chumly

I am with Tid on this as well. I like the idea of leaving one more open message but it might be best to back off after that. I know it is easier said than done at times but sometimes making new friends can help get your mind off of others. I hope this helps.😊

Yes, the anonymity is what I like about this kind of thing as well. 😁 I have never found a good therapist myself. I think the online stuff is just better for my personality in a lot of ways.😀

Sounds like myself. I tend to do that too.👍

Yes, do you feel similar to myself in that the advice you receive on here is better than the advice you get in real life? 👍 I have received the most insightful advice on here on an array of topics. That is something I don’t get in my real world though. I am really grateful for this site and was just wondering if others can relate 👍

Am I the only one that tends to use this site as a virtual group therapy session ? I really get a lot of great advice from this site and in fact, most of it is much better than the advice I have gotten in real life ( either from friends or professionals). Obviously there are some very insightful people on here but I also think that the advice I get from online is generally better suited for me because I seem to be able to communicate better this way. I guess I am more honest and better at putting together my thoughts this way. Also, I think I am less restrictive with my feelings due to the anonymity. Can anybody relate to any of this? Does anybody else discuss such in-depth things just as I do on here? Also, if this is not the correct place for this sort of thing does anybody know of any sites that would be? Thanks in advance 👍😀

I am sorry for what you are going through. I have had to end both friendships and even end family connections. I know it is not easy but if you are being mistreated sometimes it may be for the best. Good luck

Thanks also for the YouTube recommendations. :) After doing a bit or research it would seem that my mom is probably not a total narcisist but she definitely seems to have some of the qualities and I do believe she was abusive to me on an emotional level!! I am so sorry for what you are going through! You seem to be such a nice and giving person. I have a feeling things will change for you because you sound like you have a really great head on your shoulders! I really like your suggestion of finding things that give even just a little escape! For me it could be a favorite TV show or a favorite snack. I like your looking for apartments idea too and that is something I need to do anyway.:) I also love your quote..."have hope, not expectations". Thanks so much once again!:)

Wow!!! You are so great!! Such great advice here again! Thankyou so much for your insight on this as well! It really helps to have others relate to me and offer me advice and not act like there is something wrong with me for not wanting to deal with my mom again at this point! :) I really appreciate the advice and thanks so much again for the support! :)

I will have to check out the YouTube sites myself. The funny thing is that my mom messaged me today to try and make peace. That is the thing she always does instead of apologizing. ...as the true narcissist that she is.😒 I was initially not going to message her back but I decided that I could maybe make peace while keeping my distance and protecting myself. It actually did make me feel a bit better too...she initially snapped at me for not being warmer in my response to her. She reminded me that she is going for her operation. ..typical manipulative crap without a care for the fact the she threw me and my friend to the streets during a pandemic. I was going to initially snap back too but I decided to be the better person once again. She then responded back saying that she loves me and that I always have a home wherever she is. I thanked her and signed off with “ love “ too...although I am not sure how honest I was being with the “ love” part as it is difficult to love someone that makes a habit of abusing me. ..but I still used it anyway. I did apologize for the name calling I did to her since I did feel guilty about that but that is all she will get from me at this point, unless she gets help...and she is lucky to even get that much...but I think I did it more for my benefit than hers. I do feel quite a bit better now!😀😊😀👍..and maybe that is the important thing in the end.👍😄👍😄😉 Thanks so much for the great advice! You are so insightful so I think you are really gaining a lot of wisdom from your situation. Do you have any YouTube videos you can recommend?👍😊👍😊 Thanks so much again for helping another human being at a very low point!!!👍😊👍😊👍😊👍😊👍😊

wow! That is such great advice and such interesting insight too! What you said about those who push the “ deal with it cause it’s family “ probably don’t deal with abuse themselves! I did not realize that about China! Sooooo interesting! 👍 Yes, maybe the old worn out beliefs that have caused people to deal with so much mistreatment within families need to be re-evaluated. Thanks again for such terrific insight! And also thanks for the good wishes on the apartment search! People like you really make this site one of the best place on the Internet. You should be a therapist if you are not one already!👍👍😀👌😀👍Thanks again!👍😄👍😄👍😄👍😄👍😄 I agree totally with your beliefs on an “ apology “

