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xxcc88xx

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Everything posted by xxcc88xx

  1. Im going on 24 years old and ive always been alone never ahd a freind always pushed away been the "least favorite" so to speak by pretty much everyone tried making freinds once thought i had 2 good freinds but once they met my sister they were exclusivly "her" freinds wuldnt even talk to me or say hello. got a boyfreind whos always put his own freinds above me he takes his freinds out to go have fun but when i offer to take us out he says no. he claims he enjoys being with me but then act like im a job or somthing. my sister claims to enjoy my company but when it comes down to it wont do anything with me not even thigns she enjoys with other freinds like going out to go dancing. ive tried ahrd to make freinds im outgoing im not shy or rude i dont accedentally or on purpose snub people im more of a listener and ask them about themselves. but when i ask if they want to hang out or do somthing together they say no and always turn me down again and again. one person whom i know from my sister has a dog she told my sister she wantedto find someone who also had a dog to walk the dogs with. well i have been lookign for that same thing she said it sounded great seh would get a hold of me then after 2 weeks i called her asking if she wanted to or if seh was busy she said no she wasnt after monday and she would set up a time then well seh never did and i have n since seen her walking hte dog past our house alone. since my sister has moved out my mom has also been ignoreing me trying to get out of the house and away from me i always thought we had a good relationship guess she misses my sister too much. its been years and years ive been trying to cope with the fact that people dislike me just becuase and its still not getting any easier every night its the same story im so lonesome it hurts it hurts so much. im talking to a therapist who tells me i need to get out more and i need to try harder i really dont know HOW i can try any harder ive tried looking for clubs or activities that intrest me to meet new people im a million times more outgoing then i used to be i have no problems breaking tension with humour keeping conversations going. ive even advertised on craigslist ill have people say yes meet me once then never come back. its just me theres NO other explenation... will i ever get over this lonleness? becuase its become very obvious ill never find a freind to do things with
  2. i understand what you are saying and not to hurt anyones feelings or saddend anyone or tell people to just give up but i agree. if i personally were to die there would be no exsplosion im alone 24/7 i have no freinds,no job,no family who really cares about me why not give someone wanting and deserving my life?
  3. well my mom calls me an ***** and tells em how dumb im being when i try talking to her,i have no freinds my sister tells me how much worse her days are becuase she cant see her bf every second and ive tried calling a hotline but they just well kind of try there hardest to get me off the phone they ask me why i feel like doing it then ask "are you ok" when i say no they ask again how i feel then again then again. i dunno i think i just need to stop bothering people with it :(
  4. told my boyfreind how obsessed ive been with trying to **** myself the past week and he told me to just quit talking..... he refuses to say anything to me about it. i guess thats that then
  5. thank you its much appreciated im feeling a bit better now still a little frustrated but better thank you for your kind words and your thoughts

  6. yes it does help its so hard finding otherways of self comforting though since not much else comforts me except really SI and i doubt thats very good of a substatute
  7. I just cant help but feel depressed,degraded and confused wondernig what my meaning in life what is my purpose? and it seems to me that soo soo many people are in the same boat as me but what if just what if there was no meaning to life? what if theres n meaning to anyones life? maybe were just here to live maybe thats all there is. im not trying to be depressing but it just seems like maybe if we dont have to have a meaning wqe can finally relax maybe we can all just relax if theres no meaning no expectations in our lives why do we need to have a family a sucessful job or a relationship. i dunno i just wanna know why we all have to have a meaningful life? do i mean anything does my life meaning anything? to any one? i doubt it should i be depressed about it? no i should relax and not over think it
  8. the med i not making me overeat ive always been the one to eat alot but i had a high enough metabolizim that it didnt matter i wouldnt gain weight ne ways but now thats differant i really want to stay on this med theres no bad side effects and i worry about trying other meds. i really want to not be so obsessive about eating. thats also a very intresting thing that i might be missing somthing i know im missing things in my life most especielly socializing it seems i donth ave freinds to talk to and i love to talk and joke around with people i find myself seeking people to talk to often unfortunatly i dont have many people to talk to
  9. for the past 2 years ive been struggling to loose weight and eat better only to find myself obsessed with eating it was untill yesterday when i had a light bulb moment i enjoy the feeling of being overly full! what can i do? ive already gained a lot of weight within a month and keep gaining now that im on a Bi-polar med where one of the side effects is weight gain :( im not satisfied untill my stomach feels bloated and overly full and as soon as the feeling starts to subside i want to eat again to fill it back up. i dont know what to do? ive tried distracting myself throughout the day in hopes of keeping from eating but it didnt work i tried walking on my treadmill everytime i wanted food only to find myself eating after i got off. is there anyone else litterly addicted to the feeling of being full?
  10. i was just started on symbyax (a combanation drug of prozac and somthing else) ive never been on drugs before so please bare with me. i took my first dose last night and this morning i feel soooo drugged! i feel exhuasted like i can barely keeo my eyes open without feeling like im going to pass out i know fatgue is a a side afffect but i dont know if i can go thru day after day feeling this this does anyone know if this is going to be a temporary side affect or like is this how its always going to be?
  11. holy canole its been a long time havent been on here in long long time how u been? been getting better i hope? has cutting out caffine been helping you? how are ur doggies?

