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standup

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  1. Like
    standup got a reaction from ladysmurf in Esketamine...any news?   
    You know, I've always had a pretty low opinion of TMS, especially when it was $20,000. I don't think their success rates are high at all. Even if my insurance paid for it, I don't think I'd be really excited about it. I just feel like, if ECT isn't working, the chances of TMS working are slim to none. I guess I could be wrong.
  2. Like
    standup reacted to ladysmurf in Esketamine...any news?   
    good luck i hope it works
  3. Like
    standup reacted to ladysmurf in Esketamine...any news?   
    im so sorry ....i feel the same way ...nothing ever works for me either..im sorry we both have to suffer, and others who can't get some type of relief from this misery.....
  4. Like
    standup got a reaction from Atra in decided to use cannabis   
    Well, you were feeling like hell and looking for something, anything, to make it go away. I can totally relate to that. Try not to beat yourself up over it. It's really hard living with depression. 
  5. Like
    standup got a reaction from JD4010 in decided to use cannabis   
    Well, you were feeling like hell and looking for something, anything, to make it go away. I can totally relate to that. Try not to beat yourself up over it. It's really hard living with depression. 
  6. Like
    standup got a reaction from sober4life in decided to use cannabis   
    Well, you were feeling like hell and looking for something, anything, to make it go away. I can totally relate to that. Try not to beat yourself up over it. It's really hard living with depression. 
  7. Sad
    standup got a reaction from Epictetus in How Do You Feel Today? #32   
    I feel like a hundred bucks (sarcasm).
  8. Like
    standup got a reaction from slate77 in Anti-Depressants Not Working, Where To Go From Here   
    Meds have not worked for me for years now. I even tried ketamine but it didn't work for me either. Now, my last option is ECT and, in fact, I'm going to the hospital tonight. ECT has a 70-80% success rate. If it doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do. 
  9. Like
    standup got a reaction from Camellia in Anti-Depressants Not Working, Where To Go From Here   
    Meds have not worked for me for years now. I even tried ketamine but it didn't work for me either. Now, my last option is ECT and, in fact, I'm going to the hospital tonight. ECT has a 70-80% success rate. If it doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do. 
  10. Like
    standup got a reaction from ladysmurf in Esketamine...any news?   
    Thanks ladysmurf. I'm aware of the possibility for some memory loss, but I'm willing to live with that. I really hope this is going to work.
  11. Like
    standup reacted to ladysmurf in Esketamine...any news?   
    the only bad thing with ECT is the short memory loss. of course it varies with each person and what treatment they have bilateral or unilateral . but most insurances cover it. it does not help with anxiety as far as i know. it didn't help with mine.. it did help a bit with my depression, probably more than any medication ever did ..i hope it works for you!
  12. Like
    standup got a reaction from iWantRope in ADD prescription helping depression   
    I used to be on adderall so I know for a fact that it helps with my treatment-resistant depression. The problem is, many doctors are too cowardly to prescribe it anymore. I've brought it up to my doctor before and he just brushed it off. Why not prescribe it if it's the only thing that works? It's beyond frustrating to me.
  13. Like
    standup reacted to Entoo in Has anybody else wasted their life?   
    Because some people don't have to fight with their own minds every moment. They get to play life on easy mode. We get stuck on nightmare difficulty where just surviving another day is a challenge.
    Or maybe they are just better than we are or better at hiding pain.
  14. Like
    standup got a reaction from duck in How do you find purpose; get up and get going, with depression?   
    I don't know how to find purpose. There really is no purpose. Right now, I'm just trying to survive. However, long term, I don't care about my health. I smoke, I don't exercise, and I eat poorly. Here's hoping for a massive coronary. Cheers!
  15. Like
    standup got a reaction from duck in How do you find purpose; get up and get going, with depression?   
    I understand. I want you to survive, but I don't feel like surviving myself!
  16. Like
    standup got a reaction from June322 in How do you find purpose; get up and get going, with depression?   
    I understand. I want you to survive, but I don't feel like surviving myself!
  17. Like
    standup got a reaction from Asta in How do you find purpose; get up and get going, with depression?   
