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About chumly

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  1. obsessed with a picture rating site

    thanks everyone for the helpful posts!! i am sorry ..i have not been on here for a while ..thankfully shortly after i posted this i discussed things with the helpful member on here that told me about the site and i started viewing the pic rating site in a more realisitic way. thankfully between the advice the member gave me and a few other things ..i now feel quite a bit better since I posted this and have even been able to tear myself away from the site and focused on the other things in my life that i was neglecting..and therefore became super busy but for good things..not bad (like the pic rating site). Thanks again everyone for taking the time out to help another human being! it is all such terrific advice. I am going to look into online therapy. I think it may be of help to me!! Thanks again everyone!!
  2. i suffer from OCD and I recently was referred by a helpful member on here to a picture rating site since I get confused as to which pics are best for me to use on a dating site but unfortunately I have become obsessed with the site. Some of my pics do well sometimes then other times they dont. Most of the time they dont do so good and I feel awful about myself so I will edit the pic a bit to see if i can get better scores. I seem to be more obsessed with this now then even chatting with nice men that are trying to talk to me on the dating sites or anything else. Sadly I have become completely obsessed with the site and it feeds into my OCD. I feel great when I score well but get into a terrible sad depression when I score low. My self esteem has been hit hard by the low scores and for some reason I cant seem to pull away from the site.I guess I am just trying to find a way to get validation and feel good about myself. I have been on there for probably over 5 hours tonight. I am finally going to pull myself away to take a shower but i thought it might help to post on here. I feel awful and ugly about myself and I am not sure if posting on here will help but it is worth a try. Thanks for listening! PS..the worst part is that there are things I should be doing with my life in regards to finding a new job and even people that want to meet me from the dating sites and exercising but I am so obsessed with this site that i have been neglecting all of it in hopes of getting good ratings on the site!! my ocd has totally taken over this situation!!! I know I need help!!
  3. i was shunned by someone else now!

    I said..and I quote " it DOES NOT SEEM to include forgiveness". The key words are "DOES NOT SEEM". Is there something about what I said that is not making sense to you?
  4. I also sent him a pic of my 67 yr old friend since i talked so much about him with him and thought me might be curious to see what he looked like and I said.."isnt he beautiful?". That part truly was not a ploy to make him jealous...he talked about other women with me all the time anyway..he only believes in "open" relationships so I thought it would be okay to share all this info with him about my friend. anyway, this was the message i sent to him. Do you think it is weird?or do you think it is a positive message? just curious how others view this message? I did feel kind of better after sending it but i am wondering if might come across as strange, weird or off putting in some way from his perspective??...perhaps making him less likely to want to deal with me again?? I hope it was not a mistake but like i said, I feel better in a way from having sent it. Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this!
  5. I hope this is not a mistake for me to share this on here but it is something I put together that kind of made me feel better in a way. As some on here already know..i recently had 2 people shun me and both situations has caused me alot of pain but the great news is that the first shunner had forgiven me!!! This is the one that I was most upset about and that caused me the most pain and I think the reason for that is because..I talked to him alot longer, it seemed like there was more potential with him for true friendship, I never met him and I felt with him I was truly at fault and wrong. ..but he was big enough to forgive me once again! and I definitely learned my lesson ...I will never do anything like that to him or anybody again..I am going to step away from situations and cool off before letting my emotions get the better of me and will be taking an anger management course as i mentioned in the following message. However, i felt compelled to send the following message to the second shunner and i felt a bit better after I did so. I dont expect a response from you to this...I am not sure if you are shunning me or just dont want to deal with me for a while..but whatever it is is okay with me. ..of course I prefer that you talk to me and not ignore me..and i would feel this way about anybody because as you know, i dont like or agree with the silent treatment but I know that you believe in it so obviously I have to accept it if that is what you choose to do but anyway, I am at peace with things tonight and feel actually really quite good about myself and life in general for the first time since i moved into my apt...the reason why is because I heard from the 67 yr old ..he said he forgives me! After you and i had our exchange the other day I decided to message him again and just told him that I really missed him and wanted to make sure he knew how sorry I was and that he can feel free to contact me anytime and that a message from him would be most welcomed. He sent me a message back saying that he forgives me. and it is all water under the bridge as far as he is concerned but he said he wants to meet me ..he said he does not want me to be afraid anymore and that I should trust that the only reason that he has remained in contact with me for 1 1/2 years and waited all this time to meet me is because he truly likes me and sees beyond my fears and sees a terrific human being that he really wants the chance to get to know. He said.."how can i not have your best interest at heart after all this time Sandy. I just want a chance to know you and be in your presence". He also said he knows I am working on myself..and that is why he forgives me. It might be one of the nicest things a person said to me in a long time. ..other then you saying I was cheerful of course!! but to be honest I never thought my cheerfulness was my best quality..I always thought my best quality was my admitting fault and being very willing to change and see things from a different perspective. .and when I say change..i mean in everyway...from physically (such as changing hairstyles, wearing less makeup, getting plastic surgery if I think these things will make improvements) to emotionally (seeing life in a different way and situations in a different way). other words..I am very much working on making myself a better person in everyway. I think by this time next year or maybe even sooner my life will be completely different and for the better of course because I am determined to make it happen! in the meantime...i feel pretty good about myself tonight because someone took the time out to let me know how worthwhile they think I am as a person.I know you dont believe that others should control our emotions...i think you're right but it does feel nice to be appreciated by someone when it least that is how I see it anyway. I am definitely going to meet him. Anybody who would think this highly about me is someone I want to know too! I believe meeting him will be a really good experience for me. He could be someone that will add to my life tremendously! anyway, like I said, i dont expect a response back..just wanted to share that with you and let you know that I am happy tonight and feel really great about myself for the first time in a really really really long time! and once again ..i am sorry i upset you. I hope you have a great day ahead! and thanks for being you! *:) happy Sandra Sandra by the way, I forgot to mention...i know i told you about a female friend of mine that tells me things like it is...anyway, she told me that the reason why you and the 67 year old did what you did to me is because i have anger xboyfriend confirmed it and so did my mom and sister. they said i am a very nice person but i snap too quickly and let emotions get the better of since i am working on being a better person as i already said i decided to do something about it and i signed up for an anger management course. ..and i believe this will really help me because i know i can become much better...okay..that is all i wanted to say...i think have a nice day and the best day ever! Sandra actually if u ever decide to deal with me again i would be willing to introduce u to me friend that tells it like it is..she is really great! okay..that really is it now..bye
  6. i was shunned by someone else now!

