lonelyforeigner

Fully agree with @surfcaster, the more you check your BP the more it'll feed into your anxiety. Anxiety can significantly increase your BP but it's usually not dangerous since it's only temporary and tends to drop back to normal levels when you stop thinking about it. Meds are very effective and increasing the dose could actually result in your BP being too low when you're not checking it so that's probably not the solution. I would recommend doing breathing exercises or meditating before taking your BP and limiting it to once a day around the same time.

Wellbutrin is quite stimulating and can really mess with you if you're prone to anxiety. It's too bad since when it works it seems to be an amazing drug. When I tried Wellbutrin it really put me on edge and made me super irritable, I am usually very calm but WB made me want to punch anyone who annoyed me... Have you tried Remeron? Other than fatigue the first few weeks it doesn't seem to have major side effects.

I can definitely relate! I too feel like I am wasting other people's time and feel bad about asking them to spend any time with me. When I think about it rationally I know it's not true but in the heat of the moment I have this damn voice that is screaming "don't waste their time, they have better things to do, they don't want to be around you anyway, you're worthless..." It even extends to simple things like going shopping... If someone cuts the line I won't say anything because I feel that their time is more valuable than mine. If a buy something the wrong size I won't return it and if I get the wrong order in a restaurant I won't say anything because I feel that I am so worthless that I don't have the right to inconvenience the server. It's utterly ridiculous!

Why is that such a scary thought to you though? There was a study a couple of years ago that showed that the majority of Americans have less than $1'000.- in savings and yet they manage to survive. Granted, it's not fun living paycheck-to-paycheck but it is doable. If you move to a cheaper state then you won't need to work 3 jobs either... What is it that makes you want to stay in your state anyway? You don't seem to have an active social life or anything, why not try somewhere new? Worst thing that could happen is that you end up using up all your savings and have to move back home. It's not the end of the world, you'd be able to recover from that. Why not pay out of pocket then? Yeah it sucks when you're not rich but you need to view it as an investment into your future. Taking risks is hard when you're depressed because you have this voice telling you that you'll fail no matter what but the only way to ensure failure is to do nothing. Hoping for change won't do anything for you, it clearly hasn't in the past. Try to figure out what you want your life to be like 10 years from now and then come up with a plan of how you can get there and then start taking actions.

Just out of curiosity, what makes you more entitled to stay at your parents' house than them? Honest question, put yourself in your parents' shoes, why should they let you stay but not them? Try to look at it objectively and not emotionally. I know we've been through this before but you need to stop making excuses and just move out. You previously mentioned you have savings so you're in a better position than many people. Yes you won't be able to get a nice apartment in a big city, yes you'll get stuck with a shitty job (you are already!), yes it'll suck (so does life now), yes you'll struggle financially, yes you'll have to put up with shitty roommates (can't be worse than your brother)... At first it'll be hard AF but it's time you leave the nest! You can't stay at your parents' home forever. You're not doing anything to change your life and keep hoping for a miracle which just isn't going to happen. The only thing that guarantees that you'll still be in the same place 10 years from now is NOT doing anything to change the situation. So make some changes and see where life takes you. If things don't work out you can always move back home so what do you have to lose? I really think it would do you good to take a chance once in your life, as much as you hate your life you seem to be too comfortable to take a risk. You're willing to consider suicide as an option and yet moving away to a cheaper town isn't an option. Why? BTW, did you make time to see a specialist about your TMJ? If not, why not?

All of us exist in the real world too I understand about giving up though, the odds of finding someone compatible seem insurmountable at times. Having a family of your own is obviously hard given the circumstances but I truly think there's still hope that you may find someone who likes you back someday. My grampa fell in love again in a retirement home in his 80s despite being a recluse. It can happen! But yeah, it's hard to keep up hope after a lifetime of rejection, I am there too. Funny thing is, I can find something that's lovable in just about everybody other than me, depression keeps you from viewing yourself objectively.

You're not unlovable. You just haven't found someone who appreciates you for who you are but I am sure there's someone out there who would fall in love with you... Heck, even ******ers in prison have people fall in love with them! Sadly there's no guarantee that you ever will find that person but there really are good people out there so as long as you're alive there's a shimmer of hope Hang in there my friend!

