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About needtotalk80

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  • Birthday 03/04/1980

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    North Carolina
  1. I am a single 31 year old and I'm afraid I will be alone for the rest of my life even though I want to get married and have a family. A year and a half ago I ended an 8 year relationship with someone who was never right for me, however, it took a long time for me to come to that realization. I had become complacent in the relationship and was blind to the reality of the situation. My wake-up call was a temporary health scare that forced me realize that I had been wasting my time with this person, so I left him. We had lived together, but never married. It was a difficult experience and took a lot of courage, but I had to do it because I knew that I had been with him for the wrong reasons and I was unhappy. I am truly glad that I did finally realize this and moved on with my life. However, the hardest part has been trying to make it on my own. My main objective after leaving him was to concentrate on job/career goals and work on that aspect of my life and hope everything else falls into place. Unfortunately, it has not worked out as I had anticipated. I am about to move in with my parents who are in their 70's and are in declining health, especially my father. This decision is due to many factors: a stressful job that is underpaying me, I am barely getting by, the branch that I work for is under a contract that is up for renewal in August and because our only client is unhappy with the company, I don't foresee the contract being renewed. I do not have any friends or family where I live, so I am very lonely and do not get out much except for going to work and running mundane errands. I have GAD which affects my ability to be social and cope with situations, however, I do take medication for it. I consider myself to be a fairly intuitive person and I just can't shake the feeling that my life is completely over, that I will always struggle because I have no one but myself when times get tough. I feel no purpose in my life, except that maybe now that I will be living with my elderly parents, that I can be useful to them and help them in their advancing age. The thing is, I desperately want to be married and have my own family before it's too late, but I obviously don't want to rush into anything. I just don't see this happening because of my emotional problems from having been through many difficult times throughout my life. All I see in my future is an unfulfilled and lonely life.
  2. I've had an emotionally difficult relationship with my family. Each person in my immediate family is dysfunctional, in different ways. My mother was/is mentally ill (antisocial, paranoid, irrational moodswings). At her worst, she was forced to spend some time in the mental ward at the hospital and see a psychiatrist, but it wasn't beneficial, she distrusted the doc and refused to take meds. My father - who had an abusive alcoholic father and was pretty much on his own from the age of 15 after his mother passed - had anger issues (however, he was never physically abusive to us kids, but he had been physically abusive to my mom a few times that I remember when I was a little), was/is financially stingy/controlling (not necessarily a bad thing, he saved money, but he seemed to refuse to buy anything new, even if it was needed) , has been obese much of his life and over ate because it seemed to be the only thing he enjoyed. Very flawed individuals. I am the youngest of 3 girls and as a kid I had to deal with a lot of their dysfunction. My parents were in their 40's when I came along, my sisters are 9 and 10 years older than I am, and I ended up the one who witnessed and dealt with a lot of things that affected me emotionally. Now as an adult, I have emotional problems that make it hard to cope with situations in my life. I suffer from GAD that I take meds for which help me get through my day. So far, I've had a rather unfortunate adult life that is due in part to poor judgement/decision making, immature coping mechanisms, fear, and perhaps a bit of bad luck/other factors. But I'm still hopeful that things can get better and that I can make good things happen, it's just difficult at times to break the barrier that is always between me and living the best life I can. My parents are now in their 70's and with advancing age and some health problems, things are different for them and I've become more forgiving and at peace with them.
  3. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  4. Even though she has been less than respectful to me in the past, I still want to be close with her. Perhaps not the "tell each other everything" kind of close, but it would be nice to talk to her about my life or problems without feeling condemned through her funadamentalist Christian beliefs. I do believe in the axiom, "friends come and go, but family is forever" and I have experienced that this year. I was sick with an illness this year and she visited me in the hospital and of course she prayed over me and quoted scripture and we talked and she said she missed me (we don't talk or see each other much). It was nice to feel close but it was uncomfortable to feel that she was doing her duty as a Christian and trying to save my soul, which it was very obvious by the things she did and said to me. But, because I was ill and just happy to have family around, I felt like I couldn't say anything to her about how disrespectful she was being. However, sometime after that I wrote her an e-mail stating my beliefs and how I felt about what she did, and it was a very respectful e-mail. We talked on the phone after that and it became a pretty heated religious debate and I knew I never wanted to talk religion with family members ever again. It's true what they say, never talk to family members about politics or religion, ever. Truth be told, we still don't talk that much. She doesn't call me very often and vice versa. When we do talk now, it is usually about mundane stuff or immediate family circumstances. But, because of my life circumstances, I wish we could be closer. I am relatively alone. Also, I will say that she confided in me this year that her husband (a former preachers son) had (perhaps still has) a sex addiction and that he had cheated on her with someone from their former church (obviously, they now attend a different church) three years ago and that I was one of few who knew, and I am the only person in our family that knows as much detail as she would vaguely go into (she is very bitter and embarrassed by it). She definitely trusts me, as I am generally a non-judgmental and empathetic person. They went through church and marriage counseling and are staying together (they do have two kids). She stated to me that "God doesn't like divorce", but I am very positive that her husband has cheated many times and I know that their marriage must be hell. She is the "keep up appearances" type. I think most people in my situation would never want to be close to someone like her, but I just wish that she would respect me as I have her and be a friend. Sorry, this went on too long and got personal. But it feels better to get out. Thanks for listening. Julie
  5. Hi everyone, I want to make this as short as possible as it could get long...so here goes. I have an older sister (10 years older - I am 30, she is 40) who is a very religious person and also has a controlling personality, which makes her very self-righteous and incapable of seeing her own faults. I consider myself a spiritual person, who believes that there may be a higher power, and I pray, but I am also a realist who feels that things aren't easily explainable. I definitely believe that here on Earth we should be good people, so I try to live my life with high moral and ethical standards. I guess to someone like my sister, who is very religious, my feelings of doubt or questioning would be considered the work of the Devil in me. Which it is scary for me to think that is what is projected on people, like me, who may think differently. Who wants to think or be made to feel that they're condemned to Hell just because of a different viewpoint? Anyway, I just wanted to ask anyone if they have any advice on how to have a good relationship with a family member who can be difficult with their religious views. How do you maintain a good relationship and not be scared of or dominated by that persons views and faith. I will say that I tend to try to avoid any uncomfortable situations and I hate confrontation, but I don't want to be scared to state my thoughts. And yes, she knows that I queston things. Thanks for any advice.
  6. Thank you for your kind and welcoming words.

