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lonelyforeigner

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lonelyforeigner last won the day on April 4

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About lonelyforeigner

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  1. lonelyforeigner

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    It's really time you took a break from Facebook... It's not good to constantly compare yourself to others, remember that some of those people may have huge problems at home and just put on a show so they can get some likes. Social media is not real, people project the life they want to have not the life they have.
  2. lonelyforeigner

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    I thought you were gonna change your Facebook password so you can't drunk-message him?
  3. lonelyforeigner

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    Resist the urge! You can find another outlet
  4. lonelyforeigner

    How do I forgive myself/ move on?

    He's forgiven you, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or would do in his situation, all that matters is that he still wants to be with you. Some questions that you should think about are: Would you really feel worthy if you hadn't cheated on him? Is the fact that he wants to get more serious scaring you? Are you really ready for it? Are you so used to bad things happening and hating yourself that you're unable to accept that someone else doesn't feel that way about you? As ridiculous as is sounds, being loved it scary to some...
  5. lonelyforeigner

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    You're stronger than you think!
  6. I wish there was. My dreams always seem to reflect all my stressors and triggers and when I remember them it sure makes me feel s***ty from the time I get up.
  7. It's not unusual... It really depends on what your doctor is trying to address with each med. At one point I was taking 6 meds simultaneously: antidepressant, antipsychotic, anxiolytic, stimulant for ADD, sleeping pills and beta blockers.
  8. lonelyforeigner

    Has anybody else wasted their life?

    Yeah, it's a pointless exercise. When I catch myself thinking along those lines I try to ask myself, would I really do things any differently if I had those years back or would I fall into the same traps and just live day-by-day instead of working on my future? As much as I like to think I'd do things differently I'd still be the same person and would make many of the same mistakes all over again. If we're really motivated to change then we can change at any age...
  9. lonelyforeigner

    Has anybody else wasted their life?

    That'd be my guess too. As soon as you get used to the new standard of living you're back to square one which is why so many successful people feel like they have to continue reaching higher. Material things don't make people happier once their basic expenses are covered and they usually just end up comparing themselves to richer people anyway. You can have millions in your bank account and all of the sudden you'll be envying the guy who can afford a yacht and think once you have that you'll be happy. Although, it would be nice to have more money to distract ourselves. While not genuine happiness it sure is easier to keep yourself busy with fun things when you have plenty of money.
  10. lonelyforeigner

    Should I increase my Remeron dose ?

    Have you tried Wellbutrin yet? Many people report increased energy. Could be something to ask your doctor about. It does increase anxiety in some though so I'd ask to be given an anxiolytic in the beginning. There are some non-benzo ones such as BuSpar and Vistaril that they shouldn't hesitate to prescribe.
  11. lonelyforeigner

    Should I increase my Remeron dose ?

    7.5 mg puts most people to sleep. If you can tolerate it you should go up to 30 or 45mg if not higher, that's when the sedating effects disappear. Your doctors may be right about the chronic fatigue, it can really create a vicious circle where your CF makes you more depressed and prevents you from working on your mental health and then your depression makes you even more tired. One thing you may want to look into is sleep apnea though, that's not something that blood tests will show and many people don't even know they have it unless they have a partner who tells them about it. For years I snored like a freight train and didn't know about it until I stayed at a friend's place for a while and he told me that he could hear me on the floor above in the OTHER corner of the house, it was THAT bad.
  12. lonelyforeigner

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    That's wishful thinking again. You'd feel euphoric for a few hours and then go back to obsessing over his other female friends. I agree with what @velvetpuddles says, you'll get past this, focus on other things. An idle mind is the worst thing when you're dealing with mental health issues, you need to keep yourself distracted with other things so you can stop ruminating. Don't just not add him again but stop visiting his Facebook page, or ideally, stay away from Facebook altogether since it'll only make you think that everybody else has an amazing life. Keep working on yourself, don't count on maturity being a matter of age. Looking at my alcoholic granny she hasn't learned ANYTHING and is still emotionally immature and unstable despite being around 80. She chose to ignore her mental health, preferring to blame others for her misery and using copious amounts of alcohol and opioids to numb her feelings. I've seen where it leads and it's not pretty. You need to address this now while you're still young, you have time to turn things around if you put your mind to it. Don't wait for your life to change, don't make excuses for putting things off (i.e. therapy)... Imagine what you could achieve if all those hours you spend thinking about him every day were invested into your mental health or studies!
  13. lonelyforeigner

    Alone for life

    How does he say anything close to that? What I'm getting out of the article is: Be confident and assertive, put an effort into getting what you want, have a bit of an attitude and don't be too easy to get since that'll come off as needy and desperate. Don't be the guy who orbits waiting for women to make the first move, stop hesitating and take a risk! Definitely don't be passive-aggressive or manipulative. "Be a good guy." sums it up nicely. What makes you think you're unable to apply these things? What you've done so far hasn't worked and the world isn't gonna chance for you so you're the one who'll have to make the necessary changes. I don't think that he meant to imply that men who don't are worthless and should k1ll themselves, he simply pointed out that what we're doing is wrong and won't lead us anywhere since he keeps hearing the same complaints about how women ignore us when we try to be "nice" and inadvertently friend-zone ourselves. You're thinking about the experience of hot women... Ask an unattractive and significantly overweight woman how the world treats her and it won't be much better. No one will forgive her for her flaws, she may as well be invisible to men, everybody including guys who call themselves nice will make fun of her behind her back...
  14. lonelyforeigner

    Alone for life

    It's a bit of a catch-22, most learn those skills in their teens or early 20s so it's definitely an uphill battle once you're over 30. Confidence is key since we're expected to make the first move. I think the secret to not being creepy is being honest about your intentions from the start, don't pretend to wanna be friends if you're looking for more but don't act like she's the love of your life either. Keep it non-committal at first, don't overwhelm her by telling her you want a relationship within 5 minutes of meeting her but if there's mutual chemistry (again, you need to read her body language) say you enjoy her company and would like to see her again. She'll get the idea and that way it doesn't come across as creepy. One problem many lonely guys have is the inability to view dating as a game, when they finally do work up the courage to ask someone out they're already thinking long-term relationship instead of let's get to know each other. You're too emotionally invested from the start and that makes things awkward for both parties. Perhaps you could start by flirting with women you're not particularly attracted to to build confidence and social skills? That way it won't be soul-crushing when you get rejected. It's hard but not impossible. The world certainly doesn't help awkward guys, we're expected to be assertive and confident, if you're not then tons of opportunities are denied, be it romantic or professional. It sucks but it is what it is, you can either play by the rules or continue on the current path. Like @morecoffee already pointed out it's better to figure out what you can do to improve yourself than getting bitter.
  15. Do you have any acquaintances you could ask for honest feedback? Could be something as simple as your tone or body language, often we aren't aware of the things that are off-putting to others.
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