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Everything posted by r90

  1. r90

    Hello there! Long time man! How's everything?

    1. Tim 52

      Tim 52

      Good enough!.  Thanks for checking in. How life is good enough for you.  


    2. r90


      I am good! Life is full of swings but currently stable. Sorry for the late reply but I rarely sign in!

  2. r90

    Well hello there my dear friend, still around? :)

    1. Liliah


      I am replying to this many years too late, but I guess the answer is still the same in 2022 as it would have been in 2016: yes! 

      If you still are, after all this time: hello! 

  3. r90

    Hey there, still doing great? :)

    1. Girly


      Hi :) I've not been well physically for a long time and it had a knock on effect on my mental health... I'm ok now. How are you?

    2. r90


      I am okay I guess. We grow up, you know. Lots of life changes, yet still struggling with my mental heath. Can't really believe that it's been 7 years since I joined these forums!

      Sorry for the late reply, by the way. :)

  4. Dear all, Please reply as I have just bought 2 packets of an atypical antipsychotic called Sertindole and, by mistake, while I was sitting in the bus and reading a book on my way to home, I put the nylon bag which contains the 2 packets near the bus motor, I found out after an hour and the bag was really hot! Will this affect the medication? I am freaking out as I paid a lot of money and I really need the medication efficacy... Thanks!
  5. So I took Faverin (fluvoxamine) for 10 weeks (4 of them at the max dosage) with zero positive feedback, my intrusive thoughts are still cycling over and over, my mood is swinging as well, etc... just a little background, I took all kinds of meds (2 SSRIs, 1 atypical antipsychotic, 1 anti-convulsant, etc...) in the past (2010) when I was diagnosed with OCD and depression with absolutely no benefit at all. And now add Faverin! 2011, 2012 and early-to-mid 2013 seemed calmer. Comes late 2013 and my OCD returned with vengeance, a new pdoc has diagnosed me again with OCD and he prescribed, as indicated above, Faverin. the thing is, I really (really) believe that my correct diagnosis (beside Pure OCD) is borderline personality disorder as I fit the profile of the high-functioning one pretty well (although I do admit that I have issues), my affective instability is due to external factors, my depression as well, I split, I have chronic feelings of emtpiness, etc... This may also explain why I never respond to any medications. My pdoc refuses any mentioning of BPD!!! He thinks that I should be cutting myself and screaming with rage in order to fit the criteria which I don't agree about it at all. Yesterday, he decided to put me on my first SNRI and that is Pristiq. I am not really expecting any positive result, I don't know, I may be wrong. Also, 30 pills means 4 weeks means not enough to judge it and enter the cycle of doubt! Any experience with Pristiq for ethical-rigid-fueled intrusive OCD thoughts?
  6. So yes, unfortunately my first SSRI failed to treat my OCD and depression (I mainly believe that I suffer from BPD (borderline) but my pdoc ignored it). I was prescribed Faverin (fluvoxamine), I will be now completing my 10th week (4th week on the maximal 300mg dose), which is 2 months and a half. Not even a tiny relief I got, I am quitting it cold turkey (withdrawal symptoms to be addressed later) this week since I dont have any more pills, I am travelling for my annual leave and I don't see a point going to my pdoc before my leave for new or augmented meds as I really dont want to be bothered by side effects (especially sleepiness and yawning) during my leave and I am not that hopeful with meds anymore. My question: did I give fluvoxamine enough time to judge it? (I have that OCD question now: "what if" I continue taking it, will it work at the 12th week for example?) After I return here again (where I work in a different country), I am gonna see my pdoc again for a new SSRI and, possibly, an atypical antipsychotic.
  7. These forums were so much active in the past, what happened? :( May I add that right now, sleepiness and yawning are my main side effects, do they usually go away with time?
  8. And here I am, I finally visited a pdoc after 3 years. I visited some pdocs in the past but nothing helped me, didn't even have enough money to buy meds and I was still an undergraduate. Now since I ever moved to where I am working, OCD came back with vengeance. Luckily, I have enough money now and I made the decision and visited a pdoc. He diagnosed me with OCD but, as some people know about me here, I also (I think) suffer from BPD (borderline). He prescribed me Faverin (fluvoxamine) and I am hopefully planning to try it for at least 8-12 weeks, I informed my pdoc about this as I tried many meds in the past but they were for 5-6 weeks maximum. Let's hope for something good... From my first half pill (50mg, I take it after lunch at noon, as prescribed), I felt some nausea! Then some sleepiness on the 2nd and 3rd day, and also a loss of motivation on the 3rd one as well! This is normal right? I shall be, as prescribed, raising the dosage by 50mg each 10 days to eventually reach 200mg before my follow-up session.
  9. Thank you Veruca! DF is a great place ;)
  10. How are you fellow DFers? It's been a quite long while since I last posted in here, wohoo time does run fast I guess!! I certainly miss many people around here, those who really supported me during the early period when I joined DF back in 2010 to those who I worked with under the moderation team to the great friends that I managed to met at DF! I am still mainly struggling with BPD but here are some good news: I am definitely doing better now than last year (when I was in a toxic relationship) and than the last few years (before learning about and getting used to BPD), I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, due to the very same reasons of mine that I always mentioned around here. I managed to finish my studies and graduate :D, it took me 5 years instead of 3, but hey I got 2 BAs! I also wrote and released some music, some poetry, etc... I am still unemployed and making a living on private lessons but shall be employed abroad very soon! :) Lindsay, Trace, Coop, lindahurt, Girly, jimbow15, KBpregnant, Liliah (my dear NY friend!), perfectly_imperfect, SadUK, Spiritual_Wanderer, theguy, Tim 52, etc... and really sorry if I forgot anyone else, I hope you all are living great days! :)
  11. Now that was a very long lime since I last logged in here, how are you, friends? :)

