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calynn

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  1. Thank you. I should have mentioned I've been to lots of psych docs and taken every medication (for depression as well) and nothing has worked. This has been since I was 20. The last pysch doc I went to said he couldn't do anything more for me. I'm not sure where people like me end up. I'm hoping it's not going to be homeless. But, I do know there are a lot of homeless people with mental disorders so I guess I have to prepare for that. Thanks for the luck and best wishes! Hello, I think you need to see a psychiatrist about this who are experts in diagnosing and prescribing medication in the USA, Canada and Australia, UK has a different system there. Anti-anxiety only treats the symptoms of anxiety, it does nothing to get to the root of the problem and fix that. There is something off here and needs to be tackled at the source of the problem, not the quick patch of an anti-anxiety medication. Psychiatrists are experts at diagnosing and prescribing the proper medication if you can get yourself in to see one! Good Luck and best wishes.
  2. How are you supposed to get a job to support yourself when you can't even leave your house? I'm 45, single, unemployed (for almost 2 years) and if I don't get a job soon, I'll be homeless too. I can only manage to get out of the house if I absolutely have to most of the time. I even cringe at the thought of going in my backyard for fear the neighbor will see me. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has this problem. I take anti-anxiety meds and they don't help - they just make me want to sleep. I'm functional about 1 day a week at this point. One day a week I am okay being around people, but just for a short period of time. Anybody have the same problem? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
  3. I hope you have a fantastic day :)

  4. Hi - I haven't been here in a while. I've been working hard on my issues and have improved a lot in the past few months. I'm currently going through some issues with my Mom and I'm afraid it's going to send me back to where I was and I was hoping someone might have some advice for me. My Mom moved in with me last August when she separated from her husband. I opened my home to her and made her to feel as welcome as possible. We had some difficult moments as I'm 44 and haven't lived with my Mom since I was 17, but overall we got along okay. She decided in March to reconcile with her husband (3rd), and I was supportive of her decision and helped her move, etc. She lives 4 miles from me and hasn't been back to see me since she moved out. We've talked on the phone and I've been to her house several times to say hi and drop off her mail, belongings she left behind, etc. I don't know why, but she has all of the sudden stopped talking to me altogether. I asked if we could get together on Mother's Day and she was supposed to call me back, but didn't. I've left a couple voicemails for her since then asking her to call me with no response. Her husband was very verbally abusive and nasty to her during their separation/pending divorce, which I supported her through. I feel like she has gone back to him and has chosen him over her only daughter. She's my only family - my father died when I was 13. It's very hurtful to me and I need to find a way to not feel like it's my fault. I haven't done or said anything to cause her to behave this way. In fact, she watched my dog for me last weekend so I could go out of town and she seemed fine. Before she moved in with me, we were best friends and talked every day, so this is very strange to me. At this point, I am not going to call her anymore. I just feel like if something were to happen to one of us, there would be a lot of regret for the other person. I'm not sure what to do. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, C
  5. Lance, I feel for you. There aren't words to explain how I feel either. Depression is hard to explain. It's worse when nobody can relate to you, so hopefully it'll help you to know someone feels the same way you do. I have anxiety too and I drink a lot to escape it. I wish I could offer some advice. I'm older than you, but I've been depressed off and on (mostly on) since I was a kid. Bad childhood, no self esteem, bad choices, etc. My Mom was depressed for years and she's doing okay now, so that gives me hope. I haven't given up yet and you shouldn't either. Try to get medical help if you haven't already. I wish I could go back and change the past (get help sooner). Please try to get help - you can have a great life if you find something that works. Time goes by so fast - don't waste it. Take it from me - I have wasted a lot of years and it's a huge regret. I don't know much about you, but I know things can get better for you if you get help. Good luck to you and I wish you a much better life. c
  6. That's the worst - when you get told to just snap out of it. It makes me feel like more of a failure, which leads to more depression, lower self-esteem, etc. I just don't get it. Does anyone honestly believe someone would want to be depressed? I think it's very selfish when people are so judgemental. I know depression affects everyone close to you on some level, but if you're doing everything you can to help yourself and are still depressed, people need to give you a break... Hope the Z and therapy works for you! c There's also new research that shows that the brain of a depressed person is PHYSICALLY altered such that it takes more energy to generate positive emotions. This correlates precisely with my own experience on a very intuitive level. Even when there's nothing particularly horrendous going on in my life and there are positive things to think about I still experience a generalized emotional flatness and lethargy. No matter what I'm experiencing from moment to moment that flatness is always there like an undertone that tarnishes all that I experience. I might have some control over what I'm thinking about in any given moment but I have little or no control over that generalized "feeling" that depression gives me or the accompanying exhaustion that it brings. People have no basis for thinking you can just "snap out of it". Maybe they can relate to feeling down from time to time and therefore think they can toss around the word "depression" as if they knew what it was, but they really have no clue. I know people sometimes mean well when they say things like "we all get depressed from time to time, you just have to buck it up and keep moving, life goes on, etc." but it's so unhelpful. I can really relate to the "flatness" you talk about. When I first became depressed, it was "situational" and I would have extreme mood swings and intense anxiety. After some time, it went from situational to the constant flat feeling after I take my anxiety meds. So, I am either very axious and moody, or I'm flat - there's no in between really except when my depression is really bad. On a day to day basis, I just exist for the most part. Thanks for your post - although I'm sorry you're in a similar situation, it does help to have someone to relate to. And, you're exactly right about most people that feel down now and then don't have any idea what it's like to live like that everday.
