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Handon Frypan

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Everything posted by Handon Frypan

  1. It's Thanksgiving here, and I am not feeling well at all. My family intends to come over both today andtomorrrow, plus I have to call other family, and send gifts. Anxiety is pretty high.
  2. I keep going up and down. I had a good workout today, and did some laundry. But I'm feeling some vague sense of loss and failure as well. Hoping I can sleep properly and have a good perspective on it all tomorrow. All I know is I'm tired of being sick.
  3. Failure in communication with a dailyish attendant who stopped showing because of my sickness. Failure on my part of missing a request from my doctor. This all has created a lot of anxiety and a sudden decline in health, even though my cold seems to be abating. Wondering, as long as I live, how long I can maintain my current health, or improve it. Wishing you all well.
  4. Cought what appears to be a cold, but with kidney infection symptoms. My PT people are requiring a COVID test, and an online e-visit with my HMO is suggesting ER.
  5. Same here. Kind of numb, maybe? I have an LD that centers around organization, and that just got really badly tested today when I couldn't find one phone, the other hadn't been operating for a while (I thought I needed a new battery and didn't know where to find one), and the third has been missing for about a week. The platform locator button wasn't helping at all. The missing cell was too charge-dead to ping back to the platform. Luckily, about an hour after losing the second of my two landline phones, the cellphone starts working again like it hasn't in weeks, and the landline appears under my bed. I'm happy. Don't get me wrong. But I'm still decompressing from crisis mode and am really presenting like some sort of zombie. Hopefully this ebbs.
  6. Hot, overscheduled, and fragile. Been sick lately with a UTI. Been curious about some emerging mental health issues.
  7. Riding a wave of optimism and feeling pretty well accomplished today. We'll see if it sticks.
  8. I woke up at 4:30a for Olympic coverage, but my webstream kept conking out, so I had to give up halfway in. Now I'm really moody due to being underslept.
  9. I got locked out of my Twitter a few days ago and can't even get a code to reset my password. Maddening and consuming of my energy.
  10. I just had my second healthcare worker resign on me since I applied for this agency a couple months ago. Kind of worrisome.
  11. Lost in translation. Has to be about the 30th time. Love the moody cinematography and the soundtrack.
  12. My Spotify weekly list of things I might like: Morrisey: Speedway - 2014 remaster
  13. I went out for a good push today around the neighborhood. Dropped off a bill that was urgent. Got a few groceries. That was good, because as much as some of us are homebodies at heart, our abodes can really turn into prisons quickly. I did have a ride issue that prevented me from attending my dental appointment, though, and they actually asked me to wait to reschedule, which struck me as weird, and kind of the last straw. That's been bumming me out a bit.
  14. Bit of GI distress has made me afraid to go out, so I kept around the house, as I do more and more lately. Ran out of stamps for a bill that needs paid immediately. Ran into transportation difficulties for tomorrow's dental appointment. It wasn't a terribly sad day, but it was one where I realize I am fiercely becoming a homebody. With that said, my mother called me on the phone from the midwest, saying my family out there (extended) missed me, and saying that I should really consider visiting them. I feel like I mostly get along with them, and even admire some of them, but with my health taking such a bad hit these past two years or so, and even more so with COVID making it so exercise has been kind of dangerous, getting on an airplane with a wheelchair seems like an utter nightmare. I have gotten to be morbidly obese and weak. And the world isn't wheelchair accessible. I like to think I'm not burning out on extended family. I like to think it's just life in general.
  15. Nothing now, but lately Nation of Language with "A Different Kind of Life"
  16. One hour into the new day. My mood has stablized, but I am still wide awake and I need to get up early.
  17. I woke up in an oddly good mood, then as the day wore on, I got very sad, but was never able to pin down why. Now I'm suddenly pretty much OK, but my moodiness really affects my relations with people, including family. So, whatever happened today to get me all moody and then swing back up is puzzling.
  18. I slept very, very hard last night. I think I exerted more than I was used to yesterday. Other than that, doing relatively well, but just a bit rushed.
  19. My stomach is a bit jumpy. No anxiety. Just change in diet, I think. But it's disrupting my sleep. And I'm amidst a busy couple of weeks. I really love my "me" time.
  20. I just had a long and massively nice nap. Bedtime is good time. In other news, my sense of family is warped. I never had any brothers or sisters, nor any serious feeling like I wanted t marry, or have kids. I live 1000 or more miles from extended family, who I realize have their nuclear families they need to take care of. So I don't want to be that overbearing, mysterious relative. I don't have anything in common with any of their kids anyway. Plus, I am disabled, and feel like the black sheep because of it. And on top of that, as much as I get into lonely situations, I have social fatigue. I just can't win. On top of that, my heating is not working like I think it should, and the resultant coldness seems to be impacting me physically (well, mentally, which is connected to physical health if you see things holistically).
  21. So glad to have a break from my mother. She's very taxing. Well intended, but taxing. I actually unintentionally find myself avoiding age peers and other social peers that are like her, personailtywise..
  22. The day's actually started out quite well. Feeling well, getting things done. Hope it continues.
  23. I'm kind of down and I don't know why.
  24. I forgot one of my few social engagements of the month that was voluntary on my part. I used to be much more socialy organized in the 80's, as a teen. Bummer!
  25. I'll have my first dose on the 16th (I have to wait because I'm disabled). Should be interesting. Thinking i'm hearing it's the second shot that does people in, but it may depend on the type. Anyhow, doing relatively OK. Kind of cold. Also needing to redry a wash.
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