Natasha1

I AM SO TRIGGERED RIGHT NOW

*WOW*

SO NOW I DONT QUALIIFY FOR GETTING HELP. THAT'S JUST WONDERFUL. 

IM JUST AS WORTHLESS NOW AS IVE ALWAYS BEEN. AND AFTER ALL I GAVE TOO. ALL I DID. 

WORTHLESS. UGLY. 

Oh sweet jesus...are you KIDDING ME????????

I guess im a piece of dung.

Thats clear based on how people treat me.

Ill never be good enough.

For anyone or anything.

Why do i try?

A hug right back to you.

Hello, can you please contact me by pm? i cant seem to message you.

"i live each moment as my last.....

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way

No day but today"
 

Gods of the Sun, bring him to me............

Ive listened to my badly recorded audition and maybe it isnt so bad...at this point i think im not solo material but i think it was ok.

Ok i can do this. Just move on and look forward to feedback from them later this week. Ill just use the feedback to make myself better.

Good experience and i can say that I DID IT!

So it went ok. My nerves got at me so my vocals could have been better. Feedback was i was perfectly dressed lol. Bad sign on voice i guess. "Entertaining to watch." Ok. I'll take that.

Ill get back up singer i guess.

I was so anxious. Now i am freakishly calm. 

My husband is nagging and getting at me constantly. Even just complaining about things to himself. I am keeping calm. I am keeping calm.

First stage of audition hair is done.

I am calm.

Audition...omg...im freaking out!! 

Its happening again. So much guilt. But its still happening again. Ill never be free of this and now the paranoia is chiming in. 

I guess its happening again....

Its just one day right?

I wish my voice was better.

You know, at grade 8 grad i got the "All Round" award because i was never great at one thing. I should be happy and grateful right? Not everyone got awards.

Yeah i can be mediocre at everything and not good at one thing. I guess i dont need to mention that i didnt get the award i wanted/worked toward. The one everyone said i would get.

I wish my voice was better.

Why do i feel like im never enough?

Worked on my voice today. Operatic type stuff. Im told i should perform it.

But im not good enough.

Nothing i do will be enough.

I know i will never be enough. It is so clear yet i keep putting on glasses to see it differently.

In two weeks ill be hiking up a mountain. It will be cold but worth it. Wonder how pretty that lake up top is?

Nothing but me and nature.

And the bears and cougars.

Mother said,
"Straight ahead, "
Not to delay
Or be misled.
I should have heeded her advice...
But he seemed so nice.

 ~ Little Red Riding Hood (Into the Woods)

I want a bed with 2 duvets and a cat. Now.

It MUST be a mid-life crisis. What do i do...just wait it out and suffer? No money to do the things i feel the need to do. 

Something's comin'

I dont know what it is.

Am i going to die?

You know your fart is really bad when...

You do it outside...and the person with you , standing at the rear of the car while you are standing on the side of the car can smell it, are gagginh and they are ready to pass out because its that bad.

OUTSIDE!!!!

Nice contrast though when you come inside and the house reeks of garlic from a slow cooker full of homemade pasta sauce.

Garlic. Great for making more butt stenches.

My palette may never be the same...