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Posts posted by Steveab63

  1. Welcome,

    Yeah, we're here. Sometimes it takes some time to get a response, sorry. Some of us usually try to respond to new posts, even if we have nothing helpful to say, but other times we're busy or too hurting ourselves to reach out. 

    This seems to be a pretty smart bunch around here, and you can get a lot of insight and useful help. If nothing else, you'll get understanding.

    Hang on and keep posting.

  2. I've been working myself to a frazzle the past month, and haven't had time to think about much else. Now that I have some time off, the futility that is my existence, is working it's way back into my conscience. Hopefully I can survive another week off without plunging into the depths of despair again. 

    I've obviously done everything wrong in my life: a wife that ignores me, no other family, a mountain of bills, no friends, no financial security. Just work to keep my feeble mind busy. Without that I'll surely perish.


  3. This is also a good possibility. I had an inconclusive sleep study done years ago, but there was so much chaos at the clinic in the middle of the night, and the room was like 50 degrees, I couldn't sleep. My wife thinks I have it though. I've considered a new study, since you can now do it at home, but I couldn't sleep with a mask on, and there doesn't appear to be any good cure for it. (Lots if shady stuff: frying your throat with lasers and such...) Hasn't been that bad this week...prob just a brain tumor...


  4. My take on this is that you are blaming yourself for the outcome of every random interaction between people in a group. I the boss catches a volunteer in a stupid rant, tells them off and tells you it's ok, it's not your fault the person had the rant or that the boss did what he did.

    Likewise when a bunch of opinionated elders gather and start critiquing everyone at a family gathering, that's not your fault either. I suspect this isn't the first time they have chosen a target to pick on, prob why you didn't feel comfortable in the situation in the first place.

    You can't please everyone, and it's not your job to try. Let people have their quirks and (maybe stupid) opinions and just don't give a crap about them. You worry about you, not everyone else's interactions. You've done nothing wrong. 

  5. I have a 12 yr old rottweiler mix with the softest fur you've ever felt. He's highly intelligent and affectionate. He knows when I'm down and is very comforting. He likes to cuddle, and sticks to me like glue. I don't know how I'll survive without him. I wish he was half his age...but so far, so good. Dogs are awesome.

  6. Anxiety is the fight or flight response improperly triggered. You may get some relief by trying to burn off the adrenaline with exercise. Of course thats probably the last thing you feel like doing, but it may help. 

    Another trick is visualization of a calming scene. Close your eyes and imagine youre on a beautiful beach, listening to the waves, and watching a sailboat in the distance.

    Look up progressive muscle relaxation. Tense and relax all of your muscles to find which are knotted up, and learn to be aware of what is tense and to keep them loose. For me its shoulders...tight like a vice.

    Try those things....


  7. Your parents are just concerned about your safety. We've all heard horrible stories about girls being abducted or attacked...im sure thats the reasoning there. 

    Driving is a good skill to have, unless you live in NYC and theres public transportation everywhere. If your parents make you nervous, go to a driving school. See if a friend has a lawn tractor and cruise around on that for a while. Thats how i started out, i think it helped.

    The timelines may or may not be realistic...especially if they havent let you do anything on your own before.

    And the monitoring of your phone and computer stuff is overzealous I think, especially if you've never been in trouble.

    You should tell them that it makes you feel like a criminal, and is encouraging sneaky behavior. You deserve some privacy.

  8. Most of us feel like a fraud because, like the tv commercial, we walk around with a mask like everything is fine, when really we're about to cry or just want to not exist. If we tell people, it could be like saying we have leprosy and people run away in fear or they just cant/wont deal with it. Others give us the 'get over it' speech.

    The only time we're 'real' is here (anonymity) or therapy, unless we're lucky enough to have someone to confide in that understands and is supportive. Sadly, i think that is rare.

    As far as which to call fraud, here or the mask, thats up to you.

  9. I understand how you feel, i felt the same in high school. I spent the majority of my time in shop classes because thats what i liked. Sadly, most of those classes are gone these days. But i hate to admit, i wish I had paid more attention to algebra, and everything else. I actually have needed that stuff, and felt like an idiot not knowing it.

