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infobabe1

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About infobabe1

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  • Birthday 05/01/1974

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    dawn511974

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    East Tennessee
  • Interests
    inspiring music, tennis, golf, hiking, the lake, the mountains. Alabama football, Michigan State bball, lady vol bball and softball, hate hockey and soccer. My nieces, work, hanging with friends, volunteering, electronic gadgets, animals, church, medical topics, alternative health, movies, Shinedown, 3doors concerts. Kenny Cheasney, Martina Mcbride, grew up listening to Foreigner. Appreciate art, architecture, plays. Love the beach, dolphins, the smoky mountains, environment conservation, chocolate, and sailing.

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  1. hey i lost my job due to my nerves i posted publicly to you.

  2. Hey just wanted to let you know I can relate to what you are saying here. I'm going through the same thing. What to share with my friends what not to? Whom I like and who doesn't like me? Who is worth forming a depper relationship and who isn't? I'm thinking why talk to he/she I don't really like them anyway! That's a hard place to be in when you want friends! I got angry recently at a group of friends and unloaded on them big time! FRUSTRATED. I said, "Well you seem like you care about me to my face, but when I call you and you are sort of busy or your other friends who are not struggling call you, I'm put off." I need a friend too! Am I being too needy?" Its been going on for a year now. Why don't you return my phone calls? Am I doing something wrong?" Then they say talk to Jesus about it. Friend people will disappoint you, but Jesus never will. The spirit is within you. You are created to CRAVE. Anyway, I'm having to ask for forgiveness alot. I show my frustrations big time! Emotions are hardwired we communicate this way more so than talking! It sounds like you are a little bit frustrated in communicating your needs to them? This is a fine line. I told my friend that I'm reaching out and it just seems no one is reaching back? I'm very emotional and direct perhaps some people can't handle that? So my therapist suggested I try not to be so direct. However not sure how to do this because I thought sometimes it's okay to be direct to ask for what you need >no one's a mind reader right?> Blue rain, you are human being who hurts and they just don't understand so give yourself time to be disappointed and then move on. We all want to love and be loved in return. You are going to be ok. We fall down and we get back up. Your story is just like mine we have similar personality. Long writeup I know just want to help. Hi infobabe1 Many thanks for your reply. What I find sometimes with friends is that I fear I could push them away if I kept bending their ears and venting to them. With the others I dont get along with I just keep imagining this scenario where tales could be told to my friends which would ultimately turn them away from me. This is just how it was when I was bullied in school so there is a part of me that thinks it is just going to keep happening again and again. I realise that what happened was 16 to 21 years ago and probably wont ever happen again but I do tend to have a trust issue now when it comes to people. I do trust all of my friends, its just that annoying little nagging part of my brain that sets negative feelings off, which tends to go round in a cycle and is sometimes hard to break. Sometimes when I'm feeling low at work, I just "switchoff" and keep myself to myself getting on with the work. I had the last 2 weeks off work on annual leave and coming back to work was surprisingly difficult. Not only because it is quite a Biotchy environment where people are so quick to slag you off behind your back after being nice to your face, but also that there are redundancy's looming, which is never ever easy! My switching off happened this week and ended yesterday afternoon. I think I accidently hurt one of my friends with my silence over the last 2 and a half days which made me feel even worse but we were fine and were laughing together again. I think she does understand me, as she goes through similar motions like I do, and has been on various treatments so I know she lets me be silent and gives me "companiable space" I need without taking offence (i hope!). Luckily, I have another 2 that also know when I need quiet time and are beginning to reseach depression to understand it better. I'm glad