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Posts posted by Steveab63

  1. You have three things goung for you that are putting you on the right path. Youve started on an antidepressant that is helping...thats great. You can talk to people, a lot of us can't, and you have a good job, so youre keeping busy, making money, and youre around people. All very good things you should be proud of yourself for. I agree some therapy might teach you where your hangups are, and how to keep moving forward. Id keep up with the meds for now, and keep working on your issues. You just need to get better at socializing and you're home free. Good luck.

  2. 2 hours ago, MakeThePainGoAway said:

    Ha! Gynos never want to take PMDD seriously. It’s so annoying. 

    Sorry your Dr doesnt think it's a thing. I know someone who was unbearable to be around, until she got some meds for it. I think it was a small dose of prozac...something like that. Worked wonders. 

  3. Yeah, thats because youre still stuck in that situation. You are not wrong, just because the company before you got there, was comfortabke with chaos, doesnt mean it was right. Ever see the show "Bar rescue". the guy goes into failing businesses and points out all of the inefficiencies that are causing them to lose money. You can be that guy in your work. Like i said, youre not wrong, and dont take crap from the slackers.

    Your well being is more important. If youre willing, tell them you're reorganizing or leaving. Since you said youve been in bigger companies before, you get it, and they dont. The nonsense you describe wouldnt fly in most places. 

    Stuff gets put back where it belongs, areas are kept organized and clean, and things are done efficiently by people who care, or they're out and replaced by people who will.

    Depending on how bad it is, there are also osha and insurance concerns about messy chaos.

  4. Wow you cant even catch a break from your wife? I say Keep standing up for yourself. Get your own tool box, lock it, tell people to stay the hell away from your stuff. Make them buy their own. Make them clean their own messes. Your not the maid around there are you? Make your own rules and tell everyone this is my area, and this is how i can be productive. You cant get anything done if youre chasing tools all day. Stop taking everyones crap. If they need you so badly, they need to learn teamwork and respect boundaries. Keep speaking your mind, to hell with them. Family included.

  5. Yup, i know what you mean. I go along with everything to not make waves and to avoid conflict, then i end up regretting it.  Then sometimes theres no other choice then your stuck with it.

    Can you get your own tools and toolbox and keep people out of your stuff? ...or are we talking big expensive things? At work i buy my own tools and dont loan them. Theyre always where i put them. No chasing after stuff.

  6. Re: intrusive thoughts....

    I know what you mean. Whenever things are ok and im sort of at peace, my mind looks for something to freak out about. It often finds something, so i have to keep busy doing things for distraction. I took some time off a while back and was miserable.

    Depression is similar; i have to force myself to go do something...anything but sit around, else it gets worse.

  7. I always put everyone else first too. But it sure gets old. Plus then they expect it, and take you for granted besides.

    So whats with working for the inlaws? Was that the wifes idea? Resentment will destroy intimacy where a guys equipment is concerned for sure. Can you get a job elsewhere? Are you staying there just because family is involved. Would you have been long gone if that were not the case? Having people belittle you all day sounds like no fun.

    Just wondering if like me, you allow people to railroad you into things you reallly dont want to do, then you resent it later. 



  8. Im sorry you didnt get what you needed emotionally growing up. Nor did i. But you have put some distance between yourself and the craziness. That is a good thing and though feeling some guilt is understandable, it is the best thing for your own well being. Your girlfriend is right. You can visit during the holidays, endure whatever weirdness ensues, then go back to your normal girlfriend. Youre lucky to have her. Youll have to accept that youre never going to get a normal childhood with a normal mom. Sorry.

    Fwiw i had a similar situation. Emotionally unavailable mom, in and out of mental hospitals..and my needs didnt get met, plus i was told to be quiet, not upset mom, and dont tell anyone about her condition. So i was shipped off to school and was expected to make believe everything was fine. Yeah right.

    Anyway take care of yourself. 



  9. Are you sure friends are making fun of you, or are you just taking things wrong? Is it just guys busting each others b411s fooling around? Some guys do that and dont mean anything by it. If thats the case maybe you should say something the next time it happens. If youre making self depreciating jokes about yourself, and your family doesnt 'get it', maybe even they think youre going too far beating yourself up, which by the way you shouldn't be doing. Be kind to yourself. Many of us are over sensitive, in my case from my dad making stupid comments to me that he thought were funny. You need to learn to speak up for yourself when people say hurtful things to you, and stop doing it to yourself as well. Running away from the world isnt making anything better. People need each other. Talk about it with family-friends. Not all guys are rough " i can take anything" types. I'm certainly not. Some people only feel good when theyre putting others down. If people really are being mean to you, find some new people to be around.


