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Everything posted by shizuku

  1. Hi motherclank, and welcome to DF :) I too had the dry mouth and dizziness for probably the first month of starting Mirtazapine, I also too put on weight but I am following a healthy eating plan and have lost about a stone since my med change so it is possible to lose weight on it too so I wouldn't worry about that too much. I sleep well on it too, better than I ever did on Citalopram which was what I was on at first. I now take 30mg of Mirtazapine at night and am no longer on the Citalopram. I've been on Mirtazapine for about a year. I found that I was incredibly numb on Citalopram, yes it helped with my low moods but it didn't really elevate my moods at all, it just stabilised them. When taking any new medication, not just anti depressants, things often get worse before they get better. I certainly felt incredibly strange when I switched. My moods were all over the place! Give it some more time as it really is a good medication in my opinion, I much prefer it to the Citalopram especially as it helps me sleep, something which I struggled with before. Also remember that everyone is different, above is my own experience but everyone will have a different one. Are you receiving any counselling or therapy? Medication will only help with how you are feeling, it won't get rid of why you are feeling the way you are which is where counselling/therapy comes in. If you aren't seeing someone then I really think you should look into it as it seems like you need some help with dealing with everything you are going through right now. How is your son doing? Is he receiving any counselling?
  2. That s amazing, I've learnt some things about my family recently that I did not know before. I've become much closer to them recently and was also reunited with a long lost cousin a few months ago. I had the dream so long ago I can't quite remember it, I remember that it was very long though! Hi shizuku This is a very interesting dream. It shows that you are on a journey of constant learning and this is kind of a teaching and healing dream. You have been through some interesting phases so far in your life and each of these has taught you something. A lot of the learning experiences also have a lot to do with your family and perhaps even things you never knew. You have a good heart and are also a very good listener when you need to be. There is definitely a message in this dream. No matter how dangerous, or difficult or weird this journey in life is everything learned is precious and can help you move forward. Trace
  3. Hi Trace, thanks for responding. That rings so true, I assume that no one will want to help me, and I am going through a bad time at the moment. The second part is so true as well, my illness causes me to make bad decisions, definitely. Hi and Welcome back shizuku Its great to see you. I have missed you too. At times where you don't quite feel yourself you feel very alone and you feel that no one will be there for you, even though this may not be true. When you go into a space where you feel this way you can often make some bad decisions that can have a profound impact on your life. Trace
  4. I totally think that meds have a big part to play in not being able to cry, they can make you feel kind of numb.
  5. Crying used to be easy but it has been difficult of late, unless I'm arguing with my boyfriend in which case I always cry!
  6. Another one for you Trace! I was on my way to enrol at school, even though I am 25. It was in a big field, the playing fields of my old school actually. Everyone was being enrolled in groups and each group would speak a different language. You couldn't choose which group, but I managed to be enrolled in the French group which I wanted as I speak French. I was in school uniform, the same uniform as my brother's school. There must have been a few thousand people in the field. We then went on a trip, like a pilgrimage, but I was with all of my mum's side of the family. It was like a mystery solving trip, and we had a parchment and in each place, we got a new piece to solve the puzzle. It started in Morocco, then Paris, and ended in Toronto. I can't remember the other places. In Toronto, there was a canal that went through a road and you could drive across it but you had to turn the locks off, like a level crossing but for boats instead of trains. There were loads of rare ducks on the canal. My family started to turn the locks so we could drive through, but my grandparents (who are still alive, just) spoke to me using telepathy I guess and said that if we did, we could harm the ducks so I made everyone stop and we went the other way. On the plane home, I was talking to my cousin about Christmas then I had some sort of flashback where I was possessed and all I said was nasty things to my family. My mum exorcised my demon and then I was fine. When we got back, we rolled put the parchment and spread some kind of very dark red ink over it, and it revealed a pattern and some writing in Latin. Then I woke up. Thank you!