because it will help eliminate those horrible little misunderstanding moments. I think the venlafaxine is doing be good. It even helps me sleep better (at times) at night. When I hit a low tired patch during the day though, I really feel it and get quite irritable. It seems that enough sleep is really never enough sleep. I'm going to take your advice and only say certain things to people when they need to be said. If they ask me a direct honest question, I will give them an honest answer. There is too much going around at the moment with work so I dont want to be too demanding on them. I'm feeling more positive today, I must thank you for that. When I read your reply I was glad to be able to relate to somebody else and its true what you said, we all do hurt but eventually we pick ourselves up and carry on. It just seems to be magnified with depression. I do get frustrated when I cant say what I really want to say to people and after the event I tend to analyse what I had said and always reach the outcome: D*** Ive just made it a whole lot worse, and then the cycle begins again! Do you find that at times you can be very hard on yourself and put yourself down? I find that I do this to myself quite a lot. Anxiety is a really pain! I also feel like I'm always apologising for silly little things too, its a real pain and something I must stop doing to increase my self esteem. I hope you are doing ok at the moment, if you ever want to vent with me, feel free to message me. Take care Blue_rain Hey thanks for replying and sharing your thoughts with me! Glad you are feeling positive. A few things have happened since I last posted that I'm not happy about. I'm having shutdowns too. It does seem to be similar to you bluerain it's ironic that I just told my family that I'm having mini-shutdowns at work and can't focus. I told my boss I'm struggling (tendonnitis in my elbow too doesn't help)I'm a cashier. I've gotten written up twice and can't seem to get on the good side of my team leads or management. Being bullied is no small thing. I don't like intimidation in the workplace nor do I like mindgames, selfish ambition, and gossip. I quote YOU "it is quite a Biotchy environment where people are so quick to slag you off behind your back after being nice to your face, but also that there are redundancy's looming, which is never ever easy!" YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. Management at my work wants you to stay busy. Well there's only so many shirts to fold, windows to clean, and stock to put up. If business is slow it's just the way it is. So this was a brand new store I helped setup. My grand opening we had associates complaining, schedules messed up, customer's complaining, team leads egos hurt, and customers not happy. I thought what is with all the griping? We didn't have all the answers and we are not robots>people make mistakes. A trainer told me only half of us will last past the holidays. You don't know how important it is for me to have a job. It is a healthy/social/financial distraction. Plus I like to eat, buy meds, gas, and take a hot shower. I don't have a family and do have a place to live so I can pick what jobs I want, but in the US it's very hard unemployment is 10% right now. So depression can affect our work performance. I take buspar and it has helped with alot of nervousness and social anxiety/worrying. However the chest pain, the emptiness, cognitive distortions, and depression are real it hurts. I just finished working 14 twelve hour shifts and I feel my body got out of balance and so I was snapping at people at work. I quote you again, "When I hit a low tired patch during the day though, I really feel it and get quite irritable. It seems that enough sleep is really never enough sleep." How can we explain that to an employer? They don't care they need you to perform. I have these shutdowns when I get nervous. So blue rain these shutdowns; have you talked to your doctor or a trusted person about it? Do you think it psychological, medical, or just plain stress? On top of the job loss my sister and her kids have come into town and I just can't take it right now so I booked a room for the week. Advice I've heard we can't please everyone. We have to do what's best for ourselves. Even if a job is causing further stress we have to find out how to cope. I was...everyone was proud of me, but it was too late. I am going to work on identifying self defeating behavior and how to do some thought stopping so I don't let this job define my self worth and do something irrational. Yes I am very hard on myself and it has to stop.
  3. WElcome friend love your inner child today.

