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About kittyannemarie

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  • Birthday 07/12/1985

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Miami Lakes, FL
  • Interests
    Geek all the way... D&D, Star Wars, RPGs, SciFi/Fantasy anything... Japanese animation and culture...
  1. Alright, I'm back in MIA... but now I have bigger fish to fry... jobless... and now going to marriage counseling, seeing as my husband has never "been happy or made a decision to make himself happy"...grr!!

  2. It's been a while since I've been in here... Moved to VA in Dec. with a "best friend" and my husband... her bf cheated on her and kicked US out to be with him... so now we're making ends meet... and with holidays here, there's no money to be spent on goodies... :(

  3. Happy Birthday! Hope you are doing well :)

  4. Ok, spent 3 hours writing out the letter. Cried the entire time. Ended up with a 6 page, 14 font, 1.5 spaced letter (my mother is far-sighted...) It's late, so I'm gonna spell check tomorrow and then I'll send it out. I wish I had someone close that could help me revise the Spanish... oh well, she knows my Spanish sucks (it's gotten better, but she doesn't know that). I feel bad for my husband. He's been watching TV, with me in the middle, silently crying. He did get up every hour and kissed my forehead, and brought me cookies! Well, keep you posted.
  5. Thank you for your responses. I called my mom... I was just going to be civil and just wish her a happy mother's day and pick my fight another day, but she started off with "Why the hell don't you pick up my calls?" and all the "I'm your mother" bs. I just exploded and yelled at her. I didn't say anything that I wrote on here, but I did tell her that I was at the movies and it's EXTREMELY RUDE to pick up the phone in the movie theater. Like she cared... and I told her she was being very rude... but of course she 180 the conversation to "poor her and what had she done"... I was so mad and frustrated at that point (and I wasn't going to tell her everything in a fit of rage that she'd go do something stupid), and that sat there and took it. She ended the convo with "And you can't even just call and wish me a happy mother's day, no, you call to yell at me" Since I have issues expressing myself verbally (see above about not being allowed to socialize... plus every call ends up me irritated and fuming and her blabbing on), do you think I should right a lengthy letter and mail it to her, writing almost everything that I posted above, but much more organized? It'll probably mirror a college paper, including details and explanations that I omitted in the post. Do you think that's a good idea? Or should say FU and change my number? I'm trying to get better with my depression/anxiety, but every time she calls on the weekends, I revert back.
  6. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with a sucky mom... even saying that reels my mind into thoughts of "You shouldn't say that, she's your mom", but it's that very phrase that brings a rage inside and depresses me for the entire day. I can't say that I love my mom. I'm the oldest of two, with my sister. My entire life we (I... I'll get to that later) weren't allowed to do anything couldn't visit friend's houses, couldn't invite friend's over because my mom thought our house was a mess (as years passed, it really was)... didn't go on a lot of field trips because my mom wouldn't fork over the $20+/- to go, couldn't do any extracurricular activities for after school (until I was in 4th grade and was able to go to chorus, which she only like because meetings were on a Wednesday, and we got out at 2pm.)... As years passed on, my mom started to hang out with one of the moms of my sister's friends. We would then go to her house... but only with my mom... Years later, another of my sister's friend's mom was my mom's friend, so we visited her. There were only two friends I sneaked into our house, and both times my mom was furious! Either because the house was "a mess" or "they'll get hurt here and I don't know their parents and they'll sue for not taking care of their kid"... Oh, the reason why "we" weren't allowed to do anything after school?? Because my mom had to be home, hawing the caller id to make sure none of my dad's family visited or even called for him because "they were evil and all they wanted to do was to corrupt us and get us to do drugs like they did to my cousin". My mom would always tell us how evil they were and would always fight with my dad in front of us, so I grew to hate my dad through my mother. So, because of my mother, I grew up sheltered, unsocialized, and poisoned by her own paranoia. I had Christmas presents, and had ONE birthday party when I was 4, had a 15's party (which only 1/10 "friends" I invited showed up), but I never experienced what it was like to have a real mom: someone to help me on my homework, someone to talk to me about MY problems growing up... hell, someone to notice or care that I wasn't "making friends" (I made sure not to get close to anyone, because 1: they either made fun of me for being fat or 2: they would invite me to their house or want to come over, and I didn't know how to say "sorry, my Mom says no")... Flash forward to 11th grade... high school I made a couple of friends, had my first boyfriend (who was "slow", but friendly... he was the first boy to visit my house, against my mom's wishes), met my two best friends in the world (right now, doesn't seem like it *sigh*)... forced myself against my mom and joined a production of Fame and The Fanstasticks)... one of my best friend's mom died of thyroid cancer and had to moved to CA with her father... Now, remember how I said that my mom didn't let my sister and I do anything?? Well, my sister was going to friend's houses like crazy, had people over, stayed after school for clubs, while I was forced to go home, or yelled at when I had to stay for rehearsal. At this time, my dad had it, moved out, and eventually found someone else (he was going to bars and smoking, and my mom accused ME of smoking!! Until I told her that I smelled it on my dad)... So she would have conversations with me how my dad was completely horrible and she was going to find him, shoot him, and then shoot herself (I was 16)... that's all she would talk about to me... Never would she want to talk to me about my problems... And I was a teenager here! Bought my own pads for the first time, researched about sex and periods on my own and learned at school... My best friend had gotten stuck in conversation with my mom and SHE ACTUALLY CONFESSED TO HER THAT MY SISTER WAS HER FAVORITE!! My sister, who had turned spoiled, aggressive when she didn't get her own way (she actually beat me cause I was using the phone and she wanted to get online - she was 13)... I went off to college, got loans so I could live off campus, but I went back home every weekend just so I could see my (2nd) boyfriend (bad mistake... should've fully enjoyed the college experience away from the poison known as my mother)... then found out that my mom took my sister to a psychiatrist because she had run away (from my mom always yelling at her and controlling her) about 2-3 times... she was diagnosed as depressed (by now, I had already tried "ending it" 3 times... who cares about me, right??) and anorexic (ok mom, let's forget that summer that all I drank was water and sucked on hard candy... and you noticed the 20 pounds I lost)... suddenly I had to treat my sister like glass because "she's dealing with depression"... yeah, tell her that when she was on drugs and under-age drinking (which I NEVER did) So, sorry for the long post and run-on sentences... this is a tough subject for me and I can never keep all this s**t together in an organized fashion. Today, I live out-of-state with my husband (who has a lovely, large, accepting kind family) away from my mother, reunited with my dad and noticed how much of a Biotch my mother was (she was right that there is a lot of drugs and alcohol on that side of the family, but keeping us away sure didn't help my sister, did it?)... but she calls every freakin' weekend... one call after the other if I don't pick up! This weekend, I had to program my phone to take her calls straight to voicemail. She'll leave hurtful messages (translated from Spanish, paraphrased: "Hey, daughter-of-a-Biotch, why don't you pick up the phone? I am your mother, no matter what, and you need to respect that and talk to me. It's not like I'm asking you for money. I just want to know how you're doing"). She'll still call my husband right after, and he'll get mad and aggravated. I spent all morning today, crying in the closet, just waiting for that call (or rather, "performance" of calls and messages)... I hate Mother's Day because of her! I love my friends and other great mothers I know, but I can't find the want/courage/way to say Happy Mother's Day to them (or on Facebook)... So - original question - If you have a sucky mom, how do you deal with it?? Thanks for reading this huge post!! ^_^
  7. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  8. Hi there kittyannemarie, sending you best wishes, take good care, Girly

