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Aimz

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  1. Thanks for the replies. The experiences I've had with about four CSWs have been so similar. They all seem to use similar techniques, many have been downright rude to me at times, and all seem to take things (like missed appointments, and lapses in sessions) personally. I have not had these issues with Psychs.
  2. The best therapist I've ever had was a Psychologist. I moved, and can no longer see him so I am back at ground zero trying to find the right fit. My insurance seems to have more CSW's than Psychs. I went to a CSW recently and the experience reminds me of why I hopped from therapist to therapist for so many years. CSWs don't seem to use a CBT technique. They don't even seem to deal with "talk therapy". It's always them relying on me to come up with things to do to make my situation better. I don't need to see a therapist to help me suggest to myself to exercise more, eat better, take a class to meet people, etc. My issue is the way I think, not what I do or don't do. I always end up very frustrated because developing "to do" lists during therapy is tedious to me, and I don't feel I need a therapists to invent healthy activities. I need to address negative thoughts from a CBT perspective so I will want to actually do thost activities. I hope this is making sense. Can anyone relate or tell me the difference in therapists types and the techniques they use?
  3. What I know is that the generally perscribed generic for Welbutrin changed in 2010. I noticed the pills looked different and by the end of the week, I was seriously depressed as if I hadn't been taking anything. I talked to the pharmacist and did some research and found out a different manufacturer was making the generic. As people said above, not all generics are the same. I had to start using the brand name Welbutrin, and I was back on track. I pay about $30 more a month, and my mail order drugs refuse to give me the 90 day supply, but I have no other option, because the generic formula made in 2009 is no longer available. Sorry, I can't remember which one was Bupropion and which one was Budeprion, but I do know one was discontinued in 2009. I recommend trying the brand name for awhile if you are finding that the generic is not, or no longer effective.
  4. Another thing to consider with Welbutrin -- the generic form of Buporion changed in 2009-10. It didn't work for me anymore, so I switched to the branded version. It costs more and my insurance company hassels me or my doc every now and then, trying to reject it, but I have no choice. The new generic is not the same!
  5. To browri and sunrise, you may want to try a Psych who specializes in children/adolescents. I just happened to choose one that works mainly with children, and she knows more about medication than any doc I've ever seen (and I've seen alot). She is like an encyclopedia! I am thinking maybe this speciality may make a doc more apt to perscribe ADHD drugs in addition to anti-depressants, because they are already doing it with children. If you are tied to your current doc, maybe print out an article about combining Vyvance with anti-depressants. If you are so unmotivated by depression that you can't get your studying done, then that is a real issue. I would see another doc. I've used a number of drugs with Welbutrin to boost it -- Lexapro, Celexa, etc. I am at the maximum does allowed for Welbutrin and upping Lexapro (I currently take 5 mg to ween off of it) only made me more sleepy and lethargic. Vyvance is the key, because if I don't have energy to do anything but sleep all day, my depression will never lift. And Vyvance helps my social anxiety as I seek out people to have conversations with, as opposed to avoiding people. 25 Muffins, I had to lower my dose for similar reasons, plus it was making me anxious. This was at 50 mg of Vyvance, and 450 mg of Wellbutrin. My doc says the max for Vyvance is 80 mg, so you are almost there. 40 mgs of Vyvance works fine.
  6. You have to get the right dose, and check your blood pressure. I started with 30, then 40 and recently went up to 50 and found it makes me too anxious so I am going back down. It is not an antidepressant by nature -- it's a stimulant, and for me seems to be the perfect complement to Wellbutrin, because my depression manifests itself as exhaustion and sleeping for hours on end and never feeling rested. The good and bad part, depending on how you look at it, is that the effects will wear off by the end of the day. I am able to sleep through the night while taking it -- there is no disruption or waking up in the middle of the night. But I have to take it first thing in the a.m. to wake myself it -- I am zombie-like, so I am getting to work late (that is a discipline thing to take it earlier). But it works within minutes, like cup of coffee. Then it gives me plenty of energy and alertness to get through the day, and makes me more socialble. It's been the best thing for me in years!
  7. SOOOO true! I was fired for having a bad attitude (I busted my a** to do a good job there, very helpful and nice to everyone). But because of my struggles with depression, I was singled out as a "problem". The problem was in fact trusting a coworker with personal info... I was quoted as saying in passing "ughh I really don't wanna be here, but I don't really wanna be home taking care of my daughter right now, either". It does sound pretty bad, but I felt pretty bad (still do). I feel so persecuted by those employers for rubbing salt into my wounds. Depressed people have to be extra careful what we say at the job. I know this is hard when we feel we trust people, and of course we hear all of THEIR problems. But I think other people can get away with what we can't. Unfair, but it's a reality I have experienced first hand. At the end of the day, our coworkers will look out for themselves and their families before anything. When people ask me how I am, I say GREAT, when people ask my how my weekend was, I say "Great". When they ask what I did, even if I did nothing but sleep on the couch, I make up something. There are no therapists at work and nothing is confidential.
  8. Don't withdraw from your friend. But try to branch out a bit. I recently relocated and have made one friend in a year. I thought we would be very close because we had such a great time hanging out, but he has a slew of other friends and I and simply not on the top of his list. I feel rejected and maybe started to hint at that, and I felt him start to back away from the friendship. I had two thoughts of how to handle it -- just withdraw from him altogether so as not to risk getting hurt, or find other friends and social outlets to fill the void when he is not around. If I expand my social life outside of him, then when we are together, I'd have a whole lot more to offer to the conversation than listening to him go on about his great weekend, when all I did was sleep on the couch. But of course this is not easy for us to do. As a depressed person, our personal dramas become "the conversation" and I get how that could be offputting to others. And when people don't respond the way we want, our minds process it as rejection. I have awesome parents too. We are very blessed to have that.
