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lonelyforeigner

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About lonelyforeigner

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  1. Ended 3 year relationship

    Woo! Glad to hear that you're doing better :-)
  2. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I hear ya! That's the worst part of depression, I could live with some degree of misery but not having the drive to really change the situation is what's so frustrating about it. It feels like anytime I make some progress I get a period of not caring at all and end up taking a big step back.
  3. fantasizing about having a physical illness

    Very true! There are many physical illnesses that people aren't really any more understanding of than mental illness. People are sympathetic as long as it's something visible or devastating (i.e. cancer) but there are many chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia, Bechterew, Lupus, etc. that can be debilitating for those suffering from it but from the outside people will look normal and they'll have their good days leading to them also being accused of faking it.
  4. Ruined my career and maybe my family

    3 years at each job isn't bad. I know people who stayed at the same job for 10+ years and most are WAY underpaid, they get their 2 - 3% raise a year... Is your wife someone who's constantly worried about money? Does she work too?
  5. Ruined my career and maybe my family

    That's terrible :( I know this post is about depression related to your job but I wonder what your relationship is like, doesn't sound like she's being very supportive (I may have the wrong impression though). Honestly I'd say look for another job but you need to fix the situation with your wife first if she's serious about leaving you.
  6. Dose keeps on increasing

    Antidepressants are maintenance drugs so there is the possibility that you'll have to take it forever if it's not just a single episode. The question is, why would you feel bad about it? What makes antidepressants so much worse in people's minds' than taking maintenance drugs for blood pressure or cholesterol? If it helps it helps, that's all that really matters. Can I ask which medication you are taking? It may help you get more valuable feedback about other users' experience with the same drug and what dose worked for them. One thing to keep in mind is that antidepressants and alcohol really don't mix, while it's unlikely that anything bad will happen you kinda negate whatever positive effects you got since alcohol is a powerful depressant even if it lifts your mood temporarily while drinking.
  7. Should I quit as my job triggers my depression

    Tough call. I know it's hard to get used to lower income, I make a fraction of what I used to make and it's certainly challenging... Benefit to quitting now is that you're still somewhat in control, if the job's wearing you out then you risk having a complete burn-out which can leave you unable to work for a while. Never thought it was possible but I had it happen, my depression got so bad that I literally couldn't do anything other than stay in bed and on top of that I ended up getting absolutely debilitating anxiety with daily panic attacks. Before that I worked my ass off struggling to keep my income at the same level just to end up losing literally everything after a couple of years. Only you can tell how close you are to reaching your limit but the fact that you're posting here makes me think you're getting close to it, be careful and take care of your mental health. Maybe try living on less for the next few months so you'll have some savings and are used to it and then you can comfortably look for more enjoyable work.
  8. Drug for facial tics