Thankyou so much for taking the time out to read my very very long message and offering a very good response!👍👍 It is ashame that it has to be my own mother but I guess it is what it is! Glad to know that someone can relate and isn’t giving me the usual “ well, it’s your mom. You only have one...blah, blah blah” because I think in some cases it is better to have no parents than lousy ones that just want to bring negativity into their kids lives! Well thanks again!😄

I would love other’s thoughts on the following situation. Does it sound like I am right to cut my mom out of my life at this point? To make a very long story shorter...I am a middle aged woman. My mom has always been a very difficult person to deal with. She is known for being opinionated and argumentative. She does have some good qualities and she has done quite a bit for me. She is also nice to others at times too, which has allowed her to have a nice amount of friends but usually her argumentative ways come out sooner or later with most people who spent any length of time with her. ..I truly believe at this point that it is part of a mental health condition with her. I have come to the conclusion that she is not only a narcissist but also suffers from extreme bipolar. Anyway with that said, I also have an xboyfriend in my life that I am still good friends with. I have been living with him for a number of years. He is also very opinionated and tends to be argumentative at times too....although a bit less so than my mom. Anyway, he has stayed living with me while he was fighting to get on SSI, which he thankfully finally got approved for in October! Him and I eventually plan to live separately though. He just needs to get on his feet first. However, a few months prior to that my mom was diagnosed with a very early stage, treatable cancer. Somehow the suggestion came about that me and my xboyfriend could move in with her so that I can take her to all of her doctors appts. Thankfully I have a very flexible work at home job that allows for that, however I was very skeptical about the whole thing since I have naturally had issues in the past when doing things with the both of them since they are both difficult to deal with, especially my mom. Anyway, I went against my better judgement and agreed to giving up my apartment to help my mom. Since she agreed to not charge me or my xboyfriend rent it started to be too tempting of an offer to pass up. With the exception of a few situations, that my x boyfriend smoothed out, It all seemed to be going well for the first few months . I was pleasantly surprised since, as I said, I have lived with the both of them in the past and fights did occur. My mom was always the instigator but my xboyfriend would smooth things out . The same thing happened this time but for the first few months there were only about 2 situations like that. For the most part we all seemed to be getting along better than ever and my mom seemed to be trying to avoid discussing her usual favorite argumentative topic (politics). ..so as I said, it all seemed pretty good for the most part. ..that was until she started to feel better. She was finishing up her treatment and was getting her appetite and strength back and sadly, with that she seemed to gain a renewed interest in her argumentative ways.again too ..slowly bringing up controversial, political topics again and seemed to be looking for stuff to pick on us about again..despite me and my xboyfriend still being on our best behavior. I should probably mention that my mom knows very well that my x boyfriend has completely opposite political views than herself but yet she seemed to be slowly getting into those topics again. Anyway, this all came to a head last week...my mom was sitting in her back porch while my xboyfriend had a cigarette out there. She once again brought up a controversial topic that my xboyfriend did not agree with. He had been very good at ignoring it all up to this point ..but this time he finally expressed an opinion back. My mom got argumentatively nasty again and he once again tried to smooth things over. He kindly said, “well I guess it is okay to have a difference in opinion “ and she responded with a sulking nod. After he told me this I gave things a little time to calm down before I approached my mom. She was obviously still sulking. She also suggested to me that although I can stay, my xboyfriend should leave. At this point I reached my breaking point with her. I reminded her about how I gave up my apartment to help her. She then started getting belligerent with me. She called me an ungrateful bitch for not be appreciative of her allowing me to live with her rent free. It seemed that she forgot that I gave up my apartment to help her and drove her to the doctors daily. She also seemed to forget that about a week ago she told me and my xboyfriend how grateful she was for all we did for her and she was now saying that she wanted us both to leave. At this point I snapped. I just could not believe she would throw me and my xboyfriend to the street during a pandemic so I called her ugly and other names. I know that is horrible but I guess after years of dealing with her nastiness I just snapped. My xboyfriend got involved at this point and snapped at her too. We then packed up our things and left. We had to stay in my car the first night but we thankfully found a cheap hotel to stay at for now. My mom has called practically every day since then. I listened to her first few messages and they made me even more angry. She said that I can come back but my xboyfriend can’t. To me that was just as bad as saying I can’t come there since I would never abandon him ( or anybody) to be alone in the streets like that. Especially since he did nothing wrong to her, other then expressing an opposing political view, that she brought up in the first place. She then left a message later on saying that we can both come back but she was reluctant about allowing my x boyfriend back and then eventually she left a message saying that we can both come back and she seemed much more calm this time. However, as is typical with her, there was no apology for throwing me and my xboyfriend out during a pandemic. I have since decided not to listen to any further messages from her since I did not want to upset myself further. My sister told me that my mom feels awful now and is upset that I won’t respond to her. My sister said that my mom seems somewhat apologetic but since she has never once apologized to me in my whole life I am not expecting this time to be any different. i have now decided to cut her out of my life fro good. I realize she has done a lot for me...such as taking me on trips and giving me a few cars but there is always a price to pay in the end..and that is that I have to take a lot of her crap for it..but now I am finished!!This time she pushed me too far. I just can’t imagine a mother throwing her own daughter and her friend in the streets during a pandemic...especially after I gave up my apartment to help her!! And all because my xboyfriend expressed a different opinion! Now my x boyfriend and myself are living in a cheap hotel and searching for a new place to live. It is not easy during a pandemic!! Am I right to cut my mom out of my life a this point? Would others do the same if they were in my shoes? I just don’t want to deal with her toxicity anymore. I would love others input? I would love to know if I sound justified in my decision to cut her out now for good? Thanks in advance.

