psychiatrists not to ever take anti-depressants because they cause mania, and two of those drugs landed me in hospital. Mood stabilizers is what is normally prescribed to bipolars.Lithium is the only mood stabilizer that helps both with mania and depression but I am not saying you should try it because every human is different. I know 2 bipolars who have tried it without success. I used to do many dangerous things, like street racing and telling my boss where to go. I was totally out of control and feeling on top of the world the whole time and also have been addicted to everything under the sun. Don
  10. Danialsaun, For 35 years that simmering rage in the background got me into a lot of trouble and fired many times. The strange thing is that I looked for a confrontation and they invigorated me and I always got such a rush from them so I never backed down because I wrongly thought I was right and justified every time. In 1998 I had 6 months of continuous job problems I caused myself and I cracked and quit and walked out. That was when I was diagnosed with bipolar and 6 months later became ultradian, manic and depressed 8 times a day. Now I don't get manic anymore, I get psychotic and have no idea what I am doing and I never see the pure rage. The 6 months of extreme stress caused a permanent worsening of my bipolar. This is why I love depression, because I know I'm not manic. Stress makes bipolar way worse and when we cause it, well that is very self-destructive. Nether Geodon nor Risperedol nor 12 other meds did anything for me. I take only lithium, for the last 20 years and it works better than all the rest,, for me, but I am far from 'cured' and have not been able to work for 22 years now. Don
  11. Linda,

    Have not heard from you for a while. I always allow my depressions to happen when ever they happen. I love to cry which is why I have a stainless steel keyboard that is waterproof. I feel totally blessed that I can let the tears fall where they may.

    Don

  12. Linda,

    I hear you. I get through life by being myself and others don't usually have a clue. I have to stay by myself most days and venture out just twice a week. It's always a crap shoot whether I will emerge on the other side whole.

    Don

  13. Lindahurt,

    Being a guy, crying can be a problem. I no longer worry about doing it in public, because when I have to I just let it happen. Crying releases so much tension that many times has no basis. Please ask anything you wish. I have been bipolar for 45 years and ultradian for the last 22 years.

    Don

  14. Smiling, At least twice a month I will be very manic, thinking 1000 things at once, 60 browser windows open at once, formulating the equation for word peace, a strong desire to phone Prime Ministers and Presidents, 10 letters half finished to politicians, and everything seems clear and so simple, while I cry my eyes out the whole time being so depressed. This is mixed states for me. It's the most dangerous of all bipolar moods. If it lasts more than a day I check myself into hospital for a stiff shot of Haldol in the butt which brings relief within seconds. That angry mean doctor or nurse turns into my best friend before my eyes. It's an unlivable conflict for me every time. Don
  15. I did a personal study recently. I went and had my Seroquel script increased from 4 X 25mg a day to 5 pills. The fifth pill I chop in half and take only 12mg at noon, when my manias normally start, and also at 3-4pm. It makes me slightly tired, but actually more relaxed and comfortable. I have neither had a deep depression nor a blackout mania now for 6 weeks where I was used to having 5 of each every day. I still get hypo manic and depressed many times every day but they are not nearly so severe. This is so strange because I have always had a 1/2 pill (12mg) before a tense situation and they always worked, like a family meal that used to be nightmares or eating out in a cafe where I would cry over my meal for no reason. I never connected the dots till just weeks ago and it seems to be working very well. This drug is normally prescribed at 400mg a day but I have been a type 1 diabetic for 51 years and when I got up to 250mg I had a nighttime low blood sugar and woke with a bag of glucose draining into a vein with EMT people standing around. I take only 100mg before bed now and am easily able to wake up at 3am and go get something to eat if I have to. As well, 100mg before sleep gets me asleep even if I am manic. If I don't get 9 hours of sleep a night I become psychotic the next day and I never know what happens until days later and usually have to mend fences like you, so that is a worry. Anyway, I feel better these days, and it only took me 20 years to figure it out ha ha!!!! The important part of this is that I figured it out myself because my psychiatrist had given up trying new drugs, so why not use the old ones. Don
  16. Kittyandrews, We are all heavily influenced by the moon and the planets. My bipolar has been acting weird for the last week, and probably due to the solstice, the shortest day, as well as the lunar eclipse on the same day. I have been expecting change which I always look forward to after the 21st. Don
  17. Hircon, Because I get manic and depressed 5-8 times every day I never know where I will be when I try to sleep. I do feel best when I get 9 hours a night, so around here I am alone when I go to bed usually. I have tried over 20 meds for bipolar which never did a thing except lithium which I have used for 20 years now. My manias can be extreme blackout manias and only Seroquel can put me to sleep. If I get less than 9 hours it is guaranteed I will be manic beyond control the entire next day. There have been too many times when I have woken up in a quiet room full of Haldol so I am afraid of that. I am most afraid of waking up in jail because I can get very angry over nothing. Being manic 1/2 of every day I listen to hard core punk and the depressed other half I listen to quiet sad music. I feed my moods. I get to sleep fastest with total silence. Don
  18. Dear fellow ultradians, For the last 5 years I have been taking Seroquel, 100mg, to help me sleep instead of an addictive benzo. I have been on lithium for 20 years as well. Due to many events I was not able to pick up a refill for Seroquel last week so cut my dosage in half for a few days and then went without for two days. My psychic told me a clinical dosage was 400mg but to help me sleep 100mg was all I needed. I was manic and did not sleep for 3 days straight. The mania was useful and mellow compared to my usual blackouts when I do really dumb things and never know what I have done for days later. For many years I have been afraid I would wake up in the mental hospital, or worse, in jail so many times I hide my keys from the super manic me and we are totally disconnected. It is clear that Seroquel makes extreme mania in my case. I still need to be able to get to sleep if manic and this drug was the best non-physically addictive I have tried. I started my mood diary back up and will be reducing dosage over the next month and see what happens, starting at 50mg. I love personal studies!!! QUESTION: Do any ultradian bipolars or regular bipolars have blackout manias? QUESTION: How many bipolars of any flavor use Seroquel, how much, and how do your manias behave? QUESTION: What do people use for sleep, excluding benzos like diazepam and clonazipam for example. Hope you all receive a day you can use. Don
  19. I have been type 1 diabetic for 51 years and bipolar for over 45 years. I have been ultradian bipolar since 1998, cycling between manic and depressed 6-8 times a day. I look after both illnesses myself, diabetes since 1969 and bipolar forever. I use pork insulin and lithium + quetiapine.

