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Kalla last won the day on July 5 2013

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About Kalla

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  1. Like justaguy, the last movie I saw was Gravity. I loved it! Too bad I was sitting next to two girls who thought they were comedians, making stupid jokes and observations. I asked them politely to be quiet, which at first they begrudgingly did, but then they made a loud comment, which someone across the way laughed at, so that just encouraged them even more. Which is why I watch most movies at home. But Gravity is a perfect movie to watch in the theater. You'll know what I mean if you see it :)
  2. Feeling shameful and guilty...I'm making too many mistakes lately. :verysad3: I just want this awful year to be over.
  3. Oh yes, those pesky ruminating thoughts. I spent an entire month this summer ruminating, worrying, Googling, etc., over things that were making me anxious. Also, if something bad happens or I make a mistake, I ruminate over it and usually blow it up 100x in terms of it becoming a catastrophe. I'm in both individual therapy (CBT) and group therapy (DBT), and I've learned a lot of skills that I've been using more and more to calm my thinking down a bit. It's really helped me over the past month or so. Screenman has some great examples and techniques that you can use when you start to ruminate, and I use variations of them too. My main go-to's are: "I don't know what's going to happen, but this is what's happening now, so I will just focus on that for the time being. If x, y or z happens, then I'll deal with it when it does.""If x y or z does happen, I will be OK. I'll be able to deal with it. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. It won't be the end of the world.""Can I prevent x y or z? Can I mitigate it? Can I prepare in any way? If so, I'll do a b or c either now or later. I really do have some control and power over this.""I've worried about x y or z enough for now. I'm going to put it in a "box" and place it in my "closet" and just tuck it away from the time being. I'll give myself some time over the next few days to re-visit it at some point if I need to. But for now, I need to focus on something else.""I'm doing that black-and-white thinking again, and it's not healthy for me. What are some other alternatives that could happen? What are some good or neutral things that could happen instead?" and "Good and neutral outcomes are usually the ones that happen. The bad/awful scenario hardly ever occurs. So there's a high probability or possibility that this will work out OK.""I made a mistake, and we all make mistakes. I try not to make the same mistake twice, and I try to learn from it. I feel bad about making the mistake, but I can't beat myself up about it too much. I will just learn from it, make ammends if possible and move on."I hope that is helpful. Good luck!
  4. Since I'm in school, I'm usually studying and working on assignments. I also have an internship and a couple volunteer gigs so I spend a few hours (~15 a week) doing that. Otherwise, I'm either lost in my thoughts, watching TV, surfing the web or being anxious or depressed about random things....maybe I'll see some friends every now and then, too. I try to stay productive to keep the anxious/depressed thoughts out of my head, but it's difficult. I wish I could put those bad energies and thoughts into something productive.
  5. Quiet: The Power of Introverts In a World That Can't Stop Talking
  6. Hi extraneous, Like blueyonder said, you are not a piece of **** and you are not defined by your past actions. You are defined by your actions in the here and now. You are defined by your ability to learn from your mistakes and move forward. Everyday is a new opportunity, a fresh beginning. It's a canvas you can paint in whatever way you desire. You can certainly change and do things differently with your life. Sometimes I think there's too much judgment in the world --- too many people who want to turn up their noses at other people. But in reality, those same people are just as imperfect as everybody else. Carry your mistakes as lessons learned, and make amends if and where you can, but don't wear them as badges of shame. I've made so many mistakes in my life, and lately I've realized that I'm the biggest critic of myself. I've probably spent a lifetime's worth of being ashamed, guilty, disgusted with myself, wondering why I did certain things and hating myself for them. But I can't go back and change any of it. And I can't spend my life ruminating over the same things over and over again, because ultimately it hurts me more in the long run than the mistake ever did in the moment that I made it. The fact that you went to rehab and are trying to make yourself better speaks volumes about your character. Don't sell yourself short. You can change your life for the better and move forward to happiness. All the best to you, Kalla
