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Silver Member
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About justme

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    Music.. Dancing.. Musical Instruments (particularly the flute and the trumpet).. Culture.. Reading... Animals (speshly cats).. Red Wine.. Good Food.. Comedy!

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  1. Yo, back in the real world here-hope all is well kiddo! T

  2. You are around here? Wow.. well I never would have thought. Smiles

  3. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  4. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  5. Great to hear from you! (((((Hugs)))))

  6. Sending you big love T...xx

  7. Dwayne.. just wanted to send you love.. wherever you are & however you're feeling.. i'm thinking of you xx

  8. It's been a while since I came here to let some steam off. For the longest time in ages i've felt strong.. ok.. Yeah i'm doing good! Woo hoo! But i've realised in that time I actually haven't felt anything. No joy.. no anger... no emotions. Well that changed this week. I had RAGE! I was angry at the adverts on the telly for Christmas. Angry that it's all about people stuffing their faces with food & buying presents that will possibly be stuffed in a drawer the next day. Excess. Too much! My daughter asked me why was I angry... she heard my ranting. I guess that made me question myself. I still don't have an answer for it. All I know is that a few days later came the tears & the tears haven't stopped for a few days. I feel weak. I feel embarrased. I feel like a bad person for feeling this way. I don't want to tell people that i'm feeling bad so i'm just retreating. My parents.. god bless them.. my mum.. she knows... but I put on a telephone voice.. Yes.. I'm ok.. I've had a headache.. next two days.. I think i've got the flu!!.. she knows I don't have a headache.. she knows I don't have the flu.. but I just can not bring myself to say.. Mum I'm feeling bad. Why? Why am I so embarrassed about this illness? Why am I isolating myself to the point that i will have no-one around me. I know that what i'm doing is affecting my daughter. Why can I not stop this? What can I do to make this all stop? I just don't know anymore. I think it was better when I didn't feel anything. I could cope with that. I can't cope with all these feelings. Because it's mostly sadness i'm feeling. I detest that I feel sorry for myself. Why can I not move on from all this? I'm not a bad person... so why is this happening? My deepest fear is that i'm affecting my daughter and she will suffer. How do I stop this? Do I send her off to live with her dad? Will her life be better if I do that? Right now.. I'm not thinking rationally... all I can think of is.. urghh.. is this it.. forever. ? No-one deserves this... I hate how selfish this all is... I'm a mother & my instinct should be to make sure my daughter has a great life but right now all I can think of is how crap everything feels & how much better off she would be if I wasn't in the picture. I would never do away with myself though.. i'm too much of a coward. See how I'm thinking of myself first? That's my problem really I guess. I need to stop focusing on myself so much & my negativity. There is someone here who is worth much more than negativity. So why is it that I put how I'm feeling first and her second? it disgusts me.. I offend myself!! Just another brick in the already heavy backpack. tomorrow is another day & all I can hope is that it's better than today.
  9. My biggest problem with this is... that I tend not to reply to people when they send me a message... then I get messages asking why am I ignoring them or why haven't I replied to them. It's embarassing for me to say.. Oh hey.. I feel depressed so I can't talk to you. I know this contradicts my earlier post.. but gosh... isn't that what depression is about.. it's just one great big contradiction! Merh!
  10. Hiya!!! Long time no see indeed =) I hope that's a good sign! What a gorgeous photo of your girl.. aww! Too cute! See ya soon... justie x

  11. Hey dudette, long time no see!

  12. Hi there. I also suffer from periods of wanting to isolate myself yet not wanting to. It's confusing and annoying!! When I get like this I force myself to go for a walk each day. Just by getting outside and getting some fresh air it can really help. Then when someone walks past me, I'll look at them, smile and say good morning or just g'day. 9 times out of 10 they will say it back and that helps you to feel a bit better. Like.. yeah.. I can do this! Whatever you do though, don't put heaps of pressure on yourself to go and be social with loads of people because that will just make your anxiety worse.. hence your moutain. Take baby steps, one day at a time. Build up gradually so you get to the point where it's not such a big deal. Good luck =)
  13. Firstly... good for you for taking the steps to give up. Secondly.. have you tried nicotine gum or patches? I think there is also a nicotine mint you can get now. Trying any of these will probably help with the cravings which then might help with your mood. Going cold turkey (if you are) is extremely difficult. Good luck with it =)
  14. Crazy times... crazy times.... err.. pardon the pun .. tee hee xx

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