Jump to content

MidAgeDad

Advanced Member
  • Posts

    254
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About MidAgeDad

  • Birthday 09/23/1961

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    USA
  • Interests
    In flux. Trying to restart old interests while transitioning to whatever this next phase of my life becomes.

Recent Profile Visitors

1,839 profile views

MidAgeDad's Achievements

Advanced Member

Advanced Member (5/9)

21

Reputation

  1. Hi Hurricane!! Some many wonderful morsels in there! Both my kids have been home from College since Tuesday/yesterday, so quiet time has been minimal. Will try to elaborate more on your last Post over the weekend, but just a couple of things(LOL): I can't tell you how much I can relate to the 'putting one foot in front of the other' point...! As you would expect! I have always tried to be a Positive influence on my kids throughout these last 24 years...and it was VERY difficult as you know yourself...to be that way whenever (maybe 4 times?) I was 'advised' to try a different Med. Sometimes...including the initial onset in 97' and 98'...all I could do was to just hang on with white knuckles, fake my way through it with everyone around me...and definitely focus on putting one foot in front of the other. And yes...UGH...always seems like each time it has happened, it WASN'T getting better fast enough or feeling like it never will! That being said, I THINK I might have turned the corner this week. However, I have made a huge effort to create a more structured daily routine as well. A little jittery at times but manageable. While it was painful to read some of my Posts from 2011 recently...based on how 'desperate' I sounded...I did find a couple of good nuggets related to some AD Meds that I had forgotten all about(after my first/favorite PDoc died in 07'...I bounced through about 4 PDocs in the next 5 years). Part of that was again my quest back then to get back to my sweet spot of Effexor/WB. The difference was at that time when I was posting, I had been taken off of Effexor and moved to Lexapro...then taken off of Lexapro and moved to Cymbalta...then finally back to Effexor...all in about a 1 year timespan! What a nightmare. Shame on that PDoc and shame on me for going along with it! Anyway, I have Posts about starting up WB back then and not feeling well for over 6 weeks, but based on how I'm feeling right now, I think that was also because I was in transition with Cymbalta back to Effexor. Crazy() times! I totally agree with bumping up to 300mg at some point. Haven't talked to current PDoc about anything since I started with the WB addon a month ago. TY you SO much for being such a wise kindred spirit! TTYVS!
  2. Hi Nightjar, How are things going? Have you started with the Sertraline? FYI...I totally forgot that I had taken a small dose for a few weeks last year until I just read my Post above! It was brief because I had just weaned completely off of Effexor via a more 'Holistic' PDoc and March/April 2020 was like a Perfect Storm for me(as I'm sure MANY people!)...so to help take the 'edge' off, I was first prescribed a small dose of Fluoxetine and then Sertraline. I didn't react too well to either...which for me is more about my own brain chemistry. SSRI's have never seemed to work too well. At least compared to Effexor(SSNRI).
  3. Hi Hurricane! Nothing admirable about my 'not giving up mentality' at all...other than trying to stress that point as much as possible with my son who has given up so many times in his young adult life I can't count them. Pretty cliche what drove me(still does?) to be that way. All about an extreme fear of failure. Not sure why my mood took a very downward turn this past week. Could it be the WB? I miscounted in my earlier Post. It's only 3 weeks/3 days. I wish I had a better recollection and/or some record of the few other times I began augmenting WB back in the day. Need to somehow find a way to get out of this current reflections/regrets rut I'm stuck in. Gonna try to find a more consistent structure in my daily routine. I actually twisted my wife's arm about 15 years ago to see a marriage counselor. It wasn't too helpful back then(I put that more on the counselor though) but I would do it again in a heartbeat if I thought she would be open to it! I could be wrong, but a big issue regarding all of this is that after 30 years and especially since 97', I've come to the realization(?) that her viewpoint of what a Man/Husband should be is NOT being "touch feely'.....or should be "Strong/Silent"???? As always, TY so much for your supportive and insightful comments!
  4. So well said!!! Even at my age I am still struggling to be exactly what you described...not even close yet!
