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Everything posted by Steveab63

  1. Hi Karl Keep going to classes, and stop beating yourself up. Classes will give you knowledge, give you something to do besides ruminate, and keep you arond people. Maybe add some exercise, that can raise your mood too. See if you can find someone to talk to. If not a therapist, an older friend, friends parent, relative..whatever. Depressed people have a high amount of emotional intelligence, so we do notice a lot more of that sort of thing. I often wish i was dumb and happy, but not in the cards i guess. The good part is that we're a caring compassionate bunch, and have a lot to offer. Keep working on yourself. Its an extra burden we carry- the depression and inner mental arguments, but its our makeup, and we just need to learn to work with it. Good luck. Steve
  2. Im glad you found this site. I was on wellbutrin and i forget what the other one was...but i also got some as-needed buspirone for when the anxiety got to be too much. If something in life pushed me too far, the buspirone made it bearable. Its a mild non addictice sedative i think. Its too bad doctors make you feel like a junkie looking for a fix, but thats how it is. I did well on the wellbutrin...i took the extended release version, and i took it all in the morning so it didnt interfere with my sleep at night. So i would have kept the wellbutrin+prozac and added some buspar sometimes, that's what worked for me anyways. You may have to convince your Dr that you can be responsible and not alter the prescribed doses. Oh, and a lot of people quit their therapy or meds when they feel better for a while. That usually turns out badly.
  3. Going to the gym is a great idea. Get out and stop thinking about your problems. Exercise makes you ferl better too. I know that doesnt make problems go away, but sitting around thinking about them isnt getting you anywhere either. Maybe you can make a friend, or at least see something different than the inside of you room. If you're truly sick of everything and no longer care about anything, then you can ditch your fears and talk to people and even make believe youre someone else, and not care if they dont respond as you'd like. Fake it till you make it. And like you said, having a fit body doesnt hurt if youre looking for a girlfriend. They say some actors are actually quite shy, but they make believe they're someone else, then theyre not. Try it. If it helps, the older you get, the less you care about what others think. You also accept yourself more too. Its not like you can trade parts of yourself in for a different model.
  4. Probably. Usually you are the best one to make sense of your dreams.
  5. I don't think it's drug related. I'm off everything for the past few years, and this happens to me all of the time...also when I was on A.D's.. And yes it's awful. Just when I'm almost asleep, I get a barrage of panicky thoughts, of random things that can/will go wrong. I try to think of something else, then my thoughts circle around to another horrible situation my brain invents.
  6. Update: I actually DID pry my butt off the couch and got everything done. Amazing how that works...
  7. a line I used with the narcissist and it caused her to have a complete meltdown...much to my great satisfaction) LOL...
  8. So I'm parked on the couch procrastinating. I have things I must prep for work tomorrow, yet I'm still sitting here. Maybe that is what the weekend is for? I'm always preaching here that when you least feel like getting up and out and doing things, is the time when you need to do it the most. So knowing what to do, and actually doing it, are two different things. So I'm going to pry my butt off the couch and proceed. Get going... Steve
  9. Sorry, I don't know anything about spiritual, except that for me that's lumped in with religion, which i avoid at all costs. Wishing for things is way less effective than doing something in my view. We can of course agree to disagree about those things. Ditching family is exceedingly difficult. The guilt is massive, and figuring out where else to go is a big deal unless you are financially able to do so, or can find a roommate or something. I just know that the dysfunctional home screwed me up fairly effectively. It's similar to a battered woman that stays with the abuser. Most people think it's nuts to stay in that situation, but for them, there's a tiny bit of love, and a bunch of guilt, fear, uncertainty, hopelessness, etc keeping them there. It's only after being away for a while, that people start to realize that things are way better. I've heard this online in forums like this. And now that I'm older, the thought of going back to my old situation is terrifying. Sadly, I was not able to break free, nor did it enter my mind, at the point in my life when it was happening: my teens. So yeah, been there. Just be extremely careful when you do break free, not to recreate what you're used to. We gravitate toward that sort of thing, out of a weird comfort sort of thing. It puts you right back into the same kind of situation, with different actors. So if other relationships are uncomfortable: good. That means it's different. (Something else I wish I knew before I stepped in it). Good luck, Steve
  10. If you're physically able and willing, tell him you're going to start deducting money from the rent for the extra work you do around there, including deducting for hiring a junk removal guy when needed. If that doesn't work, see if there are city ordinances requiring him to get rid of junk, and what renters rights are. If that doesn't fly, I guess bailing out is next. Sorry. I hate moving.
  11. As ive mentioned here before, family can be some of the most toxic relationships around. Everyone is used to each other... being together for years, and some have gotten away with treating others badly for as long... the young don't know any different-that it isn't normal/acceptable behavior for most people. And, the mistreated are both trapped with nowhere else to go, and feel guilty about wanting , or acting on getting away from these people. Getting away however is what is needed. No one needs to be subjected to constant ridicule, or being yelled at, or being made fun of, etc. Try to go where people are nicer to you. Being a punching bag, either literally, or figuratively is not helping your mood or well being a bit. Eventually people start to think they deserve it. That's a deep place to dig yourself out of.
