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RatBoy last won the day on October 24 2015

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    Midwestern United States
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    exercise/walking, planes, trains, automobiles, astronomy, sports, music

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  1. Friends. Exercise and walking. Learning.
  2. A quote from Henry Rollins... hope it helps: "Its good to be able to deal with anger somehow other than drinking, fighting, crashing cars, hitting your kid, your wife, your husband, your whatever. Paintbrushes, pens, movie cameras, guitars, microphones, typewriters - - these are good things. Weights. These are positive ways, good ways to deal with anger, frustration, alienation, rage. 'Cause all the other ways do nothing but hurt people."
  3. Umm... let me get this straight. You made a conscious decision to break your vow. Sounds like multiple times? A mistake is backing into a shopping cart. Buying skim milk instead of whole. Your actions were conscious and calculated. And somehow you're wondering how he can leave "in mid"? You're the one who left. You. By cheating on your husband, whom you claim to love so much. His "vindictiveness"? You tossed the marriage away and he called you on it. And now he's moving on - successfully, it seems. You need to do the same. Get counseling, maybe go on meds, and take another look at yourself and the life you choose. He obviously has all my sympathy here, but I'm hoping you've learned this lesson. Get some help and be a different person. You can do this. Best of luck.
  4. I have done this with specific friends and relatives - but I apologized for those manifestations of my depression that I know have inconvenienced them and made the relationship difficult. Most usually, this would be for things like accepting invitations or obligations and then bowing out, owing to my inability to leave the house or unwillingness to face them or the public. Or for their being unable to plan on counting on me for things, when relying on me would make their lives easier. These are the things I constantly feel guilty for, and for which I have time to time gone to those people and apologized. But not a generic apology for having a mental illness.
  5. Me, too. 58 years old. The two women that told me they loved me - well, not so much, I guess. Reckon I'm totally unlovable. Part of me hopes... Another part KNOWS the opposite. (Pan's a decent word. Noun. Verb.)
  6. I hesitate to reply... usually when I give advice on here, it seems to irk people. But, here goes. * When I was your age, I'd have killed to look like you. But I've had a few girlfriends. And I've got an ex-wife. And most of them were pretty attractive. Go figure. * Parlay your intelligence and sense of humor into a rich, fulfilling life. Experience every moment. Let your smile shine! These things will attract the right women. The more you press, the more you worry about this, the more you'll turn them off. Be yourself, like what you like, excel at what you do. Best of luck, my friend.
  7. Please forgive yourself, as others - as you say God has. Would it help if you somehow atoned for this moment of madness? Tithe a little extra? Donate time or money to a women's shelter? Man the phones somewhere? You cannot retrieve a moment; don't try and don't fret. What you do next is all that matters. Whatcha gonna do, my friend?
  8. This. Why does anyone need life to have a point? Fretting and speculating and arguing over this unknowable prospect means time away from actually living life. An 80-year lifespan includes some 700,000 hours. Each day that passes ticks off 24 more of these. Live each of them. Breathe. Smile. Help others. Listen to some music. Make some music. Make something! Love someone. Tomorrow do the same. Tomorrow do it better. "If you are sweeping the floor, all that exists is you, the broom, and the floor." Anything else is senseless sorrow/anguish.
  9. I'll take a quick shot at this... feel free to tell me I'm off my rocker if you like! What do you want to do with your life? What are your goals in life? What do you like to do? What is good for you to do? Are you in fact doing these things today? Will you do them tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year? I think a lot of "take care of yourself" is pretty simple and self-explanatory. Drive carefully, don't do drugs, don't drink excessively, blah blah blah. But, then, yes, eat right and exercise. You've only got one body. For life. And then there's the depression thing. We get down and unfocused and waste precious minutes, hours, days, and weeks of our life that we'll never get back, doing what? NOT pursuing goals, NOT doing what we like to do. Being hard on ourselves because someone else told us we weren't worthy. Well, you and I are as worthy of having a plan for life, pursuing success, and enjoying our existence as much as anyone. And yes, there'll be days when you disappoint yourself. We aren't the Second Coming. Don't blow it out of proportion by thinking that because we slept until noon and ate Cheetos in our bathrobe and watched TV the rest of the day that we're worthless human beings. Just do better tomorrow. And the next day. Just, maybe have some plans. And work those plans to the best of your ability. Strive to be a better person every day. If you improve 0.3% each day, at the end of the year that's over 100% better! You didn't get this way overnight - you won't get better overnight unless some med works a miracle (well, that DOES occasionally happen!). But you can get better. But you've got to do some things differently to get there. Take care.
  10. Sorry - one more thought. And this may be the hardest one for us on DF to pull off. Know what else is very attractive? CONFIDENCE. Hygiene. Knowledge. Knowing that you have something to offer. A sense of humor. Body language. Am sure a Google search on body language will have the majority of us going "nope... I don't do any of those things" - those things that tell people that we're worth knowing and interacting with. How often do we give off "depressed vibes" because our distorted thinking leads us to believe that no good will come out of a meeting or date or something? And we slouch, avoid eye contact, don't sit forward in our chair to engage someone else? I don't have any magic bullets, and I'm in the same boat. But I've had a few experiences in my life that tell me that people don't give a **** what you look like if you've got something to offer them. During the last few years of my work career, I led meetings and gave talks on occasion. I've joined a couple of clubs/organizations in the last couple of years, and people LOVE it when there's common ground and you can either impart some wisdom to them, OR they can mentor you - people LOVE to talk about themselves and lend their expertise! I'm rambling. Food for thought. Best wishes!
  11. AWW!!! Ya smudged it... now I've gotta get the polish out and EVERYTHING!
  12. To think that my life matters to anyone else on the face of the planet... or ever will.
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