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underarock

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  1. That's a really great site, thank you!
  2. That is what I was going to suggest, could it be physical?
  3. The day I found this forum one of my 2 pitbulls (sisters) learned how to jump our fence. So we made a bigger fence. She jumped it again. Pitbulls are not very well received in our community because of the breeds bad (and wrong) reputation. These two dogs are the sweetest things and have helped me keep my sanity since my horrible situation last year to which has thrown me into this depressive state. Anyway, for her own safety we re-installed our invisible fence which we used before we could afford the real fence. She has only been shocked by it once and that was enough for us to take it down and get the fence we have now. I too have been shocked by it and did not like the method for my dogs. Prior to getting a low voltage (which is scary more than hurtful) the collar will make a ticking sound. She has heard the ticking sound the first day we had to put this back up for her own safety, and it is scaring her. I still hate to use it but we don't have money for an alternative (not to mention she is jumping an 8' fence right now). She now refuses to go outside, I have to drag her out. She used to play with her sister and now she is completely uninterested. She hardly leaves the bed to come out and be social. They are both still puppies (1 year old now) and are trained but because they are so big, when they play they are dangerous to furniture so when we go out, they have to be outside. She is cuddling with me now but the words OUTSIDE do not even make her get off the couch anymore. As I just wrote that, I tired and she did go out herself so I hope this is getting better. I do not want to give in and take it off, it's for her own protection. Just makes me sad to see her like that. She is outside but just sitting by the door right now. Her name is Karma.
  4. I know, my best friend in NZ has heard so much about Hulu and can't get it. They have something similar with similar shows so MAYBE you can find the show on one of your local channels?
  5. For American viewers, PM member for link has just aired the TV show Obsessed. I watched a couple episodes this AM on OCD and Hording. Interesting stuff. They fast forward through individual therapies.
  6. I am new here so I maybe requesting something that already exists. The one thing I have noticed here on the depression site (of course I mean NO offense to anyone...this is just a suggestion) I have caught myself reading though others personal and heartbreaking stories and more often than not, feel as though I do not want to respond because I do not know what to say. Also, a common theme here seems to be: loneliness, fears and anxiousness about everyday things, nobody to talk to (I consider that different than loneliness). Anyway, my point being, is there somewhere to shout out when we have a GOOD day? I feel like I sign in here when I feel like crap. I would love to come here and read that SOMEBODY is having a good day. Did you land that job? Did your child do something really cool? Even if you accomplished a divorce can be a good day sometimes. I am coming up on the anniversary of ONE YEAR of feeling like s***. Somebody PLEASE tell me something funny, or something that made them feel food. I can feed off of that, we all can. Thanks for reading, Rock
  7. Hey Tracy, You sound like me. Sorry to hear about your parents. I am miserable too but I thought by replying to your post, I could bring a moment of cheer to both of us...but I will warn you, I am NOT normal. I have a dry sense of humor and since I too do not speak to anyone, somethings just come out bluntly...all meant in good fun, cause don't we need that?! OK. Things you can be grateful for. You live in FLORIDA! It is not snowing and you do not have to shovel out your car. It is not raining and if it is it will be over in a sec. You have a dog. Whats his/her name and post a PIC for me. I bet my dog puts more bruises on me than yours! You have a what?! A grocery store??? I think we have one of those but it is 45 minutes away. No matter, no money anyway. My car was reposed a couple of weeks ago...you still have one of those? The repo guy was really nice though and gave me a knife to cut the interior and then let me use his chain to break the back window. (I am not a violent person, I was just having a really bad day...and he offered). When I was done, he helped me off the tow truck and asked me if I smoked. I replied "No" as he lit my cigarette. We shook hands and as he pulled away my husband came home from work. Hhmmm. So, what cha got now? XXX
  8. I live in the middle of nowhere and it's trying to destroy me, so I have some idea what you're going through from that standpoint. I am not an alcoholic -- my addiction is food -- but I have lived with enough to know that it WILL **** you unless you stop drinking. I do know from past experience in trying to find food addiction forums that there are virtual AA meetings online. Please find one of them or one of the password areas mentioned above. I don't know about them but I do know already and from past experience that forums like this one will keep you sane and alive. Take advantage of them. I got rid of my food addiction of more than 40 years by understanding the Buddhist psychological tenet that there is no such thing as a separate self. This means that literally every moment of your life is an opportunity to become something different just by altering your thinking, which is what creates the entire universe. (Yes, it is "all in your mind". ) One minute I saw myself as not needing food as a drug, and worked from there. "I" wasn't an addict. It sounds really impossible and bulls***, but it works. One of the things I did after that was to NEVER have the offending food item(s) in the house, which means that you need to get the booze out of the house, and tell your husband never to bring it in again. (You're going to have to detox yourself without health insurance. Been there too, the not having health insurance part.) I defer to the alcoholics here to discuss all that painful process. Good luck and hugs, feel free to PM me at any time. fk You have said a TON in this post that I wanted to respond to...I am glad I came back today (2nd day). Well, addiction. If it isn't one it's another, right? Many believe it is a disease and I sometime believe for others but not for myself. I CHOOSE this. When I quit it was not difficult, I had my ducks in a row and just did it. NOT to imply that any other alcoholic can do that! I know and have seen the terror, and sickness...ok, well that brings me to another thought. What I was trying to say is in high school I had the eating thing and was hospitalized for a year. I did have a hard time controling it but more for the reasons that I never wanted to go back home. Once the addiction of bulimia set in, the rush of puking all the time became physically addictive. When I quit, I felt like I would be able to cure anyone with bulimia if I could tie them up for a week and when the physical symptoms go away, then you can deal with what brought them to that place to begin with. I dabbled with the drugs too but that was in college and short lived. I truly believe I could stop or even cut back on the drinking IF I CHOOSE TO. But you bring to the table all good points! I have tried the online AA thing and I enjoyed them, but it was like a cover up. What's the point in attending with a drink in my hand? I was in a AL forum just like this one for sometime, but same principal. I felt like I was poisoning them. That is what brought me to the point of searching out a depression forum. Trace gave me the password to the bereavement forum which is where I really need to be. I know that because when she gave it to me, I went in there and couldn't read a single post. The topics made me cry. Hell, thinking about the topics are making me cry now! Point being, first things first. I think this site is going to be good for me, I just need to keep coming back (gawd, there is the AL lingo...see?) I am funny, I look decent (especially under a rock) and my self esteem is not really in the gutter. I will also say, even after everything that has happened, I will NEVER apologize or regret my parenting skills. I am angry, I was taken advantage of by the state, family members and a really bad EX, and even more so by my naive little 13yo girl. Situational depression. How long does a "situation" need to be in order for the DSM to roll the term into a "mental illness"? Thanks for listening. Cheers.
  9. SInce I don't have a job, I do not have health insurance...so no doc. Since I lost my car and live in the middle of nowhere, I cannot get out as there is no public transportation here. I am not on meds so the alcohol is my self-med. With my husbands travel time to and from work he is gone 13 hours out of the day. I am here with the dogs by myself all day...everyday. I just lost my car, so this is new to me. We can't afford to get another vehicle unless I get a job and I can't get a job because I do not have a vehicle. Living out in the middle of nowhere was a grand idea and it is beautiful here, but we moved just after this incident so I had no idea how tough it would be to live here with this depression...I wasn't depressed before. What is the alcohol password for...what do you do with it?
  10. Welcome To DF underarock