  5. Good morning Hurricane! TBTH, I don't think I have given up on anything in my entire adult life. That might sound 'good', but I have paid a heavy heavy price for that. Again, I'll attempt to be brief! LOL I think I mentioned that I am in "IT". However, that's part of the problem. 89'-90'...I had landed my first Corporate job. Not programming(which I fell in love with)...Computer Infrastructure Support. That was my first taste of the 'perils' of working in big Corporations as far as varied jobs/specificities, etc. I winged it as I have many times during my 'career'...but was able to move on to my very first Windows Programming job a couple years later. Hit the ground running and fast forwarding again, in 96' I got a good job offer from a Big Global Company and took it....thinking that it would be more of the same as what I was already doing. WRONG. They liked my background, but instead wanted me to be a "Technical Manager". I should have been more thorough about what "I" wanted to do, but I was not. That has happened more than once. THIS is when things began falling apart. Back in 7th grade, I developed a much underestimated PHOBIA. Public Speaking! That fact dogged me through every facet of my life from then on. And from Day 1 with this new company, long prepared Presentations became at least a weekly occurrence. I did everything I could to finally overcome this phobia once and for all, but slowly it overcame me. By around this time of year in 97', I was heading towards some kind of breakdown. I refused to give in...and then BAM. The day before my wife went into Labor with our Son, I was done. Somehow/some way, I still attempted to plow through it, but I was a lost lost soul. Luckily, I got a week off for Paternity Leave, but it was a continuous up and down struggle until I was finally able to find the best PDoc..and he straightened things out rather quickly in 99'. Fast forward another 20+ years, I feel like I have regressed...lost all confidence in myself, have many regrets/lost hopes with my marriage/parenting/'career'...etc. etc. I know I HAVE to write some kind of new chapter to my life somehow, but unfortunately don't have the motivation/focus. And to top that off, my wife is losing patience. Ugh...I am SO longwinded...
  6. I only briefly took Zoloft well over 20 years ago. My PDoc...in my opinion was way ahead of his time(he died in 07') and decided that SSRI's might not be for me, so that's when I started with Effexor(SSNRI). As you know, everyone's brain chemistry can be slightly different. If I can suggest anything to you, it would be to find a good PDoc. GP's think they can do it, but there is way too much to know and understand in this Field. And as you said, Patience is a HUGE factor. That being said, although everyone is different as I said, Zoloft is a very good AD.
  7. Good morning Hurricane! TBTH, I don't think I have given up on anything in my entire adult life. That might sound 'good', but I have paid a heavy heavy price for that. Again, I'll attempt to be brief! LOL I think I mentioned that I am in "IT". However, that's part of the problem. 89'-90'...I had gone back to College and got a BA in Computer Science and landed my first Corporate job. Not programming(which I fell in love with)...Computer Infrastructure Support. That was my first taste of the 'perils' of working in big Corporations as far as varied jobs/specificities, etc.. I winged it as I have many times during my 'career'...but was able to Post out to my very first Windows Programming job a couple years later. Hit the ground running and fast forwarding again, in 96' I got a good job offer from a Big Global Company and took it....thinking that it would be more of the same as what I was already doing. WRONG. They liked my background, but instead wanted me to be a "Technical Manager"....I should have been more thorough about what "I" wanted to do, but I was not. THIS is when things began falling apart. Back in 7th grade, I developed a much underestimated PHOBIA. Public Speaking! That fact dogged me through every facet of my life from then on. And from Day 1 with this new company, long prepared Presentations became at least a weekly occurrence. I did everything I could to finally overcome this phobia once and for all, but slowly it overcame me. By around this time of year in 97', I was heading towards some kind of breakdown. I refused to give in...and then BAM. The day before my wife went into Labor with our Son, I was done. Somehow/some way, I still attempted to plow through it, but I was a lost lost soul. Luckily, I got a week off for Paternity Leave, but it was a continuous up and down struggle until I was finally able to find the best PDoc..and he straightened things out rather quickly in 99'. Believer it or not, I had so many more details in this story, but had to chop it down to be more manageable. Fast forward another 20+ years, I feel like I have regressed...lost all confidence in myself, have many regrets/lost hopes with my marriage/parenting/'career'...etc. etc. I know I HAVE to write some kind of new chapter to my life somehow, but unfortunately don't have the motivation/focus. And to top that off, my wife is losing patience. Ugh...I am SO longwinded...
  8. Hi Hurricane! It has been difficult to find some time to respond to your last very thoughtful/helpful Post, but I just wanted you to know before I head to bed that I appreciate so much everything that you said above! I will be back in the morning.
  9. Hi Nightjar, I totally understand your apprehension! I certainly am not in any position to suggest or advise... For me? Back in 97' at 35? y/o...I had gotten to a point where I guess I was unable to break out of the extreme downward spiral. It was only my closest friend that suggested that I should seek out some medication. I never considered that as an option until then. That being said...sure, I totally agree that there was/are potential (short term?) downsides to many AntiDepressants in a variety of ways and it is definitely not a 'perfect science'. But I can only vouch for myself that the alternatives were no longer going to workout. And yes, some modifications were needed...and that is where a highly qualified PDoc is extremely important. Please keep me/us posted on how things transpire. Everyone here are extremely supportive.