    If you dont know how to write and handle basic grammar, people wont take you seriously.

    I got into the electrical trade and needed algebra.

    Had to write reports at work, needed spelling, grammar, writing.

    History, not so much, but its embarrassing when people are discussing something and you're clueless.

    Followers on you tube is cool, but doubtful you'll make a career of that.

    Learn everything you can, while you can. Its much harder later.

    Yes it sucks, so does working. 

    See a therapist if depression is clogging up your brain. 

    Good luck.



  10. Situational is certainly a thing. It gets to be a gray area because it can trigger a more serious version that wasnt a big deal before. I don't know if anyone can prove chemical imbalance versus learned behavior, but im sure there are cases of bad things happening that have long term repercussions. Ptsd for instance.

    Doesnt really matter. Once your in that ditch, you need help getting back out.

  11. Hi Karl

    I hurt my back a while ago, try these things...

    Try sleeping with a rolled up towel under your lower back to keep the forward curve, that belongs there, present. If your bed has a dip in the middle, layer some more towels or something to get rid of the hammock effect. Make a point of keeping that curve when you sit and walk. Sucking in your gut and straightening your lower back hurts it and pinches nerves.

    Lay on the side of the bed and let your whole leg dangle off the side. If you have something higher, use that. There is a tendon that goes from your leg, through your gut, to your mid back called ileo psoas that gets tight from sitting, and lack of exercise/stretching, and it pulls on your lower back.

    Keep exercising, looking for groups in person and online, and stay away from facebook where people dis each other and brag about how awesome they are. (Which is a filtered version of reality...aka, b.s.)

  12. Well its good you feel comfortable with her, but shes not there to be your friend exactly, shes trying to figure out how to help you with your problems. As you open up more, which is good,... that's when shes going to start prying the lid off of the vault where your problems reside. Thats not comfortable.

    Not sure where the not wanting her advice comes from, thats kind of the point of therapy...and exercise is good for the mind, and makes you feel better, so thats where that is coming from.

    And finally, therapy is partially the therapist giving you a kick in the pants to get doing things that will be beneficial in the end. Tough love if you will. Some of us become comfortable in the ditch, and need someone to prod us up and out of there.

    Having said all of this, some therapists are not a good match, and sometines you need to find another.

    However, theyre not there just to be a shoulder to cry on, its like taking a class on how to deal with yourself. It can be hard work, and it isn't always fun.

  13. KCDPN

    I dont know if i can articulate, or add anything useful....but you have to be careful about accepting defeat in depression. There is a weird comfort in accepting it, and just wallowing in it...and lying in bed doing nothing, not going out etc. Its called self fulfilling prophecy. You have to force yourself to not accept defeat, and keep fighting no matter what. Think of some Rambo warrior type of guy...or Churchill...."Never Surrender"..not a history buff so thats prob not accurate, but you get the idea.

    Youve heard the saying: "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince" ok, so thats a chick saying, anyway the more you try, the better your odds. 

    Stop beating yourself up, life is challenging enough. Love yourself. Others will when you give them the chance....

  14. You are not alone in your uneasyness about everything going on these days. It has gotten to the point that everyone believes the propaganda machine, without fact checking anything. (Though theyll study sports scores for hours.) The fact that we have a master manipulator in charge that thrives on chaos, isnt exactly comforting either.

    Everyone freaks out about "A", When the real problem is "B". 

    For instance a few migrants didnt trash our economy/jobs. Computers, factory automation, and outsourcing 30 years ago did. 

    Politics is about manipulating rules to make yourself money. Then twusting the story to make yourself look good. They only need us long enough to con us into voting them into office. Then we're ignored...except for taxes they need of course.

    Voter supression, stealing from: social security, welfare, medicare, medicaid, schools...making drugs, healthcare, college unattainable...using-then throwing away veterans in the street. Everyone here knows how pathetic mental health care is.

    Definitely things to be upset about.

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