  12. Then I think it's a good idea to reconsider visiting another pdoc, since if you were to correctly be (maybe) diagnosed with BPD, the suggested medications then would definitely be more helpful than your current ones I guess... r90
  13. My friend, You seem hopeless, I kind of understand that since I also suffer from the same disorder, however you should not be accepting your current situation and it's way healthier if you keep repeating to yourself that the way you're living is unhealthy and wrong, and you deserve a treatment to lead a relatively better life! Tell me, do you happen to have a formal diagnosis of BPD? r90
  14. Steve, as hard as this may sound but there's really some hope out there... I am also a BPD fellow sufferer, my experience with medication was pretty time-limited especially since I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and clinical depression! Anyway, as experts say and as what most professionals say about BPD, the primary treatment is therapeutic with different therapies such as DBT, CBT... (especially the former since it was designed solely for BPD!). Treatment with medications is often limited and addressed to some clear symptoms such as impulsiveness, mood-related symptoms, psychotic-like symptoms such as depersonalization... As for your case, may I tell you that I've been suffering from BPD for 3 years now, and yet, I am not getting any kind of treatment, this is WRONG! But I have my own excuse and conditions, from geographical to cultural and financial issues, however I'd do anything to get any kind of available treatment :( So what I am trying to say is that I have managed to cope with the least possible harm, it's painful but not impossible, however it's always good to acknowledge that one still suffers from BPD and in-need for a treatment! So if you can't get any possible treatment, read more about the disorder and try to understand yourself more! PS: I don't know where you come from, but there should be some kind of almost-free or cheap therapy around you, so please try searching! I hope I was a bit helpful, r90
  15. Jane, OCD is not the same as OCPD, you have probably read the wikipedia entries of each illness, so I will just tell you a few details, now of course I am also another fellow sufferer who read a lot, not a qualified professional in any way! OCD falls into the Axis-1 section of the DSM, it is primary an anxiety disorder, it has its own diagnosis guideline and its own approach of treatment, this OCD however may differs from a person to another, some suffer from what professionals call a "pure O", it means no compulsions, just obsessive thoughts, however this may not indicate that this is an OCPD, it is also important to note that OCD can be highly treated with medications without therapy (now of course, CBT is always recommended for a more effective treatment!) As for OCPD, this is found in Axis-2 of the DSM with the rest of the personality disorders you've mentioned, it is usually not diagnosed before the age of 18, as the personality is still developing before such age, but of course, one may be diagnosed with OCPD before 18! The primary treatment of OCPD is therapeutic! Of course, the 2 illnesses are often confused among sufferers and non-sufferers for having a similar name, also confused among professionals for many similar symptoms! Some people may suffer from both disorders at the same time! I myself suffer from BPD (borderline) and OCD! I hope I was a bit helpful, r90
  16. I feel like I am a slave to my own emotions, so that also makes me a slave to her, a slave in an indirect way, I mean I can't be negative with her because if I ask any negative question or I act in any tiny negative way, I'd immediately accuse myself of being a "BPD drama prince" and therefore, addicted to "making issues" So I really feel like a slave... how painful is that, EVEN if she's completely wrong, I will just feel guilty if I "just try" to confront her even in the most positive way... Any comment is really appreciated, BPD is painful, painful... :( r90
  17. Hello all, The reason why I am posting this topic in this particular section of the forum is that because more BPD sufferers come here and post... Here's my original story: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/76309-bpd-online-romance-and-fights-does-it-get-any-more-complicated/ I am absolutely and totally aware of my BPD issues, I always tell her that I have emotional issues, it's not her fault, however I've arrived to a place where I CAN'T distinguish anymore between what is wrong with me (as usual, meet BPD) and what is really wrong in the relationship which is caused by her! I always apologize, because deep down inside, I know that, being a drama prince (is that the term opposed to "drama queen"?), is the issue, I am the one who starts the fights but again, I really believe that sometimes, those fights are really due to a real problem by her, rather than always accusing myself and my BPD issues, anyway this was just a piece of background information, down to the real issue: We definitely don't agree on many stuff, we love each others, but I feel that we both rushed into this relationship mainly due to our "need" to be loved, rather than a healthy love relationship, the thing is that now we almost agree on nothing, but I can't leave her, oh my God, just thinking about this means the end of my world, means depression, means back to addiction, means back to emptiness! It's really an obsession, I will feel guilty and worthless if I tell her "let's break up" What's the solution? I love her but we don't agree and I can't (really can't) leave her, it's painful :verysad3: You know, this may sound weird, but I wish sometimes if she tells me that everything is over because she's in love with another person, this will feel (how weird!) more more comfortable than me ending the relationship... r90