  7. Lovely to hear from you Sheepwoman! My GP has just changed my meds though I've not started them yet as I've still got some of the old stuff left. Hopefully the new meds will work better for me, I've been on my current one for 2 years and it's definitely time for a change. With work, the targets have gone up from this time last year for no real reason. The economy is no better, and the market is flooded. We will be hiring some new staff which means my individual target will go down, but it's really not the right job for me and I need to get out of there. I've got some time off in August to move house and some time off in September for my birthday, so I'll hold out until then if I can.
  8. Hi Trace! I have missed you :) I dreamt last night that I was walking down a corridor when I started to get all woozy and dizzy then I fainted, but nobody came to help me. The second part of the dream was a video game, a bit like Fallout or GTA where I played a bloke who had just got out of prison. The choices you made in the game determined the story the game would follow. After I got out of prison, I was supposed to go home and see my wife and child but instead I went to a strip club and ended up being a hitman for the strip club owner?! Very odd, considering I've not played any video games in months!
  9. Thanks for your reply Brandon. I do think I need some time to myself, my boyfriend constantly fusses over me which doesn't help. On my days off he constantly texts me to see what I'm doing, he's not paranoid, he just wants us to be back the way we were when we were happy to see each other. In regards to work, I dread going in. My manager puts a lot of pressure on me (I'm the second in command in store) to achieve targets, but the store has failed as well. Everyone in store failed to hit their targets so why does my manager feel the need to make me feel as though it's all my fault? I want to get out of there, or take some time out. I may go back to my doctor as I'm struggling so much at work and need some more time off. It's a vicious cycle though; I miss my targets because I'm stressed and I'm stressed because I miss my targets. I'm holing things will improve when I move back home, I'm trying to be optimistic but it feels as though I'm taking a huge step backwards.
  10. Hi there, some of you may remember me from a year or two ago, well I'm back and that's not really a good thing as I'm struggling. Where to start? Well, about 11 months ago, I moved in with my boyfriend which turned out to be a big mistake. We have struggled with money from day one and it's now got to the stage where we are having to move back to our parent's houses. My illness has got worse since we moved in together (I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2 years ago) and I've self harmed a few times after arguments, something I'd not done for months. I've become distant from him, and the fact that the Citalopram I take has killed my libido has not helped. I'm glad to be moving home so that I can save for our future and hopefully my illness will get better being at home too without the pressure of bills rent etc. To add to this, my job is very stressful and I'm facing disciplinary action after not hitting my targets for 6 months. Me not doing so well at my job coincides nicely with when my relationship started to go downhill, but work won't take this in to consideration. I was signed off for two weeks a while ago as I was deep in depression and I can see myself going back that way. I really want a new job and I am looking, but I just can't find anything. I'm tempted to just quit completely but then I would have no money and that would be worse. Thank you for reading my essay, I need some help :(
  11. That's the thing I'm most worried about. Weight gain. My weight is a major factor in my depression and if I put on weight again it would send me spiralling back down. I'm just going to have to be strict with myself and fill up on fruit instead of cake and chocolate! The Citalopram has worked for me, it's just time for a change.
  12. I was advised to take it at night, I've not started it yet though so we will have to wait and see how it goes when I start :)
  13. Thanks for your responses. I get restlessness anyway when I'm in bed, the Risperidone has helped with that as it just knocks me out! I will keep my appetite in close check, on the diet I'm doing there are a lot of foods that you can eat as much as you like so I'll have to learn to fill up on those and not reach for the cake! It's really great to hear how other people get on with it, I really hope it helps me as much as it's helped you guys.
  14. What is akathisia? I've never heard of it! Thanks for the advice, it's been a real help :) I am a bit nervous as I've been on Citalopram for so long so I am not sure how the new meds will affect me. My GP has prescribed a lower dose of Citalopram and Mirtazapine to take so there will be a crossover, then the Mirtazapine dosage will be doubled.
