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About xxcc88xx

  • Birthday 01/01/1966

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  1. Im going on 24 years old and ive always been alone never ahd a freind always pushed away been the "least favorite" so to speak by pretty much everyone tried making freinds once thought i had 2 good freinds but once they met my sister they were exclusivly "her" freinds wuldnt even talk to me or say hello. got a boyfreind whos always put his own freinds above me he takes his freinds out to go have fun but when i offer to take us out he says no. he claims he enjoys being with me but then act like im a job or somthing. my sister claims to enjoy my company but when it comes down to it wont do anything with me not even thigns she enjoys with other freinds like going out to go dancing. ive tried ahrd to make freinds im outgoing im not shy or rude i dont accedentally or on purpose snub people im more of a listener and ask them about themselves. but when i ask if they want to hang out or do somthing together they say no and always turn me down again and again. one person whom i know from my sister has a dog she told my sister she wantedto find someone who also had a dog to walk the dogs with. well i have been lookign for that same thing she said it sounded great seh would get a hold of me then after 2 weeks i called her asking if she wanted to or if seh was busy she said no she wasnt after monday and she would set up a time then well seh never did and i have n since seen her walking hte dog past our house alone. since my sister has moved out my mom has also been ignoreing me trying to get out of the house and away from me i always thought we had a good relationship guess she misses my sister too much. its been years and years ive been trying to cope with the fact that people dislike me just becuase and its still not getting any easier every night its the same story im so lonesome it hurts it hurts so much. im talking to a therapist who tells me i need to get out more and i need to try harder i really dont know HOW i can try any harder ive tried looking for clubs or activities that intrest me to meet new people im a million times more outgoing then i used to be i have no problems breaking tension with humour keeping conversations going. ive even advertised on craigslist ill have people say yes meet me once then never come back. its just me theres NO other explenation... will i ever get over this lonleness? becuase its become very obvious ill never find a freind to do things with
  2. i understand what you are saying and not to hurt anyones feelings or saddend anyone or tell people to just give up but i agree. if i personally were to die there would be no exsplosion im alone 24/7 i have no freinds,no job,no family who really cares about me why not give someone wanting and deserving my life?
  3. well my mom calls me an ***** and tells em how dumb im being when i try talking to her,i have no freinds my sister tells me how much worse her days are becuase she cant see her bf every second and ive tried calling a hotline but they just well kind of try there hardest to get me off the phone they ask me why i feel like doing it then ask "are you ok" when i say no they ask again how i feel then again then again. i dunno i think i just need to stop bothering people with it :(
  4. told my boyfreind how obsessed ive been with trying to **** myself the past week and he told me to just quit talking..... he refuses to say anything to me about it. i guess thats that then
  5. thank you its much appreciated im feeling a bit better now still a little frustrated but better thank you for your kind words and your thoughts

  6. I understand what you are going through as I have been there before a whole bunch of times. Please get in touch if you want to, and please know I'm thinking of you, and that we really, really have your back. I am also 100% obsessed with animals. I have pictures of my dogs in my gallery, and that might give you a smile! :)

  7. yes it does help its so hard finding otherways of self comforting though since not much else comforts me except really SI and i doubt thats very good of a substatute
  8. I just cant help but feel depressed,degraded and confused wondernig what my meaning in life what is my purpose? and it seems to me that soo soo many people are in the same boat as me but what if just what if there was no meaning to life? what if theres n meaning to anyones life? maybe were just here to live maybe thats all there is. im not trying to be depressing but it just seems like maybe if we dont have to have a meaning wqe can finally relax maybe we can all just relax if theres no meaning no expectations in our lives why do we need to have a family a sucessful job or a relationship. i dunno i just wanna know why we all have to have a meaningful life? do i mean anything does my life meaning anything? to any one? i doubt it should i be depressed about it? no i should relax and not over think it
  9. the med i not making me overeat ive always been the one to eat alot but i had a high enough metabolizim that it didnt matter i wouldnt gain weight ne ways but now thats differant i really want to stay on this med theres no bad side effects and i worry about trying other meds. i really want to not be so obsessive about eating. thats also a very intresting thing that i might be missing somthing i know im missing things in my life most especielly socializing it seems i donth ave freinds to talk to and i love to talk and joke around with people i find myself seeking people to talk to often unfortunatly i dont have many people to talk to
  10. for the past 2 years ive been struggling to loose weight and eat better only to find myself obsessed with eating it was untill yesterday when i had a light bulb moment i enjoy the feeling of being overly full! what can i do? ive already gained a lot of weight within a month and keep gaining now that im on a Bi-polar med where one of the side effects is weight gain :( im not satisfied untill my stomach feels bloated and overly full and as soon as the feeling starts to subside i want to eat again to fill it back up. i dont know what to do? ive tried distracting myself throughout the day in hopes of keeping from eating but it didnt work i tried walking on my treadmill everytime i wanted food only to find myself eating after i got off. is there anyone else litterly addicted to the feeling of being full?
  11. i was just started on symbyax (a combanation drug of prozac and somthing else) ive never been on drugs before so please bare with me. i took my first dose last night and this morning i feel soooo drugged! i feel exhuasted like i can barely keeo my eyes open without feeling like im going to pass out i know fatgue is a a side afffect but i dont know if i can go thru day after day feeling this this does anyone know if this is going to be a temporary side affect or like is this how its always going to be?
  12. Hope you are doing ok sweetie xoxo Thinking of you!

  13. holy canole its been a long time havent been on here in long long time how u been? been getting better i hope? has cutting out caffine been helping you? how are ur doggies?

  14. Hey how goes it. i haven't been on in a while. I hope you're doing well. talk to you soon. let me know when you'll be on.

  15. xchairity_casex,

    I wanted to stop by and say hi. I haven't been doing well, haven't been here. I do appreciate you care and concern for me. :)

    Take great care of you. :)

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