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Everything posted by Blue_Envy

  1. i know what you mean about the anxiety. i woke up super anxious today, but it kinda subsided. hang in there and keep us posted.
  2. hello franccesca, i'm glad that prozac is working for you. I was on it a few months ago, and during my first and second weeks, I felt like I was on a cloud. I walked around with a huge smile on my face and for once I felt like the sun was shining upon me. I have also started keeping a journal, which i think is good because it gives you a chance to jot down your feeling, emotions, and anything that's going on with you at that time. Then, you can always go back to entries in your journal and notice that you've made progress. Good luck on your recovery, and I hope prozac continues to work for you. :)
  3. Last semester I did ok in terms of socializing with classmates, but we just came off a long holiday break. I'm talkin weeks here, so I've been out of the social practice for awhile. Yesterday I woke up feeling extremely anxious, but once I left my car and got to my 1st class, the butterflies went away and I was able to talk to some people. It was a pretty good day. I talked to 5 girls and even got 2 phone numbers (yay)! Today I have three classes. I went to my first one already, but it was cut short because so many people wanted to add the class. I woke up today feeling very anxious, but I had to remind myself that people are not looking at me and that all of my worries are in my head. Last night, while surfing the net, I saw an article on "Be True to Yourself." It stated that in order to be happy, you have to accept yourself and not try to be something you are not. This hit home for me because this past sunday I had a shocking revelation: The person inside my head and the person I actually am are two different people. Meaning that the way i see myself and the way i actually am are not the same. So now i'm doing some serious self reflection to determine who i really am. this means no more lying about what i do and what i want to do with my life, i guess it's true that when you tell so many lies, you really do begin to believe them.
  4. I can understand where you are coming from with this post. I only have a few friends, but recently, I have not hung out with them since my depression has gotten really bad. the last time i was out with one group, it was really weird. we were recording his music video, and afterward they wanted to drink, but i didn't want to cuz i quit since i'm on anti depressants. Me and my cousin are well known for alcoholism so it must have been a shock for me to say i'm not drinking. this led to a very awkward silence. then i was out with some biker people at one of their meets and it was really weird. i was not "in it" like i used to be. it was weird and i felt extremely out of place, like i didn't belong there. im taking an english class now in college, and the teacher went around the room asking people what they did this weekend. i didn't do s*** except stay home and study. i did nothing that required leaving the house, so when i got to me, i just made something up.
  5. I feel the exact same way as most of the people here. I'd been living by myself until April when I decided to go half with my sister for an apartment. She has 2 kids and my mom is here mon-fri watching the baby. I was fine, but when my depression came back a couple months ago, it's been unbearable living here. I can't wait for the lease to expire so i can move out and live by myself. I feel like i have to put on a "happy face" as well or else they might "find out." I think my sis already knows there's something up, but my mom just doesn't get it. I have times where i just cant deal with people so i stay in my room a lot. then when i do come out, she always has to make some comment like, "Oh so you finally decided to to leave your cave, your dungeon." This really hurts because it takes a lot for me to be social, and hearing something like that when i am finally able to leave my room is not supportive at all. It also sucks when they sound like they are in a good mood and i'm feeling like crap. it's like a slap in the face. then when i come out, they all crowd around me and want to talk. they eventually get the idea when i show no interest in their conversations. argh 6 months left.
  6. i just think it's crazy how there are all these people online with these problems, but when im out in the world, especially the weekends, people look like they don't have a care in the world, and i'm the only person with a problem. where are all of these people who are like me?
  7. And so ends another depressed filled day in the life of me. But this isn't the end because 2marrow is a new day. yay (i say "yay" with a strong hint of sarcasm). I'm seriously considering changing my college major... again. Let's look at the stats shall we? 1.)Computer animation/ computer technician 2.)Electrical engineering- focus on communication equipment & electronic repair, minor in Japanese 3.)Liberal Arts, minor in Japanese 4.)International business, minor in Japanese 5.)Japanese I'm thinking about stop bulls***ting with myself and just major in Japanese because none of the classes i'm taking now truly interest me the way Japanese classes have. My plan was to major in something else because with a Japanese degree, the only thing i can really do is either teach or translate. At this point, i'm probably going to have a s***ty time learning business, so I might as well study what I want. Plus, I was looking at some jobs, and they want you to have a degree. Hell, you could have a degree in basket weaving, they just want to see if you went to college. With that in mind, I might as well study what I want and do what I want, screw what anyone else thinks, because in the end, it's my life and I'm the only one who has to live with me. I never have been one to listen to what other people say, so why should I start now. Even if I end up jobless, at least I can say I gave it my all with something, rather than getting a job just by half assing with something i don't really care about just to have employment. I guess it's because i'm single with no kids that i can live my life so freely, selfishly, and nonchalantly. I think i'll just finish this semester and go back to change my major yet again. I think this one will work since even though i'm not taking any Japanese related coursework, i still spend much of my free time learning Japanese language, culture, and history. Plus, with this major, i'll get to pick a lot of electives, so all the courses i've taken thus far can go towards my degree. I feel enlightened.
  8. I like this comment you made "Life will always throw curveballs. Jobs will sometimes be lost, friends will be lost, girlfriends will be lost. It's a part of life. It's not the end of the world and it shouldn't be looked at as such..." It actually gave me a bit of "strength" as to what I should do with my problem. thanx

