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Princessrolo

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Everything posted by Princessrolo

  1. I really appreciate our little chats. Mwah! x

  2. I voted pro. I use to be deeply concerned and suspicious about medication for mental illness. They just seemed scary and you always heard bad press about them! 6 years ago I took my first AD, and I honestly believe I would be dead by now if I had not have finally accepted that I needed the help that the medication would provide. Depression and other mental health issues are all illnesses just like any other and you would not turn down medicine to treat Cancer, so I think they same should apply.
  3. I will come back to this with a list when I am feeling better. When I was well previously I felt grateful to have suffered from depression as I felt I had been given a new insight and understanding. I also felt a lot stronger as a person. However at the moment I can not see any of the benefits once you have crawled out of the dark as I am still very much in it!
  4. I have been on ESA since last year. I had my annual medical examination and failed. I was 2 points short! I appealed this and stated that I felt the doctor treated me unfairly. I specifically told her that I have trouble going out alone and need to have company with me to leave my house most of the time. Jobcentre plus rejected my first appeal and it had now gone to tribunal, I was supposed to have the hearing in December but it has been pushed back a few months. I contacted Jobcentre plus again when my medication was changed to an anti-psychotic to show them that my condition had become worse, they were still unwilling to change the appeal. I am very stressed with regards to this and hate been treated like I am faking. Now with the Tories targeting ESA as well I feel even more frustrated! Has anyone else had the same problems recently? If so any advice would be great!
  5. Hi there sixtimes, I can completely relate to this. I am five months into therapy and I still have times where it makes me feel worse. I do have other times where I feel much better though and think I am making progress. It is a slow process and will not provide a quick fix. I think you should give it some time, try and be patient, recognise why it is making you feel worse and discuss this with your therapist. I mentioned feeling worse to mine and she said it was perfectly normal. Best of luck! x
  6. You are madly in love with your bf (Want to marry him now and have his babies) He really is the best thing ever! What is he doing with me anyway? He could do so much better?! The next day you do not feel anything and find it hard to be in the same room as him, what am I doing with him anyway? I can do so much better! Then the next day......You are madly in love with your bf, he really is the best thing ever! What is he doing with me anyway? He could do so much better?! Over and over and over again!
  7. Hi Kat, I am in the same situation as you, I was diagnosed as having BPD traits, I fit just over half of the criteria. It confused me as I did not understand how I could have traits without having the full blown disorder. After reading more about I do find that aspects of it fits. I thought I would just let you know that you are not alone with this diagnosis and I would advise reading about it as it has helped me a lot. x
  8. Hi Timestamp, Feeling sleepy and falling asleep has been a problem for me on these meds too. (Just under 3 weeks in now) I can sleep over 12 hours a night and I nap a lot too. Sometimes though I have also found it hard to sleep so over the last 3 weeks of taking it I have flitted between the two. This should smooth out after a while hopefully. I was very sleepy on Venlafaxine when I took it a few years ago, but it eased off after a while and I was functioning normally. I hope it smooths out quickly for you so that you can go back to work with no problems. Good luck!
  9. I started a job in October 2008. At the time I had been well for about 4 years. I was promoted after 3 months at this job. A month in to my promotion my depression resurfaced. I took some time off on sick leave and was very open about my condition. About 3 weeks into my sick leave I received a letter from them firing me from my position stating my illness as the reason. I made a claim for unfair dismissal, it was settled out of court as I was not well enough to fight a lengthy court battle. I did not get a lot of money but it was mainly the principle I was concerned with. By settling they of course do not admit guilt, but I am glad I did something about it and to get even a penny out of them was enough.
  10. Thanks Tim, I had an absolutely terrible day yesterday. The suicidal thoughts were getting really disturbing and graphic. I just felt so depressed. I just hope this is a sign that the meds will work. I know with AD's that they can make you feel worse before you feel better so I am hoping this is the case. It happend to me in all my four treatments I've had (1 year on setraline, 4 on Citalopram, 4 on Stablon and now almost a year on Cymbalta) a week should be enough to feel better. Good luck and have a nice day! A week??! That seems an awfully short time for it to start working, I thought it took at least 6-8? I must say though I am 2 weeks in now and I am feeling a bit better, moods have balanced and side effects have calmed down a lot. I hope it keeps doing what it is doing! x
  11. Thanks Trace & Lindahurt. I think I will write him an email back. I think we have been friends too long to let it slide without saying at least something about it. So I am going to explain how I think it was out of line what he said. If he apologises and we talk about it, fine. If not, that is fine also. I have had enough experience with people like that and I will not tolerate it. A true friend is someone who accepts you warts and all, luckily I do have a few of those.
  12. I like that! Simple and to the point....And also letting it know it wont beat you!
