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Lui

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  1. Its just difficult for me to do anything. I have an 18 month old son and cannot take him to many places i can do hobbies or support groups and i literally have NO babysitters barr my mum about one day a month... that bad! So i am stuck at home a lot with nobody about x
  2. I am feeling so alone right now and lost in my head with a lot of low self esteem noise and NOBODY is around to help me. My mum is on holiday, my sister wont call me, all my friends are busy, the people who were meant to come over have stood me up and the guy i was seeing is ignoring me. And in my head it is all my fault, that i am worthless and nothing. That i have messed everything up and there is no going back. And that makes me feel worse, almost as if therapy is pointless now cos its too late. I have some great friends but some close ones are now distant and they are never around at tthe time i need them. I have caused so much turmoil in my recent guys head that he is struggling to deal with it. he has a lot going on in his life as it is and he has low self esteem and has had depression issues and suddenly as things were going perfectly i hit him with my issues and now he is struggling more and i have lost him. I cannot talk to half my friends cos they dont understand or are too judgemental or fed up and cannot talk to family cos i dont want to tell them what has been going on or has happened in my life. I dont know what to do, im so scared therapy is ging to make me worse by making me confront feelings i try so hard to hide for the sake of others. it seems no matter what i do, hide them or open up i always end up getting hurt and feeling rubbish and nobody can pick me up. Help
  3. Thank you again Trace, I honestly feel I will come out of this shining but it is a scary process. My first session is Friday, and I am planning on taking in a portfolio of my life, issues and where i want to go and how i feel i want to do it... big start i say :) xx
  4. No problems, Hope your dog gets over it soon :) Good luck x
  5. Thank you guys. I'm thinking positive thoughts here :) xx
  6. Hey, I'm really not sure how to help you but I can reccommend a website called 'askmehelpdesk'. Its very good and you can ask queations on every topic you can think of and they have experts who also answer them aswell as the public. I know for a fact there is a pets expert as i have spoken to her. I hope it helps!!! Lu
  7. I am due to start therapy but I feel ashamed about this. I feel immature and childlike, having people, especially older people I care a great deal about, telling me that I need to get help with my feelings and emotions surrounding what has happened to me. I feel like I am being judged for being emotionally inept and I feel stupid, like I am a child who needs to be told what to do and reassured all the time, or people feeling i need reassuring. Is this a normal feeling? I know i need help, but i feel so low on myself for having to need it. I am worried people are going to hold it against me and always believe i will always need help and will never be able to truly get over it no matter how hard I try. Anybody had therapy and been so successful that they can deal with anything now, that they are fully recovered so to speak. I need some moral support!
  8. Girly

    Welcome To DF Lui

    Please Feel Free To Browse Around & Post On The Forums! There is a lot of information here for you to glean from and much support is given.

    You're not alone.

    Girly :)