  7. Hi Sunshine, yay, another Pole/Russian! :) Both sides of my great-grandparents' last names were changed when they came over as well (also in the early 1900s!). My mother told me it was (sadly) a fairly common occurrence --- officials shortened or changed surnames altogether to make them "easier" to pronounce or spell in America. My Polish side's surname was intentionally shortened (the first 3 letters sliced off) and my Russian side's surname was typo-ed (officials accidentally changed the "v" to "w" at the end of it), but my Russian side never bothered to change it back. After they came over, many of my family members stopped talking about their motherlands and accepted the changes in their surnames. As my mother put it, "They considered themselves, at the end of the day, to be Americans." She believes though they were also trying to hide certain things -- things they may have been ashamed of or afraid to disclose. My mother thinks her Polish grandfather was a Jew and that the Russian side had Mongolian in them...both of which would be really interesting and cool to me if they did! But at the time, with all the discrimination they might have faced, I understand why they denied those connections if true . My mother and I live in an apartment with a lot of older Russians. We hear them talking in Russian all the time. Even their grandkids who come to visit them know Russian! I would love to learn either Polish or Russian (or both!) Thank you again for emailing me those resources. I will check them out and see if I can finally pick up a second language! :) And, wow, your family names are lovely! I love Aron, Yeva, Josefima, and Zisza in particular. My Russian great-grandmother's name was something like Nadja, but when she came to America she went by Natalie instead. I'm sorry to hear about your ancestor, though. I'm glad that she lives on through you in name. Kalla
  8. Honestly, I wish the American educational system required learning a second language with fluency. I took Italian in high school for 4 years, but as they say "if you don't use it, you lose it." I'd love to become fluent in Italian again and then pick up Spanish; Spanish would be incredibly useful in my field (public health). SunshineRay: My mother spoke a little bit of Polish growing up because of her grandmother, but she only remembers a few words of it nowadays. One of my friends in high school spoke fluent Polish because of her own grandmother. I'd love to learn Polish and Russian myself due to my heritage.
  9. Yesterday: 1) Slept in late 2) Beautiful weather so I took a long walk (and ate some ice cream along the way!) 3) Went to the movies with a group of people and saw Elysium
  10. I saw Elysium last night --- it was pretty good! I loved all the action and fight scenes. Matt Damon and Sharlto Copley did a terrific job in their roles. I wasn't impressed by Jodie Foster though....she's a much better actor than she comes across in this movie. She just felt really flat to me, which was unfortunate, because Foster is usually awesome. So I rate it an 8/10! :coophaha:
  11. I've also never heard of Emotions Anonymous before this thread. I'm currently in individual therapy and a DBT group every other week. But I will check this out to see if there is a group in my area. I'm glad you had a positive experience your first time there, though. I'm curious to hear how it continues to go for you
  12. I think I chose Kalla because it was the first name that popped up in my head and it sounded pretty. I later found out the name means "beauty."
  13. Suffocated Fed-Up Angry Impatient (((Sometimes I wish I could just shake the negativity out of my mother --- UGH!)))
  14. Hi xl29, What you describe sounds very stressful. Can you buy a privacy screen for your computer? If your co-worker is not directly facing the front of the screen he will not be able to read anything you are typing or working on. If he tries to look at your screen, over your shoulder, you can quickly click out of what you are doing and ask him "Excuse me, _____ , do you need help with something?" If he's smart enough, he'll get the message and back off. However, if he continues to try to compete with you, be more direct with him about it. "Competing with you is hurting both of our productivity. We are adults and should start acting like ones. We're not going to do this anymore. You do your work and I'll do mine." Unfortunately, this may be difficult if both of you have been competing for so long. You may experience a lot of backlash from him, even taunts. He may think that you are "weak" for what he perceives as you "giving up" the competition. But once you commit, you'll need to stand your ground. If he continues to harass you, bring it to the attention of your boss. You can only let him get under your skin if you let him. But continuing these competitive patterns are damaging to both yourself and professional career. Think about all the things you can accomplish if you shifted those competitive energies to your own work. You would be 100x better off ! Stay strong
  15. I did some reading (for pleasure!) and got a little bit of work done. And I kept my anxiety and depression at bay --- I stopped myself when I started to Google like crazy about my worries. Now I'm going to relax by watching a movie or TV show.
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