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About Deefex

  • Birthday 11/24/1981

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    Music Production, Cubase, FL STudio, History, The British Monarchy, Psychotherapy, Synthesizers, AA/NA, Love and Peace, Mental illnesses, Photography, Computers, DAWs, Philosophy, VSTi, Orgasms, Art, Spiritualism, Walking, Warehouses, Relaxing, Open Grass Fields, Industrial locations, Architecture, History, Large Empty Wooden Floors, Public Access Channels, Synth Punk, Digital Hardcore, Ballrooms, DMX Scanners, Drum Machines, Raves, Lasers, Black and White Photography, MIDI, Wav Loops, Rack Gear, Etc...

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  1. First of, I'd like to say, please don't do anything without talking to your psychiatrist or doctor. That being said. I suffer from somewhat of a severe anxiety. GAD. I have always been looking for the perfect mix or single medication to do the trick with my anxiety and apart from xanax, I wasn't able to find one. Lexapro was able in stopping the panic attacks. But I just discovered a mix of meds that might really help. I'm currently on 1mg of klonopin 3x a day, 25mg hydroxyzine 3x, Lexapro and Gabapentin. This has severely impacted my anxiety for the better. It is really doing wonders. I decided to write this post, because the science of psychiatry is very hit or miss and you have to wait t a whole month to see if something works or not. So I suggest you asking your psychiatrist whether you should switch to this meds regimen and see if he'll comply and think it's a good idea. Only the klonopin is a controlled substance, so you might not get such a backlash over it. But Google those 3 meds, Klonopin (If you're already on a benzo), gabapentin + hydroxyzine. you'll see what works on what and see that it has potential. I'd love for someone to maybe add some points or change this idea because I'm not a health professional. But I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was 14. So please, give me your feedback on this. Thank you very much. I greatly appreciated it. Have a nice day! Moe
  2. Has anybody ever felt this sort of psychedelic side- effect from Klonopin? Like if i'm on it every single day, things seem more fluid, but not in my vision. It's very hard to explain, but like voices are clearer in my head and I think I hear stuff that's not even there. I'm wondering if I should go on librium or something else. I'm also on Lexapro, and that doesn't always work all the time.
  3. Yeah, Risperidone has that effect on me too. I have borderline p.d. sometimes I have delusional periods. But if risperidone isn't working, try Haldol or Zyprexa. Actually Haldol is the strongest, so maybe try Zyprexa first. There are many medications out there. for a time now it will become a trial and error kind of period. Usually the first thing doesn't work for many ppl. But if something isn't working, and it's been a few weeks, mostly 4, then tell your dr. that you'd like to be on something else. Because if it hasn't worked by 4-6 weeks, it's most likely not going to work. But make sure you switch and not just stop taking one till you start taking another med.
  4. Good, advice. But a lot of meditation and kinds of meditations will try to have you just calm your breath, even for a short possible moment.
  5. Buspar seemed to only work like 3 days for me. I continued it for 3.5 more weeks. And then she finally switched me to klonopin. But if you're trying to find a medication that's not benzo-based, it can help many if you take it appropriately.
  6. I sometimes feel like the older I get, the lesser are the symptoms. And that's one of the things known about BPD that psychs will tell you, at least I hope all do. They say when you get in your 40s and 50s, the symptoms become less severe. I never had a problem with #1 in an extreme way. However, I always depended on other ppl for a good time. I'm not much of a loner, but the older I get, the more I try not to depend on other ppl or always want to be around other ppl. Unstable interpersonal relationships is a big one for me. I've always gotten into friendships and relationships with unstable ppl and I go through moments of ideation and viewing someone in a completely negative light. I also don't connect much with the anger symptom, I don't really get angry, adn when I do, it's pretty stable. I do sometimes say things I regret, but I don't really yell. I just want ppl to know that if you're experiencing severe BPD symptoms, they will get less severe as you grow up.
  7. Yes^. I don't know exactly how things are when you live in a small town. But I've watched some documentaries about finding clinics for substance abuse (I know you don't have the same problem). And some people would ride a bus for an hour or more to get to this clinic they needed to go. I know it's completely sort of a different scenario. But maybe try and envision you being in the same place. Like if you don't get to a LGBT community center or bar or cafe or something where there are others like you, you will ultimately suffer terrible consequences. We are human beings and humans are sociable by nature. We need to always find a clique, group, crew or whatever it is when we are teenagers to feel like we could get through some of the hardest parts (teenage years) of life a bit easier. The thing we often don't think about anymore due to still being friends with those we met in high school, parties or along the way is that we need to continue being sociable into our 20s and 30s. Sure there are people who prefer to be loners. But usually the loners are completely fine being alone with their pet or plant or something. Others are ok just chatting online now. But it's imperative that in your case, you find another LGBT person in your area OR someone who at least accepts who you are, so you could rely on and also make things easier. I mean this with all my heart because I went through the same thing when I was a teenager because I was gay and in a new country, where I didn't speak the language and things at home weren't as pleasant as I would've wished them to be, but I got through it sort of ok. But I'm telling you now, you don't have to go through that because there is the possibility of picking up nasty habits such as alcoholism, to fill that void that we all have. Shout me a msg if you ever want to talk and I'll give u my Email. Strictly platonic.
  8. Hey people. Hope to use this forum and account more. It's very helpful and I love helping people, even if it's just a "hang in there",  :)