    Please Feel Free To Browse Around & Post On The Forums! There is a lot of information here for you to glean from and much support is given.

    You're not alone.

    Girly :)

  11. It has been a year now since I had a horrible situation occur. This is so painful (without getting into details right now) everyday that I have completely withdrawn myself from everything. I have since lost my job, had my vehicle repoed (so now I can get another job) and am completely relying on alcohol to get me through the day. I had alcohol issues prior but I was not a drunk...just a high functioning alchy who enjoyed my alcohol at the end of they day. This is different now. Blackouts at night are common lately. I was part of an alcohol group, but I know that the depression is leading me to the drinking now. I really could slow down and stop (if I REALLY wanted to) as I have done so before this incident, but I am afraid to stop now. I hate my life and I hate where it is going (or NOT going). I wish I had the strength to end this pain but I don't and my dogs would miss me. I have a husband who is great (usually) but he is sick of me being depressed and I don't blame him. He is partially to "blame" for the situation although he did nothing wrong. Again, not to get into it but it is not tough to fill in the pieces if I mention CPS/DHS and a false report my a 13yo girl who didn't want to move to the country. She (with the help of a adult) took me to court and "just to be on the safe side" went to live with her deadbeat father across the country who didn't want her, but took custody and gave her away to a family member that I hate. So she is gone. I have full "visitation" but she is so embarrassed about lying now that we do not speak anymore. I don't even want to get into that. It is said and done and will not change. I am here because I cannot seem to be able to control this F***** depression and alienation from the world. I enrolled myself back into school for a Masters in IT and I love it. It keeps me sane but I have a month off as today is my last day (online school). I am going to lose my mind. I am already thinking of having a glass of alcohol thinking about this-it is 8am. I guess that's enough for my first depressing post. I will go read around and hopefully get to know a few. Thanks.
  12. Welcome to DF :)

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