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tekgrl

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Everything posted by tekgrl

  1. I've tried for the last 25 years, this week I laid in front of a train track and pulled away at the last minute, now I have an amputated leg and one they are trying to save. Sorry if it's in the wrong forum or sets anyone off, I've been on and off this site a lot over the years What the hell do I do now, I'm gutted, feel stupid and useless. It's just made everythjng 100 times worse.
  2. I've always found dreams an issue when upping doses of SSRIs etc. Citalopram, sertraline and venlafaxine. I'm currently 4 weeks into a dose increase from 112.5 to 150 and it's not eased off yet. Some nights are worse than others. I never miss a dose so can't comment on that effect (I learned that the hard way on my previous meds) it just messes everything up for me and just not worth it. I use an app on my phone to remind me
  3. Working well for me Been on it nearly a year and it's been much more effective and natural feeling than citalopram or sertraline. my mood has improved without feeling completely wired. Going through a difficult break up at the moment where I need to move house and job. I've raised my dose to 150mg out of fear of losing it again. But this time I'm getting through it well. I've had quite a bit of CBT but venlafaxine seems to be the best one I've tried so far, hope it stays effective.
  4. Hi All, I came off Citalopram after 3 yrs about a year ago - the side effects at the doses I needed were just too bad. I've been on Sertraline for a year, but although I no longer have side effects, I don't feel it works as well as Citalopram did. I'm considering another med change - am thinking Escitalopram might be worth a try. Does anyone have any experiences to share regarding the Citalopram vs Escitalopram in terms of side effects and how well they worked? Many thanks in advance T.
  5. I used to miss being able to feel depressed when I was on high doses (60mg) of citalopram. I think I missed the rituals (like going to bed, crying or hiding away) when something bad happened, kinda like this automatic behaviour was no longer possible. Not because I wanted to feel bad, but more like I couldn't behave in the way it felt normal to. Think I struggled cracking the habits that go with bad situations, it was a strange feeling. I don't think I could cry at all on 60mg off citalopram tho! T.
  6. Hi all, it's that time again, I'm starting to reduce my dosage with an aim to taper slowly and come off eventually, using past experiences with other meds as a guide. I came off Citalopram slowly (and failed), then cold turkey (before switching to Sertraline). I know how my body copes and reacts to reducing Citalopram, should I expect a similar response from reducing Sertraline? Or have others had completely different experiences withdrawing from different meds? Any experiences to share? I know Sertraline has a lower half life than Citalopram so I'm expecting to feel the effects sooner, but welcome any of your experiences with different meds. Cheers Tekgrl :)
  7. Hi guys, gonna have to keep this short because if I look at anything too long or move my head I feel motion sick and I haven't been sick since yesterday. Desperately need some advice from those who have gone cold turkey. I'd doing a week before new SSRI. I know I should have tapered, don't need advice on that, been up and down on these drugs for years. My doc is helping me through the med change, I've got a friend who has scheduled people to be here to help everynight but not day. I had to do the med change now whilst I'm a a low (my partner of 8 yrs just left me) and I need to get it over and done with, as I need to salvage my career and move on before the half pay kicks in and my place of work is amazing, but they have rules and regs and my contract runs out in June. I've got a pack of sertraline 50mg with my name on i can take on Mon night (it's sun afternoon now) Apologies for incoherence I am really not with it atm. I was feeling ok until yesterday (day 5) now suddenly kicking in I think, obviousley I feel awful, but I have dizziness, confusion, what feels like travel sickness, can't move far without being sick- is this vertigo And struggling on computer - to anyone who has travel sickness it's like I'm at the back of a car trying to type. This is awful, I wasn't expecting it be like this, I was expeciting a bit more like side effects, feeling depressed and anxious. I knew about brain zaps and was expecting electric shocks instead - I've been scared of those (are brain wooshes the same thing?) I have some diazepam and zopiclone.Had some domperidone anti cickness tablets today but not moved yet. I use diazepam a lot to calm me down and haven't bothered with zopiclone much. (plesae no info on benzo addiction I know and I will tackle that in time) I would like to know if anyone can tell me if: they felt like this too is day 5 usually the worse, did it get worse (I know citalopram is 36 hrs half life so I've done the math and it sounds like that was it starting) what do u usually feel like when u start a new ssri - do I have withdrawls and side effects ( at least I know the side effects well) When did it ease up for you I assume there's stages. any stickies or info on other posts to help. Any advice on how to sit what to do drink try and eat, what to do. Should i have this post in another forum I'm off to my doc tue, but it's nice to get advice from people that have been there. The only person I've spoken too had more probs with electric brain zaps. I'm really sorry Ive looked up med change for 18months and put it off and thought I knew a bit about how I would feel but it's very different and I wasnt to try to plan if I need people to look after me during the day etc. Any advice really appreciated - I'm hoping as usual DF can give me some info, preferably only on You guys are great, hope I get some info soon as my friends don't know any answers, Thanks T.
