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lonelyforeigner last won the day on February 25

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  1. Hard to say without knowing the underlying reasons for your feelings. Do you suffer from anxiety? Have you recently lost something that could explain your need to have tangible memories? Definitely DON'T tape any intimate moments without her permission, it's not only unethical but in some jurisdictions it's considered a felony that carries harsh penalties.
  2. My advice would be to evade that question prior to meeting her. Push for a date early on and avoid talking online for hours since that tends to create unrealistic expectations, you want to meet in person ASAP to see if there's any chemistry. If there is then it'll be much more likely that she'll overlook you being unemployed... I wouldn't bring up depression until you're in an actual relationship, some may view that as unfair but telling someone you just met everything that's wrong with you isn't exactly attractive either. I suspect that it all depends a bit on age as well, a women in her early 20s who's just looking for a boyfriend to hang out with is probably going to be more forgiving than someone in their 30s who's looking to settle down. For your own sake you should make sure you're stable enough to handle rejection, getting rejected or dumped is hard enough as it is but if you're suffering from depression it can feel infinitely worse. Ask yourself if you're dating for the right reasons too before proceeding, if you're hoping to meet someone with the expectation of them acting as your therapist or solving your problems then you may want to wait. Not saying this is the case but it's not uncommon for depressed people to do that.
  3. Dating tour? Do you mean one of those organized tours in the Ukraine or southeast Asia? If so then I would be suspicious as well to be honest. What your parents or anyone else think doesn't matter though, just make sure not to get used, i.e. don't marry her to bring her over or help her out financially. It's nearly impossible to tell if someone is a gold digger but as long as you make it clear that she's not going to get anything from you other than your time you should be OK.
  4. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic (5)

    I feel for you, sounds like you and your mom are pretty close and she's been a major support for you. Hopefully the end isn't as close as you're thinking but it's always best to be prepared, spend some quality time with her to make the most of what you have left.
  5. Mental Health & Work/Career Thread

    @gandolfication, let's agree to disagree, while certainly interesting we're getting way off topic and we can probably keep this going for another 10 or more pages without either of us convincing the other :-) Let's assume for a second that you find yourself in an utopian system that doesn't require you to work in a corporate job that you despise and there's a UBI or some other form of wealth transfer guaranteeing your basic survival, what is it that you would want to pursue? And as a follow-up question, if what you would choose to pursue generates value, what stops you from doing it now? If something is of value you should be able to find a buyer for whatever good or service you create so what makes you think you can't succeed doing the same thing under the current system?
  6. Whatever you do, don't google brain tumor or you'll end up convinced you have one ;-) I'd give it a few more days for your body to fully recover from the missed doses, some people seem to be a lot more sensitive to this than others so perhaps you're one of them. The half life of Prozac is 1 - 3 days (or 4 - 6 if you've been using it for long) so it's not unreasonable to think that your symptoms are related to the missed doses from a few days ago.
  7. Increasing My Dosage

    Never really experienced any bad side effects with SSRIs but everybody is different so perhaps you could try increasing to 75mg before going to 100mg to give your body more time to adjust? Your psychiatrist is right being concerned about Ativan, it's OK to take for the occasional panic attack but if you take it often you'll build a tolerance fairly quickly and that's when people can be tempted to take it more frequently and in higher doses than prescribed which is what often leads to addiction/dependency. I used to be on a high dose of benzos (Klonopin and Xanax) and getting off it was rather uncomfortable, depending on your tolerance it can be really hard. Definitely not something you should take unless it's absolutely needed but ultimately that's something you'll have to decide, just make sure to be honest with yourself and your doctor if you find yourself using it more often than anticipated. There's another non-benzo anxiolytic called BuSpar you could ask your psychiatrist about, it's something you take everyday so it should lower your overall anxiety. In my experience lowering the general level of anxiety is important, if you wait until you start getting the first panic symptoms it's often too late and that's when you need a very strong drug to avert or lessen the attack.
  8. Getting hurt accidentally.

    Hmm, never heard about that. Some people with BPD can be very impulsive (i.e. easily getting into fights) or take excessive risks (speeding, substance abuse, etc). so perhaps this could explain it?
  9. Advice for the Lonely Girl

    If you're dealing with depression and poor self-esteem I honestly wouldn't recommend any X-rated jobs, it's fast money but it can REALLY mess with your mind if you're vulnerable. I used to go to college with a woman who used to strip and am friends with a former prostitute and their "past" has definitely caused some psychological issues (self-esteem and trust) and has made it very difficult to get a normal job due to missed work experience and difficulty adjusting to a much lower income. Art school is tough, seems like most people don't finish it, don't learn what they want, or find out that it's very difficult to find a job later. Have you thought about applying for entry-level marketing jobs? While not directly art-related it can be very helpful to be creative and have some art experience even if it's only to more effectively communicate with agencies. At least it would be a semi-interesting job.
  10. Getting hurt accidentally.

    I don't think it refers to self-harm... I've heard (and experienced) that others unintentionally hurt our feelings, like someone saying something with the wrong tone of voice or not responding to us the way we expected/wanted them to will hurt us whereas someone who's healthy wouldn't think twice about it. Something as simple as a friend taking too long to respond to a text message can hurt me, my thoughts will go berserk and I'll get super paranoid and start thinking about how they don't care and must hate me when they may simply not have had the time.
  11. It's not rude at all, you wouldn't ask someone with a food allergy or religious dietary restrictions to consume something that they can't eat, would you? Just explain to them that you would love to try their food but will be suffering for days if you don't stick to your diet. I can't even imagine what this must be like for you, I have IBS which is nothing compared to GERD and gastritis and that's already frustrating enough when going out. Eating the wrong food will lead to having to excuse myself every 5 minutes for the next hour or so, ugh.
  12. How to date with depression

    I'm pretty much undateable but there are two things I learned when it comes to friendships with women that would probably also apply to dating: Don't expect them to fix your life, sometimes it can be tempting to offload all our problems and make someone else responsible for our own happiness, this tends to overburden people. Treat a (potential) girlfriend as a partner, not as a therapist or parent. Make sure to have a life of your own, be it hobbies or friends outside of the relationship, being interesting and independent is generally much better than being clingy (unless you find someone who's clingy herself). Lastly you need to ask yourself if you're stable enough to handle rejection. You may get lucky right away but most guys will face dozens of rejections which can be really hard when you're already feeling bad about yourself, in my case I have found it's better not to ask anyone out because every time I got rejected it exaggerated my depression for several months.
  13. I agree with what @20YearsandCounting said, meds and alcohol may lower someone's inhibition but it sounds rather unlikely that it explains why she pursued that other guy in the first place. Sometimes people get bored or feel unappreciated in a relationship so marriage counseling would indeed be a great idea to try to get of the bottom of this. Rekindling the love after someone has fallen out of love would seem rather difficult but perhaps you and your wife can work out some of the issues so you can stay together at least for the sake of your children. Does she admit to having an alcohol problem? This is something that she definitely needs to address, alcohol makes depression worse and it tends to negate the positive effect people get from antidepressants. It's also quite common for people who abuse alcohol to blame others for their unhappiness which can lead to "if I only were with someone else my life would be OK"-type of thinking.
  14. We don't know our potential if we're stuck in our comfort zone

    Those are wise words! Depression often leads to us not taking any chances, we convince ourselves that our past failures are predictive of our futures and that it's not worth trying anything new so we just stay in our comfort zone even if we're miserable, at least it's safe...