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Everything posted by standup

  1. Bumping this because I don't feel like seeing my therapist today. I know therapy can be ultra helpful for different people in different situations, but for me, it's basically just a waste of time.
  2. You know, I've always had a pretty low opinion of TMS, especially when it was $20,000. I don't think their success rates are high at all. Even if my insurance paid for it, I don't think I'd be really excited about it. I just feel like, if ECT isn't working, the chances of TMS working are slim to none. I guess I could be wrong.
  3. Thanks but I'm not holding my breath. I think my biggest challenge is to accept that I'm going to be suffering for a very long time until I can have the gift of death.
  4. Johnson & Johnson will get even richer with this drug even though it's just an analogue of something that already existed. I doubt they really spent that much money to develop this, but they're certainly not going to pass on their savings to the depressed consumer who's dying inside and looking for any way to escape.
  5. I think I ended up doing 7 ketamine infusions. edit: and since that time, I had 12 bilateral ECT treatments, and not even that worked. I'm currently trying Latuda and hoping beyond hope that that helps.
  6. Well, you were feeling like hell and looking for something, anything, to make it go away. I can totally relate to that. Try not to beat yourself up over it. It's really hard living with depression.
  7. gandolf, You're the only other person I know of in my situation - completely treatment-resistant, chronic, unyielding depression and anxiety. I have one more ECT treatment left and it's not working anyways. I feel cursed. I am at a crossroads today. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried a million medications, ECT, and nothing has worked. Everything seems so bleak right now. I wish I had some answers for both of us, but I don't. All I can hope for now is some kind of miracle, for both of us. EDIT: Oops, I think I posted this in the wrong thread.
  8. People in the US get disability for mental illness, even depression. It isn't easy, but it happens.
  9. I know how you feel. I've tried so many different things to help with my severe depression. I've tried many, many medications for depression & anxiety and nothing seems to work. I also see a therapist but that only goes so far. Recently, I went into the hospital to begin getting ECT treatments. I've had 7 treatments so far I and still feel the same (but there's still a chance it could start working after a few more treatments). I have to come to grips with the fact that not even ECT may work, and then I'll be completely out of options. I have also filed for disability because I don't think there's any way I can work full time while dealing with this. I was denied disability and now I'm appealing that decision. I have to live with my parents because I can't handle the stress and financial responsibility of living on my own, although I've lived on my own in the past. I just don't know what to do or how to proceed with my life. I feel like a complete failure, even though I know this is not my fault. It's a severe illness like any other. I wish I had something more helpful to say to you, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have any answers. However, sometimes it helps just knowing that there's someone else out there in your shoes. You are not alone, man.
  10. Thanks ladysmurf. I'm aware of the possibility for some memory loss, but I'm willing to live with that. I really hope this is going to work.
  11. Meds have not worked for me for years now. I even tried ketamine but it didn't work for me either. Now, my last option is ECT and, in fact, I'm going to the hospital tonight. ECT has a 70-80% success rate. If it doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do.
  12. Unfortunately, I was in the roughly 30% group who doesn't respond to it. Since then, I've tried other medications and nothing is working. I am desperate and generally don't have the will to live anymore....which is why I made the decision to get ECT. I'm actually going into the hospital later today (so I won't be able to respond to any messages after that).
  13. There is a beta blocker called propranolol (Inderal) that is often used for physical anxiety (tachycardia, shaking, etc). It would probably help with the palpitations. I would ask your doctor about it.
  14. I used to be on adderall so I know for a fact that it helps with my treatment-resistant depression. The problem is, many doctors are too cowardly to prescribe it anymore. I've brought it up to my doctor before and he just brushed it off. Why not prescribe it if it's the only thing that works? It's beyond frustrating to me.
  15. I'm in the same boat. I've been depressed/ anxious for years now and it only gets worse. I ask myself the same question: "What is the point in going on like this?" It's to the point where I've signed up to get ECT, maybe some time in September. I don't even know if I can wait that long. Just sitting here typing this message hurts. Every day is just pain. If ECT doesn't work, I may have to move on to Plan B.
  16. I'm a member of a much more active chat (for people with mental illness). If anybody would like to check it out, just PM me and I'll give you an invitation link.
  17. I am a member of a small chat group for people with mental illness. It really helps me out to be able to have someone to talk to. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. This link is only good for 10 people, so if for some reason more than 10 people see this and use it, just PM me. Also PM me if this link is deleted for some reason. https://discord.gg/rXC8qmT Tell them you were invited by "Dopa."
  18. I'm about to turn 40 and already feel like my life is over. I depend on my parents right now. Everything I've ever done has gone wrong. My life feels like it's beyond repair. Deep down, I know I was dealt a bad hand with the depression and anxiety that influences everything I do, but despite that, I still very often just feel like a loser. You are not alone.
  19. I did go up to 20 mg and it didn't work for me. But not only did it not work for me, I didn't even get the side effects. I never got any nausea. This makes me wonder if my body even metabolizes these drugs in the first place.
  20. So sorry, gandolf. I'm right there with you when it comes to chronic, treatment-resistant depression. It's so hard to deal with. Just know you're not alone. I'm seriously desiring ECT right now because no meds work for me. I've been in a depression for about the last 7 years. It's exhausting and feels totally hopeless.
  21. I am highly treatment-resistant. No other SSRI has ever worked for me. The only drug that's ever worked for me was Effexor but it pooped out. It's very discouraging. I was very close to getting ECT, but I'm giving this a shot first. I was on 5 mg for a little less than a month and just started 10 mg a few days ago. I'm eager to get up to 20 mg, but I have to wait another month until my next appointment. If this works, it will be a miracle. If that happens, I'll be back to share my experience - especially for others who, like me, are fairly treatment-resistant. If this works, it think it will be due to its relatively novel method(s) of action.
  22. I can completely relate. Sorry, I don't have the energy or motivation to give you a longer response, but what you are describing is exactly how I feel. Good luck.
  23. I understand. I want you to survive, but I don't feel like surviving myself!
  24. I don't know how to find purpose. There really is no purpose. Right now, I'm just trying to survive. However, long term, I don't care about my health. I smoke, I don't exercise, and I eat poorly. Here's hoping for a massive coronary. Cheers!
  25. I've been on 60 mg for over two months and it hasn't worked. Today, my dose was increased to 120 mg. Has anyone increased from 60 to 120 mg with good results?
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