  13. I have been friends with this guy since we were 19, so 11 years now. He is an on-line friend. We have never met, but we use to speak almost everyday so we were close and I knew him so well, or I thought I did. I spent many an evening over the last few years talking to him about my depression, during bouts and afterwards and he always seemed understanding. I never felt like I went on about it too much, just in context to how I was at the time. Anyway about 4 months ago I told him I was sick again and he got angry at me and said ' I just do not understand it. You are so pretty, you have a great BF, great friends, great family, you are well educated....WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT???' His wife was pregnant at the time and I said well anyone can get depressed, and mentioned Postnatal depression as an example. He said to that, ' I have already told my wife I will **** her if she ever even thinks about harming our baby' I just felt like he had never listened to me, all those times I told him about bad things from my past and how depression effects people, not just myself. I thought he knew that depression is an illness, irrespective of what you have or have not got. I did not contact him again, and he had not contacted me either (His wife had the baby recently) To be honest I felt so upset about what he said that I had decided to let him go. I just felt that after 11 years it seemed he did not understand or know me at all, despite the hours we had talked to each other. He emailed me about two weeks ago, apologising for not being in touch. Asking generally if I and my BF are well. Nothing about what was said previously. I have not replied yet. I am not sure I will. I am just so sick of peoples ignorance sometimes, especially those I expect more from!
  14. Thank you very much, I will definitely check it out!
  15. I have been advised by my therapist that when I am feeling more stable I should try to do some voluntary work as it is a great way to gain confidence and feel like you are helping others, this in turn helps you as you banish that horrible 'useless' feeling that is so common with depression. I was given an address to a website called Do It! "Please PM Member for Link" It is a great website and allows you to search local voluntary schemes in your area, there is a really wide choice to choose from too! Unfortunately it is only for people in the UK but I am sure if you Google you will find similar sites for other parts of the world. I am really looking forward to getting stable enough to do this now!
  16. This is one area that I do really need to improve in. I just find it so hard to get motivated of late. I also have problems leaving the house on my own so that limits me with the type of hobbies I can do. I love Art, music, reading and writing. The only activity I do consistently at the moment is reading tbh. I also watch TV and play video games, although I do not count this as very productive. I would love to do a lot more and be more active and sociable. I am a week in to new medication so I hope this will improve my motivation so that I can try new things. I LOVE to learn new things so as I said I would like to take up a variety of hobbies and activities, its just my stupid anxiety that stops me!
  17. I thought it might be interesting if people personified their depression and wrote 'it' a letter. I sometimes see my illness as a monster, or a demon, or a dark half of me (A bit like Jekyll and Hyde) I also see it sometimes as a form of possession, like I am fighting for my very soul. Anyway I think what happens at times is we get so use to depression being a part of us, and our lives that we see it as part of us, and it really is not! Yes it is part of an that we have, but it is not part of the true essence of any of us. That is why I thought writing to' it' might be a good idea, to let some of that anger and frustration out on the very thing we are all trying our hardest to fight. A note to the enemy I suppose! I have not written mine yet, but I will do....I have suffered with 'it' for 15 years so I am going to need some time to write, its like having a life long nemesis, don't you think? I cant wait to see what you come up with, give it hell guys!
  18. Hello. What was the name of the programme about depression, or the radio station it was on? Have been on I-Player and I cannot easily identify it. Thanks!
  19. Thank you all so much for your support and insight, you have helped with my confusion a great deal. Hi Shizuku! Good to see you around! I thought I would list the symptoms of BPD that apply to me below, the ones in green are the ones that I have the most: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonmentA pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluationIdentity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of selfEmotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g. intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)Chronic feelings of emptinessTransient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms
  20. Thanks Tim, I had an absolutely terrible day yesterday. The suicidal thoughts were getting really disturbing and graphic. I just felt so depressed. I just hope this is a sign that the meds will work. I know with AD's that they can make you feel worse before you feel better so I am hoping this is the case.
  21. Thank you very much. Sometimes when I am really down it is very, very hard to see the end result waiting for me, but that is the nature of the beast!
  22. Same here. As much as my last bf tried to understand my depression... he couldn't handle it and left. Unfortunately I still miss him well she told me she cant chance having me get depressed again. She said no chance of getting back together. Sad thing is my case was very very minor. I guess her love wasnt as strong as i thought. Sorry to hear that. As much as it may hurt please try and remember that you deserve to be with someone who sticks with you through the good and the bad. Life has ups and downs and if you life partner is going to bail when things get a bit tough then they are not the one for you. x
  23. Thank you to all of you for your support. Eternalhope we seem to have a very similar story. I thought I had finally beaten the f**king evil thing! And then Venlafaxine pooped out on me after 4 years. I am a week in on the Cymbalta now, and the side effects are okay but very unpredictable. Sometimes all I want to do is sleep, other times I feel so wired and cant sleep at all (Was awake for 36 hours at one point) a little nausea and quite a lot of dizziness. The worst thing so far has been the increase in Depression, I have had some pretty nasty suicidal thoughts over the last few days, but I do not intend to act on them, they are just bothersome and upsetting. After feeling really down I then feel so 'fixed' and happy, like everything is working properly in my head again, and everything suddenly makes sense again. My BF is quietly optimistic about these meds, we have both noticed the Cymbalta seems to be doing more than any of the other drugs did, good and bad. I know all this stuff is normal with AD's (Worsening of depression specifically) but is it normal with Cymbalta? Please, please, please let these work for me!!! I am not looking for a quick fix this time, and I plan to stay in therapy for a long time. I just need the drugs to help me reach some sort of level of coping.....*Fingers crossed* The waiting game sucks....
  24. I will try not to worry you. I have seen things that you will never see. Leave it to memory me. I shudder to breathe.

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