  9. i have a similar problem. im 26 and i have not cried once since i was 14. i have some moments when i was able to squeeze out one or two tears, but that was it. i didn't start having depression issues unitl 3 years ago, so i'm wondering what the real cause is. hmm, something to think about
  10. yup, im also the same way. during the week, i can hold it 2gether because i'm side-tracked with school and errands,but once the weekend hits, i dont know what to do with myself. I have friends, but i dont like to go to clubs and all that nightlife much anymore. i guess im maturing or whatever. i like to spend the time away from people. either take my bike out a hill and enjoy nature.
  11. This may be a shock, but I am quitting not just Prozac, but anti depressants altogether. The main scare I got was when I got a trembling sensation in my hands. I have read that people who get tremors, have to be prescribed medicine just to get rid of the tremors; and even still, they never really go away. I ride a motorcycle, so I cannot have shaky hands. Motorcycling is one of the things that have kept me from doing away with myself, so it's impossible for me to give that up. Also, since I've been on this SSRI, my friends and family have noticed a big change in me. i have not seen my friends for 6 weeks. Normally I only go about 2-3 weeks at most, but 6 weeks is unprecedented. I never did this before Prozac. So basically, I have the option of feeling negative and positive emotions and being fully functional, or feeling like a nonchalant zombie and feeling weak, tired, sleepy, and not 100%. Antidepressants work for some people, but apparently, they don't work for me. I feel good, but it feels like I'm living a lie. I don't want to feel like a zombie with no emotions. I want to live, breathe, fell something other than, "Oh, I'm awake. Now what? Guess I'm tired, time to go beddy bye. ***?" I know times were hard w/out the meds, but I feel no reason to live with the meds. It's like, okay, what do I do now? Well, we will see how this turns out. I was only on it for 6 weeks, so hopefully withdrawal won't be so bad. I quit garden shrub, tobacco, and alcohol cold turkey, let's see if this works out as well.
  12. I used to be extremely sensitive until I got bullied enough in elementary school to where i started to fight back and developed a sense of, "I don't give a WHAT." then i had anger issues until i turned a certain age. then became a pothead/ alcoholic. Now I'm just an ex-soldier who uses prozac to deal with day to day issues. i'm sorry, i dont know where i was going with this post
  13. Welcome sheepwoman congrats. lol, where's all the DC fanboys/ fangirls?
  14. Blue_Envy

    Going Out, Med Issues

    wow, swing huh? nice to see you're out there being social. never heard of LARP, but i see where you're coming from with the meds. I have the choice to either feel like crap and being fully functional, or feel good, but sleep a lot with low or no energy. Good luck. hope it all works out for you
  15. well, this is the 1st time in the history of my life that i've ever created a blog. today i woke up, in the morning for once and not in the afternoon or evening. I guess I feel okay. I still have no appetite, but i know i need to eat so i'll probably get up, take a shower, cook, and eat something. I'm not feeling particularly lazy, but i think i'll drive to school rather than take my moto. I'll be riding dirty since the tags are expired and i haven't done a smog yet either, but the rear brakes on my bike are out, so it's a lose-lose situation anyway. Also some chick on facebook called me "cute" this morning. kinda random, but whatever. let's see how today goes.
  16. 1. ate paste in preschool. 2. put marshmallows on my pizza. 3. went to camp for a week. forgot my shorts so i went water rafting in my boxer shorts. when i got out, everyone was laughing and pointing at me below the belt. I looked down and my penis was sticking out. lol. it was there for all boys and girls to see
  17. Hi lostinvain. Sorry that you are not feeling too well today. I've been 6'3" since I was 14, so I know what it's like to have people call you "too tall." Truth be told, many people are insecure with themselves so they feel they have ti out you down to their level. Many people have told me to "turn the other cheek," but I could not do this. Instead i told them off, which released a lot of stress and they stopped ******* with me. I'm not telling you to do this, but it worked for me. I kinda also feel like my life has been a waste because i'm 26 and single. I have some things like a car and a place to live, but i'm still poor. The only thing that keeps me going is school, so I just blocked the world out, and focused on my education. I would just say to maybe take life one step at a time and focus on one thing at a time. If you try to do all at once, you may overwhelm yourself, and everything seems impossible at that point. Well, that's the way I see things.
  18. My greatest asset is also my greatest enemy. That is my ever thinking brain. The only way for me to cope with this other than meds and therapy is to think about something else entirely. I read a book. Last week I went to the library to study and picked up some random book (Chinese Gangs) and started reading it. It was actually very interesting, so I checked it out of the library. Now, when I get these menacing thoughts, I think about something else by reading or studying. I don't like to watch T.V. but maybe it will work for you.
  19. This is the most profound thing I've read all week. It hit close to home too. When you think about something that drives you to get through the day or life, and you continue to look forward. Then, suddenly, you remember what your motivation was supposed to have been, but now it's so cloudy you wonder if this was ever your true motivation, or was it something you made up just to get you though the days. Your post sounds very poetic, I can tell that you are a writer. If nothing else gets you through these days, know that you have a gift for writing, and that you can share that gift with others who appreciate it.
  20. hello, sorry you are not feeling 100%. I guess everyone reacts differently to Prozac because I have been losing weight like crazy. I have no appetite at all. I only remember to eat because my sister asked me, "Did you eat today?" Then I remembered I hadn't eaten for 2 days. I've been pretty lethargic on it, but that my be because I'm not eating as much (only once a day instead of 3). On the + side, my depression has lessened so it's not all bad. I say give it a try. Maybe it will work for you.
  21. Blue- cuz it's my favorite color. also because i feel blue (sad) as of late. Envy- cuz green used to be my favorite color (green with envy). also because I envy those who are not blue. :(
  22. I don't have any bumper stickers but if i did, it would be a notice to all tail gaters. "If you're going to ride my a%$, at least pull my hair."
  23. Hi and welcome to DF. I just read all of your posts, but I don't know what kind of advice I can give you. On a + note I also like anime and video games, so if you need someone to talk to, feel free to pm (private message) me.
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