  8. Hi Sanda, My memory is terrible - I live off remindes on google calendar on my phone, I set reminders about everything and even schedule emails and texts, not sure what it is. I had a moment recently where I opened the stationary cabinet at work to put a drink in ... instead of the fridge, I just laughed - so did everyone else. I know citalopram can make you a bit like that, but everyone is different. It hasn't bothered me too much but I take extra measures so that it doesn't impacted my work. Diazepam on the other hand makes me really bad. Not so up on the zdrugs not taken many. But benzos affect my memory I turn into Doreen from Finding Nemo. Whenever I'm doing something important (i.e. important client, money stuff, proposals with figures, dates and times etc) I'm a real double check and triple checker just in case - not sure if it's my anxiety but we do a lot of emails in my current job but mostly internal. And I know im not the only one that forgets to actually add the attachment! I re-read even if it takes a bit longer. I used synced calendars from my android and online, rather than just phone based reminders. It seems to work. Yes outside is a must or break from office at least. I assume you are allowed breaks and even a quick meeting / chat outside with a colleague can make the world of difference. Especially in what you tell me of your environment. Re 40mg it took 2 months for digestive to improve but never got better. So you're doing well! It's so different for everyone tho! I still find I have 3 stages of upping meds. 3-4 days to perk me up to wanting to live. 2 weeks to improvement, 4-6 weeks for full benefit, even when up and down on different doses. Good luck on supergirl act :) Keep me posted T.
  9. Well done on the annual review - you must be a very good actress - I'm rubbish at hiding my emotions. I know you seem stuck and that might have to be just the way it is for a while. But at least you're coping ok and no one has noticed. Zone out time I find good, I get it in my current job and although it's usually not imposed (although we share out any s***ty jobs) they allow me to not think too much put some music etc , see if you kind find any other ways of relieving the high pressure even if for 10 mins? I've already shared the getting out of the office one (even in the rain and cold). Maybe some other ways you can too? Double edged sword - but stay strong. How's the Celexa going. How the dosage increase going? I was at 40mg when at my best. But those digestive side effects never really went. Good luck keep me posted even if by PM. T. xx
  10. Hi guys, I've got a feeling I might be Bipolar Type II - but currently only diagnosed with depression anxiety. I've done a bit of reading and a few tests - definitely had some form of hypomania. I have no psychosis. Anyways, as I'm uneducated in this one, I wanted to ask if it's a condition that needs meds more than depression i.e. mood stabilisers? Or can it be solved through CBT or other therapies. Is it considered more serious? Or just another mental health illness. On SSRIs at the moment... need to wait for NHS CMHT assessment next week, but I don't think they deal with Bipolar there. Sorry if wrong forum or already answered again (sorry mods! ). Not good at searching for info today. Thanks T.
  11. An update for anyone following this thread re. waiting times, CMHT and NHS system I'm in the Bradford trust area and our trust is part of the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) government scheme so I don't know how things work in different areas. I know this was new a couple of years ago. In our area you get referred to community mental health team and they assess you and so on - to other therapies, services or hospital etc. I knew they had a 2 week waiting list and chased up 4 times when was in a good enough mood to do so. I called yesterday, and even though my GP referral arrived 10 days ago I was still waiting for a letter with an appointment. I basically explained to the receptionist that it was my 3rd attempt at getting through the system and I really needed an assesment before I'm so full of prescribed drugs that I can't remember my problems or don't care. I explained that this I really needed to get this sorted whilst I'm in the right state. She said she completely understood and she would put me as urgent and push me up the queue. Today I received a letter with an appointment in a week's time. It's only another assessment. But at least I'm still depressed (and whatever else I have) and not on 60mg citalopram that would keep me happy whatever. Not sure if I was just lucky! But I definitely managed to shave off some of the waiting time (this time anyway). I know some days I wouldn't want to pick up the phone to anyone, but this just shows that it was worth my while. My advise is chase things up when you feel up to it, or get doc to do so if not, be honest if you can. I feel better now I'm one step further through the process. Hope this is of help to someone! Thanks Anton
  12. Yes, I know the 'I don't care pills' too much. Sounds like you're doing well though. I haven't been able to access CBT yet, but it sounds like the way forward. I'm on my 3rd run through the NHS to get there - fingers crossed!! Good luck with the next 4 months and thanks for your post :) T.
