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Natasha1 last won the day on August 1 2018

Natasha1 had the most liked content!

About Natasha1

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  • Birthday 01/01/1973

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    Music, colouring, teaching. hiking up mountains.
    Avatar source: SHuSHI168.com
    Cover photo source: deceptico- deviantart.com

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  1. Sharing tips and tricks is bad. I won't help others do this to themselves.
  2. Thinking about what a selfish ahole my husband is.selfish child left making dinner (he bbqs chicken,) because he was pissed off that the matches werent where he was expecting them to be. Spiteful prick. And he went to bed without a word after shutting us out and i have NO FREAKING IDEA where he hid the easter bunny candy. So she has gone to bed excited about it and now there will be nothing.
  3. Natasha1

    Tag Team

    And there you two go again. One then the other. Join forces and twist it around like it is my fault. And later you say dont get mad when you basically say in so many words to get out of your effing way...well guess what i didnt get mad as you said, i just moved. I moved. But thats not enough for you is it? Your Highness. No. You didnt do it right Nat. You didnt do enough Nat. It isnt perfect Nat. You cant do anything right, Nat. Dont stand there and wait your turn while i do this Nat. Just say something. **next time, then i say something* Why is it that your task is so much more important than mine Nat? Boy if you ever knew what my therapist says about you. She accidentally diagnosed you to me. She had to fumble her way out of that one, because she isnt allowed to do that but, lol, you would be destroyed to hear what she said. She openly mentions it now as if its fact. And then if i said it, you would go off on me. Im never allowed to defend myself. And you have taught her to treat me that way. The two of you bully me. And she is allowed to defend herself and tell me off and tell menot to do the things she is allowed to. Thats right, im always wrong. For both of you. You always say you sacrifice for me all the time. Like i never do. And now: "everyone is making sacrifices you know." Yeah i never do and im always the god damned selfish one, right? Good luck to you when i die from brain cancer. Then youll see what ive been doing, sacrificing. And you...good luck in life, i have tried to teach you. You get away with murder. You dont believe me when i tell you you're going to have a hard time in this world and you cant stand it when i say it. Good luck to both of you. Im sure you will both be so happy when it finally happens.
  4. And i dreamt that i killed you. I dont remember why, or how. Maybe it wasnt even me. I just remember kneeling over you at the intersection down the hill, hopelessly pressing the part of you where you drained faster than a heartbeat. A car at the stop sign. No one helped. No one even noticed. My tears falling on your lifeless face as i desperately tried to save you. Save the life that came from the light you shared - with me, with all. Yes, i DID do it. Now i know that as i write this, the words not eloquent, i confess my sins. I remember then taking a bus trying to get to you as i worried, as if it was help like an ambulance. It moved too slowly and i was antsy. In the dream, that bus made sense, yet I knew it was ridiculous and... ...too late. You died by my cold heart.
  5. @nojoy i am so relating to your post. Obviously i have separate things going on. But god i feel so much the same. And every god damned day it just gets worse. I wish i could make it better. I wish i could be more positive. But right now i just...every day its something and these things only come, dont go. They all keep coming every day never going, so its getting a little tight in here. Hug
  6. Natasha1


