chumly

oh wow! I guess there really are crazy ones everywhere! LOL!! 🙂 Actually I have fortunately not ran into too many horrible people on the dating sites..of course there have been a few here and there but my guess is that I get less of that than most of the females on there and that is probably due to my conservative pics, like Lonelyforeignor said. It is the miserable people on Yahoo answers that I find more offensive but like I said, I definitely learned my lesson this time! Thanks:) 🙂

good point. I have very conservative pics on there. 🙂 I really only use it because it is for free so I always feel having a profile on there could never hurt since it does not cost anything at all . I think when I am really ready to start seriously dating I might be willing to pay for one of the better sites, if there is one.: Anyway, thanks so much again. 🙂 🙂

Thanks Lonelyforeignor, you always give great advice! Coincidentally you were the one that told me about photofeeler and usually the pics that do the best on there do great on the dating site too...but in this one instance that was not the case so my mistake was going to yahoo answers for an objective second opinion. Anyway, I know you are right about that. ..and if a friend did that I would tell her the same thing you are saying...so I know I should just ignore the cruel comments or just think where they are coming from (like Epicitus suggested) but I think some of what he said stung a bit more because being single can sometimes make a person feel like there is something wrong with them to begin with...so I cant help but wonder if there was some slight truth to what he said so I think that was why his remarks hurt me a bit more..kind of kicking me when I am down, sort of speak...but anyway, I am finished with yahoo answers for pic questions now. I definitely learned my lesson this time. I will just stick with photofeeler and trust the results from there...as you said.:) 🙂 🙂 I also think you are right about my backing off from dating for now too but the problem is, just as you say, I am lonely but I think I am more lonely for friends than anything else. I do attend "meetups" and that does seem to be a good way to make new friends but there is something nice about the convenience of a free site like POF where you can just go on and chat with people for free at all hours of the night (which is convenient since I work the overnight shift). ...but anyway, you are making some good points! Thanks so much for the great advice again!!! I do feel better today and alot of it is to due with the advice from here. Thanks so much again! 🙂 🙂

I definitely think you are right about that after this experience! Thanks:)

I love that idea too!! Great one!! Thanks so much. 🙂 🙂

Wow!!! That was such great advice!!!! Thankyou so much! 🙂 🙂 I did not think of it that way....but that makes so much sense to me now that you mention it. The funny thing is that before I read your post I was thinking that it was so strange that this man, who does not know me seemed to go out of his way to say such unbelievable hurtful things as if I did something to him that he needed the retaliate on me somehow. It did not seem like it was enough to just insult me but he seemed to want to degrade me too in a vicious way...I cant see any sound minded person doing that to someone unless provoked. I did notice that he was insulting a few other people today too. Of course I did not post my pic again but I noticed he was attacking another lady today..not as bad as he did me though but he was still very mean to her too...so maybe you are right, that I somehow reminded him of someone he dislikes. In any event, like you said, it is about him and not me. Normal, healthy people dont treat others that way. Thanks again for the great advice! It actually helped tremendously! In fact, I think it is so good that I am thinking of copying and pasting what you posted here it to a friend since I think alot of people could benefit from reading what you posted here...since there is just so much online bullying that takes place these days. I hope you are okay with my doing that. 🙂 Anyway, thanks again for the wonderful advice and helping another human being!! 🙂 🙂 It really cheered me up! 🙂 🙂 I really appreciate this forum too!! 🙂 🙂

by the way, It did give me some relief to type all of this out on here..thanks for listening!

I know this was silly of me but I was desperate for advice on a pic of myself that I have been using on a dating site. I had posted it on a site that I found out from a member on here called photofeeler and it did very well on there so I assumed it was a good pic of me but it was not attracting anything on the site...so out of desperation (and stupidity) I posted the pic on yahoo answers and one man on there who is a complete stranger to me ripped me to shreds. He said the cruelest things that I think anybody has ever said to me. He was saying I was very very ugly and that I look like an alien ape. It was so hurtful. ..and I cant remember anybody ever saying such cruel things to me to the extent that he did. The strange thing is that I dont think he is that young..I get the feeling he might have even been older than me and he was complimenting other people that posted pics of themselves. Anyway, I know it was my fault and I should have known better at my age but I was just desperate for advice and he actually said it about 2 different pics of mine and I cant stop feeling bad about myself now. I do get some interest on the dating sites so I keep trying to remind myself that if I was as bad as he is saying I would not have any interest at all but of course the stuff he said still stings and I cant help but wonder if there might be some truth to it and maybe my problem is that I truly am as ugly as he is saying....... anyway, I really wish I could just erase yesterday and his awful cruel comments from my mind. I have been crying off and on all day Does anybody have any advice on how I can just forget this awful stuff said to me and regain my confidence again? Like I said, I wish I could somehow just erase yesterday.

