chumly

thankyou so much for some further helpful insight as well! I really appreciate this. I do feel a bit better today after having chatted a bit with my friend. Also having a good night sleep probably helped as well. Thanks so much once again.:)

Thankyou so much for your terrific insight on this. I really appreciate it. I did speak to him and he says he is okay with it but for some reason it is upsetting me more than it seems to be upsetting him. I guess maybe that is because he is my friend so I feel like if she is disrespecting him she is in turn disrespecting me more in a way. I don't know if that makes any sense. I am thinking it might help if my friend and I had more of a concrete game plan to move out. Until now the plan has been very vague because he is trying to get on social security and we are waiting for the decision to come in. Also my mom has more to go with her cancer treatment so she wants me here to continue to help her. We only moved here at the end of August and I have been driving both my mom and him around to all of their appts. since day 1. Thankfully I work from home so it does not get in the way of my work. ..but I have not had much of a chance to think of a good concrete plan for myself..but I am thinking that this incident tonight is maybe a wake up call that I need to come up with something since living with her until she dies would probably not be my best bet for me in alot of ways. I am also trying to be careful and mindful that since I might be going through menopause right now my emotions might be just a bit more sensitive. Anyway, thanks for the thoughts on it. It really is helpful!

Once again, I am so sorry for the delays on responding back to all of this. Like I said, I did not realize that there were any further responses on the topic. However, I do appreciate all the added advice given so thanks so much.:) Shortly after I posted about all of this on here I took advice from someone on here that suggested that I block him. It is amazing how much better I feel now that I have done that!! I don't have to anticipate or wonder about messages from him anymore and this has given me so much relief. I may unblock him in the future but for now I have concluded that he was dishonest with me and/or his "x-wife" and he therefore does not deserve the access to my emails or to have me as any kind of a friend..I may think differently about this in the future but that is my conclusion for now. I actually feel sorry for his x wife since I think he is a bit of a user too so I am thinking I probably dodged a bullet on that one...but like I said, I may see things differently at a later date. Anyway, thanks again for all the thoughts on this. It really helps.

Thankyou so much for your thoughts on it too. Yes, I wanted an explanation and would still like an explanation but it is mattering less and less to me now anyway. I have since blocked him and that action has given me tremendous relief! Thanks so much!

Thankyou so much for your thoughts on this as well. I really appreciate it and you are making great points here!

Great quote!! Thanks!

thankyou so much! I am so sorry that I am only seeing this now. I did not realize that there were any further responses on this. That is great advice and I do feel better when I write things down. Thanks so much again!

A friend of mine that has fallen on tough times and has no place to live at the moment has been living with me and my mom. My mom has been nice enough to let him stay with us for a while. Also living with my mom has been a big help for me lately too. I have been helping her with her cancer treatments and in turn I don't have to pay her rent so I get to save for much needed things for myself so it is a winning situation for everyone at the moment However, with all of that said, my mom is a HUGE Trump basher and my friend is a Trump supporter. My mom is aware that my friend likes Trump but she will still periodically tell us about a funny Trump joke she seen on FB and today she told my friend about the fans chanting against Trump at the World Series. My friend does not say anything back. He just ignores it. I feel very uncomfortable with her saying that every now and then. I feel like she is throwing her weight around that my friend has no place to stay and he now has to listen to this crap from her. However, I dont think she can help herself because she is so addicted to watching anti Trump stuff all day long. I know it would make sense to logically say something to her but she is definitely not the easiest to talk to about topics like this. She has a history of getting into arguments about politics and she has embarrassed me with this attitude throughout my life to be honest so it is best to just not go there with her since I think she cant help herself with it, as I said. I think she just loves to bash Trump and me and my friend happen to be there for her to have someone to say it too. I don't think it would matter to her who was standing there at the time so I am not sure if she is deliberately trying to be offensive. She laughs when she says it because I think she thinks she is saying something that others will find as amusing as she does..but we don't. Overall, I think she is trying to keep quiet about it since I have confronted her in the past about it ..so I think she is trying in her own way to not talk about it that much and I will say that she has not done this too often but only once and a while..but it does irk me a bit. ..so my question is, is she being rude? or am I maybe being over-sensitive? Also, if she is being rude, how can I best handle this?

