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sad robot

Member
  • Content Count

    100
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About sad robot

  • Rank
    Junior Member
  • Birthday 12/12/1992

Contact Methods

  • AIM
    rustinglove

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    music.
  1. sad robot

    Im Sorry

    im sorry for everything i dont know how long its been since ive showed me face around here all i know is that im tired of being alive and im tired of being expendable i just want someone to love me most is that wrong or selfish? i love everyone so much so how come nobody loves me? i dont need kisses or valentines or anything like that i dont even need romance or sex i just want someone to hold my hand and tell me they love me but its never gonna happen im so lonely it hurts i keep cutting myself over and over and over and theyre bleeding right now but i don't care maybe tomorrow i wont wake up who knows life is a funny funny thing i wanna die
  2. but waking up is harder when you wanna die.
  3. "so tell me how does it feel being completely worthless? how does it feel being hated by your mother and ignored by your father? how does it feel crying yourself to sleep every night in a broken heap of skin and bones crumpled and worn? how does it feel being so ugly that looking at yourself makes you want to vomit? how does it feel being abandoned by the people you trusted the most? that no matter how hard you try to reach for them--shakey and scared they're always out of reach always too far for your fingertips? how does it feel to try, and try, and try your best but never succeed? never win? to always be the loser? how does it feel to know that there's no such thing as love, or friendship? how does it feel knowing that nobody cares about you lying in patches of your own blood at night with carved up legs and sleepless eyes? how does it feel knowing that someday you're going to just end it all anyway? how does it ******* feel you worthless piece of garbage?" "it feels like i should jump off a bridge. sorry for taking up so much of your time."
  4. please don't worry about it i'm not worth your apologies thank you for being nice enough to read my nonsense
  5. sad robot

    I'm So Lonely.

    i've been sitting here waiting and wishing and hoping that things will get better because for years and years everyone always says "just keep your chin up things will get better i promise it gets better" but it hasn't gotten better at all and i'm falling to pieces
  6. sorry this is really random and weird and i am extremely socially awkward, but we seem to be a lot a like and i find that to be rare sometimes. just saying hello, and that i love to play the bass piano and guitar too.

  7. i hate you don't leave me

  8. usually, music does help but lately i don't even enjoy touching a piano anymore let alone listening to it and that cripples me inside i'm a music major and i don't enjoy music anymore. it's so frustrating, you know? it's like i want to feel but i can't and when i try i'm not certain of what i'm feeling like i'm only giving 10% and the other 90% is lost somewhere inside my head looking for a way out there used to be someone i could talk to when i felt like this but they're gone now and to be honest i think that's when this whole thing got harder but i'm sorry for rambling thank you again for your kind words and please don't worry about it
  9. no, it really is okay-- thank you for your kind words i feel a bit better now after having gotten all of that out. to clarify, yes, i am on medication i take 120mg of cymbalta and 30mg of adderall XR daily i'm already diagnosed with clinical depression, borderline personality disorder and ADHD. it's not really the diagnosis that i need so much as advice for how to feel myself again after all of the big emotions turned very small
  10. i've really just been a mess lately, mentally and physically. i usually don't try to reach out that much--i just bottle it up and pretend it doesn't exist but lately it's been much worse--due to the fact that even writing, one of my biggest passions-- has become dull and lifeless to me. i feel like i've lost my spark. writing, for me, is one of my biggest outlets. without it, i feel trapped inside my head, like i can't get the words out that desperately need to bubble to the surface. as of late my mood has been either hesitantly acceptant ("well, i guess this is just the way it is...") and horrible self-loathing with suicidal ideation ("dear god i am disgusting filth and i must take my own life.") i'm taking medication. and i think it's working--i mean, don't get me wrong, clinically, this is no where near as bad as where i used to be-- but i feel as if this is almost worse. at least when i was sad all of the time, i could get out my thoughts i could write it out, draw it out--anything to just release it. and then i would feel better. now i feel as if i don't feel anything. now and then, however, i do feel something but it's something i can't explain. i get a horrible clenching feeling inside my chest and my head aches and i feel as if someone is tugging on my brainstem and pinching my temple trying to make me fathom the words to explain how i'm feeling. it's like i have all of this potential bubbled up inside of me screaming and scratching and clawing to the top to get out and even when i sit down to do something productive i find that i can't, even though i desperately want to and i get so frustrated that i usually just give up and lie on my side and think to myself how disgusting and worthless i am that i used to be able to draw and write and sing on a whim and now i am nothing and i can do nothing. it's not exactly apathy and it's not exactly pain but whatever it is, it's tearing me up inside and i don't know what to do anymore. please please help me. i really don't ask for much but some advice would be wonderful please, please, please, i'm begging you.
  11. stop coming back into my life as if you have any place being there. please just slowly disappear from it. i am so sick of crying over you.
  12. sad robot

    ....

    You're in my museum You're in the biggest room there is Under the thickest glass there is Sharing my saddest laugh. You're in my museum You're in the biggest room there is Under the thickest glass there is Sharing my saddest laugh. But you remind me of a friend, though I met him falling out a window We were both falling real slow We had some time to talk, you know? And he's a typical offender A professional pretender On a life long bender He thinks it makes him friendlier. So. Every day Feels the same Fading in a frame. You're in my museum Up on the screen repeating lines Dressed up as everybody else A different echo every time. You're in my museum Up on the screen repeating lines Collecting accidents like treasures Buried under time. But you remind me of a friend, though I met him falling out a window We were both falling real slow We had some time to talk, you know? And he's a typical offender A professional pretender On a life long bender He says it makes him friendlier. So. Every day Feels the same Fading in a frame.
  13. finals week has been a breeze. hahahahaha what a joke. five meltdowns, two panic attacks and a whole lot of stress coupled with lack of sleep and crying spells makes for a lovely time. today is my last exam, in about 30 minutes. i'm just... waiting for it to be over, really. i'm half-awake, bags under my eyes, twitching like a fool because of my medicine, ready to just... burst out of my skin and escape. i guess i really just want an escape. i've been thinking a lot about suicide recently, or maybe just happy accidents waiting for that college kid who's bad at driving to hit me waiting for me to die in my sleep due to a really weird complication waiting for me to gather the nerve to actually do it this time not to chicken out like the gutless child i am on the inside i feel immensely lonely. i feel as though everyone is withdrawing from me, and that terrifies me. so i've either been clinging on tighter or pushing them away, "i hate you, i love you, don't leave me" i may try to push people away but it's just a defence because really on the inside is a pathetic little green-eyed monster curled up small waiting for someone to hold her hand and tell her it's going to be okay i hate you i love you don't leave me please don't go i'm begging you it's like i'm drowning and you're the only bit of land left that i can swim to even if you're far away but i know in the end no matter how much i cling everyone goes away eventually. and it's always my fault. because i am worthless and stupid and ugly and i deserve to rot.
  14. and i want to die i am worthless unwanted unneeded unloved insignificant and awful nobody would miss me anyway
  15. i'm a dying breed.

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