  10. Hi LindaHurt. I am very new to this specific Depression Central Forum. I'm assuming that the typical back and forth dialog is not how this is supposed to work here? I want to make some comments/replies, but not sure if I should...?
  11. Thanks Hurricane Survivor! But never think you are saying too much! Like I mentioned in the past, I am notorious for 'long stories' LOL TBTH...if only my wife were 1/10 as understanding as your husband is! But then again, maybe I'm to blame a bit too, because I have ALWAYS tried to conceal these things. Maybe it was a little 'easier' because I was always at work. Now...I'm not and she has been WFH since the Pandemic started other than 1 or 2 days each month at the office. For the last couple of months, she has really been getting on me about things...little things that were never the case in the past. Mostly because (I guess) she feels I should be back at work somehow by now. We had a big blowout about it a month ago...and that's when I tried to broach the 'failed' Remeron experiment that lasted the whole Summer. The next day, that dialog was basically forgotten. That being said, even though I was really zonked every morning, most times I would still end up doing plenty of 'DIY' projects...just not on the schedule that she perceived/s it whould be. Very discouraging/dissapointing to say the least. I married an 'old school' woman. And the sad fact is that when I almost completely broke down in 97'...after what I and anyone else here on DF would agree was a gallant effort to fight back and fight off...the likes of nothing I had experienced before...unfortunately and obviously much a part of the cause was that it was ocurring exactly when she gave birth to our first child! Once I recovered...I was so ashamed. That was when the wedge began. And that's why I want to somehow find that 'sweet spot' again that started in 99' and lasted 10 years. So many in between details that are too much (even for me! LOL) to get into right now. Yes, I did buy the Saffron threads. Wasn't too expensive. I'll use it with some food recipes. I now see the Supplement version and I'll give it a shot soon as well. I do think that 300mg is where I want to be, but I'm gonna have to give the company a call to see how the discounts work because they gave me a 90-Day supply of the 150mg for $15...not sure how the discount will work when I up the dose. Thanks for reaching out again!
  12. Yes, I went back to taking Effexor late last Spring. And now I am trying out Wellbutrin in addition. Still trying to find the right combo that worked so well for about 10 years starting in 99'. In the end, while I also wanted to go 'natural', I have come to grips with the reality that using these meds will be a lifetime decision. Yes indeed. Zoloft is right up there as one of the top prescribed. Keep us posted! Maybe take a look at the Zoloft specific forum nce you get going.
  13. Hi Nightjar. Maybe this is a step in the 'right' direction? I can only speak for myself, but after 20 years of taking antidepressants, I decided to see a 'holistic' PDoc a couple of years ago. Slowly weaned off. Didn't workout. I am still struggling after a year to get my brain chemistry back to 'my normal'. Keeping my fingers crossed for you! Do you know what Med is being prescribed?
  14. Changed my 10+ y/o DF Profile earlier this morning, so that I'm not constantly reminded of so many regrets and failures. I guess that's one very small step in the right direction.
  15. Hi Ida Survivor! Ugh...still difficult for me to imagine how I would 'handle' a horrendous Hurricane. Especially when I'm in a Depressed state of mind like I have been subtley falling into for various reasons(made my First Post ever in Depression Central yesterday explaining). When I'm feeling like this, I feel that I can't handle ANYTHING out of the norm. Not at all a 'macho' kind of guy, but I grew up with an old school 'strong/silent' Father who was my hero. Tried to live that way...still do, but it many times does not work for me...ugh. I feel so embarrased being a 60 y/o man still struggling with Anxiety/Depression. Hooray for your Booster! Curious of when they will start talking about the Moderna Booster. That is very interesting about the 18 hour 1/2 life of WB XL. Didn't know that.I will keep it close to bed with some water. That should allow me to take it at least an hour or two earlier than so far. My mood has definitely been sliding since starting the WB, but not sure if it's the WB itself or this increasing darkeness that I have been trying to ignore since last year...mostly related to being out of work, turning 60, and reflecting about my marriage/kids... But I do suppose it could be WB still playing with my neurotransmitters just 5 weeks in...? I actually cut the Trazodone into 1/4(25mg) last night. Slept Ok...think the 10mg of melatonin is helping things along as well. Just ordered some Saffron! Didn't know about that either. Learning alot from you! If I can ask, how do you use it in the morning? Like a tea? Thank you again! I'll certainly be in touch.
×
×
  • Create New...