  7. Thank you for your suggestions. I think it would be best/cheapest if I can try to get through until the morning and see if a physician can take me. I seem to be doing okay at the moment and I'm going to listen to some music until I fall asleep. Julie
  8. I have not heard of the book, but I will surely check it out. Thank you.
  9. Welcome to the forums! We're here to support one another and we are glad to have you "on board!"

    Take care,


  10. For the past two days I have been having full blown panic attacks where it feels like I can't breathe, my chest hurts and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I have been willing myself to calm down and it will work but then, like an hour later, it will happen again. It's like my mind has sabotaged my body. I have had undue amounts of stress on me recently and I think my mind/body is now breaking down. I don't want to go to the hospital because I am between jobs (I have recently had a few interviews) so I am uninsured, but I do have enough money to go to an Urgent Care. I really need some kind of anxiety med because I can't phyisically handle it. Is Urgent Care my best option? Thanks in advance for any advice.
  11. Depression began in my childhood, I went through some significant emotional stress growing up because of my parents, my mother having mental issues and my fathers anger problems. My anxiety began in my teenage years and has gotten worse as I've gotten older. This year, it seems a combination of unfortunate and sad events, as well as personal realizations and upheaval, have increased my emotional instability to the point of feeling unable to cope. Accepting where I am in my life has been difficult.
  12. Listening to music really helps me. I'm alone a lot and things have been difficult lately, and I find that music can elevate my mood. Or depending on the music it may induce me to cry, which isn't necessarily a bad thing since crying is a good release.
  13. Thank you for your kindness. Yes, I am feeling better. It took some time and a special diet to feel "normal" again after being treated, but I feel almost as healthy as before I was sick. I still have some digestive issues, though. I take it day-by-day with the job hunt. My dad is doing as good as expected. The stroke occurred in the frontal lobe, which made him slur his speech badly and he became weak on his right side. He went from the hospital right to rehabilitation for over a week, which has really helped with his speech and mobilization. I feel bad for my mother, who has to take care of things now. I really want to visit as soon as I possibly can. It's makes me feel terrible that I'm in a difficult situation and cannot go visit right now.
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