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Everything posted by chumly

  1. Hi there! Thanks so much for this terrific advice...:) This sounds very interesting. I do think alot of my issues lately are to do with the situation with my mom and some other stresses that have went on recently as well. Thank God one of my bigger stressors has ended in a good way but I think the situation with my mom and a few other things have lingered on a bit and they catch up with me when I try to fall asleep..:( I love all your suggestions and I share your love for animals! I do have some stray cats that visit me in my home and I think it does help me relax quite a bit. Exercise helps an awful lot as well. Also just being out in the sunshine in the day really helps me relax better at night. Anyway, thanks so much for the terrific suggestions! I really appreciate it...:)
  2. I have to admit…this one really has me thinking! I know you offer a lot of insight on narcissism due to your own experiences so I’m really wondering if I should take your advice and just not bother with her anymore? Of course this would mean that I’d never see her again since she’s up there in age already and there’s no family functions or anything like that. ..but I suppose there is something freeing about not having to think about this insane person anymore. Anyway, thanks so much again for the insight..
  3. Yes! You are making a good point! I am so sorry you’ve experienced what you have but it seems to have given you so much knowledge. ..and insight into helping others. By the way, what’s your thoughts on the idea of messaging a narcissist just so you can vent and get things off your chest? Without expecting anything else other than to vent? Thankfully I’m living away from my mom and she has no idea where I live. I’m just wondering if my confronting her via email might make me feel better? ? Anyway, thanks so much. You always offer great advice!
  4. Interesting! Thanks so much. I am so sorry that you have experienced breakdowns from your mom! I really appreciate the insight you’ve offered! Thanks so much
  5. Thanks very much for your very interesting take on this! I really appreciate it. This is very insightful! Im actually one step away from doing no contact with her and I forgot to mention that part of why I agreed to talk to her is because there’s a few things I’d like to say to her that I think might make me feel better to get off my chest but I’m definitely going to keep your insight in mind here. In fact, I will even mention what you suggested to my therapist that I’m seeing tomorrow. Anyway, thanks so much for this advice again! I really appreciate it..
  6. I agree with Nightjar too. Another thing that helps me when I’m in the grasp of a depression or anxiety episode is knowing that it won’t be like this forever. I like to use a lot of positive affirmations to remind myself of that. Anyway, I hope you are better by now. ..
  7. Yes! I know exactly what you mean. I can’t seem to shake certain unwelcomed thoughts too. I especially feel this when I go to lay down to sleep and of course this causes insomnia. If this continues and if the therapy I am now getting does not help I’ve been considering the possibility of seeing a psychiatrist to possibly start anxiety or depression meds. Have you considered any of those options for yourself too? Just a thought.
  8. As some on here already know, my toxic/possible narcissistic mom that I’ve been low contact with for over 2 years is trying to communicate with me to talk things out but I’m very concerned because she’s not well. She has a Dr Jekyll/ Mr Hyde personality and that is part of the reason that I went low contact with her. She’s extremely nasty and abusive when she gets into one of her moods where you know she’s just looking for a fight and the last straw was when she threw me and my friend out of her home 2 years ago because we did not think just like her politically…when we were there to help her recover from cancer! She threw us out at the start of the pandemic too! We were forced to live in a hotel temporarily! Anyway, to her small credit..she did try relentlessly to call us the following day and for a few weeks after that to get us to come back but since I knew going back with her would result in her doing something similar again for no reason I decided to just ignore her for the most part. However the few messages I did check from her in the the past 2 years revealed the same disturbed personality…where she would leave a nice message one minute than leave a nasty one the next. And of course she has not apologized…which is something she almost never does. However, since I have not read or listened to the majority of her messages in about 2 years I don’t know that for sure and I suppose I’m a bit curious if she will offer an apology at this point. I guess that’s one of the reasons that I agreed to this communication with her again. I’m curious to see if there’s an apology but I know that the chances are very very slim since she only apologized to me once in all my years on the planet. So the bottom line is that even though I reluctantly agreed to communicate with her via email, I keep putting it off because I know I need to be emotionally ready for her outbursts…like going into a war zone where everything is fine one minute but you don’t know when the next bomb will go off. I have had too much other things going on to deal with her for the last 2 years. Anyway, i think I’m finally in a better place to deal with her now and I have a basic idea of what I want to say to her. I’m thinking of telling her that I can’t allow her back in my life unless she gets professional help but I want to discuss my ideas with my new therapist first. In fact, I think I’d prefer at least 1 or maybe 2 sessions with my therapist before I’ll feel more confident on what to say to my mom but I know my mom is impatient that Ive been putting her off for 2 years now. With everything said, do you think it’s okay for me to actually send a quick email to my mom and be honest and tell her that I need to consult with my therapist first before I proceed to go any further with her? So in other words, I will be delaying communication with her once again for another 2 weeks. Does this sound like a reasonable thing to say to someone? I’m not sure why I even care since she’s been so mean to me but anyway I’d love others thoughts on this. Thanks in advance
  9. Thanks so much for the understanding message. I sometimes tend to over-react so I was not sure if this was one of those times but it is good to know that others are seeing my point on this one. Thanks again!
  10. Thanks and thanks for listening! It is amazing how someone simply listening on the internet can really make a difference! Thanks again!!