  9. Missing 4 wisdom teeth for 71 hours now, at work, feeling overworked, under appreciated, and uncared for here at work. Also unable to take my Prococet because of this s*** hole (makes me super drowsy), so I'm taking Advil... nauseous and pain... I cried already today and I want to go back in the bathroom and cry my eyes out...
  10. my leg doesn't stop shaking from how anxious I am!!

  11. I know no one here can diagnose, and only a psychiatrist can set a proper diagnosis, but I have trouble opening up. I was diagnosed with Depression and GAD, but I don't think that is the only thing. I'm not depressed all the time, and my anxiety wavers so much and Generalized doesn't seem to fit the ticket. I read Lost216's post about perhaps having Borderline Personality Disorder and I could totally agree!! Especially: and I am so paranoid all the time. I'm always criticizing everything and everyone. And (the one that worries me the most), I am so quick to anger! I have always had the patience of a saint (so I've been told), and I'm still told that, but when it comes to work and customer service, I just snap. Like right now, my coworker behind me has such a soft voice and talking on the phone through a bad connection (hello? hello?), the phone keeps ringing (internal and external calls), and too many people buzzing around (including using the copier behind me) has gotten my anxiety up, I'm super paranoid that someone's watching to get me in trouble, and all of this is just angering me!! My problem is, how do I bring this potential diagnosis up to a psychiatrist? I want to go to a new psychiatrist (the office I went to was stuck in the 80's, and the personnel were not professional at all), but I'm afraid that they'll just see me as just wanting to get on drugs as soon as possible. I had been told (through another forum) to not say a diagnosis and just hint at the symptoms so that they would diagnose you. So I'm afraid to come in with an article with highlighted symptoms that I'm feeling because then I feel that they'll look all around to other disorders. I know that I might not have BPD, and I would appreciate a through explanation as to why not or why another disorder fits me better. Not "No, let's try something else because that's extreme." without knowing me. Anyways, can anyone help me? And if you or some friends know of a good clean professional psychiatrist in the Miami / Hialeah area, I would truly appreciate it!!
  12. Let me start by saying that I come from a Cuban household, so a lot of beliefs may seem weird... Today, I can't relate too much with my Cuban background, seeing that both my sister and I were born in the U.S. Growing up with my sister, for some reason, I felt I had to emulate one of my parents. Seeing as my sister skinny as my dad and I was chubby like my mother, I started to emulate my mother. My mother hated my father's side of the family. She would keep my father away from speaking to them, especially my uncle who is completely sexist and believes woman should be behind their husbands. The very thought that my mother kept monitoring calls and kept my father from talking to his brother "on his phone in his home" always kept them fighting. It also didn
  13. Don't know if it was the chocolate that I just had, but I'm feeling... fluffy... not fat i.e. Gabriel Iglesias, but like a dandelion "petal" floating about. I was just angry at my job this morning, so I don't know (other than the chocolate) has changed...
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