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Everything posted by Natasha1

  1. Welcome to df! Dont worry about your interactions here, only do what you are comfortable with and whenever you are ready. Df people are great and can help. Have a look around and let me know if you have any questions!
  2. Awake at 2 22, up st 2 50. Maybe i need to get back on zopiclone.
  3. Interesting. We have two for sure in canada. Each name is for one then the other.
  4. One is orange, the other is more yellowish. I feel the orange one is sweeter.
  5. Oh nothing much...my unhappiness even though i have nothing to be unhappy about, truly. Worry for my daughter who is showing signs of my issues, anxiety and borderline. Oh great.
  6. Been up since 1 30 am and havent done snything. I guess i took my kud to school at 7 but thsts it.
  7. Up at 1 30. 6 am now and this is the time my body wants to sleep. BOO
  8. I am so tired. Stressed out and cant sleep. How will i function?
  9. Should i go back to bed? Up at 1 30. Its almost 4. I could definitely sleep now. But i usually get up at 5 anyway. Actually, is that even true anymore? Used to be without fail. Then the meds started making me sleep all hours of the day that i could and then all night. Went off my meds in jan or feb. Sept im back on them. And now the sleeping issues are back. when i was younger id be up most of the night anyway. So why is this a problem now? Im 46. I should be used to this. Menopause? The beginning of the end? Debt Hiding Failing Losing it Whats on my mind? A lot of things.
  10. The Old Days Ever talk about the old days? Or back in the day? Were they good times for you? I bet a lot of people would say so. Me, not so much. I remember the mask though. The constant hiding behind it. Pain itself is a mask. It comes with the kit. "Step right up folks! Heres your pain, suffering, paranoia and inadequacies! Comes with a built-in consealer! A mask so effective, it will have you believe you are on top of the world as you die inside!" I think about the old days a lot. The highs i got from my behaviour. I often revisit those days and sometimes put the mask back on. But, then i realize i havent put it on. It was there all along. The old days are back. The old days are here. The old days are now. Because they were never gone!
  11. Up at 1 30 am again. Joy. No there is no joy.
  12. Well i started writing one thing, then it turned into sometthing else and then it changed again. Its not done and it is a bunch of crap. Oh well. I'm afraid of the dark. It's always been that way. You'd think I'd be comfortable with it, since it matches me, It's a part of me. No...it IS me. Feeling my way through the dark, hard floor Yearning to see the light Or just to see. But black I'll be. I know I'll go like he did. Waiting for 70 or more For the cancer will hit And spread That's how it took him, Her too. I write this With pain in my heart In my mind And in my soul Tears sting And fall Why do I bother at all The dark is here Drowning me With waves of cold Slapping my face In the garden The plants that I grew Have thorns and vines They all know me too All too well, I suppose Those vines choke me And the thorns stab me They all know
  13. When the hell is the brain cancer going to kick in????????
  14. Oh, dont be a dick. Theres no need to be selfish. There, you get your way. ..................................Again
  15. Dont say, " whats wrong with YOU?" When you act like a dick to me. There i undid the stairway decor. There, im not doing the front window now. You can go lie in bed and complain you are bored instead of helping me do it. You win, ok? Now shut the f up.
  16. About how my husband is sucking my love of Christmas out of me.
  17. Daydreams of physically hurting him. Again and again and never stopping, no matter how much he pleads.
  18. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except maybe when i can get out of this hell. Leave the planet. Then all will be fixed. He even took away my love of Christmas now. For those who dont know me or know me well, thst is a HUGE DEAL snd something i thought was impossible. Nothing.
  19. Time for a new thread: https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/170364-jd4010s-what-would-you-like-to-be-doing-thread-2/
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