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Violet31

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Everything posted by Violet31

  1. Hi kmb2010. I´m sorry you´re feeling so bad. I would think you need a good therapist, doctor and couch to go over this problem. Lots of people suffer from this, but there are also people with depression and social phobia who have gotten good results after therapy. I hope you´ll find a good therapist to guide you through this and as rockoBoy says, don´t lose hope. There are things you can do with professionals and also by yourself that help you. Wishing you all the best.
  2. This is a very interesting discussion. I agree that in some cases we are victims. That goes without saying. We are victims of depression, certainly. But for me, the change in attitude helped me more than anything. I felt I got my power back, somehow. I have also had my share of toxic bosses and I don´t expect them to have compassion for me or what I´m going through. As soon as I let go of my expectations of other people, life became so much better.
  3. Hi gandolfication, I used to look at myself as a victim for longer time I´d like to admit. I felt constantly sorry for myself and felt something or somebody was to blame for my misfortune. It was the worst kind of thinking I know of and landed me in countless troubles. At the end, nobody wanted to be near me and my depression seemed endless. My career was going nowhere and everything was stagnated. I´m not sure when I stopped the victim mentality and decided to take 100% responsibility for my life, but it´s been some time ago. It was a life changer and I finally started to get somewhere with my life. I met new people who wanted to be my friends and got better at dealing with most things. It gave me freedom and lifted a huge burden from my chest. For sure, I still get depressive episodes and I´m coming out of a difficult situation right now, but without feeling sorry for myself. Trust me, it leads to nowhere. I think it´s very human to feel this way, but it´s just not helpful. Wishing you the best.
  4. P.S. After I replied to your post, I remembered an email I have not been able to look at - because of my underlying anxiety and fear of failure. In one of my jobs I´m a part time professor at a University and this particular post is the student´s assessment of my work and how well I´ve done last term. What I will do: Call a coworker and go over the student´s assessment with her support, but I´m giving myself time and preparing myself before I do so. Any negative feedback will be used to do better. That´s all there is to it, but it will be tough. I had super critical students last term.
  5. Hi Guyhere92, I can relate to this. I have never been diagnosed with O.C.D but I suspect I have that as well as depression. I feel very strongly about my job and I suspect you do too. I also obsess about my mistakes, but less now than before. With experience, I have learned to deal with it rationally by admitting it immediately and focus on what can I learn from it. I need to deal with people constantly in my line of work and as soon as I make a mistake or it´s pointed out, I reflect on it, then say: "My mistake. I´m really sorry about it." Then I think about what I can to do make up for it and suggest it to the person concerned. Usually it is the end of the matter. I would suggest that you give your mistakes less power by using this method. I always try to do better with each mistake, so it doesn´t have such a strangle hold over me as it used to. You have to get used to making mistakes, because we all do. It´s not what happens, it´s how we deal with it that matters. Take it one day at a time in your job. Don´t think of tomorrow, just the day. Decide you will do the best you can for that day, despite your stress. Use affirmation and self talk to build your self confidence and tell your stress it can be there too, but you are not going to let it bring you down. It will be hard at first, but with practice, it won´t control you. Hope it helps. Let me know.
  6. Dear Brodnax What gives your life meaning? What would you like to achieve in your life? Is it work, love, children, hobbies, creative work? Obviously I cannot give you any real advice about what would give your life meaning, as we are all different. I try to find meaning in each day and be grateful for even the saddest day. I have to force myself to do that sometimes, but it makes me feel better. My life revolves around my work and I have a successful career. During a recent relapse of depression, I realized I need to find something more fulfilling, like a relationship or other interests. I cannot just live for my career. I got myself a therapist to explore all options and the first advice she gave me was to fill out ten things I really want to do in life besides work. Hope it helps and I hope you´ll feel better soon.
  7. Hi Natasha,

    I need to know how to edit a post I wrote or if you could do it for me.

    Best wishes,

    Violet

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Natasha1

      Natasha1

      i have someone looking into this for you. it wouldnt let me pm you.

    3. Violet31

      Violet31

      Ok, thank you.

    4. Tungsten Aromatics

      Tungsten Aromatics

      Hi Violet31 -- Please let me know what post you want to edit and the URL to it. Also, try deleting some of your messages in your inbox so you can get PMs. Tungsten.