  10. Well if your whole existence has gotten shifted to full time nurse, i think anyone would understand that some of your stuff is going to be put on the back burner. I can relate, i took care of my mom after my dad died. Sis had her husband and family to deal with, and i still lived at home, so i was elected. Mom didnt drive, and at one point she ended up in the mental ward, for the ' i-dont-know- how- many-ith-time'. My life got put on hold for quite a while. 

    Sorry youre stuck in this role.

    Take care


  11. Ditto, exercise is good for depression. You just have to force yourself to do it when you feel like it least. Thats the hard part. 

    You can also make believe your leaving your problems behind.

    Web developing plumber? Thats a cool mix. Im interested in everything imaginable too, (when im not totally depressed that is)...so i can relate. Also if you cultivate multiple skillsets youll always have a job.


  12. Hi DNO,

    There are a lot of understanding people here. Welcome.

    So if the meds you are taking are antidepressants, you prob shouldn't be messing with changing amounts trying to feel differently quickly. They dont work that way and it could be dangerous. Stick with the dosages the Dr prescribed and be aware that antidepressants build frustratingly slowly in your system and can take over a month to balance out...and for you to be able to tell if they're making a difference or not. If youre changing recipies every month, youre not learning anything about what works and what doesnt. Also be aware many of us have had to try many different meds, and sometimes combinations if them, to find something that works. Did I say frustrating?...

    If on the other hand, youre talking about pain meds, that's another discussion entirely. Im sure you've heard of the devistation opiates have wreaked on our population over the past few years. If that's what you are dealing with, i urge you to get help with that.

    Of course on the discussing part, there are plenty of people here that understand and can give you some assistance. So, when youre ready, continue telling your story...im sure others will chime in.

    Best wishes,


  13. Slightly better, or just groggy. Came home from work early and slept for 2 hours. Woke at 3am last night to a nasty anxiety attack worrying about house maintenance problems. Was up most of the night after that.

     Maybe i need the wife to smack me with a bat tonight so i sleep thru the night.

  14. I would be concerned about it being towed away as abandoned. Can you speak to someone in the area and get their ok to leave it in front if their house or something?

    Sorry youre in such a scary neighborhood. Can you try to make friends there so you don't feel like an outsider? Maybe explain that your neighbor has no concept of boundaries or when its too late to be knocking on doors. Shouldnt be too difficult to get someone to agree with you on that.

  15. The fact that you are here, and can analyze the situation with your mother, as well as your own actions, tell me that you are well on your way to getting a handle on all of this. Ive been saying this a lot lately, but putting distance between yourself and toxic family members is what is needed for healing to occur.

    They dont realize or understand what they are doing is hurting you, nor do they mean to do it. Regardless you need to push the guilt aside and save yourself.

    ( Guess i wish i could have gotten away from my toxic family way back when, but i had no other options....and i thought it was normal...)

  16. If youre willing tp expose yourself to all of the touchy feely stuff that a lot of guys avoid, maybe look into why youre actually PO'ed. Is it really the current thing, or are you p***** that youre dad left when you were 8, or your mother never stopped him from beating the crap out of you when he was drunk. A lot if people carry stuff like that around for years, and they take it out on everyone else but the one(s) they are really mad at. The above are just examples of course, but it illustrates the idea.

    You also have to learn that the only person you can control is yourself. A lot of people burn a lot of energy trying to break that rule, but its the truth. You can put a gun to someones head, and tell them to do something, and they can still tell you to go to hell. The old:"you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" thing.

    Theres a saying in psychology that no one can make you feel a certain way, its your reaction that makes you feel that way. Not sure i believe that either, but if certain people rub you the wrong way, maybe you need to hang out with different people.

    So there's councellors and anger management classes, stuff like that. You may want to consider that over jail, which is the likely result of 'going off' on someone.

    Good luck.

  17. Sorry you're going through this miserable situation. I spent years feeling like you describe, and it is hellish. I would have done anything to have a girlfriend, at the time, but people smell despiration, and when you hate yourself others arent interested either. Sorry to say you have to go through the work of being ok with yourself, stop trying so hard, and stay out and about where people are. Find activities where people are, and stop thinking every potential mate...is a potential mate, and is going to give you a family right away. Thats way too much pressure for him and yourself.

     Im sure you have tons to offer, but you need to pace yourself and not scare guys away with " Hi, wanna go to dinner then start a family?"

    All that crap about youll find someone when you quit looking isnt that ridiculous. I ended up married, and i never thought that would happen either.

    Keep at it.

  18. Some people 'say' horrible things online when they can be anonymous. Better to find out early that the guy is a jerk.

    Im sure there are lots of guys that would be thrilled to be your friend. Just keep trying.

    Isnt there a saying about kissing a lot of frogs before finding a prince? Something like that...

    Dont let that :!$@** get to you, just move on.


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