  7. "Whats wrong?" "Nothing" "Ok then" Really, if you need to ask then you are fucking stupid.
  8. Thing is i was so hurt. My face was burning and my eyes welled up. Anxiety attack started up. I shed some tears. Then bummed the rest of the day.im still hurt. No 3rd party without raising a ruckus or involving people that it wouldnt be fair to. This is a stupid thing. Its usually much worse.
  9. I shouldnt care, right? I dont know what it was that i supposedly did. I know i drive people away through my behaviour. But this case i did nothing to these people. And i was so supportive to them and their kid. Honestly, what did i do? It will drive me crazy. For the rest of my life. Its one thing to know why, but being in the dark makes me obsess. If i were "normal" i probably wouldnt be creative but the pain i go through...i always wonder if i would be better off that way.
  10. Fear. Its contagious. I wasnt that worried. For a while. Here and there i would get a little bit nervous with my thoughts of what if. But always able to get past it easily. Just picked up a few extra things here and there. We figured there was going to be some hoarding so why not have a few things right? Last week i went to Costco because all of a sudden, the stories started to grow and i thought maybe we should actually stock up. Because it was the first day where we were planning to distance ourselves. When i arrived, the 12 tills were obviously full, the pier at the edge of a huge sea of tp mountained carts and heads. People at least had the good sense to leave their kids at home. Hysteria brings common sense in for some i guess. The sea lineup wasnt even the worst of it. The sea is fed by two streams on the two sides normally (on such busy days like Victoria Day weekend or the week before Christmas). Those two streams go all the way to the back of the warehouse. (Meat and produce departments). For those of you who have never been inside a Costco, they are HUGE (at least huge is the only size i have seen them come in). So, the sea didnt surprise me, the streams, also not so much as i have seen that same old shit before. What DID surprise me is the granola bar shelves were broken apart in the middle and there was a third stream feeding the sea which also went back to the meat department. Well, i sighed as i knew what i was getting myself into before i even got to the parking lot, before i got an actual parking spot. Wtf am i rhyming or something?? Anyway, we were pretty much fine for supplies but not sure how long we would need to be. So i stocked up. On everything. Two or more of everything. Shampoo, conditioner, soap, food, canesten. Yes, canesten. There may be a huge change to how the world turns, but yeast knows nothing of the world, does it? It just knows to grow and spread. I was remaining calm. Breathing. Mumbling to myself. Joking with other people with how we all are crazy. And hands shaking. Literally shaking. I was having an anxiety attack. But ive never had physical symptoms like that before. Not visible to others, anyway. I could barely push my cart. It was so heavy. And now that feeling was spreading throughout my body. I survived it. I knew i would. My husband, through text, kept telling me its ok. We will get through this. It helped. But it seems like in the big picture it will take a long time. This isnt just going to stop in 2 to 4 weeks. Lets be real here. They want us to slow it down. But it isnt going to stop. Im losing clients as i type this as there are layoffs galore and we havent even been hit all that badly. We really havent. Yet. Over time, as you see the shelves change...see them dwindle, (tp was first thing, only god knows why, im still baffled)...then shelves start to empty...then theres no meat. At all. Nothing. So now i am really starting to fear the future. Now i worry because the fear is more contagious than covid is. And this early, with so few cases in my country, with people losing their shit this badly this soon...i am what iffing again. If supplies turn into a problem because hoarders cant stop then people will get desperate when they have an actual need. And thats where im feeling the need to have a gun in the house. What if What if What if What if we are in that position, or people try to steal our supplies to sell...we will need protection. And i have NEVER EVER felt that need in the past. Covid, fear, hysteria...it all spreads and if any of those were yeast, all the Canesten in the world wont ever stop them.
  11. Crap really?? Ill have to look into that
  12. "...If a virus has lined him up..." good grief girl, the way you write, the things you say, the wit, the charm, everything!!! You are gifted. Everytime a notification comes for your blog posts i am ON IT!
  13. I think most do. Its rare for our age groups
  14. @samadhiSheol my husband said he found they are working on a vaccine and human trials are starting. Of course if it is effective it will take a while to make it for the masses...
  15. Doesnt it have to do with how it spreads though? If everyone gets sick at the same time its trouble. Hospital staff cant deal with that and as nentioned above thrre wont be enough beds. Then hospotal staff will get run down, making it harder for them. Plus, they are more at risk. Those masks dont do anything for this. The regular flu doesnt spread as fast does it and onset is more obvious?? Im not up on facts but putting that out there. Im trying to not "know too much." I returned a heart event monitor to the hospital a few days ago. I have symptoms. I put it in a ziploc and wrote "i have symptoms" on it with a sharpie. Then, instead of leaving it in the bin as i was supposed to, i waited in line to make sure someone wore gloves. The girl went to check as she didnt know if they did. She thanked me and said i was thoughtful. Someone else came out with gloves on to collect it. She thanked me very appreciatively. If hospital staff are acting that way then that tells me something. They either know something or are seeing it. My husband and i have also talked about how we think theres something that "they" arent telling us. *shrug*
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