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chumly

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  1. UPDATE: I still have not read his message to me. ..but I am still a bit disappointed and confused about how the whole situation played out with this man ..especially since he seemed to be so looking forward to meeting me. Is it normal to still feel a bit upset over someone I never met a week later? Thanks
  2. I figured it might help if I put a copy of the part of his message yesterday that explained to me that he is going back with his x wife. I am hoping It might help if I post a copy of that section in case there is parts of it that others might pick up on that I did not. I did fire back at him kind of rough today because I think the thing that upset me most was that only a week ago he was still chatting with me and excited about meeting me with the hopes of romance and when I questioned him about the woman on his FB page he assured me it was his x wife and that they were finished and now only a week later he is saying this to me! It seems deceptive to me and certainly does not make me want to read any of the self help books he is recommending since I would never want to wind up like him. I have no problems with being friends with men that are married and/or have girlfriends. I have a few male friends like that currently now. They were initial romantic interests on the dating site, so I dont have an issue with that... but I am not sure if I can be friends with someone that went about things with me like this. Anyway, the following is part of the message from him in italics... "Something happened that I need to tell you about. Jennifer and I have started talking again since my last email to you. I feel awful for the position this has put you and me in. It wasn't anything planned, it just happened. She has changed greatly since we've been apart. She is not as wrapped up in Christianity as she was before, which is why we split. We had both felt like our paths were headed in different directions. I would still like to meet with you on the 15th as strictly friends, though, if you would still like to. I am so sorry for the nature of this email. I thought - trying to be positive - that maybe we connected so that we could encourage one another spiritually. I know that you have surely encouraged me. I truly hope you find The Celestine Prophecy books as inspiring as I have. I finished The Secret of Shambhala. Like I said, it's my favorite in the series. I hope you get settled in your mom's well this week, and may you have a wonderful day! Namaste! " Like I said, I fired back kind of rough on him and accused him of being very cold towards me. I also told him that I was happy to hear that I inspired him spiritually but unfortunately I was unable to say the same for him to me. ..but I was hoping that after thinking long and hard about it and perhaps after he responds to my questions I may at least get some insight on how I can do better for the next person and that that would be something good I can say I gained from knowing him. I know that is kind of rough words but they are my honest and true feelings. I would never want to behave like he does to others so his book recommendations are meaningless to me and do not inspire me to want to read them at all..in fact, his behavior has completely turned me off of anything he claims to believe in now. ..since none of it seemed to inspire him to be honest. Anyway, thanks in advance for any extra thoughts on all of this.
  3. just as an update... I did get a message from him but I did not open it yet. I am not sure if I am ready to read his resposes because I actually did get a bit nasty with him yesterday but I guess that was because I felt rejected. I also asked him several questions in the hopes of trying to find out why he was talking to me while he was still involved with his x wife and/ or harboring feelings for her. I also wanted an honest assessment from him as to what he did not see in me since I would like to know for next time what I might have done wrong. I thought after 5-6 months of chatting I deserved a much better explanation than him saying he is going back to his x wife. That seems like a cop out in a way and just an excuse..I want to know what it was that he felt was lacking in me. That is the only way to truly help me since I know he has such an interest in helping me spiritually....I think he should start with being honest. ..but like I said, I did not open his response yet since I know if I ask for honesty I better be prepared to hear it. I will keep this post updated when I open the message. Thanks again for all the help! It has really helped me to type all of this out on here like this.
  4. Thankyou so much for your understanding post!
  5. Thank you so much for the helpful response:) Very true!
  6. Thankyou so much!!! That is a very enouraging story! Thanks so much for sharing that again!
  7. I have been chatting with a man on a dating site for probably about 5 months..we have not met for various reasons that came up for me but we finally had a date to meet on the 9/15. The plan was to meet as friends (but with the possibility of more) and we would meet with another friend of mine as well to give it more of a "friend" feel. Anyway, he seemed to show great interest in me romantically despite the plan to meet as friends (he said he did not want to meet or talk to anybody else from the dating site, etc) and I was starting to get into the idea of pursuing something romantic with him as well, however he recently added me to his FB and I noticed pics of a woman on there. It turned out to be his x wife but I thought it was strange that he still had them up on his FB page and now today I got a message from him to apologize to me and let me know that he is going to pursue things with his xwife again and he was truly sorry but he would still like to meet with me as strictly platonic friends on the 15th! I feel really sad about this for some reason. I honestly thought he liked me but apparently this was some kind of game to him. One of the main things we used to discuss was spirituality. He was always trying to persuade me to read the spiritual books (such as Celestine Prophecy and The Secret). ..but yet his actions towards me feel creepy! If this is how people act and treat others after reading these books than NO THANKS! I will rather read books that preach the exact opposite in that case) Why do I feel so awful about someone I never met? I feel so rejected. Is it just me..or is he a creep?