Thanks for your thoughts on this

Thanks so much for your take on it as well. I really appreciate it! He and I have been using xoxo's for over 3 years so it just seemed a bit peculiar that he would want to put an end to it now all of a sudden. Anyway, thanks again for the insight!

Thanks so much for the response back! Yes, I am thinking that is probably what he meant as well but It sort of bothers me because I already know the status of the relationship so it felt like he was trying to rub it in more...as if to say, " Okay, are we perfectly clear on where we stand?" when it was completely unnecessary. ..as if he is going overboard to give me a message that I received from him long, long ago. In fact, the timing was extremely strange and suspicious the more I think about it....about 2 weeks ago he was being very flirty with me again in the emails and was talking as if he was wanting to go back into a romantic direction with me again . ..the talking simmered down and we seemed to have gone back into a platonic friend status again...so since it seemed to have faded between us again I was telling him about a man that was showing some interest in me . I was actually trying to get his opinion on the situation. I figured he would be okay with my telling him about this since he has always made it clear to me that his interest in me was more about the "friend" part as opposed to the occasional romance part. However, it was when I was explaining about my communication with this other potential romantic interest that he sent this message to me about our "xoxo's" to each other. It feels kind of suspicious now the more I think about it. ..almost like as if he said it to hurt me...maybe to retaliate for hurting him. ..something I did not mean to do. Perhaps it was insensitive of me to discuss this other man with him looking back but I was really only explaining how that man was showing an interest in me and I said that I did not have reciprocated feelings for him. ..so it was not as though I was telling him about a man that I liked alot. I would never have done that. I was just telling him about how I was suspicious if this man was flirting with me a bit and I was trying to get a male perspective on it and that is why I was asking him about it...anyway, maybe my discussing this with him somehow upset him and maybe that was all this message was about. Maybe I was wrong for talking about that man with him the more I think about it. In fact, maybe I can try asking him if it bothered him and apologize just in case it did. Anyway, thanks for your take on it. I really appreciate it.