chumly

Hi there! Thanks so much for this terrific advice...:) This sounds very interesting. I do think alot of my issues lately are to do with the situation with my mom and some other stresses that have went on recently as well. Thank God one of my bigger stressors has ended in a good way but I think the situation with my mom and a few other things have lingered on a bit and they catch up with me when I try to fall asleep..:( I love all your suggestions and I share your love for animals! I do have some stray cats that visit me in my home and I think it does help me relax quite a bit. Exercise helps an awful lot as well. Also just being out in the sunshine in the day really helps me relax better at night. Anyway, thanks so much for the terrific suggestions! I really appreciate it...:)

You are welcome and thankyou too!:)

Great point! I like your analogy to an alcoholic only having one beer..…so true! Anyway, thanks again

Thanks so much! Great advice and I hope you are doing well yourself!

Thanks so much for the further insight on this! I really appreciate it! Thanks again

I have to admit…this one really has me thinking! I know you offer a lot of insight on narcissism due to your own experiences so I’m really wondering if I should take your advice and just not bother with her anymore? Of course this would mean that I’d never see her again since she’s up there in age already and there’s no family functions or anything like that. ..but I suppose there is something freeing about not having to think about this insane person anymore. Anyway, thanks so much again for the insight..

Sooo true! Thanks so much

Yes! You are making a good point! I am so sorry you’ve experienced what you have but it seems to have given you so much knowledge. ..and insight into helping others. By the way, what’s your thoughts on the idea of messaging a narcissist just so you can vent and get things off your chest? Without expecting anything else other than to vent? Thankfully I’m living away from my mom and she has no idea where I live. I’m just wondering if my confronting her via email might make me feel better? ? Anyway, thanks so much. You always offer great advice!

Great point! Thanks so much

Interesting! Thanks so much. I am so sorry that you have experienced breakdowns from your mom! I really appreciate the insight you’ve offered! Thanks so much

Thanks very much for your very interesting take on this! I really appreciate it. This is very insightful! Im actually one step away from doing no contact with her and I forgot to mention that part of why I agreed to talk to her is because there’s a few things I’d like to say to her that I think might make me feel better to get off my chest but I’m definitely going to keep your insight in mind here. In fact, I will even mention what you suggested to my therapist that I’m seeing tomorrow. Anyway, thanks so much for this advice again! I really appreciate it..

I agree with Nightjar too. Another thing that helps me when I’m in the grasp of a depression or anxiety episode is knowing that it won’t be like this forever. I like to use a lot of positive affirmations to remind myself of that. Anyway, I hope you are better by now. ..

Yes! I know exactly what you mean. I can’t seem to shake certain unwelcomed thoughts too. I especially feel this when I go to lay down to sleep and of course this causes insomnia. If this continues and if the therapy I am now getting does not help I’ve been considering the possibility of seeing a psychiatrist to possibly start anxiety or depression meds. Have you considered any of those options for yourself too? Just a thought.

As some on here already know, my toxic/possible narcissistic mom that I’ve been low contact with for over 2 years is trying to communicate with me to talk things out but I’m very concerned because she’s not well. She has a Dr Jekyll/ Mr Hyde personality and that is part of the reason that I went low contact with her. She’s extremely nasty and abusive when she gets into one of her moods where you know she’s just looking for a fight and the last straw was when she threw me and my friend out of her home 2 years ago because we did not think just like her politically…when we were there to help her recover from cancer! She threw us out at the start of the pandemic too! We were forced to live in a hotel temporarily! Anyway, to her small credit..she did try relentlessly to call us the following day and for a few weeks after that to get us to come back but since I knew going back with her would result in her doing something similar again for no reason I decided to just ignore her for the most part. However the few messages I did check from her in the the past 2 years revealed the same disturbed personality…where she would leave a nice message one minute than leave a nasty one the next. And of course she has not apologized…which is something she almost never does. However, since I have not read or listened to the majority of her messages in about 2 years I don’t know that for sure and I suppose I’m a bit curious if she will offer an apology at this point. I guess that’s one of the reasons that I agreed to this communication with her again. I’m curious to see if there’s an apology but I know that the chances are very very slim since she only apologized to me once in all my years on the planet. So the bottom line is that even though I reluctantly agreed to communicate with her via email, I keep putting it off because I know I need to be emotionally ready for her outbursts…like going into a war zone where everything is fine one minute but you don’t know when the next bomb will go off. I have had too much other things going on to deal with her for the last 2 years. Anyway, i think I’m finally in a better place to deal with her now and I have a basic idea of what I want to say to her. I’m thinking of telling her that I can’t allow her back in my life unless she gets professional help but I want to discuss my ideas with my new therapist first. In fact, I think I’d prefer at least 1 or maybe 2 sessions with my therapist before I’ll feel more confident on what to say to my mom but I know my mom is impatient that Ive been putting her off for 2 years now. With everything said, do you think it’s okay for me to actually send a quick email to my mom and be honest and tell her that I need to consult with my therapist first before I proceed to go any further with her? So in other words, I will be delaying communication with her once again for another 2 weeks. Does this sound like a reasonable thing to say to someone? I’m not sure why I even care since she’s been so mean to me but anyway I’d love others thoughts on this. Thanks in advance

Thanks so much for the understanding message. I sometimes tend to over-react so I was not sure if this was one of those times but it is good to know that others are seeing my point on this one. Thanks again!