Thanks so much for your insight on this and well wishes too. I am still shocked by how things have turned out with him. With all of his spiritual talk and teachings I never would have dreamed he would wind up treating me like this in the end. He never seemed to be the kind of person to mistreat anybody to be honest but yet it feels like he is mistreating me now. I suppose it is good that he did not just leave me completely hanging as to what was going on with him but he has not responded to my email with the follow up questions that he said he would answer for at least 3 days now, but in this message to me he is saying he wanted to remain my friend. I am now thinking it was just empty words that he used to let me down gently. However, I did ask some straightforward questions. Perhaps he was offended by some of my questions. I posted part of the message I sent to him on here to see if anything sounded offensive. I have not gotten any feedback on here about that..but a friend of mine (who is extremely sensitive at times) said he did not see anything offensive in that message...so I am hoping that my questions to him were not offensive to him. I was thinking of sending another email to apologize in case they were but I might feel even worse if he does not respond to that either. Anyway, I really hate anticipating a response and not getting one so I am just going to go ahead and block him for now...as MarkintheDark suggested ...this way I can just not even "anticipate" a message from him any further. and get disappointed if I dont receive one. I suppose there is no way for me to know what is really going on with him now anyway. I guess that is the problem with internet friendships...there is no way to know really who you are talking to on the other end. I have even wondered if his xwife is some kind of "sugar mama" to him and maybe he is back with her for some kind of financial support. I know he has some money issues and her pictures show her to look about 10 years older than him and with money. ..or maybe he is not who he has been claiming to be to me all along. In any event, blocking him seems like more and more of a good idea right now anyway. Thanks again for the helpful response here!

Thanks so much for the further insight on this! I think you are right and I really appreciate it! The more I think about the entire thing the more I feel like there may have been dishonesty as to the status of his relationship with his "xwife" from the get-go. The entire things just seems suspicious to me now in every way now that I look back. Even in correspondences with me...he has been too flip floppy on many occasions with me and it sound like he treats his x wife with the same flip floppy behavior too. ...only wanting to pursue things with her if she thinks just like he does on everything. I think that is very strange and controlling behavior. I am definitely moving on and I am considering myself lucky to have dodged a bullet with him. I am also happy that I never met him since I would probably take the entire thing far more personally if I had. Thanks for the suggestion of blocking him. I might just do that! Thanks again for the great advice!

