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  1. Today I spent almost all day sleeping. I've been awake maybe three hours and am going back to bed. This is not forced sleeping; I'm exhausted for some reason. I read the replies this morning and felt a responsibility to post since I started the thread. One thing I want to clear up...I re-read my original post and my intention was not to sound 'braggy'. It was more to show how driven and hard working I was, and how good things were going before this began and how quickly things changed. Thanks for the replies. It's amazing that so many of you cared enough to offer a response for someone who's never posted - only lurked. Ironically enough, I used to be one of those people. Now it only puzzles me how you find the energy and will to reply when you're going through something so similar. Trace - I have researched ECT before and to me it seemed to have many "do-or-die" results. I may try this when the time comes. I hadn't looked much into VNS and TMS before, but will now. The biggest problem, of course, is that I don't have health insurance. Thank you very much for the recommendations. americandownunder - Thanks for the advice. I've been on Lamictal as a secondary for a year now and really like it. It seems to help. Lithium is something we've discussed and that may be the next in line. liftmeupletmego - Thank you. Molli_Jean - Thank you. I also have been on, and still take somewhat regularly, Klonopin, Ativan and Xanax(up to 2mg, 3x a day/each - my body is very chemical resistant apparently). I hope you find something that works. I hate this trial and error approach, but there isn't anything else.
  2. My first thread here. I'll try to keep it as short as I can. I'm a guy. I came from a broken home. Grew up as the smart "fat kid". Started college halfway through high school at age 16. Also started dropping weight. Went from 300+lbs to eventually a 190lb, well-toned, athletic body. Also at 16 I started an online business that made quite a bit of money and grew rapidly. Bought first house at 20. Bought another house on acreage at 21. Still own both. Started another business in another industry while also running the first. Both are operated by myself and one or two others depending on the volume. They're still in business and continue to operate(albeit are slowing due to my health). I was probably suffering from depression and anxiety since puberty but never sought treatment(I didn't know what it was back then). I was one of those guys that could fit in with many different groups in school but didn't have "a" group. I didn't have any close friends. No relationships. Anxiety to go anywhere or do anything kept me holed up alone most of the time. After high school and college I was a 21 year old, good looking guy, in great shape(diet/training/lifting), had two houses, a good amount of money and an incredible amount of drive. I don't drink(never have). I've never done drugs. I've never partied. I wanted to do so much in terms of bettering myself and society. But, still no real friends, only many "surface" friends. And no real girlfriends. Then it all came to a halt. At 22 I just sort of lost it. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and later treatment resistant depression. Things got really bad. I put on 160 lbs over the next two years. Over the last three years I've taken: prozac, celexa, lexapro, paxil, zoloft, effexor, and welbutrin for the depression. Nothing has helped much beyond the initial boost a couple have given, only to later wear off. I've had blood tests. I've seen many, many different psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists. It gets really expensive, really fast and not something I can afford. If I couldn't operate my businesses from home on my own I wouldn't be able to work. I have three friends; my mom and two younger siblings, who are very supportive. Anyways, I don't see this ending. I have no drive. I'm in near constant pain. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to get out of bed. I can relate to everyone in the shower thread. I'm 25 now and my life has gone from great to awful in three years, triggered by no specific event, and is getting worse by the month. The only reason I'm still around is because I know it would devastate my mom if I were to go. I provide a lot financially for this family and once my younger sibling can get his degree (1-2 yrs away) he should be able to get a well paying job and provide any needed financial support. As long as this is going I'm doing all I can to generate and leave as much money as I can for them. I have been waiting on him and my mom's health. This has been my plan for the last year and a half or so. It's the only thing that keeps me going even though it's getting more and more difficult. I'm sure some here have been in similar situations. Any advice, comments, suggestions, criticisms, thoughts, hopes, dreams, desires are welcome.
  3. I was diagnosed three years ago with clinical depression. It's something I struggled with years before seeking treatment. Prior to the diagnosis I had difficulty finding words, finishing sentences, and interchanging words. I would remember writing sentences in an email and looking back and they weren't there. Or, they would be in a different order. None of this happened before. My memory is also only a shadow of its former self. I had an exemplary memory before and was an exceptional writer. I'm 25 now and was diagnosed at 22, but it surely started before that. It is absolutely deteriorating(as is everything else). I just hope you don't suffer the same.
  4. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

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