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About standup

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  1. Bumping this because I don't feel like seeing my therapist today. I know therapy can be ultra helpful for different people in different situations, but for me, it's basically just a waste of time.
  2. You know, I've always had a pretty low opinion of TMS, especially when it was $20,000. I don't think their success rates are high at all. Even if my insurance paid for it, I don't think I'd be really excited about it. I just feel like, if ECT isn't working, the chances of TMS working are slim to none. I guess I could be wrong.
  3. Thanks but I'm not holding my breath. I think my biggest challenge is to accept that I'm going to be suffering for a very long time until I can have the gift of death.
  4. Johnson & Johnson will get even richer with this drug even though it's just an analogue of something that already existed. I doubt they really spent that much money to develop this, but they're certainly not going to pass on their savings to the depressed consumer who's dying inside and looking for any way to escape.
  5. I think I ended up doing 7 ketamine infusions. edit: and since that time, I had 12 bilateral ECT treatments, and not even that worked. I'm currently trying Latuda and hoping beyond hope that that helps.
  6. Well, you were feeling like hell and looking for something, anything, to make it go away. I can totally relate to that. Try not to beat yourself up over it. It's really hard living with depression.
  7. gandolf, You're the only other person I know of in my situation - completely treatment-resistant, chronic, unyielding depression and anxiety. I have one more ECT treatment left and it's not working anyways. I feel cursed. I am at a crossroads today. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried a million medications, ECT, and nothing has worked. Everything seems so bleak right now. I wish I had some answers for both of us, but I don't. All I can hope for now is some kind of miracle, for both of us. EDIT: Oops, I think I posted this in the wrong thread.
  8. People in the US get disability for mental illness, even depression. It isn't easy, but it happens.
  9. I know how you feel. I've tried so many different things to help with my severe depression. I've tried many, many medications for depression & anxiety and nothing seems to work. I also see a therapist but that only goes so far. Recently, I went into the hospital to begin getting ECT treatments. I've had 7 treatments so far I and still feel the same (but there's still a chance it could start working after a few more treatments). I have to come to grips with the fact that not even ECT may work, and then I'll be completely out of options. I have also filed for disability because I don't think there's any way I can work full time while dealing with this. I was denied disability and now I'm appealing that decision. I have to live with my parents because I can't handle the stress and financial responsibility of living on my own, although I've lived on my own in the past. I just don't know what to do or how to proceed with my life. I feel like a complete failure, even though I know this is not my fault. It's a severe illness like any other. I wish I had something more helpful to say to you, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have any answers. However, sometimes it helps just knowing that there's someone else out there in your shoes. You are not alone, man.
  10. Thanks ladysmurf. I'm aware of the possibility for some memory loss, but I'm willing to live with that. I really hope this is going to work.
  11. Meds have not worked for me for years now. I even tried ketamine but it didn't work for me either. Now, my last option is ECT and, in fact, I'm going to the hospital tonight. ECT has a 70-80% success rate. If it doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do.
  12. Unfortunately, I was in the roughly 30% group who doesn't respond to it. Since then, I've tried other medications and nothing is working. I am desperate and generally don't have the will to live anymore....which is why I made the decision to get ECT. I'm actually going into the hospital later today (so I won't be able to respond to any messages after that).
  13. There is a beta blocker called propranolol (Inderal) that is often used for physical anxiety (tachycardia, shaking, etc). It would probably help with the palpitations. I would ask your doctor about it.
  14. I used to be on adderall so I know for a fact that it helps with my treatment-resistant depression. The problem is, many doctors are too cowardly to prescribe it anymore. I've brought it up to my doctor before and he just brushed it off. Why not prescribe it if it's the only thing that works? It's beyond frustrating to me.
  15. I'm in the same boat. I've been depressed/ anxious for years now and it only gets worse. I ask myself the same question: "What is the point in going on like this?" It's to the point where I've signed up to get ECT, maybe some time in September. I don't even know if I can wait that long. Just sitting here typing this message hurts. Every day is just pain. If ECT doesn't work, I may have to move on to Plan B.
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