    I don't know how to find purpose. There really is no purpose. Right now, I'm just trying to survive. However, long term, I don't care about my health. I smoke, I don't exercise, and I eat poorly. Here's hoping for a massive coronary. Cheers!
  18. Like
    standup got a reaction from JD4010 in How do you find purpose; get up and get going, with depression?   
    I don't know how to find purpose. There really is no purpose. Right now, I'm just trying to survive. However, long term, I don't care about my health. I smoke, I don't exercise, and I eat poorly. Here's hoping for a massive coronary. Cheers!
  19. Like
    standup got a reaction from Epictetus in How do you find purpose; get up and get going, with depression?   
    I don't know how to find purpose. There really is no purpose. Right now, I'm just trying to survive. However, long term, I don't care about my health. I smoke, I don't exercise, and I eat poorly. Here's hoping for a massive coronary. Cheers!
  20. Like
    standup reacted to Omniverse in No good value in a depressed life   
    I have my own personal definition of value, worth, joy, beauty, and happiness that might be different than how most people define those terms.  It is my own philosophy in regards to feeling good and depression.  It is a philosophy I wish to talk about.  When I say in my last statement that depressed people have no good value and worth in their lives, then that is nothing more than my own worldview.  I am not trying to insult anybody or shove my philosophy down other people's throats.  I just want to share what is on my mind in regards to a clinically depressed life and how I see such a life.
    Our good moods/feelings are not just pleasant experiences and nothing more.  They are something far more and many people don't realize it.  They are the actual awareness of good value, worth, joy, beauty, and happiness in our lives.  When you are in a state of well being (feeling good), then that is the awareness (experience) of all the goodness and joys of this life.  There is no other experience besides our good moods/feelings that can give us this awareness.  Our good moods/feelings are a transcended awareness and all other experiences (forms of awareness) are nothing but mechanistic forms of awareness that give no real good value or joy to a person's life at all.

    Sight and hearing are forms of awareness that allow us to visualize objects and perceive sound.  You cannot give yourself sight and hearing by thinking to yourself that you can see and hear when you are blind and deaf just as how you also cannot give your life good value and happiness by thinking that your life has good value and happiness without your good moods/feelings.  This means that our good moods/feelings allow us to "see" just like how sight allows us to see things.  Except, sight allows us to see objects while our good moods/feelings allow us to see all the good value, beauty, and joys of this life.  Empathy/strength of character does not give us the awareness of good value and worth in our lives.

    It only makes us want to help others and carry on in life despite the miserable times.  That is how many people are wired since it benefited our survival and the survival of others.  It, along with our conditioning, deludes us into thinking that a life without good moods/feelings can still be a life that has real good value and joy to us.  But this is all a lie.  It is only through pleasure (feeling good) and pain (feeling bad) that we become aware of the good, the bad, the joy, the suffering, the beauty, and the happiness in our lives.  Therefore, depressed and anhedonic people are living lives that have no good value, no worth, and they don't even realize it.  Some actually do.  But some don't and, unfortunately, still think their lives have real good value and happiness.
  21. Like
    standup got a reaction from June322 in Alternative Thinking: Agnosticism   
    I believe agnosticism is just an inescapable conclusion for me, but it could be that my depression makes me less likely to have some crazy notion like "faith." Still, even if undepressed, I don't think I'd believe in any god - especially not a personal god who intervenes in our daily lives.
    At the same time, I scientifically cannot disprove the existence of a god, and therefore, I'm agnostic and not atheist. 
  22. Like
    standup got a reaction from Asta in Alternative Thinking: Agnosticism   
    I believe agnosticism is just an inescapable conclusion for me, but it could be that my depression makes me less likely to have some crazy notion like "faith." Still, even if undepressed, I don't think I'd believe in any god - especially not a personal god who intervenes in our daily lives.
    At the same time, I scientifically cannot disprove the existence of a god, and therefore, I'm agnostic and not atheist. 
  23. Like
    standup got a reaction from LonelyHiker in What if afterlife is forever and it's bad and you can't avoid it?   
    If there's an afterlife, I can't believe that it could possibly be any worse than a life with depression/ anxiety, because this is hell on Earth.
