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Blog Entries posted by theguy

  1. theguy
    Yesterday I had some beef ravioli and it may have affected me so I was stuffed up at night and a bit this morning. I woke up a bit irritable today. The back of my head feels stuffed up and I am anxious.
    I took the 30mg Cymbalta at 10:30am this morning. I was initially on my couch frozen in fear, not knowing what to do with my day. I was going to cancel the Abstinence Core Program appointment at Suntrack because I thought it didn't apply to me since I was back on meds but I called and they said that was ok and to come by anyway. So I can feel some crackling in the back on my neck which I am guessing are the nerves trying to relax. Whatever the case I am nervous and I hope I get to the appointment ok. I am having a decaf green tea with maple syrup this morning. I don't feel like eating.
    I took the med then Dan R called and my anxiety went up about 30 minutes later and then I started to shed some tears because I feel that my life is all messed up.
    I felt nauseous and dizzy a bit after. Crackling in my head is what I feel too. I feel a bit tired too. I am going to try and eat some toast.
    I feel a slight band of pressure from the back of my head along the sides of my head. this seems to attribute to my dizzyness and irritability. The brown rice toast with almond butter and honey tasted really good actually and I am feeling calmer now but still a bit dizzy. time 12:19pm
    I feel foggy headed, like my head is full and it bother me . crackling in my jaw joint is bothering me.
    12:36pm I feel stuffed up and very irritable. I think I need a mood stabilizer, I have some angry outbursts.
  2. theguy
    Leela has made arrangements with HR at work to get disability and EI, I don't know how long I will be off work for but in the end I am thinking of changing careers to a point. I may work with computers on a lower scale and maybe take a position doing something less stressful. Anyway, my therapist called me today and told me to read the first 3 chapters on The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook Third Edition. I have also called Judy King to see if I can get into thte CBT course at the anxiety clinic. It is scheduled for March 17th. I feel ok I guess, mood is neutral, I have this agitation in my right jaw thought which makes me feel a bit dizzy.
    By 10:30pm I am feeling kinda relaxed, jaw isn't too bad now ad I am actually tired. I am taking the pill tonight instead of tomorrow since it makes me tired.
  3. theguy
    I went bowling yesterday .. it was ok. Today I woke up with anxiety and the it feels like I have an agitated nerve in my neck. I took the med this morning and started to feel calmer for a bit then agitated and anxiety went up. I am too anxious to eat or go outside right now too. I am wondering if the wheat or decaf green tea had anything to do with me feeling this way today. I am not working but I am so worried I will not get out of this rut. Why does it feel like mucous in the back of my neck? Can this be a darn cerebral allergy to something? Ohhhhhh I am so frustrated with this.
  4. theguy
    wow, I just feel so empty. I don't feel God at all. I have been trying to pray and talk to God but nothing seems to help. It feels as if God is not here, not listening, and does not care.
  5. theguy
    God and I are good but I am still depressed. Why is that? I feel empty today. Tears are all I have and a feeling of sorow.
  6. theguy
    Once upon a time I was so angry at God for the way my life turned out but I have come to realize that I am worse off without him. Although it was difficult to do, I had made amends with God and I am again seeking his guidance and trying to trust him to guide me through this life. Thanks God for accepting me, and never leaving me. Thank you for understanding what I have been through.
  7. theguy
    I have been on Wellbutrin for 7 weeks now and my depression seems to have gotten worse since coming off of paxil. I thought I would at least not be depressed. I have practically no appetite. I feel so lethargic as well. I don't understand why I feel like this now when I was happy on paxil .. it just killed my libido and I did not want that. I need help and I don't know what to do.
  8. theguy
    I don't know what happened today. I was taken off paxil and left on Wellbutrin 150mg. I thought it was supposed to help with depression but I am feeling lonely, down, scared, and in tears. I wish I had someone to hold right now.
  9. theguy
    Lately I have not felt totally myself ... perhaps a bit more depressed since coming off of paxil. I have been on 150mg of Wellbutrin for 1 month and 2 weeks. The last few days I have had a tight chest, constant coughing, stuffy nose, feels like the glands around my neck/throat/under jaw fill up with mucous, bit of a soar throat. The back of my neck and throat feel cold when I breathe in. I don't know if this is a regular cold/flu or what, but it is a bit scary to me. So I think the worse, a tumor or cancel .. I don't know why. Yesterday I was having such a hard time with it I called really angry, called my doctor and left a message. All I want to do is breath normally but since coming off of paxil I have not felt well but I don't know if that is why or not. It is dinner time and I have no desire to eat either. I wonder if I will be able to get a good night's sleep and be happy enough to feel like going to work. Anyway, I am worn out from feeling this way and thus I now feel down. I don't feel like calling anyone either.
  10. theguy
    I don't know what else to put here except that I am very down and feel so lonely. I am on the verge of tears and wish I had a good friend close to comfort me.
  11. theguy
    I am quite tired right now but I just want to get this off my chest. I have not come across too many people these days who know how to just be a good friends. I have one stranger trying to expose my sin and basically say I am bad ... the young ***** doesn't even know me or my past or my struggles. I had a girl friend who now does not talk to me because she wanted more that a friendship. What a joke!!!!! People are so screwed up in the head and I thought I had issues. I make plans with someone and I go out of my way to drive to see them then they decide they want to stay and hang out with other people because someone brought some stupid cake? People are so pathetic. Anyway, I don't like the world right now and if I died tonight I definitely would not miss it. Anyway, I veer away from people like this. I don't like people who take advantage of me and who have problems being a genuine friend.
  12. theguy
    I don't know if this is anxiety or what but I feel afraid of everything. I am afraid to go outside to go 5 minutes away and get my brakes done. I am afraid to go to work on Monday. I am not having fun at all. 50mg zoloft
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