  12. glad to hear hircon havebt been able to get on much latly since moving hasnt gone as smoothly as id like it to have instead of getting everything in one day in one trip its taken 3 days and dozens of trips today we finally got furniture but still have our garage packed full which will probbaly be about 2 more days of hauling from morning till night in our bitty car exhuasting and it feels exceptionally hard becuase i just feel so fatigued and sad i have been trying to keep myself from thinking but tonight my sister stired things up for me all over again.
  13. Helen sorry to hear your having such a hard time (((hugs)))) i hope everything starts to straighten out and go well for you things cant be down forever just take things one day or better yet one moment at a time untill good things begin to happen again and even then i think its a good idea to take those one moment at a time to to make them last longer. today we are moving into a new hosue i am pretty excited ill be glad to geto ut of here the new place is cheaper.bigger and nicer plus it has a bigger yard and less problems so all in all a great palce the only thing is we are moving everything out today becuase tomorrow this landlord will be coming in to paint and we want to be out but last night we hauled one of my fish tanks over to the new hosue (80 gallon to be exact) we needed 4 people to lift it off the ground i being one of them twisted wrong and put my back out of place its very painful today but tomorrow its only going to be me and my mom hauling stuff including all out furniture,beds,couch,entertainment senter,tv ect and 6 more fish tanks. i am really dreading it not only becuase of my lower back but becuase we start at 9 am and its 6 am now-i havent been able to go to sleep and since we only have one day were not stopping untill its all loaded then since we only have the truck for one day we have to un load it all tomorrow night :( im wondering if ill be able to make it
  14. today me and my mom are moving everything from this hosue to our new house im excited to be moving but not excited about the actuall moving part since its just going to be me and my mom hauling everything that includes furniture and i am only 5'4 and not terrably strong plus last night we hauled a huge aquraium over to the new house and while doing so put my back out of place so its hurts quit a bit and when i try bending over it feels like i cnt get back up oh yeh did i also mention i havent been able to sleep yet its 6 am we start at 9 am and go untill its done and i havent been able to fall sleep! *sigh what a dreadful day i suspect it to be
  15. kath thanks for the good words and encouragment im trying to pull all your guys words together to give myself some courage! (((hugs))) hiricon again thank you for your info makes me feel better good luck with the garden hope it goes well used to love having a garden though a vegtable garden notm uch for flowers they always died on me though i do have a way with bamboo my last plant that my cats distroyed was 3 feet tall and i got it when it was only 11 inches high and only had it for 2 years. really sad the cats ate it but it did have a second branch i was able to cut off and it started its own roots very exciting to see it get big. TJ i love swiming very lucky swimming is a great way to burn off enrgy after a good swimm i always feel so relaxed i hope you feel bettter soon and your sore throat goes away perfect congratz on the nose piercing those are really cute and your new cats! i love both cats and piercings lol waiting to get my lady parts pierced come tax time i know im an odd one. i hope you can have a more stable wekk next week (((hugs)))) good luck and hope everything is going ok As for me yesterday night i was about to lie down and go to sleep when i started thinking out of the blue about my cat dieing she is pretty old though healthy and i just freaked out i started panicking to the point that i made myself terrably sick vomitting i got a horendous headache and my heart started beating unregulalry and made my chest hurt i got out a bottle o alchol and had quite a few drinks ddint help my stomach or my head or my chest but it did make me fall asleep but foro nly 4 hours then i woke again with the same adrenaline pumping thru me vomited some more untill i was able to calm down about 5 pm and take a nap after i woke up i was fine slight headache but nothing big i was able to eat somthing and drink some water but man i havent panicked liek that in so long i slept most of today also i felt EXHUASTED but im alright now
