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Everything posted by Avian86

  1. If God does not answer your prayers, you might say "it is all part of his divine plan". So if he is going to do what he wants to do anyways, why bother praying at all? It doesn't make sense to me. I guess it may help to give the illusion of some control over your life circumstances, but when things don't work out, you will just feel worse off due to feeling disappointed as well as a whole other host of negative feelings because your prayers apparently didn't get answered.
  2. Mindfulness is a very useful tool in treating BPD that I know you said you suffer from Girly, its a part of dialectal behavioral therapy. I can't fathom as to why you should feel bad about employing a beneficial cognitive therapy in your treatment and efforts to become mentally healthy again.
  3. There is no purpose to life, except that which you give it. It would be all fine and dandy to assume you are sooo special that there is some divine plan for you, and that everything was just meant to be, but just because that would be nice, doesn't make it so.
  4. My body will return to the earth from which it came, my body will decompose and go back into the circle of life. As for my consciousness, it return to the state it was in before I was born, in other words, it will cease to exist.
  5. God says in the bible that all sins are equal. So I am sure he has sinned in some way or form and is not "holy" himself. I wish people like this would focus on trying to fix their d*** selves instead of belittling others, tearing them down to build themselves up, to make themselves feel better and somehow superior. It really is dishonorable cowardice behaviour.
  6. Isn't depression bad enough on its own? Without having religion just make you feel even worse? Apparently from my understanding about Catholics and suicide is that suicide is only an unforgivable sin because you won't be alive to repent for it. Really this means that suicide is really no different than having had ANY other sin, and dying without either deciding to, or having a chance to repent. So basically people who believe that would be sent to hell just the same way as someone who committed suicide. I don't know how this helps anyone believing in this, but at least if you choose to believe in your religion, be consistent with your beliefs and believe EVERYTHING it says or nothing at all. Otherwise you will just pick and choose whatever you wish to believe that is convenient to you and what benefits you. If you happen to be depressed, you will just choose to believe whatever parts of your religion that make you feel worse, because that is a guess a part of the whole negative thinking aspect of depression.
  7. Was it worth it? Being on this Abilify for it to help out whatever it did and trade that off for Diabetes type II? Fair trade?
  8. Expect Diabetes type II, and Tardive Dsykensia.
  9. My parent's are abusive as well. My b*tch of a mother comes in to my room today saying "your getting worse aren't you?". NO REALLY? That is what happen to a human being over time as they continue to get abused and mistreated, of course they get worse not better! Oh and they love using the "well we give you a home" line, oh thanks, so you give me a home, that means you can use me however you want?? This is so stupid **** life seriously. All my relatives and family members are a bunch of brain dead sheep. You can't even reason with them, they don't answer to logic so there is no point in my case.
  10. It's not really all that important anyways. No point in seeing a doctor as I've been on anything they would give me and they none of them know what they are doing anyways. I'm done with that arena of false hope. A walkin clinic doctor is just as useful as a pdoc to me, both have the same prescribing power if there was actually a medication out there that I haven't tried that I wanted to be on. The walkin clinic doctor is actually better, I don't have to stress going through all this bureaucratic/administrative song and dance and wait 4 months to get any help. You say go to the ER? Well that would mean going to the ER, being sent to a cold room to sit there and wait for approximately 12 hours, only to get about 2.5 minutes of conversation with a psychiatrist, then be sent home, all the while being starved of food. Hmmmm, I think I could do the same thing here at home in my room, in a more comfortable setting. You might say have someone who follows you on a long term basis, for some reason the idiots here in Ontario running the health care think that all mental illnesses are acute, and there is no such thing as any chronic mental illnesses that need to be followed on a long term basis. They always see you for a bit, put you on some meds, then discharge you back to some ***** GP who doesn't know jack. Been there done that many times. I've run out of time to waste with this nonsense honestly, time you say? I must have a lot of that while not working, well, truth is time = pain/suffering, the more time I'm here the longer I suffer. See a therapist? oh why just one? Why not 10+ and over 330 hours of therapy 1on1 time, didn't do anything. None were able to change my living situation. If the environment in which you got sick in the first place does not change, you can't really have any realistic hope of getting better. Still stuck here living with my abusive religious family, and going to live my life alone in solitude with no one to help take care of my health is not an option.