    None of us are doctors and we're not qualified to diagnose you. One thing I would ask is what is the underlying issue that's causing the tics. Nerve damage, anxiety, or something else? If it's anxiety-related you could benefit from anxiolytics and/or therapy.
  9. If you were born into a rich family with a nice trust fund you'd be in the same position... People would lament how you don't have to do anything other than being rich. Same if you were born very tall, just by virtue of being tall you'd statistically make a lot more money and have a lot more opportunities than your short counterpart without having to work as hard. Life's not fair that way, no one denies that. That's the right attitude to have, you need to do it for yourself. Take any successful person, most will tell you that they did it for themselves, not to increase their chances to attract women. It's called having ambition. I don't think women view it that way, they look at the complete package, who you are as an individual and what you bring to the table. Also, what you bring to the table does tend to say something about who your are as an individual, I think it was @morecoffee who said that what she looks for in a guy is ambition. A guy who has a lot to bring to the table usually tends to be ambitious as well so there's some correlation. Not having much to bring to the table financially can be made up by showing a lot of ambition too, kinda goes back to the whole security thing. A woman wants to know that you'll help take care of her and the family (even if both of you don't want children there are still basic instincts that influence her subconscious thinking), she's investing a lot (her best years and fertility) in you and doesn't want to end up being your mother, she wants to be your partner in crime.
  10. I am short and shy myself so I know the struggle all too well, trust me. There are two ways to approach this: Accept it and try to make the best of it (i.e. date within your league). I don't think shyness is a big deal but being insecure and short is essentially the equivalent of an insecure overweight woman which I suspect you wouldn't be too interested in. Now I know that the whole league-thing sounds childish but study after study has shown that people generally end up with a partner who has similar sexual market value, it's just how nature works. Keep waiting for "perfect" and end up getting bitter and frustrated, eventually becoming a misogynist and joining a MGTOW forum... It would be nice if we could all get what we wanted but dating is like the job market, you have to be realistic about what you bring to the table and then look for the woman/position that is within your reach. Doesn't mean you can't reach for the stars, some people do get lucky after all, but don't count on succeeding that way. I know it sounds harsh but sadly this is how the world works and telling you otherwise isn't gonna help your situation. I certainly don't mean to insult you and I'm not trying to be cruel, just giving it to you straight. Missed opportunities suck but it's like they say, don't cry over spilled milk. Learn from it and put it behind you, don't let yesterday dictate tomorrow. IF you can get top-tier then more power to you. Hell, you better believe if I could I would in a second! The question is, can you get a top-tier woman? If you're good looking you may be able to get one for a one-night stand but getting a relationship with one will be difficult. Why would she settle for less when she can have a guy who's just as good looking but also has confidence and/or money? Of course, appearance is the first thing we notice and that's the same for women, whether or not someone is potential dating material is usually determined in a second or so. There's nothing wrong with wanting a beautiful woman, everybody does. Just like there's nothing wrong with a woman dreaming of a rich prince... But models and princes are rare so at some point we have to look at ourselves and figure out what we can realistically get. Not sure how old you are exactly but I suspect you're in your 30s, this means you'll likely have to accept a woman with some baggage or a woman who doesn't meet your physical ideals. Take the car analogy, everybody would like to have a Lamborghini (or whatever your dream car is) but few can afford it so most people end up settling for something practical like a Honda Civic because that's what's within their reach. Most people learn to be happy with the Civic, it safely gets them from A to B. Choosing not to date because you can't have your dream woman is like saying if you can't have a Lambo then you'd rather not have a car at all. Yes, confidence and a stable income would definitely be better cards. Height too if you're below average. Most women (again, not all) appreciate a guy who can make them feel secure. Security can take different forms and while every woman has her own preferences it's usually either financial, emotional (i.e. confidence), or physical. It's true that some women are after money but it's no different than some guys only being after sex. I agree that there's a definite double standard in that it's socially acceptable for women to complain about a guy not being successful or tall but when a guy says she's not good looking enough he'll be called shallow. Honestly, I think both genders are equally shallow, just in different ways. You're allowed to be a hypocrite. Most people are to some degree, including me ;-) The issue is that at this point it seems to really affect your psychological well-being and this is why I think you need to reevaluate your values lest you want to still be in the same situation 10 years from now.
  11. Comfort zone

    Yeah, antidepressant medication didn't do much for me either. The only medication that helped me was Adderall but it was prescribed for different reasons and sadly I can't get my hands on it anymore since it's illegal in the country I moved to. Just speculating here but I suspect that medication alone will rarely work for someone who's been depressed for a long time, like I mentioned previously, depression can change the way our mind works and we end up having such a negative bias that even if biologically everything is OK we still can't see the positive. Hopefully seeing a psychologist will help you make more progress :)
  12. Offically Underwieght

    There could be a multitude of motivations... Body dysmorphia, i.e. you think you're fat and need to lose weight (though you seem to be aware of the fact that you're skinny and don't need to lose weight) Self punishment, i.e. "I'm such a bad person and don't deserve any food" Self injury, a more serious form of the above or to distract you from emotional pain Passive suicide Control, i.e. food is the one thing in your life you have control over Attention seeking, now this doesn't even have to be on a conscious level and isn't really a value judgement so please don't misconstrue it as such, it's a normal human behavior when we hope that someone else will see our pain and rescue us, kinda like a last-ditch effort when we can't handle things on our own I think you should spend some time trying to figure out what the underlying motivation is so you know what you need to work on. Not sure if it's full-blown anorexia yet but you really need to be careful, there are serious physical and psychological consequences and once anorexia has a firm grip on you it can be extremely difficult to overcome.
  13. Comfort zone

    Have you tried getting professional help? When you've been depressed for a long time it can be really hard to get out of without help since your thought patterns developed around your depression. When I was younger I didn't even think of myself as depressed, I often just thought I was lazy and unmotivated since that's what people kept telling me. Hard to say how it would affect you if things got worse, it could force you to take action or you could end up feeling completely paralyzed. Calling depression a comfort zone is a good analogy for many long-time sufferers, getting better can seem like an insurmountable obstacle and your negative thoughts will tell you that it's futile anyway, just that much more to lose. There's a concept in psychology called "learned helplessness", may be a good idea to read up on it. There's some articles and guides online that give you suggestions on how you can overcome it though they obviously can't replace a trained psychologist.
  14. What's On Your Mind Right Now?

    You're a very caring and nice person, you'd make an amazing friend! Heck, I'd hang out with you if you were closer, you seem cool :-) Granted, there will be people who won't accept you but that's not everybody, there are plenty of people who would accept you the way you are. I don't think you're the train that's going off the cliff, you're the train with destination unknown and plenty of people have enough of a sense of adventure to give it a try to see where it takes them. Give yourself more credit!
  15. What's On Your Mind Right Now?

    Why do you feel like an outsider here? Plenty of people like you and accept you for who you are