  4. Hey just wanted to let you know I can relate to what you are saying here. I'm going through the same thing. What to share with my friends what not to? Whom I like and who doesn't like me? Who is worth forming a depper relationship and who isn't? I'm thinking why talk to he/she I don't really like them anyway! That's a hard place to be in when you want friends! I got angry recently at a group of friends and unloaded on them big time! FRUSTRATED. I said, "Well you seem like you care about me to my face, but when I call you and you are sort of busy or your other friends who are not struggling call you, I'm put off." I need a friend too! Am I being too needy?" Its been going on for a year now. Why don't you return my phone calls? Am I doing something wrong?" Then they say talk to Jesus about it. Friend people will disappoint you, but Jesus never will. The spirit is within you. You are created to CRAVE. Anyway, I'm having to ask for forgiveness alot. I show my frustrations big time! Emotions are hardwired we communicate this way more so than talking! It sounds like you are a little bit frustrated in communicating your needs to them? This is a fine line. I told my friend that I'm reaching out and it just seems no one is reaching back? I'm very emotional and direct perhaps some people can't handle that? So my therapist suggested I try not to be so direct. However not sure how to do this because I thought sometimes it's okay to be direct to ask for what you need >no one's a mind reader right?> Blue rain, you are human being who hurts and they just don't understand so give yourself time to be disappointed and then move on. We all want to love and be loved in return. You are going to be ok. We fall down and we get back up. Your story is just like mine we have similar personality. Long writeup I know just want to help.
  5. Hi I am not exactly new just been offline for a while. I know I'm not alone in my struggles, but when you are hurting you want to know why? Depression has ruined my life. Cope by using my laptop it crashed and I lost my ipod. I have deep breathing techniques on my ipod. Yeah I actually grieved over my ipod and laptop for a while. I've posted on here before and people that know me say I live and breathe my depression/anxiety concerns. Sometimes when you are irritable there's nothing you can do except isolate? Anyone relate to this? If I isolate too long I get bummed out. I don't have a SO or other concerns it's just ME> I am told I'm not helpless?? O.......V......E........R............W.....H........E.......L.............M................E................D So I'm over it and accepting that there will be others that just don't understand my moods until they walk in my shoes. So I suffer silently. It's hard for me to feel close to another human being when I get ill like this. Can anyone relate to this? You just want the pain to go away right? I start questioning everything, over thinking, and giving up. Use coping skills never underestimate your ability to cope right? I'm struggling alot lately tried to go back to work cause I don't draw disability and I like to be around others when I'm feeling good. This has gone on for quite sometime I have a history of not being able to hold down a job. It is an unfair workplace, discrimination, gossip, favortism, lazy, smart etc. I had an exacerbation of my symptoms so not getting along with others. I'm having issues in my relationships and at work which usually brings me great pleasure. Due to my inability to focus(meds drowsy/tired 12 hour shifts and tedonitis in my elbow I was a cashier) I ended up quitting my job yesterday. Quit with dignity and respect signed paper quit due to health concerns. :verysad3: I kept getting write ups so I figured they were already angry at me why work another day? I really feel like I pushed myself and gave them my best. I told my therapist that this was my best. My team leads were picking up on my moods/emotions/actions I snapped and they taddle tale like little kids. I have a great pdoc so counting my blessings today. O..........N.......E..............D......A..........Y...........A..T.......A........T....I.........M.........E We had to have a family intervention last night because we know my triggers and I'm wanting to give up. You try to live your life with no income. I don't like struggling like this and want a friend to talk to and some support. I call the talk lines and don't need to be isolated right now. VENT<VENT<VENT I'm somewhat calm and clearheaded, thanks to the buspar and trileptal. However I feel like I may be in a mania cycle so hoping it will pass. So when the holiday week is over I may have to talk to my pdoc. I feel my mood is due to stress so it could be situational. Thanks for letting me vent what are you others doing for the holidays?
  6. what's on my mind a million bad thoughts NEED HELP.

