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Everything posted by Natasha1

  1. I am really struggling. My husband is at it again. And all i can think about are my imperfections, inferiority snd jow everything i say and do is wrong. My brain automatically turns to restricting. And i plan it out to be perfect. I cant go back there. I just cant. Im supposed to start dbt again in february for my borderline and all i can think about with that is lying about not engaging in my target behaviours on my diary cards and group check ins. I cant stop the thoughts and im so scared im going to start again and not be able to stop this time.
  2. Im always the last bozo to get the bloody memos.
  3. Uniformity...What Is That? No one is on the same page. Sometimes i think its a different book. Or even a whole different genre. I'm in the green section trying to figure out a text book in school, or a procedures manual in a corporate setting Both written in black and white, but only grey is practiced, the reading audience is all doing their own thing, authoring a new product. No wonder im failing every exam and performance review.
  4. No idea why i have such hopes for 2020. Is it because 2019 kinda sucked?
  5. I know its not funny but the way you write...makes me chuckle when you make comments about it being as fun as it sounds. I hope it'll be ok soon
  6. Cooking A Novel The end is near. There's nothing to fear The final chapter draws to a close Its just a matter of how the plot goes. Thickening as i type Your mess needs a wipe Instead stir it, stir away You dont listen to what I say. The pot is hot. And it burns as it cooks. You eat with your fingers Not caring how it looks Because you enjoy to eat What was me, the meat No worries of rot As my spirit was caught You expect worship and laud Thinking you're God Realitycheck: you're sick And you're really a dick Ignorance is bliss And you won't be missed For the others they know That you sing like a crow So stir that pot And keep writing the plot Just know one thing: MY EPILOGUE WILL SING!
  7. Dear JD, i am so sorry. From what i remember, you were given no reason whatsoever. Just bocked out. Thats not right and you are quite possibly wrong about this. All i see from you is a kind and caring person. And she is missing your wonderfulness. I know what that thought process is like. I hate that you are going through that. We all love you here. Please try not to let this hurt you further.
  8. How do i feel? Well i just had a yelling spree in the street and then in my car. No one gave a ****. And now my throat hurts. A lot. I am thinking you guys can do the math on that one.
  9. With you sister. Totally the same
  10. I wouldnt go back for anything. And 25 was supposedly the time in my life where contentment was most likely. Yeah potential. Thats always it. Your full post was well written and i dont even know where to start. I did have the thoughts that you are having trouble with. I had plans for 5, 10, 20 years. Lots of dreams snd hope. None of them here. Sometimes i wonder if i was better off without all that. Becsuse it is quite the letdown when it all crumbles.
  11. They tell us in school, parents anyone. I had such hope for decades. Now i know its done to keep us hopeful and quiet as we become part of society.
  12. Oh great, now im dreaming about her during naps. How she is screwing me over again. Finding her in my house with her husband and mom. Getting their paws on everything.
  13. Puke. I wasnt good enough. Im still not. And its clear that i never will be. Why do they teach us this? It just leads to a pit of disappointment and failure. Then there is the recent thing that happened. I cant get over it. I probably never will. I still wish suffering on her. And i want to know about it. I hope her business fails miserably as she tries to save it from dying.
  14. Merry christmas, Lady. Yeah, merry it will be, won't it? Maybe i should be checking those bills you gave me. They are probably as fake as you are, right? Merry christmas. I like how you misled your way to get what you wanted for practically pennies. I like how you played me, suggesting i find out what its all worth online from experienced ones..KNOWING that i cant because i am not licensed there anymore. You knew i would just let it go. Merry christmas. Guess what? I KNOW what its all worth because i am not stupid. I was practically giving away what i thought we agreed on as it was. But you came in my home to do the transaction, laid out your expectation that now i look back in it, seemed planned...approaching it as a script that your mother played a part in. And that was supposedly why you went with my price increase? Lol. The part i thought we agreed on was being given away as it was. So merry christmas. Did your mother teach you to be this way? Or did you bring her into your game of deception? Oh i know karma is a thing. I had it coming, didnt i? What i did to those few people. So i can accept that part of it. But karma is a nasty thing. Its a cycle...a circle...a virus. It spreads. I was affected. Now you,'re next. So merry christmas. I like how you expected all the storage items too. No, you cant have that. Now that i know what is really going on, im not helping you either. Are you seriously that nasty? The scam you pulled wasn't good enough? Seriously? Yes i could have said no, but then i'd get nothing and had no other serious buyers. I froze. I had a few (those interested in seeing the parts you scammed me out of). But they wouldnt have gone for my pricing due to not understanding the value of this stuff even though my pricing would have been also giving it away too. You knew that didn't you? So merry christmas to you. I like how you were rushing through it...like one who was ready to flee a crime scene. Because you knew. You saw my disappointment. You saw the flush that came to my face. You knew you had to hurry before i changed my mind. I was livid. I kept it in. Shocked. Why did i let you abuse me? Merry effing christmas. As The Prayer plays on my sound system, a beautiful instrumental version turned ugly with my made up lyrics as i prepared dinner. Based on that alone i am going to hell. My husband had to come into the kitchen to tell me to change my lyrics; that wishing you to choke and die was not a nice lyric. Lol. Sure isnt, is it? Merry christmas you ****. I never use THAT word. "Never say "never." I havent wished or said these things before, but my lyrics, i hope they come true for you. That you choke and die. That you get hemorhroids that cause you to writhe in pain before they burst. Merry christmas. I hope you choke on a turkey bone as you enjoy christmas dinner with your scamming family. Do you scam your clients too? Wouldnt they find it interesting to find out how you treat people outside of business? Merry christmas, bitch. I hope you contract something really nasty, something that matches your ugliness. The awful way you do business. I hope its painful and there is nothing that will help with the pain. Merry christmas. Partner up with you? I like how you buttered me up with that one. You had it planned from the beginning. Worked on me from the moment you stepped through my front door. I hope you step onto a patch of winter ice and break your effing neck. Will your back hurt sweetie? How about that one? Be in constant pain so you cant even run that business of yours that you basically got your stuff for free. Thats my present to you. Lets not have you die. No. Lets have you hurt your back so badly that you suffer with an addiction to pain meds. I hope it leads to harsher stuff! SUFFER YOU ****! Merry christmas.
  15. Too good to be true Yes, I should have known better That you are so fake
  16. I am getting trashed Drink to forget, eat to die Overindulgence
  17. @AloneGuy pm me if you need to talk. I had to do this in 2011. I completely understand the pain. My boy is on the bookshelf now but gets put on the mantel during non christmas times.
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