  9. I don't think you should get used to it. I am 41, and I feel I wasted my 30s because I gave up trying to date or really make friends. The thing to remember is that you don't need a relationship to not feel lonely. You need a social life that includes friends and being active doing things you like. I've been told many times that this is when the right person will come into your life. Of course for a person battling depression, this is easier said than done. But you are young and it's good to ask these questions now. Don't give up and don't be so hard on yourself.
  10. Welbutrin had always been the one drug that has constantly worked. But I have always needed another anti-depressant to "boost it". For many years it has been Lexapro with little success. A new doc had me try Vyvance, and it is working great for my energy level and ability to feel "sociable". I also sleep better, believe it or not. Another advantage is that it's an appetite suppressant. I know Welbutrin is as well, but that affect left years ago. I just wanted to share that. BTW, Vyvance is perscribed for ADHD, not depression. I do not have ADHD, but it has helped me focus a bit better, sometimes too much as I lose track of time.
  11. After that long ramble I want to add something. Since I am older than others in this post, I think that being depressed could be why teachers and others see us as a "problem". Two of my past jobs, within the first month, I was called into HR. To preface, I am a hard worker, and I do my job well and am friendly and eager -- especially when I first start a job. The first time, company owners told me that I had "an attitude problem" and when I pressed them for an example they could not give one and were actually embarassed by it. Eventually one of them confessed that she sensed "a sadness about me" and "I didn't seem to need their help". Bingo! That was the real issue. In my current job, HR called me in because I did not "seem happy", again I pressed them for more details, and again the HR manager was embarassed by not being able to offer anything concrete. Meanwhile, my immediate supervisors were surprised by the accusations, because they had actually taken the time to get to know me. So there you have it. You can do all the right things -- be a good student, employer, friend, etc. But if people sense "depression" then they want to label you as a "problem".
  12. I relate to people in this post, and honestly what I need now are answers as to why -- and a therapist who will help me cope. So far my therapists have brushed off my past, saying it's the present and what matters now, and how I deal now. However, this is a repeated pattern. I was constantly teased as a child and never had real friends. I was chubby, unattractive, had horrible acne through my adult years -- all fodder for constant ridicule. People I would hang with would be there for me when they felt like it, but would ditch me at a moments notice or flat out tell me to go home because they didn't want me around. To this day, I hate amusement parks because I was ditched twice and left to wander around alone. I also had the same problems with teachers that people mentioned above, or just people assuming that I am a problem child, when I do nothing to provoke it. I do not date or have never been in love. . I often wondered why coworkers (that I was friendly with during work and lunch hours) who asked each other out, would never ask me. I always assumed it is because I am not an attractive person, because that is how I was judged as a child. Actually in grammer school, I was very popular, but from the 7th grade on, when boys and girls become attractive to one another, I was no longer popular and shunned by all my former friends. As others have said -- High School stuff that people grow out of right? Not for me. It never ends. The loneliness I feel now as a 41 year old woman is so palpable it physically hurts. I went through my entire 30s with no friends, never going out anywhere, never being invited. As a result of what I went through my entire life, I have social anxiety and am afraid of going out. I have no connections with anyone and feel empty all the time. I don't know most of the people on my FB either -- they are not my friends. And I avoid going there, because it's depressing to see people pictured with family and friends and having fulfilled lives. I am not close to my cousins who ignore me. My brother is exactly the same as me -- very alone and isolated. The only person who gives a crap is my Mother, and she is not going to be around forever. So I am filled with fear and anxiety lately because it seems like I am going to be alone forever, and I just can't bear the thought of never being loved. And just simple things like -- I need a ride to the airport or from the hospital, I need someone to bring me cold medicine or just to "be there" for me -- I don't have a soul to count on. And that is very scary. I recently moved to a new area. I made friends through work, and have been making an effort to get over my anxiety. The more I go out, the more I haven't been content with staying home. So in that regards it gets easier the more you do it. However, I feel a friend that I had a blast with, along with others, pulling away from me. At happy hour two people that I went out with, and seemingly we all had a great time, practically turned their backs to me. It was weird, but all too familiar. I went home early because it hurt so much to see my past catching up to me. Bottom line -- I have problems making friends and keeping them. I am afraid to make friends because the pain of inevitable losing the friendship when that person no longer wants to be around me, is sooo very painful, confusing and frankly -- depressing. It helps to get it out on this forum, but I really need this pattern to end and need help, advice, prayers, whatever will end this pattern of loneliness and rejection that had followed me all my life.
  13. Trace

    I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  14. I am no doctor, but sounds like allergies. Try taking a benadryl or claritin when you feel symptoms. See an allergist to find out exactly what you are allergic to. Certain food allergies can cause that reaction too.
  15. This is an interesting question and I am curious to know what people think on the matter. I was laid-off from my last job shortly after telling my supervisor that I was dealing with anxiety and depression. My performace was not up to standard, I panicked and confided in someone that I didn't trust. I am very weary of telling anyone at work about this. You just never know what could happen when budget cuts mean that hard decisions have to be made. Most friends and men that I have dated don't believe me when I tell them I have depression anyway. Because I don't "act" depressed. Meaning if I can function relatively normally it's not that big of a deal. It's a constant reaction of mild disbelief even from my parents of whom themselves are currently being treated for depression with meds and therapy. They will never fully accept it. It's strange, but true.
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