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lonelyforeigner

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lonelyforeigner last won the day on January 16

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About lonelyforeigner

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  1. For me it depends very much on how my life is going in general, when things are going well and I am somewhat content the symptoms almost completely disappear, it's in times of stress that they rear their ugly head. Interestingly enough I tend to be very much in control 99% of the time, it takes a lot to trigger a moment since it's usually related to how others treat me and I rarely let someone get close enough to me to be in a position to trigger me. But then when someone does manage to get under my skin I completely lose control and can get super self-destructive and hurtful. There are different subtypes of borderline too, not everybody acts the same way. There even seems to be a gender difference, a lot of men with BPD end up abusing substances and getting in trouble with the law due to risk-taking behavior and fights whereas it's common to hear that women will jump from relationship to relationship trying to fill that void and they're more likely to self-harm instead of getting into physical fights or breaking the law. Just generalizations of course... Ugh! The one place I used to call was provided by the community services board in NOVA, they were pretty good although one lady got annoyed with me once because there was a month when I called a lot and she ended up telling me she wasn't there to provide therapy... But yeah, if someone isn't a real volunteer I imagine that they will pretty much suck. I also suspect that some may start out as volunteers thinking they can make a difference and then get desensitized and stop caring, kinda like an ER doctor won't bat an eye when someone comes in gushing blood all over the place.
  2. THIS THIS THIS! I've done this too, though not intentionally. During BPD moments I'll just get SUPER impulsive and do/say whatever without caring about the consequences... It's horrible for the other person, in a way we're like toddlers throwing a temper tantrum and holding our breath when we don't get what we want. A couple of weeks ago I had a real BPD moment when someone upset me, I ended up cutting up my couch instead of myself though... The urge to punish myself just becomes overwhelming and I either have to harm myself or destroy my material possessions. Always regret it after too, meh! Same here, they're OK if you're in a crisis and just need someone to listen to you vent but they do not replace a therapist. Many also don't understand BPD behavior at all, so them trying to get you off the phone when they think the situation has stabilized can make you feel rejected and trigger you again. I hate this disorder!
  3. Sometimes it's best to take people's actions at face value... She cheated on you, she makes time for ANOTHER boy, she ignores you all day and then gets upset when you don't answer her right away... Doesn't sound like she respects you very much, why would you want to be with someone like that? She's stringing you along and you're letting her. Yes, sometimes depression can make people inconsiderate but that doesn't mean we can just be assholes without repercussions. The fact that she tells you that she's too depressed to pick up the phone but manages to hang out with another boy is a major red flag to me, while I don't know much about your relationship my gut tells me that she just keeps you around as a backup.
  4. To be honest I don't see how it could not have been a joke. While I've heard of some women going on dates with random guys to get expensive dinners (either they're foodies or want food porn for Instagram) I've never heard of anyone doing that for a something inexpensive like a Mocha... I seriously doubt that anyone would go to these lengths to gain so little, could it be that he's just socially awkward? I tend to agree with @JessiesMom, sometimes it's our depression making us super paranoid which then leads to us interpreting minor things in a negative way.
  5. I'm not religious but I would never call someone else's beliefs stupid, it's not like there is any 100% incontrovertible proof for any religion or atheism. Sadly many people are very closed-minded when it comes to religion or lack thereof and try to push their views and agenda onto others. Same goes for Christian propaganda though, it's not unusual for some believers to try to lecture non-believers with bible verses and telling them that they need to accept Jesus. To be honest I don't think religion should matter much when talking about depression, it's an illness that does not discriminate, ANYONE, no matter what their beliefs or how good a person they are, how many friends they have, or how much money they have can be afflicted...
  6. Pretty much what I am doing. I'm trying my best not to think of tomorrow.
  7. I just don't know what to say anymore... I'm in so much pain that I haven't even been able to log on in a while since talking just feels pointless, just trying to survive, though I don't know why. I'd be doing myself and everybody else a favor by finally ending it.
  8. It's really hard to look back at our past behavior and realize just how much damage our BPD outbursts have caused to our lives. Try not to dwell on it though, you can't change the past anyway. It does seem to get a bit easier with age as long as we are cognizant of our own thinking patterns. What really drives me nuts is how I can recognize dichotomous thinking in others and yet I seem to be unable to recognize it in myself unless enough time has passed. I know what you mean, very few people will put up with our thinking and behavior and we can't even blame them...
  9. Antidepressants often take 4 - 6 weeks or even longer to start working. 7.5mg is an extremely low dose, usually people get started at 15mg and then it gets upped to 30 or 45mg. Just hang in there until you reach a therapeutic dose and ask your partner for patience while you are getting used to it.
  10. I think it's riskier to have sex with someone you pick up on Tinder or a bar... Many prostitutes are more aware of the health risks than your average woman and they will get checkups on a regular basis. Also, unlike a drunk one-night stand they will insist on using protection. Don't generalize like that, there are all kinds. I know four former prostitutes on a personal basis and two of them I am still friends with and talk to regularily. None of them were trafficked, they all did it voluntarily because it was the best option for them at the time: 2 of them did it to support their families. Try helping your unemployed parents and younger siblings by flipping burgers making minimum wage. 1 did it because she wanted to buy a house, she's now a homeowner at 27... She now has more of a safety net than many in their 40s. 1 did it because she is an aspiring musician and needed money to produce music videos, hire other musicians and dancers etc. And no, they weren't just pulling the wool over my eyes, I've met their friends and know where they live and who their relatives are. While none of them enjoyed the work they didn't view it any differently than a normal job. Difference being that they would make anywhere from $10 - 20K in a good month whereas most normal people will bust their butts for a fraction of that. Human trafficking is only really an issue if you pick up a drug-addicted street-walker or go to an shady-brothel. Sex workers who escort or work in legal and higher-end brothels are a completely different story. Don't believe everything you hear! He might even be a virgin, guys lie about sexual encounters all the time.
  11. Glad you found something that takes the edge off. beta blockers really help limit some of the uncomfortable anxiety symptoms 🙂
  12. Yeah, what makes those mails really scary to someone who isn't tech-savvy is that they sometimes personalize it with your full name or other information that they obtained from data breach databases. Only scam I ever fell for was in the early 2000s on eBay when someone with excellent feedback and a verified and well-established PayPal account purchased an expensive lens from me. Turns out the accounts were stolen and once the real owner noticed PayPal reversed the transactions. The worst scams are romance scams where they either end up depleting the victim's life savings or get them involved in money laundering. A popular scam is to create fake dating profiles and pose as an American soldier stationed overseas. Then they'll groom their victim for months and profess their love and start asking for favors such as accepting and forwarding packages. That way they can use stolen credit cards to buy things and then resell them online. Once the police gets involved the victim will be the one getting in trouble...
  13. Well said! You need to assert yourself and tell a guy to stop if he's being too rough, some men have the misguided idea that sex should be like what they see in porn... Don't be afraid to tell them what you like and don't like, a good man will respect your wishes and anyone who doesn't isn't worth your time. I am glad to hear that it's nothing more serious. Please also take this as another reminder to stay away from Dr. Google, you keep self-diagnosing which inadvertently results in you freaking out worrying about the worst-case scenario. Resist the urge to Google when you notice a new problem or symptom and wait for a doctor to diagnose you properly. You're stressing yourself out unnecessarily, this is not healthy.
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