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Everything posted by Doommantia

  1. What are your interests and hobbies? Look around your area for any clubs that interest you, there is always something youd be amazed. Would you be open to the idea of joining a gym? I think thats another good way of meeting new people. Thats all I can suggest really. All the best.
  2. And All That Could Have Been - Nine Inch Nails Doom-Mantia - Electric Wizard :P
  3. That was me 6 years ago, Im more comfortable being outside now than I was then because I worked up until January this year from 2011 which meant I had to face my fear of meeting to and talking to new people on a daily basis (I worked at a busy train station in customer service, how I got that job Ill never know lol). Since Jan though Ive rarerly been going out, but I started volunteering last month at a charity shop just to get out more. I still have bad days or weeks where I just cant even get out of bed but Im better than I used to be Sorry you feel this way, sounds like a major social anxiety issue and I cant recommend professional help enough in dealing with it if you havent already sought any. In the meantime you could try womanofthelights advice like taking a walk around your neighbourhood for 30 minutes a day and then try to increase that overtime it will help a lot. Also and it might not help everybody but it helped me, online gaming. Online gaming helped me a ton when it came to talking to people as long as you dont get someone in the game who is being abusive or something which honestly is rarer than people think. I play a lot of Counter Strike and it has a reputation of having really abusive gamers but I havent come across many in my many hundreds of hours and its easy to mute them, but that games particularly great because it needs team communication and team work, I found it particularly helpful.
  4. Im very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you, your family and friends and with the relatives of the other officer. Terrible news.
  5. Started my first day volunteering at a charity furniture store, enjoyed it so ill be there a few days a week. Tiring work though but its nice to be doing something more productive and im getting exercise.
  6. I went and spoke to the manager of a charity store and I arranged a start date for next week. Came home, made breakfast (poached eggs on toast) and coffee, applied to a couple of jobs online and paid off my phone bill.
  7. Sorry for how youre feeling, I can relate a lot to this. Being bullied throughout childhood and not really having supportive parents (more, emotionally vacant) I think has been a factor as to why I lack self esteem and this in turn has put a wall up,so to speak, between me and progression in life. But the only people we have to answer to is ourselves and the only people who have control of our lives is ourselves, its hard but accepting that the past has happened and moving on is really the only thing we can do. Its not easy and I think therapy or counselling helps in that.
  8. I have episodes where Ill panic about dying and death, and Ive been having them since I was a kid maybe since when I was about 8-10 years old. Ive noticed if I keep myself busy they dont happen as often because my brain is focused on something, its usually when nothing is happening when I panic. I dont believe in an afterlife or god personally so it can be very troubling at times. However I worry about dying of old age or cancer and not by any other means, I mean Im not scared of say dying in a car crash or anything like that. Its a bit weird. I keep in mind that death is a natural part of life and its totally out of our control, we can only do our best in this life to make the world a better place for the generations we leave behind. I also like to think about what we may discover in space or on other planets in my lifetime, what new new inventions will come about and how the world will change in my lifetime. Its a both a curse and gift to be as intelligent as we are as a species.
  9. Worked up the motivation to make a pan of coffee (none instant for change)then I set up a date to meet with the manager of a charity store in my town to hopefully arrange some voluntary work, then I applied for 4 other different jobs. I walked into town for an appointment at the Job Centre (usually I take a bus, but today I needed a walk) and arranged to meet a friend I havent seen in months over the weekend hopefully. I still feel somewhat stressed by unemployment, my parents are starting to get sick of it now too.
  10. I believe the best pieces of art (music, literature, paintings etc.) have all been created by people who were suffering and at the lowest point in their lives. Maybe this is due to the fact I can relate to it but I find it interesting nontheless. I used to create, well I used to try to create music and I made 2 good songs I felt were really good (for me) when I was at my lowest point in my life. I might start again soon because the process of creating something was relaxing and made me feel good even if the end product was bad. Its hard to get motivated though.