Nor should you. His lying isn't a result of depression... Yes, sometimes depression makes us lie but it's white lies to appease others, not to betray them. Many people will lie about how they're doing or when they didn't do something they should have because depression prevented them, depression-related lies are out of guilt because we want to appear normal so we'll make excuses for things we aren't able to do and try to keep up appearances. Asking for another girl's number is just a lack of moral character. Now what sometimes does happen with depression is that people stop considering the feelings of others, depression makes us so preoccupied with ourselves that we may inadvertently hurt others. But again, this does not explain his particular behavior... This is not your responsibility. Don't let his issues hold you hostage. Mental illness does not give people a carte blanche to treat others like crap...

This! Many people who struggle for a long time tend to blame everything on external factors, watching someone succeed and say that everybody can do it feels like an attack to them. Personal responsibility is a hard thing to accept...

Because I 100% identify with Bill: I too am a loser that no one wants to be around but a few people stay in touch with because they feel socially obligated. While I was never happy I dream about the old days when things were a little better and I could at least pretend to have a life. I am fat, bald and unattractive like him. My luck with women is about the same, only ones that will even talk to me are ones who are looking for a sucker they can take advantage of.

Yeah, I've done the same. I don't keep memories, while most people have thousands of pictures documenting their life I have literally 0 pictures from the past 20 years. No selfies, no pictures with friends, it's as though I never existed, lol. Any pictures I did take or others took I deleted whenever life circumstances changed so I wouldn't have any painful reminders of "better" times.

I used to sell frequently in the past and here's a few things I learned: Seller fees are a matter of perspective, some people feel that any amount other than 0 is too high... I tend to agree with @Bulgakov, it's still cheaper than owning your own business, whether that's brick & mortar or building and promoting your own website. Less paperwork and more protection too... Research the best auction end times, many buyers try to place a bid during the last few minutes so if you time it right for when people are most likely to be online you'll get more bidders. Do not communicate with people offsite, ever, you'll have no recourse. Use analytic tools to improve your listings and pay close attention to what successful sellers with similar offerings are doing Only ship to confirmed addresses! When I first started I made the mistake of selling a $1500.- camera lens to someone with amazing Feedback and a well-established PayPal account so I let that blind me and shipped to an unverified address (he claimed to be staying with a relative). Turns out the eBay and PayPal accounts were hijacked. eBay didn't give a damn and I had to fight to get my seller fees back, PayPal immediately withdrew the money from my account and threatened to close my account and place it in collections if I didn't fund it to cover the part I withdrew already... Expensive lesson. Don't start with expensive items, establish a good seller rating first since many buyers will not want to risk buying from a new seller. Watch out for the return scam, some people will claim the item isn't as stated and request a refund but instead of returning the item to you they'll just return a box filled with garbage of equal weight. eBay/PayPal will side with the buyer since it's next to impossible for you to prove that they didn't return the item. Do take taxes seriously if you sell more than 200 items or make > $20K a year. If it's less than that eBay/PayPal won't report it to the IRS but in case you get a tax audit you'll have some explaining to do... I wouldn't be too worried about scams though, just be vigilant and second guess everything. Depending on what you sell it might not even be an issue, most scammers focus on high value items that they can easily turn into cash.

Ugh, I so hear you! The only time people seem to like me is when they need help with their computer or money... I am still bummed out about my birthday last month when not one of my so-called friends made time for me, all claiming to be too busy but then posting a ton of pictures on social media hanging out with others. Yeah, I get the message. Just what's the point of sticking around for another 30 years? So tired of it all... I really tried and made a lot of progress improving myself but I am still inferior and not liked by anyone. I'll never measure up because even at my best I'll still be a loser.

I agree, his reaction was very shallow and immature. OK, sometimes someone isn't our type but there are better ways to communicate that, laughing is disrespectful beyond belief. Not sure how tall you are but depending on your height 100 lbs is OK, I doubt that it was because of that. Maybe he expected to see a super model, who knows. Some guys just watch porn all day and develop ridiculous standards... Either way, try not to take it personally. It doesn't matter what you look like, you'll never be able to please everybody. Just do the best with what you have and find someone who appreciates you for who you are. No point in beating yourself up over what some jerk on the Internet said. I know, easier said that done... Let's start a hit squad