  16. only the past year or so have i really realized that im an obbsessiv eater have been msot of my life we never had much food in the house single mom working minimum wage and when seh would get money we would celebrate by going out and getting food snacks candy whateevr and just eat untill it was gone so now i pace the kitchen for food alll the time i never worreid about my weight untill i got on birth control and i really started gaining then i started purging and now i do all the time.
  17. i really understand where your coming from and your questions certianly are valid i have seen many kids whom have been put on medications i really donot find neccsarry to me it seems nodays people expect kids to be miniature adults in school and at home when they are not they are kids they are supposed to have alot of energy. my bf for example is 100 percent certian theres somthing wrong with him since his parents put him on meds from the start for being a hyper kid been put in speciel ed and now belives he needs to go back on meds if he should ever want to go to collage to become a nurse when he did perfectly fine not on meds when he studied 6 months to become a nurses aid for mentally handicaped people at a home and he does better then anyone he neevr failed a single test. my aunt had both of her girls constantly on medications when they were young for being hyper they had no problems in school other then not paying attention alll the time and making some disturbances. a little girl i babysat for who was 3 years old was put on medication to "calm" her down ill tell you that child was normal and i was angry becuase that child had been to 2 doctors but when the parents of these kids go in there insisting the children are too hyper,or dont listen what can a doctor do but listen and assume the worst when too many parents just want kids to be like them to sit around all day be quiet not make messes,not make loud noises or talk loud or dance around or jump off furniture so they go into the doctors office explaining "this isnt normal they arel ike go go go all day long,they whine" on and on over exaturrating symptoms becuase of what they expect a child be and that is to be like them. im not saying all kids are jsut kids i eman kids talking about suicide or harming others or who are struggling so badly in school those kids need help but just becuase you kids love to shout when they talk or love jumping off furniture for 4 straight hours,or scream becuase they dont want to go to sleep or a kid who doesnt pay attention in school becuase they want to talk to there freinds or who dont wanna do homework all normal behvior and usually dont need medication. im not against medication problems but i have babysat and been around kids a few of those kids i babysat wheni was just a kid myself who are now in there teens and going to collage are compleetly normal who im sure many parents woudlh ave put them on drugs they are excelling are calm and have fufillingl ives now with fufilling relationships. just like my nephew he ish aving some attention problems in school he goes and goes all day long screaming thru the house and thru the yard throws fits about having to go to bed hes 7 his dad wants him put on drugs as does his mom becuase "hes too hyper" well hes smart excelling in class besides the attention problems makes ltos of freinds though is a little shy im sure most people would have him on drugs but unless he starts going downhill he is normal and needs no drugs in my book.
  18. kath hiricon is right about the ups and downs i really hope changing and bettering your diet helps! like ive said i have ehard it work for some though for me it never really did they say excersise also helps but again not for me it didnt when i had my dog i would walk him about 3 hours a day but growing up we rarly had a car to drive and i was walking every where so who knows maybe since idid this stuff all my life it kindof doesnt have much affect becuase this is how my body normally runs? though that is the thing about being bi-polar i am thankful for is the ups they do make it possable to take a break from the awful lows unlike some people who have the lows constantly. i hope you can start feeling better soon (((((((hugs))))))))) as for me i am a bit ashamed to say that i am very scared about going to see a doctor now that i have theright one i can go and talk to and get on meds im afraid! im afraid to get on medication becuase even though i HATE and despise and loath feeling so down about myself its the only thing i have ever known up untill this past year did i even realize there was nething wrong with me. i did try making an appointment but chickened out. i just