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PhoenixFlower

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About PhoenixFlower

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    Newbie
  • Birthday 03/26/1989

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    England, UK
  1. I do see your point :) I guess I was just really hoping to get a proper diagnosis for once, but overall it's not really needed as long as I'm receiving help and learning to live with it so I can get on with my life.
  2. I will take your advice and try to note down every time something happens which I feel shows I have BPD. The way I am most of the time literally matches every piece of diagnositc criteria that I've read about for BPD apart from my anger isn't as high as some - I'm irritable and snap at times, but on the odd occasion I get angry it's usually fairly just and not erratic. I suffer from many relationship problems - usually something I see that isn't there, trust issues, abandonment issues, valuing someone highly then the next day being paranoid about their motives and seeing their flaws or how they've 'wronged' me, black and white thinking, low self-image, rapid mood swings throughout the day (ranging from very low, to hyper, to irritable, to 'normal' etc.), impulsivity concerning buying things and drinking (though the drinking to excess is usually when I'm feeling really down), a history of self-harm, suicidal thoughts when very low or if I feel out of control (usually after a break up or falling out with someone I care about). That's just a brief summary of how I am and why I believe I have BPD. It feels really odd talking so matter-of-fact about all of this, but they say it's easier to talk to 'strangers' on the internet, which I believe to be true :) I didn't necessarily want a diagnosis then and there, as otherwise I'd have been doubting them as a professional. I feel they need more time to get a clearer picture on my mental state. It just frustrated me being told I have all the traits but she felt she was able to say I don't have it - this still does not make sense to me... but I feel too strongly about this to just accept the word of one doctor. Anyways, I am rambling slightly. Thank you for your response, I appreciate it and will take on board what you have said :) From my experience so far I do not have faith in the doctors anymore - I've received little to no help in my opinion and I'm growing tired of the lack of understanding. I will be seeing the psychiatrist again in 6-8 weeks so they can see how I'm doing, or that's what I was told anyways. I will try to think of what else I want to know, but right now I do not trust him or his answers, nor do I trust the second psychiatrist I briefly saw. I was told to try Seroquel to help my rapid mood swings and to see if it would help. I will be picking the prescription up today and I'm still feeling very unsure about taking it. I won't be taking it until after the weekend as I don't want to be too tired for certain events this weekend, plus I've just got a new puppy within the last week and I'm the main carer for her - I really don't want to be too tired to look after her at times as she's my responsibility :/ Thank you for your reply. Oh and you didn't come across as cynical at all btw :) Yeah I'm going to ask the GP today if there's anywhere else I can be referred to. If not, then I might ask my psychiatrist if there's anyone else I can see. I know I'm just having bad luck right now and that there are better psychiatrists out there, but I think we all know what it's like to feel a hopeless over something for a while. Thanks for your reply Kat.
  3. Hi everyone, I am always reading this site but it's rare that I'm brave enough to post on here haha, I will try to be more active. I'm really needing advice and opinions from people who have been there or know what it's like, so here's my story and I'd really appreciate some input if someone has the time, thank you :) Today I went for a second psychiatric assessment. I was extremely nervous as so far I've not exactly received much help and I'm constantly being told how my symptoms aren't 'severe' enough for certain diagnoses. The psychiatrist I saw today was the same guy I saw last time who I have no faith in and do not trust - last time I saw him I told him my dad had recently died, yet 15 mins later he asked if my dad was around. Then today he asked me some of the same questions as last time until I told him I'd seen him before and he then decided to actually check his notes and he tried to apologize :/ I strongly believe I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Everything I read about it fits exactly how I am and have been for a very long time. I told the doctor that I believed I may it, so after our conversation he went to get a second opinion. When the second doctor spoke to me she said I have all the traits of BPD, yet she told me I don't have it :/ I am so confused as to how from a brief explanation of what I'd said in the last hour she could possibly come to that conclusion? It's not like I had time to explain my whole life in an hour or so and surely something as serious as a mental illness and possible personality disorder should be studied over several meetings, not after a brief conversation with a doctor who didn't listen to me. She also implied she didn't want to give me the diagnosis as I am only 22 and it will affect my future job prospects. I have now been told to try Quetiapine (Seroquel) and to slowly come off the Venlafaxine I am currently on. I strongly believe she is wrong in what she said and I also think it is wrong to not give me the right answers out of fear I'll be judged. I have spent the last two years trying to find answers and a possible diagnosis so you can imagine my frustration at constantly being passed on without any real diagnosis. I just want to know what your take is on this and what are the next steps you recommend I should take?
  4. I find the exact same thing, but this is after coming off of Mirtazapine. It's possible it could be a placebo effect, but either way I don't care what's doing it as it's just nice to have some kind of mood boost for a while! :) Hope it keeps working for you.
  5. Thank you for the replies. I was diagnosed officially with depression at the end of last year and was put on Citalopram, I didn't feel it was working and I am now on Prozac 20mg as of two weeks ago. I've never had the best memory, but I've definitely noticed a serious problem with it since being diagnosed and being put on meds. It's nice knowing I'm not the only one who suffers with the memory loss :)
  6. I just wanted some reassurance really so thought I'd ask about your own experiences. For a while now I've had a serious problem with my memory. I forget things all the time and sometimes I know that I should remember experiences or something that has only just been said but as much as I try and remember it exactly, I really can't and it drives me crazy. It's also a big problem at work for me. I've read that this can be related to depression, but I just wanted to know if this will stop happening to me? It's gradually getting worse and I hate it. I'm only 20 so it's nothing to do with age. It'd be good to hear other people's own experiences with memory loss and how it's worked out for you.
  7. Hi all, I joined about a week ago and have finally decided I'd introduce myself :) I'm Ellie and I am 20 years old. I got diagnosed with depression about a year ago after suffering for a long time, but I feel there is a lot more to it. I mostly joined here so I could read other stories and feel less alone. I also want to understand myself more and I feel this site could be a big help. I also hope I can help others on here with my own views and experiences.
  8. Welcome to DF :)

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