  9. Dude, there are a lot of people who feel lonely. Some are even in relationship. But living in a homophobic town must take its toll. Please understand that there are ppl out there you can talk to. Even in your state, even if you haven't met them yet, they are there. Maybe just look for a bar or some center in the big city of your state. Maybe consider moving to a bigger town in your state if that's an option. But please don't let this be a reason why you'd consider suicide. There are many people who have moved from states or even countries to be with someone they have found online. hang in there.
  10. This might be a bit off topic. But I've noticed that my voices dimmed and at times, completely went away when I stopped over-drinking and getting high on other stuff. I'm not saying you do. Please forgive me. But the "They're all gonna laugh at you" episodes I used to have, have entirely diminished when I decreased or stopped my drug use. Also, It has made me more relaxed about my surroundings. I used to have voices that used to tell me who it was that was going to hurt me on the street, as I walked. Sorry for getting off topic. But yes, I drink chamomille tea, and take melatonin, ambien, seroquel and valium sometimes. Though not all at once.
  11. Hi, I've been suffering with PTSD and anxiety for almost 10 years. But I was drugged and sexually abused in a hotel room for 2 days in 2004. I didn't report it. It has taken me literally years to deal with it head on. I haven't truly acknowledged what even happened till i went to outpatient rehab about 3 years ago, then psychotherapy. But even then i wasn't able to go into details so i guess i didn't deal with it the healthy way. I say this because i feel sometimes, the more time that passes, new things start to pop up. I kind of stopped the denial phase. I Accepted what happened to me. I also ended the "i deserved it" way of thinking, which brought on things like shame. not dealing with it because i didn't think anyone would believe me or truly help me because i was heavily into drugs. Right now, i'm trying the CBT way of dealing with negative feelings of fear, shame and/or guilt, etc... So whenever i start feeling something negative, I just ride it out and don't try to stop myself from thinking those things or reliving the event. Those are the things i hate the most. Even though at the time i was very out of me off an on, Now i think about it and sometimes i can clearly put myself back in the room. and that is the worst thing i have to go through sometimes. It is something that i have tried to push out of my mind for so many years, so you i can't even begin to describe how i feel when i see his face or think of those days. I think I've passed the phase of drinking and getting high to not think about it. Or try to get artificial happiness or artificial euphoria. But for a while now, i'm always checking to see if my door is properly locked. Since it happened, I've always been scared of getting attacked again. So i'm always scared someone is going to come in my house and kidnap me. I decided to write this post because on another board, someone was talking about wanting to commit suicide, and how he should do it. So since I've been there and tried and failed a few times after this incident (I tried when i was 14 and 16 as well. I was diagnosed with depression at 14 and was put on Prozac after a hospitalization from a suicide attempt). So i described some of my past, and being there too and wanting to die. But after failing. After going to rehab, trying to cheer myself up. And little by little, wanting to stay alive. So i thought maybe it would help me if i made a thread and maybe get some advice on ways of dealing with these symptoms and being on the way to being anxiety free. Right now for psychiatric stuff, I'm currently prescribed Celexa, Propanolol, Zyprexa, Hydroxyzine, and Methadone. The methadone is more for an addiction for illegal drugs. I decided to use illegal drugs when i was suicidal and 2 years after this the incident. I felt like i was going to die, so i might as well use illegal drug to see how it's like, and maybe then commit suicide. But I really think the illegal drug helped me become happier. I was able to not be anxious, have panic attacks or feel scared whenever i wasn't drinking. I think it helped me so much that i stopped drinking and just stayed with illegal drugs. At that point I was doing a lot of various illegal drugs and alcohol. But after the incident, I realized that illegal drug didn't help me from trying to not think about what happened. I needed something that was going to make me sleep while being awake. So these illegal drugs fit in perfectly. I don't really use it that much anymore since i'm on methadone. I used a klonopin this weekend, but before that, it was a couple of weeks ago. and i have a # for Xanax bars, because i can't get any benzos from my psychiatrist because of my past drug history. but i haven't really been calling him. maybe just once a month. Right now i like to isolate i guess. I just stay home. I feel safe at home. I have a significant other who visits me sometimes and begs me to come over and sleep over, But i usually end up saying tomorrow or this upcoming weekend. But i just find an excuse to not go. I haven't told him the extent of my PTSD, But he knows I suffer from anxiety and depression, so he is comforting when i tell him i'm depressed or anxious. My parents don't know how to deal with me, They know i suffer from mental illnesses, But they just thin it's Depression. I'm sorry to just ramble on. But i guess i'd like some advice on what I should do to help these symptoms go away. Thanks
  12. I used to be the same way. I used to go out of my way to please my friends. My parents kept pointing it out. I think i'm better now. Maybe with time it'll get better. As you grow you'll try to change it and it'll help. Are you over 30 now or 20s or teenager? (If you don't mind me asking)
  13. You might just be in a church that doesn't agree with you. Trust me, there are a lot of churches out there that welcome everybody. You should try finding one in your area and see how much easier it'll be to accept your sexuality while being faithful to your religious beliefs.
  14. Yeah, I've also read some Buddhism books in my early 20s(8 years ago). I wanted to read it to get some insight into battleling drug addiction, depression and suicidal ideation. I don't think i gave it as much attention and thought as i should've. I was in a really bad period in my life. And after being sexually abused, it only made things worse. But i've finally came out of that deep depression and am feeling more optimistic. I've been thinking about going to this new age bookstore and buying maybe a book on theosophy, Rosicrucians or Buddhism again. I like taking some things from each religion and trying to apply it in my every day life. It's hard, but i guess the more you read it, the more you'll remember it and then the more you'll be able to use it. But i think it's a wonderful religion. I sometimes wish all the americans would be Buddhists(lol). I think things would be a lot more peaceful. lol
  15. I take it sometimes and it's a pretty good anti-psychotic. Doesn't have anywhere as near as the same side effects as say zyprexa...
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