  18. Here's my experience: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/76309-bpd-online-romance-and-fights-does-it-get-any-more-complicated/ I'd really really appreciate to hear experiences by males suffering from borderline personality disorder with their beloved female partners, assuming that the female partner is "normal"! I am a guy who suffers from BPD and I'm currently in love with a girl despite all the stuff she does which make me think like she's careless and "doesn't care, share and give as much as I do" Is it, as usual, the problem in us? Our false BPD emotions? Can't we just trust our emotions and know that, for once, they are true and real and the reality is clear enough to see who's wrong? Please share, r90
  19. Oh yeah Trace, it's very hard for me, as far as I can tell, yes I always try to explain to her that the way she behaves with me makes me feel that she's careless (maybe unintentionally), so yesterday I've managed to send her another message complaining about her not going to somewhere where there's an internet connection! Yet, I had no reply... and I am still waiting! The thing is: when we will talk in the near future and when I get the chance to complain "in her face", it's either that I am too sensitive so I start to feel guilty for dragging "too much drama" in the relationship or she does seem to be, unconsciously, manipulative! (Not the harsh meaning of the word but a soft one if you know what I mean) r90
  20. Hello all again, I've reached a level in my life that I can't distinguish between "true" emotions and realistic acts AND between what is false, hidden, provoked and masked by my BPD anymore! Would someone tell me if my "feelings" about what I am going to say below are "right" or "wrong" (notice how I use " " a lot since I really don't know the real definitions of such words) Ok so if you're following my initial post, I've been talking about a girl and an online romance between us, it was pretty fine and things were going great again, however, last week, she messaged me saying that she's having internet connection issues, I thought it's totally normal, so I regularly continued studying and doing my final exams at college, so I waited 2, 3, 4, 5 days... and? How much can I wait? How much should I wait? She didn't message/call (via phone) me at ALL and I couldn't send a message (and she knows that) in the first since there seems to be some technical problem from my side, anyway, I added her friend and asked her about "her", she then told me she was sick and stuff, I felt guilty for not knowing that, anyway after 7 days, she sent a message (after I successfully sent a one) saying that she was sick and still no internet connection, I was like "alright honey and thank God you're fine now! But now you are not sick anymore, there's an internet connection outside home you know?" But she doesn't seem to "do it", all I am requesting is that she goes to an internet café or something, is that too much to ask for? I just miss her and want to talk to her, I've been through daily hell without her, so now it's the 9th day and still no communication! Do I have the right to feel angry, abandoned and sad? Please someone answer me! I understand her conditions but again, I am not asking for miracles for God sake, why do I feel that she doesn't care as much as I do about our relationship? (Oh that typical BPD stereotype) I can't seem to distinguish between what are "totally perfect" issues in relationships (e.g. when I DO have the right to be angry just like "normal" people) and my own "BPD drama"! I really appreciate, as always, any input, r90
  21. mrmoody, you're right, thank you for the support! Avian86, How are you my friend? It's been a while, yes I totally agree with you about that point, since I have issues with "abandonment", it's natural for a BPD sufferer like me to seek a partner that has the same issue, this way, no one will abandon the other! Did I mention that she's older than me in 4 years? Yes it's unusual and kinda rare for a guy to fall in love with a girl who's older than him in 4 years! But I just love her anyway and I don't care about age! Any more tips? r90
  22. Meirionne, Thank you for your support and warm words :) mrmoody, The thing is that I am finally convinced that I will never try to change her no matter what the differences are, we're just working on our mutual points more and more! Thank you for your word of warning, I never thought in this way, I'll take it into consideration! Yes, when it comes to my BPD, just like I said above, I am trying to be as much logic as possible and sometimes ignore my emotions (since half of them are not real and are only triggered due to my over-sensitivity), thx for the support =) r90
  23. Again, I need tips for a BPD sufferer (me) who is in love with someone over the internet and planning to meet in the 'relatively' near future... r90
  24. Trace, Thank you for your reply, you're right, I think that the more we "rush" meeting in reality, the more our relationship will be fruitful! Meirionne, This is exactly what we're trying to do, putting our differences aside, or at least let me say, "postponing" them for later discussions when we really meet in life because this way, things would be way easier than an online conversation (debate) So yeah, in the meantime, we're focusing on what makes both of us happy, I told her, I am not gonna change you nor judge you anymore, I apologized for the "labels" I threw at her face! She also apologized for the things she said! Last night was a very happy night, we laughed to hell and really had fun! I think that we, now, moved on with this issue and both are happy about that! For the meantime, I'd like to hear more experiences and/or tips regarding BPD and relationships. I am trying to see how much my BPD will affect this relationship, I am trying to be as much logic as possible and sometimes ignore my emotions (since half of them are not real and are only triggered due to my over-sensitivity) r90
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