  8. Hi swansea84, I think you have more than earned your right to visit, get photos and news from her so you come from this experience stronger and happier. This could be something to think about as time goes by. Hopefully your girlfriend will be back with you. I know from experience how complicated this situation can be - I have a daughter who won´t stay in contact with me and a niece I fostered since she was a baby, so I know a bit about this. It´s more than possible she is after a quiet baby time and I really hope this turns well out for you.
  9. Thank you so much for replying, NoraRae and Follena. I´ve been involved in a search for a friend´s missing daughter - it´s been ongoing since Saturday. I have stopped now and am trying to let go and getting involved with my work and everything that needs to be done. I feel better somehow and have been able to go swimming as I do regularly. Last week I was both lethargic and depressed. This disease is really like the weather. Great to hear that you liked Björk and Emiliana, Follena. I lived abroad for a long time, but got tired of it. I´m also working on a novel and a script, but my constant workload is so much I have very little time to work on it, so it takes forever. I´m also recovering after I lost a male friend who was a little more than a friend and has a girlfriend now. I´m really happy for him, but it´s a loss, nevertheless. Anyway, thanks for reading.
  10. Hi swansea84. I´m really sorry you are in this difficult situation. Don´t feel ashamed - you have every right to feel sad. You lost a girlfriend and a baby you had grown attached to. That is a very real grief and you have done the right thing by reaching out. I don´t know about if it´s a post natal depression, but after I gave birth I was feeling low and tired and wanted peace and quiet more than anything. However, we are all different. You have been there for your girlfriend and you have been a father for her baby. You need to get some answers from her and be able to see the baby from time to time. Has she gone back to the biological father? Don´t let anybody judge you. You did what you thought was right at the time and now you must continue with the cards you have been dealt. Maybe consulting a therapist would be the right course of action. Be good to yourself and remember, this too shall pass.
  11. Hi Goincrazy and Follena. Thank you both for responding to me. I am seeing both a shrink and a therapist who specializes in family therapy as I have a daughter who is involved with a sect and won´t see me and I foster my teenage niece who is prone to anxiety and depression. Honestly, sometimes I feel so tired and drained from this I feel I want to sell up and leave. But both my shrink and therapist are excellent, so I could not be in better hands. We are unraveling some deep and very sad feelings, real grief and trauma work and in many ways it´s good for me, but can be very painful. Vacation seems like a great option. I might want to go for a long weekend somewhere. I´m spending part of the summer on an island in southern Europe. I know I have to go back to basis, like setting goals every day, use prayer and meditation. It´s extremely dark where I am right now. I haven´t seen the sun for three months. It may be a part of it. I´m so glad you replied to me, it means a lot. Thanks again!
  12. I used to come here a lot while dealing with severe depression. Then I got into remission, partly because of new medication that really worked wonders and still does, but I get waves of depression from time to time. I´ve been on a downward spiral since before the holidays and I need help right now. This may be because my mother died last year and I had very mixed feelings about her passing. I threw myself into work and work even more than before, so when I get a spare time, I feel numb and melancholic. I do exercise, eat healthy food, do affirmations and have a job I really and truly love. Got myself out of a financial mess too, but now that I´m making decent money, I feel tired of life and want a radical change. I´m sick of my meditation routine, sick of my workout, sick of my social life, sick of everything. I feel I want to sell everything I own and go around the world. I know it is not rational and would not solve anything. I need to clear my head and I know the first step is to get this out in the open. Then take it from there. Hoping to hear from someone. Thanks so much for reading this. Love to all of you who live with this disease. Know that you are heroes and incredible survivors.
  13. Hi alecman, I´m sorry about your situation. It is always very difficult to lose your job, but try to use it as a challenge to find a new, maybe even better job. The trick is to get active and get all the help and support you need. I think it would be a good idea to see a doctor, as the lack of motivation and feeling miserable suggests you may need medication. What has helped me is a combination of three things: Medication, daily exercise, activities. If I lose one, everything falls through and I have to begin again. I hope this helps. Good luck! Violet.
  14. Jarrod, Ocean and Pinga: :hugs:
  15. I quit my part time job at the TV station because my boss betrayed my trust completely. That was in February. Since then I´ve been looking for a new part time job - I have 75% job at the art house cinema and need the 25% or more to cover. I intend to keep applying this week, I send out about 7- 10 letters every week so I have to keep doing it.
  16. Frederic Chopin, Nocture in E Flat, Op 9 No. 2.
