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Everything posted by Steveab63

  1. I can relate to your feelings. I have a jeckyl and hyde paradox going on too. Well, jeckyl may be too harsh. Im competent at work, and have a bit of a superiority complex in the outside world. I know how to do many things, and often deal with people that cant operate a screwdriver. But then, why am i not rich? Then for instance, when you see people drive in the merge lane with no apparent thought of getting over, then the panic when theyre out of road, it makes you wonder how dumb the general population is. But at home, when im back inside my head, i realize im pretty much a disaster inside. I think people are pretty complex, and assume different roles in different situations. I dont think in that context, its a problem. As long as youre not hearing voices or anything....
  2. I think the answer is " soon". Thats the point of going. If you find you're comfortable with the person, dancing around the fact that you were abused as a kid is just wasting time. Throw everything on the table and see if the therapist can organize the mess. That's the goal, right?
  3. Pretty much same situation as original post. Been wondering if theres really any point to it all.
  4. I guess i have a very unpopular opinion, but i dont think any anxiety - depression problems are totally cured, like take pills for a week, and your cold is gone. It's something you learn to manage, and work around. You learn your issues with therapy, books, etc, take meds to help, and do things to work around the condition to have a " normal" life. I think people want a quick fix, but im not sure there is one. Its like being born with any other disability, you work around it, or hide in your room and do nothing but exist. Think of the guys in wheelchairs doing marathons, or the ones with a fake leg running. They power forward no matter what. Stop crying about the condition and keep going forward. It takes work.
  5. So at 42 your mother dictates whether you can or cant take a medication your Dr. Prescribes? Is your relationship with her causing some of your problems? It doesn't sound healthy to me. Shes really going to kick you out if you start taking some medicine that could help you? Thats pretty messed up. We all go through several drugs to find one that works. Some have side effects we cant handle, so you have to try something else. Its part of the deal. If you're still treated like a 5 year old, theres your problem.
  6. Moving TO the U.S.? Healthcare here is only for the rich. Good luck.
  7. Well, you're both kind of right. If you go to therapy and dont put in the work yourself, it can be a waste of money. The therapist guides, he doesnt fix. But the therapist also has more experience guiding you through your issues than the general public so it can be quite valuable. The fact that your husband doesnt want to contribute, or go along isnt helpful as you implied. It sucks when people that are close to you dont 'get it' about this mental health stuff. Maybe go to the therapist and start with discussing your mate's attitude. Maybe the therapist can offer suggestions to get him on board.
  8. Heck yeah! Probably the reason everyone stays stuck...
  9. Sorry youre having a rough time with this. I know the feeling. I was terrified to talk to girls when i was young too. I thought there was a certain recipe that i was supposed to know but didn't. And i had zero self esteem. I still dont know the magic recipe, but dont give up. Im married now. Maybe try not to take it too seriously. I thought i had to know that recipe, and i was so afraid to mess up that i didnt even want to try. Maybe that's part of your deal?
  10. Dont be worried, when you run out of drugs, then it's time to try combos. There's plenty of choices left, but wellbutrin worked wonders for me. Give it time....
  11. Sorry i couldnt tell you about a simple solution. The only thing that works for me is keeping busy, and keep pushing the bad thoughts out, and focusing on the good ones. Maybe you can find a dr. To give you some meds to give you a boost. Then youll be able to see out of the hole. Stop thinking you have to change the world to be worthwhile. Surviving isnt so bad. Im sure your family needs you too. Hang in there.
  12. I was on it for years and it worked well for me I dont recall anything major happening when i started though. If its more than 1 tablet, maybe you can ask the Dr about working up to that dose, or spreading it out? I did need some buspirone for anxiety occasionally, but overall i liked it.
  13. Yeah we all ask ourselves that question. How to shut off the cyclone in our head. Keep takling to people, keep busy, and try to figure out whats bothering you and what you can do about it. If youre able, exercise can help burn off anxiety and make you feel a bit better especially if you can do it out in nature.