am afraid will i be totally differant? i mean am i bi-polar disorder? who will i be once that is gone? will i still have insperation to draw? will i turn into some bat loony peppy girly girl? will i become suc ha bore with no more sense of humor? i really dont know i am still havign trouble determining when im normal and when im becoming manic and when im becoming depressed for me it seems so normal that it all blends to gether im constaly questioning myself everyday when i feel happy about somthing i wonder to myself is it me or is it bi-polar? when i feel bad about somting i wonder is it me or is it bi-polar? i dont know and thats what worries me i mean ive gone on this long without help maybe i could just keep going i dont knwo
  19. im really sorry if this goes on and on but omg its just so rediculess and stressful! my older sister is so far the onl one working (at a fast food place) her son,me and my mom all live with well her since she pays the bills but she is the most laziest eprson in the world and she is selfish! but latly its gotten to the point were we just cant stand her ne more! she refuse to clean anyting seh reduses to acknowledge her own son who is only 7 except to scream at him, she constaly making comment about everyone being so lazy and how perfect seh herself is, she spends all day on the computer when not at work or out with freinds and when she comes home and her son is excited to see her she screams at him to get the hell away from her. she brought in a guinea pig and neglected it to the point where it got maggots it is thankfully gone now,seh got a dog whom seh flat out refused to house break is now 7 months old and wont go potty ne where except the dinnign room and you htink she will clean up after it? no not one single time since shes had the thing when i start trying to potty train it seh gets mad and makes sure it doesnt happen well we are moving to a new very nice house and are telling her she has to do asomthing abotu hte dog and seh tells us "i will later" well weve given her a month and were moving in less then 8 days! im tierd of living in filthy me and my mom pick up and clean up everyday and you cant tell the house smells of dog urine all the time if someone came into our hosue and seen it like this we could have my sisters son get taken away and seh doesnt care! im so frustrated at talking and yeling and nagging her its stressful my neohew cant even have his freidns coem over becuase of this mess and no matter what we do she jsut cuts us off! i eman seh litterly throws pieces of garbage for the dog to rip up all over the house! its disgusting! not only that but shes mean to that dog too constatly screaming at it to get away from and to not bother her so i told her we are gettign rid of it and she says no i eman what am i supposed to do?i have been trying to get a job to support me and my mom and nephew but no one will hire me! im so stressed about all of this its like i cant take it everytime i get soemwhere traiing the dog seh tells me she doeslt like it and yells at the dog or keeps her from doing what i taught her like coming when called she got mad the dog come to me wh i call it so she yelled at me for it and told me to butt out i dont know what to do! im so frustrated! and the absolute worst part is my mom keeps tellign me how she cant take it ne more but hten once i tell ehr we have to put our foot down she backs out and is like "oh well i guess we just have to deal with it" i mean i know its her daughter but comeone! she cant keep beign taken advantage of my sister is 26 years old and cant cook for herslef,do her own laundry,she wont even take care of her own clothes when we moved into this house 7 months ago she refused to un pack her own stuff and made my mom do it and dont think she works hard either seh gets about 30 hours a week and takes one or more days off every week jsut becuase seh took this past 2 weeks off to go spend the weekend at a freinds whom she sees all the time and after seh got back decided she wasnt ready to go back to work yet. im sorry im just soo angry!
  20. howdy bankiie! i hope you have a great day (((hugs))))

  21. i love salad fingers and hubert cumberdale ;)

    i hope your having a great day just wanted to send soem love your way

  22. hope you have a great day max!

  23. i hope you are haing a wonderful,fantastic day ((((hugs)))))

  24. i hope are feeling better just wanted to stop by and wish you a good day and send soem love to you

  25. jus thought i would come by and wish you a great day hope eevrythin is going well for you :)

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