  12. I realize its extremely frustrating, but giving up on a dose change aftet 1 day isnt enough to figure out anything. You should give it another chance, if you can get some time off from work to try it. I shouldnt talk, i did the same thing when a Dr gave me Seroquel, and i didnt want to move for 2 days. I was afraid of getting fired, i was so wiped out and useless. Who knows, i might have gotten used to it, and it may have helped. Anyway, this stuff takes time. Steve
  13. Yeah, its amazing, (or sad) that the lower we feel, the more we beat ourselves up. We wouldnt do that to anyone else, yet its our 'go-to' response when we're feeling down. I deserve this, I'm useless, I'm stupid, I'm weird, no one else goes through this, no one cares, i shouldn't have been born, everyone hates me, ill never get better, I'll never amount to anything, i cant do anything right, i should just end it...we're so mean to ourselves....
  14. So get a job, volunteer, or find some other way to get the interaction you need. If you're living with couch potatoes, venture out on your own. Whatever works.
  15. Steveab63


    Can you see a therapist? When I was mixing adolescence with depression and anxiety, I had all kinds of confusion about gender/orientation issues. If like many, you're somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale, and you believe in that construct, things can be pretty confusing. Or, as I said in another of your posts, you just think women have it easier when it comes to finding friends/mates.
  16. When I was in my 20's, afraid to talk to women, and desperate for affection, I sometimes wished I was a woman. Not for any gender issues, I just had the idea that all a girl had to do was flash some skin, and they had their choice of a dozen interested suitors. It wasn't a very serious fantasy on my part, but it was interesting to find out, over time, that women had the same feelings I did at the time, and also had trouble meeting guys, talking to them, or being thought of as something other than a one night stand. So I guess either way, finding a friend/mate sucks. We all need to stop believing the love stories on tv.....
  17. Lemme guess, you're in the USA right? I 've heard some A-D's mess with cholesterol levels, but you'd think that an unchanging history would grant you some slack. Guess the Dr is more concerned with lawsuits, or whatever. He/she should have at least tried to help you somehow...sent you somewhere...besides throwing you 'under the bus' - as they say. Sorry, corporate America is ruthless. Try a clinic or private Dr maybe. Don't let this send you into an abyss...its to hard to climb back out.
  18. I can relate to both of you. I know nothing about sports and couldn't care less. It's awkward when other guys start asking you how you liked the game the other day. You tell them you're not into football, then they say :"oh, you're a basketball fan"? Uh..no..then you get the dumbfounded look. I'm into science and engineering etc, wannabe in all such things. Not sure what you do about that.
  19. Yes, I guess it's that nasty thing in our programming called 'hope'. Things would be much simpler without that confusing every decision. I guess it's what makes us not like Mr. Spock on that old tv show, who's thinking is purely logical. When I think everything in my life is a disaster, there's hope pulling me back. So I guess you could abandon any help and drink yourself to d3ath, plenty of people do. But there's always hope you can learn to improve. It's a lot of work, I get that. I have some liver problems not from alcohol, doesn't sound like a fun way to go.
  20. So I'm not all that thrilled with being alive. I've thought about pulling the plug for years...but I don't want to abandon someone that depends on me. Whether they deserve that concern is another matter... So I've recently had weird pains in my gut, and of course I freak out about it being cancer or something serious. How does someone with S.I. also fear dying? Doesn't make sense,does it?
  21. What you all may be dealing with is people with borderline personality disorder. I've had lots of experience unfortunately, dealing with a person like this. They blow up at the smallest things, think everything is a personal attack, think everything is about them, and have no concept of how they hurt others, especially those that love them. People like us, with depression, anxiety, coming from dysfunctional childhoods, are attracted to their disfunctional actions, because we're used to the craziness and are forgiving of it. (At least in my case...by the way, the worst possible relationship for our issues). So, the best thing is to distance or sever the relationship, which is extra hard if it's a family member. The important thing is to remember, it's not your fault, and you don't deserve their abuse. Steve
  22. Anxiety can definitely be shifted from consciousness to body pain/issues.
  23. Being anxious can cause shallow breathing, which might cause the low O2 levels. It's often the precursor to anxiety attacks. That's why they say when you're anxious, to take deep breaths. When I was on Prozac, I had increased heart rate too, so maybe meds are contributing to symptoms. My friend has had arrhythmias for 40 yrs and he's fine. Try not to worry yourself into anxiety related symptoms that snowball into an avalanche. Steve
  24. Im sorry youre having such a rough time right now. I hope you can find the strength to ask for the help you need. If you are literally hearing voices, you need medication to tackle that. If its just thoughts, a therapist can help with that. Either way i urge you to ask for help. I understand the "been there, done that" feeling, I'm there myself at the moment, but ignoring things doesn't make them go away, they fester and get worse. Nevermind the macho crap, we all need help sometimes. Hang in there, im rooting for you. Steve
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