  13. Hi guys, I have had depression most of my life, I've identified it, and am dealing with it - most people know now (friends and family) and the meds keep me up. Still going through NHS hoops to get the right help - but that's another story. My partner of 10 yrs is struggling to know what to do. He gives me advice - but It's from his head and how he feels. I think he needs some coping mechanisms himself and learn what not to say, how to encourage and how to deal with things when I'm bad. He's in it for the long run. I want to try and point him in the right direction to get some help on how to deal with me when I'm bad or just generally without making me feel worse. At the moment, only people who have had depression and anxiety seem to understand what I'm going through and I think he needs some help, resources, things he can read. I'm building him an online notebook of links or places he can go to understand as an outsider of my illness - he's not depressed but he says I'm making him depressed! Any advice? Sticky's on this forum? Websites for help? How does your other half cope? I've told him to look at my 'Mind over Mood' book and DF but not sure if that's the best advice for him. Thanks xx
  14. I completely agree Mezlabor. Finding the right organisation, environment and people has done the world of good for me so far. Stress is far easier to deal with when you're with people who are understanding. And for me stress management was a big thing. It's taken me years to find the place that's right for me - I just hope I get my contract extended so I can stay there. T.
  15. Hi Sanda, Welcome to the one reason I'm trying 30mg of citalopram rather than 40mg as a last attempt. Having yo-yo'd up and down on these meds for the last 3 years, it's the one side effect that takes longest to shift, or should I say improve. 60mg was the worst (apparently some new regulations or guidelines have come in to UK to not allow 60mg any more - my new doc said.) It has taken 2 months to improve before on higher doses. When I was on 10mg over the summer it was almost like I'd forgotten what being 'regular' was like. Now I'm back to 30mg things got worse, but are improving slowly (I'm only on day 9 of upping from 20mg) You mention you were on paxil (I think) in the other post.... did you not have this issue on them? I've been resisting med changes for a while so it's nice to compare notes if you will on different effects. Good luck with it :) I'm sure we'll keep in touch through the various posts of DF and you can always PM me if needed. Take care xx
  16. Thanks for your input Nellyzen, it's hard to keep going especially when you can't look after your self - been there and it was hell trying to keep things together, getting out can help you feel much better quicker. Hope things work out for you - sounds like you have some good plans ahead! Good luck T.
  17. I'll second the jaw clenching - but it's always worn off after a while for me - even on highest doses. Annoying as hell!
  18. Cheers NatureNut, I assume from your name that you get pleasure in the great things outdoors. Cumbria is a beautiful place - I hope you get to enjoy it a bit. Yes, I'm very lucky with job opps.... and many other things. I know it could be so much worse. Having had nearly 5 weeks off including xmas holidays it feels weird and I think you are right about routine. But I'm so scared of the dreaded inbox! I've been reading through the 'guide for managers' at work and it's amazing how much they have thought about employees feelings on returning to work - after several bad experiences in small companies, I hope I can stay at a University where depression and other mental health issues are widely accepted. As I reminded Sanda, when I worked in a small place with the worst boss ever, I found it useful to take my lunch breaks outside from the office in a small park where I knew I could get some peace - watch the birds, even the pigeons could make me laugh. Hope all goes well and stay strong. T.
  19. I'm on citalopram (celexa) so not sure if there's much difference in side effects and half-life, but I take mine at night for 2 reasons: 1. Helps me not to have the vivid dreams side effects 2. It works with my schedule of taking other meds that are well engrained in my life. Morning or daytime I would just forget or the time would vary. I very rarely forget my meds now. Hope that helps, I didn't vote in the post as it's a different AD that I take T.
  20. Hi xMama2Fourx, I struggled to cry on high doses of citalopram but managed to get there if something bad happened. Was generally very happy. But couldn't cry at a sad movie or anything like that like I used to. 60mg was a bit too happy, almost felt invincible on that much. Didn't feel numb, but I've heard a lot of people say they feel like that when on SSRIs or just depressed. Hope that info helps, tekgrl
  21. 1. Vivid / Crazy dreams (made better by taking at night) 2. Digestive Issues - like IBS, that did not go away on high doses. Apologies if I've already posted my 'other' side effects on this post.
  22. I had a problem with bad dreams. So vivid it would feel so real, I felt like I was awake all night. I read somewhere about taking them at night helped someone. That seemed to help. As all side effects, most wear off, some you're stuck with - depends on you and how your body tolerates that particular medication. I found it certainly was worse on higher doses (40mg and 60mg) and when just going up. Taking at night def helped. Hope that helps T.
  23. Everyone has bad days, everyone feels depressed at times and it all depends on what's going on in your life. When I was on 60mg citalopram it almost felt that nothing could get me down - I found that very strange and it's certainly not normal to be happy all the time. My two pence worth anyway. Good luck - things get better, understanding myself and my own head has helped me the most. tekgrl
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