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About jdhoward

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  • Birthday September 18

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    wouldn't you like to know
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    I'm going through a rough patch in my life right now but I WILL MAKE IT theres no other option than to keep pushing and hope for the best things may not work out but its movement and thats somthing

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  1. ha i just cant seem to catch a break car blew a head gasket on the way to work today and my phones outta time but i cant put time on it cause i just spent all my money on parts i need to fix the truck i give up lol *** did i do to pi** off the karma gods
  2. alright where to start well ive been doing pretty good at my job but the pay is real bad i cant really get ahead but i bought a nice car then someone hit the side of it then in july my step father died at work so that has been rough then a friend of mine died then last month my father had a heart attack an passed away and about a week after that my grandmother passed away from the stress her funeral was about 2 weeks ago then one of my horses got out an killed in the road they wanted to sue but we settled it an today i was going to get the truck ready for winter and the wheel fell off goin down the road a wheel bearing broke so that has been my year other than that ive been alright really i mean i cant complain things kinda suck but it will work out eventually
  3. life has not been going the greatest for myself as of late. a few months ago my step father who i was fairly close with was killed in a logging accident and it has been had to adjust to life without him then at the end of september a couple days after my 26th birthday my father who i was very close to died of a heart attack and the stress of his passing caused my grandmother who i lived with for a long time to also pass away of a heart attack. over the course of the last few months i've lost my grandma my father and my stepfather all of wich were very important people in my life i just feel like im in shock or something i dont know what to do anymore i get up an go to my job and do the routine but i dont care about it at all anymore. i never had any intention on staying at the job i have now i was going to stay until i finish my probation and then go back to work on the road with my father and eventually take over driving the truck it was his dream to have a family trucking company him my brother and myself all running peterbilt 397s and now its just gone theres nothing left and i dont know what to do with my self idk
  4. i miss my father

  5. i wanna get messed up to make myself feel nothing but that would be selfish i need to be there for my family mom lost a husband and my brother and sister lost a father 

  6. one of my friends was found this morning in his apartment dead from an overdose and ive felt pretty upset all day. i don't know how to feel about it i used to hang out and listen to music an watch movies and get high with him all the time i helped him when he got divorced and i helped him when he moved and after i got clean almost a year ago i havent been around him much and now i never will again. I'm feeling such a range of emotions right now on the one hand i am upset that i will never see him again he really was a good guy he was insanely funny,smart,and had a knack of just making things work out in the end. he was always so energetic and full of life even in bad times and now hes gone. on the other hand while we grew apart over the last year maybe talked 2 or 3 times we were still friends and i am mad at him and in a strange way jealous that he is gone and not me he never has to wake up and deal with lifes problems or the constant disappointment. i miss you man
  7. Just sitting here listening to my family talk about president trump an how hes gonna stop "the mexicans and islams" from coming into our country among other blatently racist remarks.   an im just sitting here like fml i wish i'd have made better choices and wasn't stuck around these people 

  8. I am a little upset today i just lost close to two thousand dollars  an there's nothing i can do about it 

  9. I am happier since i stopped smoking pot 

    3 months off drugs so far 

    1. jasonh


      Congratulations man! You can definitely do this.

      Keep up the fight, and message me if you need anything.

  10. Thank you for your reply epictetus its been some time now since we've chatted but if you wanna talk about what you're going through i'm always around to listen just send me a message i hope for your happiness. In other news i have been to the counseling center here i did there intake about 2 weeks ago and some time in the next week or so i will be going for my first meeting i dont know if it will help and i dont really like the idea of talking to a part time counsellor but its a start
  11. i wish i wasn't on house arrest here i just wanna go home i miss my dog and my friends and being around people that i don't care about an don't care about me. I hate being here around my family im an a****** and and a negative influence on my brother and sister and they always wanna talk to me or have me teach them things and i just shoo them off and im not always the nicest about it either i just don't want them around me i don't want them to be like me i just wanna be gone. Everythings changed from when i was growing up white trash and i miss it me and my other little sister diddnt have anything and were probably weren't treated very well dad was an abusive drunk but it was a life i knew. I've long ago left all that in the past ive been out pretty much on my own and helping take care of my grandma on my biological fathers side for years now but were still poor white trash and its a life i like and know i don't want change. My mom has remarried a few years back and her husband really is a great guy but everything so different i really don't like being around for long there good people now he works hard and there lower middle class but its not the same everything is nice and my brother and sister take everything they have for granted they don't know the value of a dollar or understand what its like to pick car insurance over groceries. i dont know why im writing this or what it even reans really but its just a feeling that i don't belong here that eats away at me constantly the longer im here the worse i feel and i know that if i can't leave before its to late im gonna be an even more negative influence on my siblings i'd rather they only have memories of my visits and not memories about how much of a d**k i am all the time being here only brings them down.
  12. I am getting fat :sniffle1:

  13. Hey man how you doin? haven't heard from you in a while 

  14. well i got a call from my public defender shortly after my reply and i was turned down for drug court they didn't seem to think i would take the program seriously idk maybe there right though i think on some level it was based slightly on my appearance. so now my options are down to taking a plea deal or going to trial. My public defender wants to bring it to trial on the grounds of unlawful search and no real reason for pulling us over in the first place other than that my car is a beat up pile that only an addict would drive, an he's probably right if i were a cop i'd pull my car over too it looks like a drugmobile there's mismatched colors an pieces being held together with tape an zipties first thought when you see it is "i'll bet there on drugs". so idk i think im screwed my friend said i should go to rehab it would look good an idk i might try but in all honesty all i really wanna do right now is get high so i feel better and crawl into a hole and hide away idk maybe i should try to get into the 28 program
  15. well ive spent the week going to classes and evaluations and this an that and doing the evaluation for drug court and idk if drug court comes back with a plea of 1 year conditional release after completing there program then i may take it if they tell me complete the program an then do 3 years probation then i think im gonna try my chances in court because of my lack of a criminal history there's a chance that it would be plead down to 3 to 5 years probation i don't really know much of whats going on yet though i really havent had very much contact from my public defender.
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