  7. Happy birthday!

  8. There is hope you need to elaborate cause I'm not doing too well. Just want to pain to go away or I will escape it.
  9. By the way if you live in the USofA we are having an economic crisis so if you are working at all you are a lucky person! Give yourself a break. It is hard working when you don't feel good.As for big gaps in resume some suggestions: HAHA I love this quoted from above... * List a personal project on there (ie. I was working on a novel, building my own business, painting, etc.). * Say that you were battling and recovering from a life threatening illness (depression). It's the truth, and you don't have to disclose what the illness was. Let them think it was cancer or some other disease, your depression is not their business. * Pad the year of the two jobs you had from before and after the gap. If the gap was more than 5 years ago who cared if you worked at the cafe for 1 year instead of 3. Plus everyone who worked at the cafe are probably not even there anymore. I know telling white lies or not telling the whole truth might not sit right with some people on this forum but for me, until things change and employers are more understanding, I've learned it's more important to protect myself. Yes indeed cause you gotta TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST to be healthy enough to work. If I might add what would you say if a coworker or supervisor caught you coming out of the bathroom with red eyes and puffiness from crying??? How many times can you say oh I'm just not feeling well???
  10. Hey I'm in a similar situation as my insurance is asking for me to goto a psychological testing center so they can get a pscyhogist with Phd. to evaulate me and get a true diagnosis. I'm new to my pdoc and practice they don't "know" me. My moods cycle too catwithgrinz. I don't respond to stress or responsibility well and I can't even imagine what it is like to be in disciplined in military or worse go to war. Thanks for serving our country. With my illness (yes I've owned it) the typical symptoms return insomnia, not eating, tearfulness, bad thoughts. It's all brain chemistry. No matter if you take meds or not your brain chemistry is constantly changing in my opinion. Socially I"m either ready to hangout with you, punch you, or I need to withdraw cause I'm not feeling well. I think the idea with a mental illness is to find a way to reduce the suffering. Funny thing too is medical bills keep piling up should I worry about those? I think what helps is to include a lifestyle change, a support group or therapy, and regular eating, sleeping, and exercise patterns, having someone to love and something to do. However sometimes the illness is bigger than me so it is I need medication. It's so hard going off and on, off and on medication when they get you up to dosage and then the side effects manifest and you say forget it. It's where I am at right now. I'm not sure how to approach my pdoc on next appointment? I have not found any medications that work long term for me. Ad's just agitate me. Mstabiliser's sedate too much. What's left? natural remedies?? thanks for reading. By the way I'm a big fan of dialectical behavioral therapy catwithgrinz. I suggest you look into it. ((hugs))
  11. Yes practice humility and ask questions about THEM. You would be surprised at how much people are willing to be friendly and talk when it is initially about them. If you want a lot of friends, you have to make people enjoy your presence. Sometimes all it takes is meeting one new friend, and chances are they had friends before you. It is all about perception. Focus less time thinking about how you are feeling comfortable, and spend more time founding out how you can make people around you feel more comfortable. You have to take people day to day. You really don't know what's on their minds alot of us are just surviving. I found the above by the other post very helpful. I thought about giving up my Saturdays to find a good cause to get involved in like a fundraising project or do volunteer work. I feel empty inside too when I feel that my social needs are not being met. I hate the ache of loneliness.
  12. I've recently been going to the doctor alot and it just seems what I say goes in one ear and out the other. Why don't doctor's listen? Usually I exercise cause it helps with sleep. Can't sleep lately and it's the only way I can escape........ myself and my mind . Why can't I be normal? I just want to be able to sleep, eat, smile, talk to others, go to work, be okay with meds, no be angry, sad, or lonely. I know others have problems like this from time to time but why so much cycling? I guess my lifestyle and responsibilities center on taking care of myself. Seems to me lonely cause how could I care for a child or someone else when all of my energy is just to keep me stable. Seems like a cruel way to live. Thought we put on earth the help others and glorify God. How can I when I don't feel good half the time? :yinyang:
  13. So there is a humourous side to BP I thought I am cursed. I like to think we are eccentric! haha so true! The computer is so full of information I can't cram it all into my head ah! I have to add one of mine. You know you are BP when...one minute you want to give back to the world, make new friends, go on job interviews, talk, talk, talk to just anyone 90 miles an hour and then you avoid everyone, sent a text msg that said don't ever talk to me again, and want to quit LIFE. Yeah not fun. haha
  14. So there is a humourous side to BP I thought I am cursed. I like to think we are eccentric!
  15. Hey do your research and try to turn your mind and count your blessings. Get active. Depression is the monster you are going to have to fight. Don't let it win! I've had to deal with it and I you have your good and bad days. I want to be happy and I see others happy and it makes me sad. It makes me think I have a personality disorder. It seems I get a good streak going and I really enjoy those happy times and then I have a couple weeks of downtimes. I don't claim to be an expert but depression is about brain chemistry and it's constantly changing which is why your sleep, mood, and appetite could be affected. Also thoughts are chemical. Change your thoughts and it will change your behavior, which will lead to better choices and decisions which is why you may think you can't DO LIFE. Doing life alone sucks too! I took it personally as I thought I was a failure because I was having problems at work and in relationships. It's like I'm not accepting the ups and downs of normal life and it's challenges. The things I can not change. Accepting reality instead of fighting it has helped. It is what it is and I don't like it. Thinking tommorrow is a better day maybe this anxiety will pass. Doing something I enjoy. It's about perception and judgement. It's a horrible disease. Go to your doctor's appointments communicate with them, get help if you feel suicidal, talk, talk, talk, journal your feelings, and reach out to others. Use positive affirmations to counter those negative thoughts. The hard part for me is the isolation especially since the holiday are here. Also the changes that go on in life like loss of job, death in family, loneliness, financial struggles especially . Spiritually too those personal convictions, and direction in life. Ask the holy spirit to comfort you and fill you. It is really hard to not be negative when you just don't feel good. Try to be kind to yourself. Find ways to have fun, get into a ballgame, dance, get out be with others. Keep a regular sleep schedule, eat right, take Vit D. You have to take care of yourself ok. I don't think happiness is a destination I think it comes in enjoying moments in time.
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