  8. oh wow! I guess there really are crazy ones everywhere! LOL!! 🙂 Actually I have fortunately not ran into too many horrible people on the dating sites..of course there have been a few here and there but my guess is that I get less of that than most of the females on there and that is probably due to my conservative pics, like Lonelyforeignor said. It is the miserable people on Yahoo answers that I find more offensive but like I said, I definitely learned my lesson this time! Thanks:) 🙂
  9. good point. I have very conservative pics on there. 🙂 I really only use it because it is for free so I always feel having a profile on there could never hurt since it does not cost anything at all . I think when I am really ready to start seriously dating I might be willing to pay for one of the better sites, if there is one.: Anyway, thanks so much again. 🙂 🙂
  10. Thanks Lonelyforeignor, you always give great advice! Coincidentally you were the one that told me about photofeeler and usually the pics that do the best on there do great on the dating site too...but in this one instance that was not the case so my mistake was going to yahoo answers for an objective second opinion. Anyway, I know you are right about that. ..and if a friend did that I would tell her the same thing you are saying...so I know I should just ignore the cruel comments or just think where they are coming from (like Epicitus suggested) but I think some of what he said stung a bit more because being single can sometimes make a person feel like there is something wrong with them to begin with...so I cant help but wonder if there was some slight truth to what he said so I think that was why his remarks hurt me a bit more..kind of kicking me when I am down, sort of speak...but anyway, I am finished with yahoo answers for pic questions now. I definitely learned my lesson this time. I will just stick with photofeeler and trust the results from there...as you said.:) 🙂 🙂 I also think you are right about my backing off from dating for now too but the problem is, just as you say, I am lonely but I think I am more lonely for friends than anything else. I do attend "meetups" and that does seem to be a good way to make new friends but there is something nice about the convenience of a free site like POF where you can just go on and chat with people for free at all hours of the night (which is convenient since I work the overnight shift). ...but anyway, you are making some good points! Thanks so much for the great advice again!!! I do feel better today and alot of it is to due with the advice from here. Thanks so much again! 🙂 🙂
  11. I definitely think you are right about that after this experience! Thanks:)
  12. I love that idea too!! Great one!! Thanks so much. 🙂 🙂
  13. Wow!!! That was such great advice!!!! Thankyou so much! 🙂 🙂 I did not think of it that way....but that makes so much sense to me now that you mention it. The funny thing is that before I read your post I was thinking that it was so strange that this man, who does not know me seemed to go out of his way to say such unbelievable hurtful things as if I did something to him that he needed the retaliate on me somehow. It did not seem like it was enough to just insult me but he seemed to want to degrade me too in a vicious way...I cant see any sound minded person doing that to someone unless provoked. I did notice that he was insulting a few other people today too. Of course I did not post my pic again but I noticed he was attacking another lady today..not as bad as he did me though but he was still very mean to her too...so maybe you are right, that I somehow reminded him of someone he dislikes. In any event, like you said, it is about him and not me. Normal, healthy people dont treat others that way. Thanks again for the great advice! It actually helped tremendously! In fact, I think it is so good that I am thinking of copying and pasting what you posted here it to a friend since I think alot of people could benefit from reading what you posted here...since there is just so much online bullying that takes place these days. I hope you are okay with my doing that. 🙂 Anyway, thanks again for the wonderful advice and helping another human being!! 🙂 🙂 It really cheered me up! 🙂 🙂 I really appreciate this forum too!! 🙂 🙂
  14. by the way, It did give me some relief to type all of this out on here..thanks for listening!
  15. I know this was silly of me but I was desperate for advice on a pic of myself that I have been using on a dating site. I had posted it on a site that I found out from a member on here called photofeeler and it did very well on there so I assumed it was a good pic of me but it was not attracting anything on the site...so out of desperation (and stupidity) I posted the pic on yahoo answers and one man on there who is a complete stranger to me ripped me to shreds. He said the cruelest things that I think anybody has ever said to me. He was saying I was very very ugly and that I look like an alien ape. It was so hurtful. ..and I cant remember anybody ever saying such cruel things to me to the extent that he did. The strange thing is that I dont think he is that young..I get the feeling he might have even been older than me and he was complimenting other people that posted pics of themselves. Anyway, I know it was my fault and I should have known better at my age but I was just desperate for advice and he actually said it about 2 different pics of mine and I cant stop feeling bad about myself now. I do get some interest on the dating sites so I keep trying to remind myself that if I was as bad as he is saying I would not have any interest at all but of course the stuff he said still stings and I cant help but wonder if there might be some truth to it and maybe my problem is that I truly am as ugly as he is saying....... anyway, I really wish I could just erase yesterday and his awful cruel comments from my mind. I have been crying off and on all day Does anybody have any advice on how I can just forget this awful stuff said to me and regain my confidence again? Like I said, I wish I could somehow just erase yesterday.
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