Great advice! Thanks so much lonelyforeignor! you always give the best advice!:)

Thankyou everyone for the wonderful responses! I did not realize there was any responses back or else I would have come back on sooner. :) I am probably going to just distance myself from this man at this point. I have too many other issues with him and I dont think he is emotionally suited for my personality. I am not sure that I will completely shut him out of my life but I am definitely going to distance myself from him since the relationship with him is becoming toxic for me due to his continued manic behavior that I find very difficult to deal with. The biggest challenge for me now is to not allow this soured relationship with him to affect my self esteem and making me feel unworthy of love with the right person. All my close friends keep reassuring me that it was definitely him and not me that had the heavier issues in this case. Anyway , thanks so much once again for the great advice! :) It really helped to type it out and read all the terrific responses too.:)

I am so sorry to hear about that! I agree with the other poster that said how mature you are! I think it shows great character that you are willing to accept her parents wishes like that! I think following her in the meantime, as you are doing is a great idea! Maybe her parents will eventually change their mind ...but in any event you will be surprised how fast 2.5 years can go.:) hugs,:)

I had a romantic encounter the other day with a male friends that is 20 years older than myself. He was making it seem like he wanted to continue in a romantic direction with me..but when I got home that night there was no "goodnight" message like he usually sends so I was suspicious something was up ..we corresponded a bit the following day but his emails were unromantic and more like just a platonic friend. ..so I thought it over a bit and the following day (which was now about 2 days after I seen him and had the encounter with him) I then decided to send him an email telling him that we dont have to do anything like that again if he prefers to just forget about it and go back to just being platonic friends instead and that I would understand and be okay with that if he felt that way...He then sent me a long message back saying that he was very glad and relieved that I sent him that message because now he can be honest with himself and me and that he cant give me what I want but he wants very much to continue to be my friend. However, his "relief" sounding response wound up angering me even more because I felt that instead of acting cold to me he should have told me right away instead of waiting for me to address the issue. ..and given his age I felt it was even more ridiculous that he seemed to be playing the " avoiding game" that I would expect from a 16 year old instead of acting like a mature adult (as I would expect from someone his age) and address the issue with me right away...so It seemed that he was only talking about it because I brought it up and perhaps would have continued to play his little "cold/avoid a person" game instead. ..so in essence I was not as upset with what he said or the rejection as I was with the fact that he was not respectful enough to tell me right away and instead acted childish and cold towards me later that evening and the following day. So with all that said, I am just wondering if I am right to be upset by his ridiculous behavior until I brought it up myself? Or am I over-reacting? I know I tend to over-react at times so that is why I decided to ask on here. Would love others input on this. Thanks in advance.

Wow!! that is such an interesting and insightful thought!! Yes, I do think you might be right about that. It is entirely possible that he did shut down since I was asking him some thought provoking questions anyway...so what started out with me joking about him being with me for "mochas" turned into more of a deep seated question from me to him... He has been flirting with me alot lately but I also know he is extremely lonely so I suggested that the flirting was maybe not about really liking me but about just being lonely and his response that I am referring to in this post came right after that and then he added that he might be in it for the mochas as well...so at that point it felt more like an admission rather than a joke and I think that was the part that hurt. He did respond to my posts but I have been too afraid to read them. He is really rather admittedly difficult person to communicate with and he definitely has the pattern of "shutting down" as you suggested. He has done that with me in the past when I have tried to communicate my feelings to him and I am wondering if his responses are going to be just more of him doing that. He uses the very very cruel method of "shunning" when he gets extremely mad at someone and I fear he is going to do that to me once again. I know I probably should not even care about anything he does to me at this point since he is such a difficult person in so many ways, like I said, but for some reason I do. I guess it is probably because I do have certain feelings for him as much as I wish I didn't. I am working on getting rid of those feelings for him though...and they are definitely not as strong as they used to be BUT they are still there and I still get hurt by his actions sadly. Anyway, thanks again for further insight. I will keep this post updated in case anybody is curious to know. Thanks again for the great advice, JessiesMom.:)

Thanks lonelyforeigner I definitely see your point and was thinking the same thing myself but I re-read his post so many times and he is ALWAYS without money so I am thinking that this might have been his way of saying that he is with me for whatever he can get. ..he literally never even has $1 to his name, from what it seems so with anybody else I would laugh off the thought, just as you said, since it really is rather ludicrous in any other situation but with him I think it is a slight possibility that he might be with after me for whatever he can get..even if it is as simple as a mocha and since his message did not indicate that it was a joke I am not sure what else to assume. He is really that bad off believe it or not. I also now remember when he told me he was hanging out with another female because she was going to try and get him a job..and when he realized she was not going to do that he ended the friendship with her...I think I allowed myself to forget about that until today. ..so the point is that he has that "user" side to him ..if he can do that to her then he can probably do that to me. Like I said, I know it sounds crazy but he said it, never indicating that it was a joke and the more I think about it is seems kind of true...but I will think over more about what you and JessiesMom said about my depression clouding my judgement...that is a possibilty. Thanks so much for always giving great advice:)

Thanks so much!!! That is great advice. I will!! Thanks again!:)