  17. I hope you will feel better soon, Ocean. Try some soothing music. It can work wonders. Remember, it takes time to go out of a difficult patch, but you will get through this and come out stronger.
  18. It´s the coldest spring ever with -5°C and snow. Summer is supposed to be good when winter freezes over to summer according to the pagan calendar, but there is no summer here and my flowers are dying in the garden.
  19. Hi neighbor from the north, Welcome to DF. I think it´s great that you know that gaming made you depressed. Now you can address the problem. I´m afraid most of us have bad habits and it´s hard to break the pattern. But you can do it, either by changing it slowly or just go cold turkey. I had the bad habit for years to smoke in the evening and decided to reduce my smoking slowly. It worked for me and I haven´t smoked since. I couldn´t read the link you had in your post so I removed it as some links are not allowed here. If it´s a picture, you can post it in the gallery. What was it? I´m sure you will find good advice and support here. All the best, Violet
  20. I´m currently writing a book based on this illness I´ve carried for such a long time and I truly love it. There is so many treasures there. I´ve found miracles in darkness and interesting shadows in the light. The story is there. It will take a long time to write, although most of it exists in my diaries. Now I want to make it interesting and inspiring for people who have suffered from this illness and hopefully help someone who is in a dark place, thinking he is trapped. Most of the time we are trapped by the mind. It´s the starting point and the turning point. When that starting point is healed, the rest will follow.
  21. Hi IamWho and welcome to DF. I know people who are over sixty and have made a new life for themselves. Just today a 68 year old woman joined parliament for the first time in my country. She was retired before. I think it´s brilliant. Make a list of things you would like to do and think about joining an interest group or a support group. Good luck! :)
  22. The activities you mention are all enjoyable and good for you. I swim every other day and go to the same swimming pool, but I like to go alone so I can swim without interruption. When I relax in the jacuzzi, I like to chat to the people there, so I´m on nodding terms to most of them. Yesterday I met a group of women who were competing and I talked to them and asked them to teach me. It was fun and they were happy to help. How about joining a baseball team or joining a theater or a dance group? Check out some books or online material for making friends. Sometimes people need good tips on making friends. It doesn´t come natural to everyone. I wish you the best of luck!
  23. Hi Lonlylostsoul and welcome to DF. When you start new activities that involves other people, you will make new friends. You will find them at work and where you volunteer. A very good way to find friends is to join a a class, like pinga suggested or an interest group. When I stopped doing illegal drugs and hanging out with people who did that, I had to start over and make new friends. I was desperate to make friends at the time and I believe people felt my desperation, so people avoided me. When I started loving my life, a new energy was born and I made new friends quickly. Hope it helps. Good luck! :)
  24. Hi fat_cole, As you say, you need to reconstruct a positive self image and stop being dependent on other people´s opinions about you. You can regain your confidence back, but it will take some time and practice. Check out CBT therapy. You can see a therapist or just do exercises online. Talk to yourself in the mirror. I know it sounds strange, but it´s effective and it works. Talk to yourself and tell yourself that you love and value yourself and will do everything in your power to protect you. When someone tells you something negative about yourself, think before you agree. When someone tells me something negative, I usually say: "You gave me something to think about." If it´s constructive criticism, I will think about it. If not, I disregard it. Good luck and please share how it goes.
  25. Hi LilithIsabelle, I´m sorry you´re having problems, but when things are not equal in a relationship, there will always be tensions. You state in the letter that you like to serve him and you seem to accept he is dominating. Do you want to be in a relationship like that long term? When I started dating my husband he had photos of his girlfriend in his living room, but as soon as it was serious, the photos were gone. I would never accept things like that because I find it painful. Most women would. If a boyfriend of mine would say what he would hurt me because he does not like my size... I would feel that we would not be suited to each other and I would not stay another night to get another abusive remark. I find his behavior disrespectful. To answer your question, can you start over, I honestly cannot say. Personally, I would not want to marry a man similar to your boyfriend, because I would be afraid it would turn into mental abuse. Take your time to think about what you want in a relationship and ask yourself if you want to continue like this forever. Usually things don´t get better unless people undergo therapy or go through a life changing experience. If someone is abusive, he probably will continue to be abusive after marriage. In any case, I wish you the best. :)
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