  11. Im sorry that youre in pain but please dont give up. We have all felt this way, but giving up and letting the disease win will not solve anything. As the saying goes "its a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Have faith that you can overcome it and you will. Keep going! Youre not alone in how you feel, im 28 and feel the same way about my life but I have to believe that there is still time to have happiness, i believe there is a chance for everybody no matter their circumstances.
  12. I wrote down a list of things to tell my Dr when I eventually work up the courage to seek help for the 3rd time and stick with it.
  13. Nobody should have to suffer any kind of mental illness or physical disability or anything like that for any amount of time. Ive "suffered" for pretty much the last 10 years though I will admit I dont think Ive had it as bad as others, with very little improvement. I have good days but 90% are bad. With that said its partly my own fault for not seeking help sooner, and only having help for maybe 3 years of the ten years. Im planning on going back to my Dr soon and really try this time, Ive simply had enough of this disease kicking my ass. I think when a person identifies and admits they have a problem and say "ive had enough of this" is the time when therapy becomes a viable option otherwise it wont work for them. So I think it depends on the amount of time a person is ether willing to suffer or until they identify and admit the problem. Everybody is different.
  14. Went for a walk listening to the new Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds album... big mistake (its not a bad album, its actually brilliant but its very very dark as expected). I felt sad for the rest of the day. I tried to play some Counter Strike but had to leave a game due to feeling bad. Music does this to me sometimes, I shouldnt listen to so much dark music but I generally dislike most "happy" music. Anyway, nope not a lot today.
  15. I'm sorry you are struggling with this, I too am dealing with a similar situation. Ive never really felt comfortable around people I dont know and I find it hard to "let people in" as everybody Ive really loved has gone away or left. I no longer see my friends and nobody ever contacts me anymore, i cant do social things anyway due to being too poor. My last girlfriend was 7 years ago, and I have had only 1 date since. I dont talk to my family either, I get along with them fine but theres never a conversation. I guess I am an introvert but its not a choice Ive made, and I dont know why really.
  16. Thanks for taking the time to read and for the advice and words of wisdom.
  17. Youre not alone with these thoughts.I was violently bullied for 5 years in school, when I was 16 (12 years ago) I was violently attacked and I ended up in hospital, the police wouldnt do anything they found one and gave him a slap on the wrist. I saw on Facebook they are now leading better lives than me, some are in the Army (something I dreamed of doing my entire life, but I couldnt join due to my diagnosis) and some are married with children with other decent jobs. I dont know what I'd do if saw them in person, Im scared to think since I havent got much to lose partly thanks to them.
  18. I went for a walk and applied to a job I really want, but I probably wont get. Thats about the most ive accomplished in a month.
  19. I lost my job in January due to layoffs and since then Ive been out of work, I cant find anything. I apply to anything that I feel I'm suited to (menial, dead end, minimum wage jobs because I dont hold any skills of any significance). I'm 28 now and I have nothing to show for it. All my friends are off doing cool things and getting married, buying houses and having children and I'm still stuck in my teenage years mentally. Im a disgrace. Ive thought about ending my life, and as its seems like my only good option I cant do that to my mother. I dont think life is for me, nothing good ever comes my way despite trying. I am the very definition of what people think of when they think of a "loser". Had to vent this Im sorry
  20. I was fine this morning at work, I was going out of my way to help people and having chats with them. It was good. Now I feel horrible, all my friends are going out and Im stuck in because I'm broke. I havent seen my friends in months because every weekend theyre either not doing anything or I'm broke. Ive had enough of it. Everybody else is able to go out every weekend and have good times but can I? Nope, of course not. Its not fair. All my friends now in relationships too, so I'm even more alone now than I was before. I don't understand how people live life, how they are able to get good jobs and relationships. I really do not get life and its frustrating.
  21. Its been a while since Ive visited this site, I havent been particularly well for months now. Im just tired now. I have no idea what to do, my whole life is a mess. I feel alone. More recently world events and seeing racism and hatred being spouted from a lot of people seems to be taking its toll on me, I simply dont want to live on this earth with these people any more. I have violent thoughts.
  22. Yes, because I haven't. I've tried but I gave up a few years ago. Not much point when you get to your mid twenties, the ship to success has sailed by that point my eyes.
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