After growing up and having to endure the endless hours and days of living with both of my alcoholic parents, and eventually my alcoholic mother who then turned on me, I thought my troubles would be over after moving away and going to college. Wrong. I have been born into this family and no matter what I do or where I go, it will always come to haunt me back. As if choosing which parent to live with after the divorce wasn't hard enough (They didn't fight over me, just the money), I now have to choose which home to stay at during each holiday. Choosing to stay with my grandma or at a hotel automatically results in retaliation from both. I have to get surgery next week. Unfortunately I don't have the money for it. I will have to travel to my hometown for the surgery and stay in one of the homes during my recovery time. Since I will be unable to be mobile during this period, I am frightened to death about what may happen. I will be trapped in the house like a dungeon having to endure whichever hell is thrown at me during these long evenings. I am scared to death right now and am almost in tears. I received calls from both of them this evening, with their slurred speech reminding me of what is to come. Although my mom is more violent but less consistent, my dad is a little more laid back but can have run-ins even with the police. Maybe I can avoid this... I'm going to try and convince the doctor that I need to stay in the hospital during recovery. They are never going to quit drinking. I wish I could have a warm, welcoming home with sober parents to help me feel better. Even if the worst does happen, I now know that it's ok to call the police - or even just a friend. I realize posting this won't help anything, but I just needed to talk to someone. I guess this actually helped me feel better.