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Everything posted by Natasha1

  1. Talked to my voice teacher. Set me straight on a few things. I wonder if i can get a prescription for ativan for these situations. Like 25 pills a year. Just for auditions etc to stop the pan8c m9de from kicking in. Its such a controlled drug here that i doubt it. Not for these reasons. Sigh. Doesnt matter what i do in life. It will never be good enough.
  2. I discovered today that you can hide tears very well during a hot yoga class due to all the sweat and everyone else is focused on their own form, discomfort and concentration.
  3. So do you have any things that struck you just out of nowhere? Aha! Ohhhhhhhh! Something that you never realized but all of a sudden makes sense? Something that you thought, "well that makes total sense."
  4. Dont worry about it. Its probably just a social media experiment.
  5. I dont want to feel anything right now. I want to numb all this. Icant stand this pain.
  6. I used to call myself a musician. Now i know the truth. Ive finally realized that im just a stupid wannabe with no skill or talent.
  7. I take it. But not for depression. Its to calm me down and take away rapid cycling and racing thoughts. Did you have a particular concern?
  8. Oh sweet jesus...are you KIDDING ME????????

  9. They are just people. Nothing special.
  10. God i stink so bad people can smell me through the internet.
  11. I guess im a piece of dung.

    Thats clear based on how people treat me.

    Ill never be good enough.

    For anyone or anything.

    Why do i try?

  12. Day 2 of back on meds. Im moving very slowly. Im still disturbed by what happened at the pharmacy. I said i needed help 3 times. I had 4 panic attacks in ftont of her. I collspsed onto the floor unsble to breathe and all she did was keep chanting sbout something that wasnt even why i was flipping out. Another horrible memory i will never be able to shake. Feeling? I dont even kmow what words to place on it.
  13. They're coming for me. They'll be here soon and I have nothing to show them. Only panic attacks and breakdowns. Those are my sins. I'll show them my empty hands, to be cuffed. And they can throw me into the dark room. That's ok. I live there anyway. What's amazing to me is they have worked their way through to all the people I interact with. Daily. So now there are a lot of parts to play. Whatever is necessary. My husband has even joined their cult. Left me alone now. Saying ive manipulated the conversation. Yeah, I'm not smart enough for that, Jack. I hope the pharmacist burns in hell. I collapsed onto the floor wailing. Anyone want to help? Nope. Just her chanting overtop...her side. Her side of something that wasnt even the real issue. And she continued to do so when I phoned later to explain that wasnt the issue. And berated me that I had to phone my insurance company and fix it. Yo you **** I JUST told you all that! Thanks for listening. But they are still on the way. And cancer cant come too soon.
  14. Theyre out to get me. All of them They even got to my husbsnd. Although hes always been a part of it since early on. But he is now fully committed to the cause.
  15. Him: "i guess that makes me an ahole, right? Me: "no, THAT doesnt."
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