  14. Comisserating here is only helpful in that it shows us that we're not alone and others understand how we feel. That can be a big deal for those who think theyre the only ones that feel that way. You can also get pep talks and support which is helpful when friends and family either dont exist, or are clueless to such emotional type things. However if you think that alone is going to magically fix everything, it isnt. Dealing with depression takes a lot of work on your part. You have to learn how to live with it, basically like someone born with a birth defect. Thats why therapy exists, to learn the cause of our problems, and get guidance in dealing with it. But that isnt a magixal fix either YOU have to do the work. Not the therapist. If like me, you were told growing up that you could do/have anything if you worked hard enough. You were lied to. Thats not correct and you have to get over it. Life isn't fair, get over that too. You have a high emotional intelligence, and you notice things about yourself, others, and the state of society that is amplified and distressing. Another cross to bear that isnt going away. The only thing you can do is learn to not focus on these things and focus instead on things you CAN change. Get out and mingle with people, we're heard animals and need each other. Stay away from toxic people, theres plenty of them and you cant change that either. Find things youre interested in and pursue them to keep your brain busy with something constructive instead of destructive. You have to keep scratching and clawing yourself up and out of the hole that follows you around or youll slip back in. It sucks, and it isnt fair, but you cant change it. I wish i was dumb and happy myself, but i too have that emotional awareness that illuminates the ugly parts of people, myself and the world, that others dont seem to notice. I grew up in a dysfunctional household and when i talk to someone my brain is in hyperdrive reading facial expressions, thinking about their word choices, alterior motives, and 5 scenarios of what it could mean for me...so I barely get the gist of what theyre saying. Thats a layer of conciousness most people dont deal with, but its the type of people youre likely to find here. Welcome to the club. It seems like cheating, and denial, but you just have to distract yourself with better parts of life and not focus on the bad. Right now youre in the hole and youre only focusing on the bad, and... "it isnt helping". Get out and do stuff, exercise, move. Stagnation and ruminating also isnt helping.
  15. I think a lt of us are afraid of rejection. There are tons of posts about people afraid to talk to other people, or guys afraid to talk to a girl, all because of fear of rejection. Hell, i was lonely for years for that reason. It hurts but the alternative is hiding under a rock and never getting anywhere. Unfortunately it takes some of us a long time to figure that out.
  16. I agree that you should write this one off and look elsewhere. She lies to you, then denies it, then blames you for calling her out on it. Kick her to the curb and find someone worthy of your attention. You dont need to beat yourself up over this. Just move on.
  17. ahh, we all screw up. Thats part of being human. What i do is apologize, do what i can to fix it (if possible), and move on. There's no going backwards...whats done is done.
  18. Yeah, its hard to figure out which direction to go at your age. Im over twice your age, but if you dont have a major interest in something, you need to figure that out and pursue it. I had the opposite problem, i was/am interested in so many things, i couldnt figure which to pick. I still kind of have that issue. You should probably stay off the drugs, as that makes depression worse. Try to get out and about to keep moving and be around people. Try to find something youre interested in and learn about it. Then pick something and go for it, you can always change your mind and try something else. Stagnation isnt going to get you anywhere, that should be obvious. Good luck.
  19. Glad this is helping, even if only a little bit. Just dont accept defeat with the people at work. If they can be pushy and inconsiderate, so can you. Ditch the bunch if them occasionally. Go for a drive, go do anything that's different.
  20. I sometimes wish i could have some thc. I havent touched it since the early 80's, but i seem to recall a nice calming effect that id certainly welcome once in a while. However my job does drug testing and i have an aversion to jail. Maybe some day....
  21. Youre not being punished, though it can certainly seem like it sometimes. The realization that parents arent going to be around forever is a scary one for sure. Try not to stress about it, i seriously doubt anything you do is going to change her diagnosis. I find the best thing to do is to keep busy with things so you cant sit and imagine all of the possibilities that stress you out.
  22. Yeah dont give up. Many of us deep thinkers go through this. Therapy helps, maybe anxiety meds, maybe making believe youre someone else. I went through it for a while. You can do it. Keep trying.
  23. I can relate, some days i wake exhausted like i didnt sleep at all....except i did. Did a sleep study once, it was inconclusive. Couldnt sleep in the freezing room with nurses crunching potato chip bags all night and babbling away. They actually said i did stop breathing once briefly. Whatever.. Thought about testing again, but i couldnt sleep with a gas mask on all night anyway so whats the point? Would be interesting to know if apnea was causing me troubles though... Drinking makes you fall asleep ok, but then you wake up ina couple of hours and cant get back to sleep. Messes with your brain too much...plus it makes depression worse. Not a great idea. Prob have to force yourself to go out and do things. Sleeping/hiding gets to be a habit.
  24. You should probably be planning ahead for postpartum depression too....
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