  24. Like
    standup got a reaction from RockoBoy in Depression and Work/Career   
    The last time I worked at a professional job in my former career was in 2008, until my job was eliminated. Actually, I did have a 4 month stint in 2012 until I was fired because "I didn't seem happy with my job." I never got a chance to have a conversation about my anxiety/ depression.
    So I have no career. I can't go back to what I used to do because I'm "damaged goods" now. I'm not sure I want to go back to that anyways. I'd have to be depression-free to be able to function in that environment anyways.
    For some strange reason, I've been denied disability 3 times even though I'm definitely disabled. I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life, and quite frankly, the situation feels completely hopeless. If I can ever get some kind of working treatment for this depression/ anxiety, I still don't know what I will do as far as work/ career.
    This is all a source of great angst for me and it feeds into my depression. However, I have no clue what to do about it at this point. I feel completely lost. I have lost everything. My last hope is possibly ECT. If that doesn't work, well, all "other" options will be on the table.
  25. Like
    standup reacted to gandolfication in Depression and Work/Career   
    How do you figure? What @Misanthrop said is that no employers will work with depression, and that job descriptions include "works well under pressure."  He is saying simply that you can't go up to a current employer, much less a prospective one and say, for example, "Hi, I want to talk to you about my depression and work with you toward a reasonable accommodation."*  He's absolutely right (something I know not only from having practiced employment law and been in recruiting for several years, but also from multiple personal experiences).  This doesn't mean anything like 1/2 the country would be unemployed.  It means that those who do suffer with anxiety and depression often have their conditions made much worse due to the already generally unrealistic and obsessive work demands entrenched in American and corporate culture.  Corporations literally have a legal fiduciary duty to maximize profit by any legal means.  It is obscene.
    It's not an attitude problem to recognize this.  People, including myself, can have resilient and even marshal positive attitudes DESPITE this.  But saying, "maybe your attitude contributes to the problem also" to me feels very close to if not blaming the patient for his/her condition.  I'm not letting myself off the hook here.  To me, the most important dimension of defining depression as a behavioral disorder/condition/disease, etc., is the explicit recognition that simultaneously while a) it's not our fault we feel this way; b) it is always still our response-ability to do whatever we can to improve and feel (and do and be) as good as we can.  Notice that this is equally true whether one suffers from depression or any other of life's challenges, slings and arrows including other psychological, physical or behavioral conditions. In short, it is dialectical, rather than binary as I think your statement is at risk of implying.
    Here is why it ISN'T simply or even primarily a matter of attitude.  Like I'm sure most here, I have tried hundreds, no thousands of times to work and focus on and improve my view, the way I feel, my thoughts, and my attitude, in a multiplicity of ways (including plenty of CBT, DBT, positive thinking/motivational reading, listening, spirituality, exercise, etc.).  Up until a certain point of my life (when depression became chronic and essentially constant), these efforts worked, and how.  Afterward, they work, at best, extremely marginally.  Now, I need the margin to be sure, and I still strive for it and find it wherever I can.  But that doesn't change that I still end up hitting walls, feeling sui*cidal all the time, feeling hopeless and all the other symptoms of anxiety and depression.  It. Is. Real. I don't mean to go off on this; I do think it is a vital issue and worth discussing on this forum.
    That is my view from my years of experience, study and working on this anyway.  
     
    *Of course technically, legally, if one has gone through the narrow and arduous process of actually being declared disabled with depression and is still working (let alone in a 'fast-paced' high pressure environment), then they can have exactly that conversation about a reasonable accommodation, but let's be honest about this, exceedingly few who 'should be' and deserve to have this protection actually do have it or can get it (that's just a fact of the law and procedure and power imbalance of the employer).  And even for those few who do have this protection it is a very dubious proposition to imagine that their work (and life) situations often end up working out well vis a vis their employment.  The most common stories when I have encountered people who have sought and/or succeeded with the disability determination are invariably horror stories because frankly the employer isn't going to lose in the end and guess what, depressed people are most often not doing overly well financially and thus don't have powerful lobbying or interest groups, which employers have literally hundreds of, including their in-house HR and legal teams.  Employment at will still means someone can be fired for virtually any reason or of course no reason at all.
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