  11. Thanks so much for the response! Actually it is a state run program called Vocational Rehabilitation. ..and they help people who are disabled go back to work or get into training. Since I am disabled I do qualify for help from them but I was extremely specific on what I was interested in. I told them right off the bat that I wanted a work at home job...specifically medical billing. They said if they cant fund medical billing they can help me find other work instead. I reluctantly agreed with that but I was very adamant on my goal being a medical biller. ..so I just find it irritating that they would have me do the 3 weeks of testing and 3 day work evaluation and only tell me after all that that medical billing is not something they can pay for for me. It would have made more sense if they could have told me right from the start that medical billing was a dying field in their finding and this way, I would not have wasted my time with the testing and evaluation. In fact, I remember my counselor insisted that I do the 3 weeks of testing since I wanted them to pay for school for me. I even had Drs. appts and other possible part time job prospects, but my counselor was so insistent that I do the 3 weeks of testing that she had me reschedule everything! She told me that I needed to do that if I wanted them to pay for schooling and now to find out that they will not pay for my schooling after all that it feels like a total waste of my time to me and like I was lied to in order to get me to do this ridiculous testing for some uknown reason! SMH! It is funny because my typing this to you is making me realize that this really is the part that I might be most irritated with so maybe I will feel better if I let them know how I feel about how they did that to me next week when I call them. Maybe it will help me feel better. Anyway, thanks so much for the input. I really appreciate it!
  12. Thanks so much for the very helpful response and yes, that is so true! Perhaps that was all just alot of talk from them to get me to sign up for their program. I agree with what you have said about work at home jobs too. I have had a few legitimate ones but there are so many scams that it is hard to know what to trust...:( My neighbor is a work at home medical biller so I know in her case it is legitimate and that is part of why I wanted to get in the field myself but now I need to find out what exactly they are referring to when they say there is no work in the field so I guess I need to follow up with them. I have just been too upset to do so this past week but I will next week. Anyway, thanks for the very helpful response! I really appreciate it!
  13. Thanks so much for the very helpful response! Yes, I do have some follow up questions for this agency. I plan on asking them those questions next week. I think part of my upset was not just about the fact that they wont pay and suggest that there is no work in the field but the counselor was so cold about the whole thing. She even left a voicemail on my answering machine last Friday 5 minutes before closing just to let me know they wont pay. ..and she called me at 9 am on Monday morning to say that we needed to find something else for me instead....not even giving me a full business day to absorb the disappointment and never mind the fact that she had to tell me on my answering machine for my entire household to hear! Anyway, I did make a complaint to her supervisor about that so they will give me another counselor so perhaps that will be the solution. Maybe I just had a lousy counselor. Anyway, in any event, I was too upset about the whole thing this week to think straight. I plan on asking them where they are getting their information from since I have heard and read that the field is booming and I have a friend doing this kind of work and I see plenty of job ads. Hopefully things will make sense if I follow up with them next week. Anyway, thanks for the great advice and input. I really appreciate it!
  14. To make a long story short…for the last 15 years I’ve dreamed of working from home and making a meaningful career out of it and because of this I’ve been very interested in becoming a medical biller/ coder as it seems to always come up on online searches for work at home careers. It just seemed like the perfect career for me. It sounded easy enough, offered great pay, seemed to be a demand for it and does not take years of schooling. Anyway, I don’t have much money so I decided to try to get help from a program that would possibly fund all or part of the fee for a course offered in a local school. It seemed very promising because they actually have the field listed as a field they help finance and I qualified for their services. Part of my qualifying included my having to do 3 weeks of testing and a 3 day work evaluation. When I finished doing this my counselor told me that I passed the evaluation with flying colors and that she would submit an application to the school to see if I can be approved for medical billing training. I realize there was no guarantee on this but her tone sounded about as certain as it can get so I suppose I had high hopes that it would all work out. However, a few days ago I was informed that they will not pay for the training because they feel there are no jobs in this field in my area and that they suggested I can work in an office instead..which would not be work at home! Needless to say, I am so disappointed on so many levels! Not only for the fact that they won’t pay for my schooling after I did the 3 weeks of testing and 3 days of work evaluation…but also that they are saying there are no jobs in this field in my area when I see plenty of jobs online! Also the labor board has this career listed as one of the most promising. I’m very confused and upset. Do you think it’s understandable that I’d feel this way? Would others feel just as upset as I do? Or do I sound like I’m overreacting? Thanks in advance
  15. Hi there! I am soooo sorry! I had no idea there was any further responses to this post! I dont get notifications but I think I set that up now! Sorry again! Thanks so much for the response! Anyway, to answer your very good questions...yes, I did send the "courtesy message" to her. As mean as she has been to me I still felt bad to keep saying that I would contact her and never having followed through yet...it has been almost 2 years now so I thought that it might take some of the guess work out of her life by giving her a time period as to when to expect to hear from me. To be honest...she really did not even deserve that much consideration, but I guess I have a conscience...which I think is kind of the opposite of her. I am reading more and more about toxic narcissists, and I think she really is one of them! She tends to think she can get away with mistreating me by buying me things...like cars, trips, clothes, etc... It is a way of trying to control me apparently. Anyway, to get back to your question...yes, I did feel a bit better after sending the message but then I found out that she told it to my sister. She told my sister that I said I was too busy to get back to her until Spring. Of course, that is NOT what I said. I said I was not in the right frame of mind and I don't expect to be in the right frame of mind until the Spring. ...there is a difference...so apparently, she already twisted what I said and put words in my mouth. I got the feeling she was telling my sister in a complaining tone too, so I guess I can't win with this person! SMH! Anyway, I am so sorry to hear that you had a toxic mom yourself! But good for you for doing what is right for yourself! It is so great for me to hear from people that have over-came the damages of having a toxic parent and went on to live happy and healthy lives! This is so encouraging! Thanks so much for sharing that with me!!:)
  16. This is so true! Thanks so much...I think this is an excellent point!
  17. Thanks so much! I appreciate the kind words. I’m sorry about your dad too. My heart goes out to you as well!
  18. Very, very good point and thankyou so much…it makes a lot of sense…
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