    hi there! thanks for the message back! I totally agree that i need to look at myself and what I did to contribute to these things happening...and I am..i am very much working on myself. I know I have things i need to work on..such as my quick reaction to rejection and things like that....but the great news is that the first person that shunned me (the one that upset me the most)....actually forgave me!! He sent me a note the other day after I sent him a note telling him that I was once again sorry and that I missed him and a message from him would be most welcomed. ...he sent me a response back saying that he forgives me!!! I am actually so happy about it too! that incident with that man upset me more because I talked to him for much longer, liked him much better, felt I was truly at fault with him and never even met him. I have not responded back to him yet and did not read the entire message so far..because right now I am just enjoying the fact that he forgave me!! I will definitely get back to him and meet him too! Actually i dont know a whole lot about Ram Dass. Does he not believe in forgiveness?? Coincidentally..the one who forgave me is also a practicing christian too! and i know for sure christians believe in forgiveness which I think is the best part of the christian belief system! Anyway, thanks for the thoughts on this. I really appreciate it:)
  7. hi Eplctetus! thanks for the kind word and compiments about my post! that is so fantastic that you found a way out of such low depression like that! that is sooo encouraging to know . I think that your analogy to the common cold and treating depression sounds so interesting! that makes sense to me..afterall, we are all different people so it would only make sense to not all respond in the same way to the same things! anyway, thanks for posting such encouragement! it really is great to know there is hope for anybody that might feel hopeless!
  8. HE FORGAVE ME!!!! he sent me a message...i did not read the whole thing because i am so shocked to have heard from him at all and i am just so excited because it started off by saying he forgave me!!! of the 2 people that shunned me this one upset me the most because we talked for so long and never met! I will read the whole thing tomorrow but right now i just want to relax and feel good that i heard back from him and that he forgave me!!!! and if he still wants to meet me i will do so now!!! i really want to be his friend more then anything!! anyway,,just thought i would post this on here since i chatted about it so much on here! i am just so relieved and happy right now and feel really great for the first time since that whole incident happened! I feel like i might have gotten another chance with a nice friend and i wont let this happen again..i learned my lesson!! anyway, thanks everyone for listening to me!!! and being so supportive here! this was definitely a huge learning experience for me! I think tonight I will have the best sleep i had in a long time!!
  9. i was shunned by someone else now!

    thanks for the thoughts here..but what about forgiveness? when someone asks for it? as i did? we all make mistakes..i am sure he will too with someone and will also want to be forgiven. it is part of the Golden rule and this is the only incident like that that took place with him.
  10. i was shunned by someone else now!

    Thanks Arrowhead! that is all very true!! and exactly what is the case ...tks for the insight!!:)
  11. is okay if u do thought but great! i look forward to reading your DM:)
  12. i was shunned by someone else now!

    this is such thoughtful and sweet advice!! thanks so much!!! you are so right..that is me to a tee..I do wear my heart on my sleeve! i have to learn to stop! you are also right in saying that i need to be good to myself! i do deserve better then these people..most people do. I dont think anybody should be treated the way these men seem to treat women in their lives! well, thanks again..and i will definitely do my best to be good to myself!! :)
  13. wow! you actually sound quite a bit like me in alot of ways! i never believe it when people compliment my looks and have difficulty believing people like me when they say they do. I always suspect a hidden agenda! sounds like you learned some valuable coping mechanisms from your difficulties in maybe something good came from something bad? I think i have learned to snap back from certain things more readily too due to my upbringing and being the sister of a drop dead gorgeous woman.. i was the ugly sister...and was raised by a narcisitic mother. This all had a very negative impact on my self esteem however, just as you seemed to learn..i think these difficulties made me better in certain ways too. i think i am much more forgiving because of it and perhaps more sensitive to certain things then others would be. anyway, thanks again for all the terrific advice. I really appreciate it all! :)
  14. awesome info Lonelyforeigner!! i cant thankyou enough for all the help today! it is also great to know that online therapy sounds more affordable since affordability is always an issue with me anyway! maybe you should be a therapist?? it sounds like you have learned from experience?? tks again:) and i cant wait to check out all the great stuff u sent me later today when i finish work! thanks again!:)
  15. i was just thinking that due to all the situational things that are causing such sadness in my life (such as several friends rejecting me, a very depressing apt that i now live in, a very unhappy living situation) that i might benefit from therapy..but i think i would do better with online therapy due to the anonymity of it all ..i think i would feel like i can express myself better that way. does anybody know if there is such a thing like that now? and if so, has it helped others? tks in advance.:)