Mind

I can't think of any comments specifically besides, " Why don't you " keel " yourself? " But, the one moment in my life that still haunts me is when I was 10 years old and my mother just flat out said I wasn't her son anymore and disowned me for no reason at all. From that point on, I had to take care of myself which.. I wasn't used to. I basically grew up in a day and because of that, I had no enjoyable youth or anything which I think really made me more depressed than I would have ever been without it.

Well, I know it's not medication since I don't take any. Any suggestions on how to make myself cry in a safe positive way?

Lately, well, more than lately. For a long time, I have not been able to cry. There have been times where I wanted to cry and could feel the urge build up inside of me but, nothing happens. At best I can squeeze out one or two tears but...nothing more. I can't sob or anything and I'm wondering, what does this mean? I used to be able to cry and I cried so many times in the past when I was younger. Did my body just decide that enough was enough and made it where I couldn't cry anymore? Or am I afraid to cry because my whole life I was taught that crying was " weakness " ? I guess... as strange as it sounds, I just wanna cry again. That's all. Does anybody have the same problem as me and if so, what do you think the cause of it is?

10/08/2010 1) I woke up. Because as stupid as it sounds, waking up is always a good positive thing. Even if you're depressed and such. It just means you have a chance of change for the better. 2) I actually had time to sit down and read I am Number Four. It's a good book so far and my girlfriend liked it. 3) I actually started trying to write again. I haven't really done anything so far but, I'm sure I can if I keep trying. 4) I joined DF. I think of this as a positive thing since I really do need the support.

Hi, my name is Douglas. But, most people call me Mind so I would request that you call me that please. Thank you. Well, I'm 19 and I have a few mental difficulties. I'm Bipolar or Depressed, in my 10 years or so of being looked into, no one has decided on which I am so I'm in a struggle for that. I also suffer from Dissociative Identify Disorder aka Split Personality. I have anxiety and panic attacks, night terrors, post traumatic stress disorder and probably a whole bunch of other things that I'm probably not aware of. Many of my mental difficulties more than likely are from my child hood where I was abused and basically had no friends for.. well... ever. It's not that I couldn't make them, it's not I wasn't allowed to because of my mother. I still have no friends in " real life " because.. well... I guess I just don't know how to make them. I've attempted suicide over 30 times and I'm a recovering self mutilator. Razors being my tool of choice. I guess that's the bad stuff so.. let me think of some good things. I have a GF that I live with now and love with all I am. Um... I like Pokemon. Lame, I know. But, hey, it's what I like. I'm obsessed with The Joker from Batman because... idk, I just like the insanity of him. I'm a very good writer and love music. ... I guess that's all. I hope to meet people and get suppourt here and make a few friends. Thank you and bless.