Natasha1

Oh my God. He was so good to me. He would check in on me with kind words and encouragement out of the blue. Thats how i knew him. Through messages like that. Such a good person. Im so sad right now.

EXACTLY! @JD4010 thats totally what i go through. Or i am ignored. Or im given a response that totally goes off the topic i brought up. or the response shows they arent really listening (or they are too dense to get what i am saying,).

My choice in self harm methods makes so much sense now.

Im ready. You will finally get what you want. I can finally be meek. Submissive. You can rub the fact that you are the bread winner and i make so little and dont contribute financially in my nose as much as you want. Like a dog learning not to s hit in the house. Rub my face in it too. Im a dog. Because, lets face it. You are in control. When i made more than you many years ago i NEVER EVER tried to remind you constantly. There is obviously something wrong with me. Everyone shows me this constantly. Im 46 and i finally have learned this. Parents, friends, teachers, co-workers, bosses , medical officials, complete strangers, people online, you, and now of course our daughter has learned from you that its ok. Im surprised you dont hit me. My parents did. F uck my dad outright gave me the strap. He would chase me to my room snd cornet me on the other side of the room so i could scream in terror. My mother would slap me. Spank me with wooden spoons. Whatever was handy for our location. Skinny wood meant for fencing. Then there was the passive aggressive crap. The punishment through restriction of things that they were going to give me. You do some of that (withholding and verbal crap). Put me out of my misery. Just kill me. Youll be happy. Everyone will be.

Trapped. I dont want to be involved anymore.

No idea

30 years. I had a little bit of a break from it in the past 10, more on/off (if you can call it that). Im a pro too, except its been harder to do now that im getting older and makes me feel its just one more thing to fail at. But when i plan to this extent it tends to get more serious. Hoping i can get through this and you too @sober4life

You're not stupid

You finally pushed me over the edge. Never thought i would get this far. You finally did it. I officially hate you. I dont give a flying f that your job is stressful and lives are at stake. It doesnt give you the right to treat me like s hit or invalidate me by being an elitist in the stress and feelings department. Oh you want to go there? How many diagnoses do you have? I can go there if you like. Oh thats right. Im ungrateful. I forgot that i actually am a piece of s hit so thats why you treat me like that. Not allowed to fear, stress or feel. I am nothing. I hate you

I HATE YOU

I am really struggling. My husband is at it again. And all i can think about are my imperfections, inferiority snd jow everything i say and do is wrong. My brain automatically turns to restricting. And i plan it out to be perfect. I cant go back there. I just cant. Im supposed to start dbt again in february for my borderline and all i can think about with that is lying about not engaging in my target behaviours on my diary cards and group check ins. I cant stop the thoughts and im so scared im going to start again and not be able to stop this time.

Im always the last bozo to get the bloody memos.

Confused. Anxious. Stupid.

Uniformity...What Is That? No one is on the same page. Sometimes i think its a different book. Or even a whole different genre. I'm in the green section trying to figure out a text book in school, or a procedures manual in a corporate setting Both written in black and white, but only grey is practiced, the reading audience is all doing their own thing, authoring a new product. No wonder im failing every exam and performance review.

No one is on the same page. Sometimes i think its a different book. Or even a whole different genre. I'm in the green section trying to figure out a text book in school, or a procedures manual in a corporate setting Both written in black and white, but only grey is practiced, the reading audience is all doing their own thing, authoring a new product. No wonder im failing every exam and performance review.