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About VictorianGoth

  • Birthday 01/22/1989

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  1. I understand how you feel. I have been single for awhile now and while I like the solitude I wouldn't mind being in a loving, committed relationship. My last relationship was unbalanced though. I was so depressed and he was- not. Depending on him for comfort and positivity was destroying him. I don't think you must be fully accepting of yourself before finding anyone. People are in long relationships with many issues and insecurities. But I do think maybe some type of healing needs to be in place before it happens-to avoid what happened to me anyway. I am quite lonely. Very very lonely. But I would rather be lonely than in a relationship out of desperation for companionship. I am trying to remain hopeful that my person is out there somewhere. I don't look or search. I just exist and keep a small bit of hope someone is out there who will love me despite my flaws, trauma and all and when we meet I'll be healthy enough not to look upon them as a "therapist".
  2. Hello. I hope you see this. I can relate to your post. I am constantly struggling to love and accept my body and self. I have been taken advantage of by many guys mistaking their "affection" for love and care. And I have been single for about 3 yrs now? I CRAVE AFFECTION SO MUCH. I want to be held, and hugged and kissed. I don't care much for sex. But I don't think I can have another relationship until I learn to love myself more or else I will end up with more guys taking advantage of me. Its hard to love yourself isn't it? I hate myself. I can't look in the.mirror and say "Wow, you are beautiful and worthy of love." Because I don't believe it. I wish you the best. Please know you aren't alone in how you are feeling!
  3. I love Autumn. Its beautiful. But the cloudy, cold and rainy weather is doing me horribly mood wise. I look out my window and I am instantly triggered into a sad mood. I don't wanna go to work. I don't wanna get out of bed. I don't wanna move. Already the lack of sunshine is making me Miserable and its not even Winter yet. I don't know how I will survive this Winter.
  4. I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets are not just pets but family. I can understand your dogs passing being a very emotional and difficult experience for you. I'm sending you *hugs* and hope it gets a little easier. I don't know what i'd do if I had to euthanize one of my cats. Makes me teary just thinking about it
  5. Thank you. I voted. Its all over. My anxiety is going down. I just wish it was a process that was less triggering lol
  6. Americans all over are voting today in the election..... I was upset because absentee voting wasn't possible...Meaning I had to go to the specified polling place, stand in line with many others...etc basically a nightmare for a person with social anxiety So I did. Soon as I got in line (tons of people there already) I started feeling anxiety. Paranoid thoughts that people were staring at me. On top of that I'm african american and there was is so much negativity around african americans voting. I started to Feel like people were staring at me. Judging. Etc. Then I found out I was in the wrong precinct line. A lady came over to check and she quite loudly asked me "WHATS YOUR NAME?" and of course everyone was staring. And then she made a big fuss because my name wasn't popping up and then she stated "OH YOU REGISTERED TO VOTE TOO LATE. THE CUT OFF WAS OCT 9 THATS WHY YOU AREN'T LISTED HERE. YOU REGISTERED TOO LATE. " And my anxiety just skyrocketed and I looked up and many people were just staring at me. And my thoughts started racing and my palms started sweating. I left feeling like I needed to vomit. I feel so ****ing stupid. And I just wanna curl into a ball and hide. I don't understand why we can't just vote online. I'm hoping the absentee ballot will be voted for cause I never wanna do this again.
  7. VictorianGoth

    No One Cares?

    @Natasha1 thank you I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well.
  8. VictorianGoth

    No One Cares?

    I feel this all the time. I reach for solitude. Feel relief. Then grief. When no one reaches out. But why should I when I sought solitude all along? When I want to be away from people. And want to be alone. Why condemn people for doing as I ask? Not that I deserve anyone's love. Or care. I'm a bad friend anyways. But no one understands me. and I wish I had someone to talk to that could.
  9. VictorianGoth


    I won't end myself I won't end myself I won't end myself I won't end myself I won't end myself I won't end myself I can't end my life I can't end my life I can't end my life I can't end my life I have to stay alive I have to stay alive I have to stay alive I have to stay alive I have to stay alive But why?
  10. I an introverted and love my solitude. But I am also very lonely. A deep loneliness that's coming from inside. I am lonely within myself and in my soul. I don't think I'll ever connect to people in a way that makes me feel understood or satisfied. I feel like such an alien...misunderstood by all. But I have barely any energy to meet people or be more social etc
  11. VictorianGoth


    @JD4010 unfortunately they aren't.
  12. I'm just exaushted. My brother called my mom last night and she was giddy and happy to talk to him. Later I asked her if she'd had dinner and without even looking at me, in a monotone voice, replied- "no". She's being like this cause I had an anxiety attack? I'm so confused and angry. But now we aren't talking. Fine by me.
  13. Thank you...*HUGS* Today I am feeling anxious but a bit more steady about going to work today. If I can just shake the thoughts that everyone probably thinks me strange after that panic attack- then I'll be okay.
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