    I have been independent of the health system my whole life and have no diabetic complications.

  20. Lindahurt,

    Not sure what personal conversation is or how to do it. Is it different than this?

    Don

  21. Jenn, I had a breakdown in 1998 that converted my periodic bipolar into ultradian, changing states 8 times a day. I saw several therapists who suggested I meditate when my biggest problem at that time was that I could not drive, good grief. My year long search found a very empathetic and knowledgeable person. I have been seeing him weekly for 15 years and now once a month for another 5 years. If either him or me are sick he calls me and we talk on the phone. I can always call for an emergency anytime. What I find so fascinating is that I can bring a problem that is so convoluted with bipolar and diabetes and he comes up with one sentence that explains it all, He is awesome and I respect him in the highest degree. (He also lives with a cat and that may explain it)) This whole thing has been a training program and now I can usually see the answers to most problems before I go. I see my psychiatrist once a year now just to say hi. Don
  22. Lindsay, In my case your words about lithium do not apply. I am an ultradian cycling bipolar, switching states usually 8 times a day. I have tried: Paxil, Zoloft, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Elavil (Amitriptyline), Doxepin (Sinequan), Gabapentin, Risperdal (risperidone), Zyprexa (olanzapine) Clozapine, Tegretol (carbamazepine), Topomax (topiramate), Depakene (Valproic acid), Trileptal ( Oxcarbazepine), Diazepam, Epilim (sodium valproate), Lamictal (Lamotrigine), and finally Zeldox (ziprasidone). All of these drugs either did nothing but empty my wallet, caused unlivable side effects, or propelled me into emergency wards and then to psych wards shortly after that.. My psychiatrist has totally given up and no longer has any tricks up his sleeves. Only lithium has been kind and gentle to my body and mind. I absolutely feel blessed to be eating those pink caps every night. Don
  23. Sheepwoman, I am way past 50 years and have been diabetic since 4 and bipolar since 8 years old. I was forced to retire at 40 and have not had much money since. I take lithium which costs me $6 a month and I work with that as best I can. I have been ultradian for the last 20 years and bounce between manic and depressed 8 times a day. No drug, of 20+ tried, ever helped. My psychic has given up but I have not. I have been looking inside and have discovered many things that have helped me get better and feel good about myself. There are things I have that others don't such as: - The ability to read between the lines on any issue. - The ability to look within so easily. - The ability to feel compassion, sadness, and empathy, a test for sure. - The ability to be alone without feeling alone - The ability to appreciate pure joy with things that nobody else even notices. Everyone has to find these things and more. Feeling useful in some way goes a long way towards healing. Don
  24. jojin timestamp, Because I am bipolar my "sad" songs were written and sung by bipolars and they are: Lithium by Amy Lee, Evanescence Come As You Are by Kurt Cobain, Nirvana They always make me cry, which moderates my manias. Don
  25. perfectly_imperfect I am thankful for many things, being bipolar - The ability to read between the lines on any issue. - The ability to look within so easily. - The ability to feel compassion, sadness, and empathy, a test for sure. - The ability to be alone without feeling alone - The ability to appreciate pure joy with things that nobody else even notices. Don
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