  11. So since I broke up with my ex gf 3.5 weeks ago, I've managed to sleep with two guys on seperate occasions, felt really good mood wise, did something impulsive and stupid causing me to be out $660, was high as a kite last night on some sleep aid, then I am going to hook up with another guy tonight, another one tomorrow, and another one the next day. I just cant control my hormones and this is driving me nuts! I feel like sleeping with everything that moves and It pi**es me off that I lost that much money(unrelated to the sex), but I ain't even depressed or dsyphoric about it. Iunno what is going on... Could this be mania, or is this just BPD? I've never been diagnosed with bipolar but its been suggested or inquired about many many times before, but I do have a diagnosis of BPD. I'd prolly pump myself full of antipsychotics but I don't wanna lose this feeling of happiness, I'm used to being so depressed and suicidal all the d*** time =(
  12. I saw countless doctors, went to the psych ward 4 plus times, multiple suicide attempts, many many therapists and hours of therapy, over 7 different antidepressants and countless more other types of medication, had tried and failed at around 13 or so different jobs, and then decided to apply for Ontario Disability Support Program. I was accepted and had my first disability check within 3 days of filling out the form and handing it in. The average wait for most ppl here is like 8-10 months. As for private insurances companies HA, good luck. They aren't there to actually help anyone, they are just there to collect money from you. I'm sure they will say something about preexisting illness, or deny you your entitled benefits or whatever. Try doing the same to them when they ask for their monthly premiums and find yourself off their policy instantly.
  13. If I just had mental illnesses or just physical illnesses I believe I would have overcome them by now, but having both at the same time guarantees that I am disabled and takes almost all hope of ever getting better away from me.
  14. Insurance companies are criminal enterprises which we are FORCED to do business with. The government is too corrupt because they are getting paid off by lobbyists from the insurance companies to do their bidding. Its all about corruption and the bottom line. There is no such thing as being in good hands with an insurance company. The good thing is though, if the devil ever needs to get car/health/life insurance etc, he will have PLENTY of agents to choose from down there in hell with him.
  15. The only thing that gives me enough strength to carry on and survive this hellish life of abuse that I am in is complete anger and rage. With that I have enough strength to fight my enemies and survive to see another day. Being a pacifist no longer is enough.
  16. By change do you mean tolerance to the drug's effects and the fact you have burnt out your dopamine supplies, being that there is no more dopamine to release into the synapse?
  17. I am bisexual and in a heterosexual relationship with my gf. She knows I am attracted to her, other women, as well as other men, but I won't cheat on her. I could never live with myself if I did such a thing. I don't ever want to break her heart. I am pretty open with her about my sexuality as long as she is comfortable with it. Sometimes she goes from acceptance of my sexuality to questioning and back again. It's stressful at times not having her accept me as who i am but we always work it out. I have had sex with other men before but nothing much or anything good. I do feel bad sometimes about not being able to explore that side but oh well, there is always porn lol
  18. I am a chronically ill(disabled) adult being cared for by my parents(mainly my mother) and am constantly abused by my father who lives with my mother. I can't take care of my self to live on my own and I don't know what to do. He is mainly emotionally, verbally abusive with physical threats, physical abuse, as well as neglect. No one believes me cause my father is very manipulative and sociopathic while my mother is brain washed into thinking his actions are okay, and stands by and just watches. I don't know where to get help for this issue. This is mostly likely the reason that I just cannot get my mental illnesses into remission because the environment in which I got sick in in the first place has not changed. I am trapt in this nightmarish hellhole living with these people. Any ideas on where I can look for help? I live in Ontario, Canada.
  19. My relationship with my gf and sex with her. My sex drive is higher than my will to keep living. If it weren't for my sex drive and my gf, I'd prolly offed myself this past winter. I can be extremely depressed and thinking about ******* myself immediately(depressed for poor health reasons), then my gf comes around and turns me on, and I feel happy again =) She is my anti-depressant/lifeline.
  20. pi** poor self-esteem, I hate my looks usually cause I am too skinny, dont look my age, and I rarely have nice clothes to wear. Sometimes I can look sexy though, its just not often. Because of these, its causes me social anxiety and makes dating REALLY difficult.
  21. This surgeon once blamed depression for the pain I was having that was caused by a bone tumor on my collar bone that was catching on muscles in my neck. This was despite the fact that you could feel the tumor with your own hands and the muscles caught on the bone.
  22. I spend 90-95% of my life, completely dissociated. The lights are on, but no one's home folks. That's one of the way my mind copes with trauma I guess. And no I don't have any other personalities, just myself.
  23. You could try asking your doctor for Quazepam. Unlike other benzos(except Midazolam) or Ambien, it does not interfere with normal sleep cycles. It is also slow to build tolerance when compared to other hypnotics.
  24. Extreme dsyphoria. The feeling of your soul being sucked out of your chest. The feeling you feel as if you just received the worst possible news in your entire life. Then continue to feel that way for hours or days. It becomes so mentally horrible that it becomes painful. You curl up in a ball in agony with just one wish, that someone would come along and put you out of your misery. (note that no bad news or negative thoughts are required to feel like this)
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