  9. Thank you xxxx I'm working on turning my bedroom into a meditation room, a quiet and clutter free room where i can work out my thoughts and keep a diary, do art and music etc. It means my living room will be a bedsit but hey, i live only with my son so i can do it :) xx
  10. Thank you Trace I'm just going to keep things happy and casual, i'm not going to burden him with what is going on in my life, just talk like we always have and keep a good rappor. Do you know how slow going therapy is, or if its all circumstantial. I'm just worried we are just goign to have little slow chats to start off and i'm just going to crack instantly and ruin it all!! x
  11. and the thing is, he has already confessed to shutting off from me now, to shut off the feeling of emotional involvement he has with me and to view me as a friend, THAT has never happened before and that scares me.
  12. Thank you Trace I know it is an incredibly tough time for him and i just feel so ashamed and upset that i have added to that when it was meant to be such a good thing for both of us. its heartbreaking. He is very mature, he is a lot older than me and has been through a lot and I know from how he is that it is an incredibly difficult thing for him to deal with and to stick by me is such an amzing thing and I am so thankful for that. I'm just scared he will always hold it against me and there will be no chance for us to try again once we are both through out troubles. We have such a great connection. I know therapy will be a difficult thing but will be such a good thing in the long run, so thank you for your support, I just cannot wait to kick it off, I feel like i am sat 'in the wings' waiting for everything to happen and that waiting is making my mind fly around everywhere, I just want to get the past behind me and carry on with my life. I am almost scared to talk to him now too, I so want to be there for him through what is going on in his life but i feel to talk to him would constantly remind him of the pain from last week and I don't want to push him away further by trying to be there, but I fon't want to run away from him because i still want him in my life. I know we both need time and space but I'm scared that will make him forget about me, though through the 4 months we didnt see each other just seemed to make us stronger, until i blew my top and destroyed it
  13. I was seeing a guy earlier in the year but he moved away, part because of issues with his job and where he was living and part because its a small town and everyone gossis and he has no privacy and my sister didnt help the matter by snooping and finding out info from his ex wife to relay to me. We didn't speak for 4 months because he was sorting his life out, though i had tried early into the move. 4 months later i sent him a message to say hello and he invited me to come visit him, and things by text and phone call got very flirty and sweet. When i got down there to visit him he was wonderful, he was romantic and we got on great and we slept together again. He told me he never wanted to leave me and missed me like mad and invited me to a family gathering 2 weeks later and suggested i visit him more. It was wonderful. But then thigns got weird, i felt he was being off with me and im sure he was as i was trying to be as relaxed as possible. Thing is i suffer bad anxiety and mild depression and phobia of men and relationships due to years of being beaten and a child and from being raped in a relationship 2 years ago. I got very wary of him and amost decided he was lying or just using me when he had done everything to prove otherwise. By the end of the 3 days with him i totally cracked, i tried subtly to ask if something was wrong and when he refused to reply i blew my lid and tried to explain myself and why i felt how i did and what was goin on with hima nd tried ringing him a few times as he wasnt answering my texts, this amounted to 4 rambling texts and four phone calls. The next day, realising how i looked, i decided to confess to him my past of being raped and he told me i needed counselling because that 'tirade' of messages should never have happened and he wasnt in a position to deal with it, or to want to and it shouldnt have happened. The conversation we had was heartbreaking. He started off almost angry that i never told him as it was such a big thing and that he should have known so he wouldnt have been so blown away by the messages and attitude and wouldnt have got horrendously drunk himself that night as he was 'so so gutted' as he put it 'cos we had such a lovely time and it was meant to be and end and carry on so wonderful' He told me that as he has a lot going on in his life (his dad, step dad and mum are all either dying or illness or in serious condition) and could not be emotionally involved with me now, his love is spread far to thin with whats going on and he just cannot stretch it my way and just cannot be my emotional crutch and emotional punchbag right now, but insisted we were still friends, that he wasnt leaving my life and still wanted to support me through this while i get therapy, but he couldnt do it as somebody so emotionally involved right now. I am absolutely gutted, i was soooooo happy being with him, i cannot believe how much i freaked out and made myself look mad, i never anted to just be friend with him and i feel so much shame in how i was and how he now views me i almost dont want the help i need, i just want to hide away in denial, though this keeps happening and ruins every relationship i go near and i get seriously low and depressed. I just dont know what to do or think at the moment. I am struggling to come to terms with thinking i messed something so strong up because of somebody elses actions. He did say that i was a lovely cool girl and we do get on so well but i have a cloud over my head i need to get sorted and 'you never know what can happen in the future'. He repeated a couple of times that 'anythigng can happen in the future' aswell as 'whatever happens in the future' and repeated 'right now' after nearly everything he said by the end of the conversation, and that has given me a spark of hope that we can try again, or am i just reading too much into this? Please help?' I am also terrified of getting therapy because i dont want to admit what happened and am terrified of the thought of all my emotions being broken down and played with, it will be brutal, and i dont know if i can deal with brutal.
  14. Trace

    Welcome to DF :)

  15. Hey guys, I'm new here, I'm 25 and from UK. look forward to meeting you all!
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