I sent the following message to a man that I have discussed about on here that chatted with me for 5 months only to go back to his xwife a week before we were finally scheduled to meet with each other. His explanations of how he and his wife reconnected did not make sense to me and it left alot of questions unanswered and he said if I had any further questions that I can feel free to ask ....so I sent a message to him with the questions that I was wondering about but I have not heard back so I am wondering if anything in this message could be taken as a bit offensive? He did say that I can feel free to ask any further questions but I am now concerned about the part where I told him that I originally thought he had "used' and "deceived" me but I was careful to mention that I dont think that now (even though that part is kind of a lie..I do feel used by him but I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a chance to explain himself to me better). Anyway, I copied and pasted below the part of the message that concerns me. I had a few friends look at it and they said it looks fine and polite but i would like an objective opinion so I thought I would post it on here. Thanks for any thoughts on it. "When I initially read your message to me saying that you decided to go back to your xwife I think my initial reaction was shock and after that anger. I am by no means excusing or justifying my way of dealing with it because I know that I was dead wrong to react the way that I did and I am still sorry for that but I am just explaining the emotions behind the reaction. I was very happy that you were honest with me and I am still happy about that but I was shocked since I did not see that coming and I was angry because I felt AT THE TIME like I was either used as a rebound while you were waiting to reunite with your wife or perhaps I was deceived to the nature of your relationship with her all along....I DO NOT think that now but the idea of either being "deceived" or "used" was quite upsetting at the time. I think alot of this was brought on by the fact that throughout our conversations you assured me you were finished with her and then only a week prior to your message to me saying you were getting back with her you had assured me that the lady on your facebook page was indeed you x wife and that it was over between the two of you. I had no reason to think the status of your relationship with her would change so quickly. You seems very excited and eager to meet with me and whichever friend I brought along. It is still a bit difficult for me to understand how things came about like they did with you and her so quickly ... so with that said and since you offered to answer any further questions, I am hoping that maybe you can perhaps explain how that came about so it would make a bit more sense to me? I think that might help clear up any confusion if you can possibly do that. For example, had you and her been talking all along and then discovered the feelings were still there? Or did one of you contact the other? obviously one of you must have made the first move to reunite. Like I said, any help in understanding how the reunion with you and your wife transpired might really clear up any lingering questions. Thanks in advance.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this! Yesterday I actually took him up on the opportunity to ask him some follow up questions (since he did mention in the letter, and another small letter I received from him, that I could ask him questions if things were unclear and to me they were)...so I took him up on that offer he made. I guess I felt that the letter was very vague as to how (or even why) he reconnected with his xwife in light of how he was claiming to be feeling about me. That part made no sense since to me if he truly felt so attracted to me (as he claims in this message) then why would he even be compelled to go back with his xwife? I feel like something is amiss with his account on things or how he really felt about me and I wanted to know what it was that he may have felt was lacking in our connection to make him want to go back with his xwife. I feel like the insight might help me with future connections with others. ...I also asked him if he can provide a bit more clarity as to how the reunion took place between him and his wife...since those things dont usually magically happen, like he tried to explain in a previous message...usually that entails one person making a move towards the other. I felt I deserved a better explanation after having chatted with him for all these months now. I also apologized again for my initial poor reaction to him (since I initially sent him a rather angered message) . I explained that even though I appreciate his honesty my reaction at first was based on having felt "use" as a rebound" while he waited to reconnect with his xwife or perhaps "deceived" as to the status of his relationship with her all along. I told him that I dont think those things now (even though that part is not really true....because I actually do feel used by him) but that alot of these feelings and questions have derived from his continued assurance to me that things were over with him and his xwife...even as soon as a week prior to him telling me he is back with her he was still assuring me that he was finished with her ...now suddenly he is back with her, seemingly out of nowhere..it seems suspicious to me ...but if he answers some of my lingering questions it might help clear up any questions that may pop up for me. I figured since he offered to answer any other questions that it would be okay to ask him those things. I tried to sound as unoffensive as I could in my message in light of what I was saying, however, I have not heard back from him. ..but I only sent it yesterday so of course he could be busy...but I am trying to prepare myself for the possibility that he may not follow through with any more messages to me since he has apparently moved on with his x wife now. ..and in light of his unpredictable actions/behavior towards me anything is possible. In some ways I am sorry I put myself out for any further rejection by him by even responding to his email ...I am wondering if I should have just ignored it now since I hate the feeling of "waiting for a response from someone" and feeling rejected as each days comes and I dont receive one. ..so I hate putting myself out for anything like that with him any further but on the other hand, I suppose his reaction to my message ( or lack of one if it comes to that) will indicate exactly who I was dealing with all along and I might be even more thankful that I never met him in person in that case, like he always wanted. ..since if I had I probably would have taken his actions far more personally. Well, anyway, thanks again so much for all the interesting feedback on all of this. I will keep this thread updated.:)

Thanks for relating! I am not good with that stuff either so that is why I figured it might help to post it on here and it has.I have been given great advice.:)

Thanks so much for the sweet and thoughtful response as well.:) I also appreciate your take on it too. That does give me some stuff to think about. Thanks so much.:)

thanks for the interesting feedback. Actually I dont really have too many other friends at this point so having a friend to talk to does sound inviting but I am thinking I might be better off investing my time making new friends (that are not as complicated), as you say. Thanks so much! 🙂