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Handon Frypan

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Everything posted by Handon Frypan

  1. I have a splitting headache that is keeping me awake, and anxiety over my pending birthday.
  2. I have had an ongoing rubbing injury on my elbow because of my crutches. Now, fter a n appointment, I have been told to stay off of my crutches, and use a loaner wheelchair until I can get a custom one. It has been so, so long since I have used a wheelchair, and my body is much different now. So this is a real period of transition, which is giving me blues and anxiety. I particularly wonder if I will ever be abl to fly to see family again.,
  3. I am an only child twice over. I did not inherit siblings when my mother remarried My biological father died of MRSA after years of being bedridden with a stroke brought on by agent orange, which also presumably caused my spina bifida. So there was a while when my mother didn't get much help in parenting, and this affected me greatly (though I'm so glad she didn't rush into marriage just to give me a father figure again. She waited for the right guy, and has been married to him for over 20 years). My mother and I have a difficult, draining relationship. We just have varying styles of communication. That's all. Good intentions all around, but my tolerance for differing styles of conversation is low. My mother has a great relationship with her family, particularly with her only sibling, her brother, my uncle. I envy that. It makes me wish I had a sibling growing up, but my mother keeps saying the first and only time was the charm. I had trouble making friends growing up. I was always the only disabled person at school, and in high school, I moved around, attending 4 high schools in 3 states. And to this day, I still have social trouble. I wish I had siblings (two max, I think). They could be neutral bodies during arguments with my parents.
  4. Glad to have gotten some laundry done, but sad to be missing a soccer match I had planned last week for. Also stressed about upcoming travel.
  5. I'm grieving something, and I don't know what. I can't get to bed because of it.
  6. Had a very good medical appointment yesterday, which was a welcome surprise. But now I'm dealing with a conflict with my mother regarding that. At 43. I'm just tired of it.
  7. I feel overscheduled. Plus, I have some anxiety bout my next phase of life.
  8. Seems pretty humid out, but I've only gone out on my patio.
  9. I have kind of a lump in my throat, but have no clue why. I will say it's been a frustrating weekend, and nothing got accomplished, and I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.
  10. Grief over lost opportunities, some of which are spilt milk. Seem to have a sore throat as well.
  11. Been sleeping a lot today. Feeling disconnected and frustrated that I didn't accomplish anything I expected (and was expected) to do.
  12. I'm OK. Kind of glad I backed out of a certain social thing and sad that I can't make another one. Kind of annoyed that I'm not sure how I want to structure my day.
  13. Beat from 10 hours in the ER relating to a bladder injury I caused myself. Surgery may be pending.
  14. Once again, I am sick in advance of a monthly meeting I was hoping to attend. Previous to late 2017, I had been a regular, but now it's very intermittent. Plus, a messageboard that I lost my credentials to and just regianed them to seems to have become very close to dead when I need it the most. So, today I have felt bouts of maybe both sadness and depression. I don't know. I just feel very detached from my life, not knowing which direction it should go, nor who my friends and loved ones are.
  15. Kind of down and I have no clue why. Maybe just the rain. I am feeling way less anxious about a possible family trip, which I am thrilled about.
  16. Feeling an uneasy sense of transition today. Might take a while to resolve. Functioning OK, though, and have a better handle on my health issues.
  17. De9finitely in a better mindstate today, though the rain and a nagging injury derailed plans. Going out tomorrow, though, because I do have an appointment. Rain forecasted. I'm not overthinking things today. Just microuniting everything in my life.
  18. Another vote for food. 😞 Especially Southern or Miidwestern, or good heavy breakfast. Toast, hash browns, bacon, waffle or pancake and a mimosa is a happy start to the day (but quite caloric). Also, just a clear mind, which seems to be at a premium.
  19. I kind of wanted to go to this dance/cheer exhibition, but the buses aren't running like I need them to. Plus, I'm not sure I'm feeling well enough. Plus, I don't want to be the only middle-age man there. I'm on campus a lot, though, for PT, so, some folks know me. I dunno. I'm rambling.
  20. Change, really, and I think I'm staring that right in the face today.
  21. I'm cold. Also, this is one of those days that thoughts are just careening through my head. Been kind of wanting to visit the family summer cottage in MI, which I haven't been to since 1988. I am a ton older now, and my health is nowhere near what it was back then. Because of that, I'm not even sure how I'd want to occupy myself. But for whatever reason, I want to teleport back to that 1988 feeling. I know it won't happen, and I want to be totally fine with that. The rest of my family hasn't stopped going. Just me for reasons I don't even know. Like I said, my health hasn't been too good, so I need to actually prove that I can do this via another short trip, and the window for it is kind of short, so that's stressing me out. Probably some other stuff, but I'm having trouble accessing that now. This weekend's been a bit of a failure by certain metrics (i.e. deciding what to go out and do), but I feel certain that I can go out and do a movie tomorrow afternoon.
  22. The Drone Zone, a channel at soma dot fm "Drone Forest - "Blurring the Edges"
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