  7. I can be a good actor too - I just have to limit the amount of time I'm around people because it's so exhausting. I'm glad your mom is more understanding now. Maybe mine will get better in time too.
  8. That's the worst - when you get told to just snap out of it. It makes me feel like more of a failure, which leads to more depression, lower self-esteem, etc. I just don't get it. Does anyone honestly believe someone would want to be depressed? I think it's very selfish when people are so judgemental. I know depression affects everyone close to you on some level, but if you're doing everything you can to help yourself and are still depressed, people need to give you a break... Hope the Z and therapy works for you! c Another thing that happens (to me at least) is that I become very isolated. When I first got depressed, I used to talk to my family and friends about it. After a while though, they get tired of hearing it (can't blame them), so I now just have to keep my feelings to myself for the most part. When it builds up to the point where I can't take it anymore, I'll drink and sleep for days to avoid thinking about it. That just makes it worse because then I feel bad physically in addition to mentally - viscious cycle...
  9. That's the worst - when you get told to just snap out of it. It makes me feel like more of a failure, which leads to more depression, lower self-esteem, etc. I just don't get it. Does anyone honestly believe someone would want to be depressed? I think it's very selfish when people are so judgemental. I know depression affects everyone close to you on some level, but if you're doing everything you can to help yourself and are still depressed, people need to give you a break... Hope the Z and therapy works for you! c
  10. Thanks, I know it's strange that Mom looks down on people with depression - she's had it herself in the past. But, since she doesn't have it now she has forgotten (short memory). And, yes is does knock you off your feet. I wish Mom could get her own apartment, but she can't afford it... c Oh, and yes I am being treated for it but the treatments (various) haven't worked so far.
  11. It will always be a "stigma" for some people. Hiding it from certain people is a survival mechanism.
  12. Thanks, I know it's strange that Mom looks down on people with depression - she's had it herself in the past. But, since she doesn't have it now she has forgotten (short memory). And, yes is does knock you off your feet. I wish Mom could get her own apartment, but she can't afford it... c
  13. I've been depressed for several years now - more since I lost my job earlier this year. It was almost bearable when I was living alone, knowing that I could hide it from people. A few months ago, my Mom moved in with me (she's getting divorced) and it's been awful for me ever since. I'm more depressed now because I have to put on a happy face (or try to) when my Mom is around (which is most of the time). When I'm feeling really low, I just tell her I'm tired or don't feel well and go to my room to sleep. My Mom isn't understanding at all (about depression). She constantly puts down our relatives that are depressed, so I can't tell her (even though I'm sure she may have an idea) how bad my depression really is. I think she thinks I'm just lazy because I haven't found a new job yet - I haven't even been able to look due to the depression and low self image I have now. Any ideas? I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up - the constant struggle to put on a happy face and the anxiety I have that I will be "found out" by her and the consequences that will come with that. Thanks for listening and I appreciate any feedback/comments/help/suggestions anyone has. c
  14. I applaude you for being able to walk up to complete strangers and ask them for money. I couldn't even do that on the phone. I'm soooooo sorry to hear you lost your job (unbearable as it was). I hope something better comes along for you soon. Best wishes, c
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