  15. Hi, I'm a returning member who has been absent for a while now. I'm also an ex mod I currently take 40mg of Citalopram and have been for about 2 years now. I've been suffering the sexual side effects of this medication for some time now and it's affected my relationship quite drastically so my doctor is moving me to Mirtazapine. I also take 1mg of Risperidone, but I probably don't need it any more but without it, I don't sleep so this is another reason why my doc has moved me to Mirtazapine. I'm a bit nervous about starting a new medication as I've been on Citalopram for so long, what can I expect? I'm slightly concerned as one of the side effects can be increased appetite and subsequent weight gain, I already had this problem with the contraceptive implant which made me put on almost 2 stone, I am eating healthily now but I really can't put on any more weight, it's affecting my illness enough as it is Please, I would love to hear your stories on using this medication
  16. Hey you! I've not been here for a while either, great to see you again You have a diagnosis, which is just one step in the right direction on your road to recovery. Just because you have some of the symptoms and not all of them, does not mean you don't have the illness. At the end of the day, he is the professional, and as time goes by maybe his diagnosis will change. Are you currently taking any medication? xx
  17. Man In The Mirror- Michael Jackson, mainly because every time it comes on, my best friend tells me that she wants it played at her funeral so that's all I think about! Smile- Nat King Cole- Beautiful song with beautiful lyrics. It's about how you should smile, no matter how bad life gets, always smile. Against The Grain- City And Colour- Amazing voice and lyrics, basically saying that you must always follow your heart. The Ghost Of What Should Have Been- Owen- Amazing singer/songwriter. This song is about being in an apartment after his partner has moved out, and noticing all the things they have left behind and remembering memories of the time they had together. He Ya- Will Young cover (Outkast original)- This version really makes you realise how sad the song is! It's basically about a couple who just can't stay together any more, no matter how much they are in love.
  18. Hello and welcome! You really have come to an amazing place where you will find so many people that are able to relate to you, including myself. When I am going through a depressive phase, all I want to do is be alone and like your friends, mine try and drag me out of my shell too and try and get me to go to the cinema or out for dinner. It's hard, because you obviously want to get better, but if you're like me then getting better seems impossible so it's kind of easier to stay in your little rut as you know it, it's familiar and in some ways, it's safe. I agree with jimbow, I do think that perhaps you should be on some regular medication, plus talking to a psychiatrist or counsellor. Medication is not the answer for everything, it will hide some of the low feelings but you also need to be speaking to a professional to deal with the underlying problems. Keep posting, we're here to help
  19. Hi and welcome. Are you having therapy as well as taking the medication? Meds are like air freshener; they mask the odour, but they don't get rid of the smell, meaning that they can get rid of some of the symptoms but they will not get rid of the underlying issues. It's important that you are talking to a counsellor, therapist or psychiatrist about those issues as well. If you haver been on the medication for a while maybe it would be worth talking to your doctor about a change?
  20. I agree, if I miss a dose then it's not good at all. Maybe your doctor is trying to wean you off one then on to another? It would definitely be worth going back to them about it.
  21. Hi Trace, I hope you are well. I keep having dreams that I am a vampire, I'm not sure if it's just because I'm watching too much True Blood though lol! I dreamt that I was in a field, surrounded by a forest. There was a log cabin there too, that Bill (vampire from True Blood) lived in. It was daytime, but very cloudy, so vampires could be outside (though this is not how it is in the TV series), so long as direct sunlight did not get on them. There were humans all around, having picnics and lying down. I had to keep jumping into areas of patchy shade so that I did not get burnt by the sun. The humans were all staring at my pale, grey skin, and although they were not scared of me and the other vampires, they were disgusted. I went into the forest and lay down behind some rocks, away from the sun. Next scene, I was in a
  22. You're like me, my dreams are always like films! . I asked by what, and he looked scared and didn't want to talk about it. I asked where he got his food from and he said 'oh there's a Tesco down the road'!? I left to go to Tesco, then around the corner from the building was a HUGE Cloverfield style Godzilla type monster. I kept still waiting to see what it did. I had a Bluetooth headset in my ear which told me that I was in a game and that if I ended up the only survivor, I would win a large sum of money. I had my shopping from Tesco in my hand and I ran really fast back into the building to get a ray gun to destroy the monster. That would work as a film! Dreams can be incredibly creative. I have had plenty of 'Jurassic Park' style dreams in my time and once they release Jurassic Park on Blu-ray I will probably start having some more. The most interesting one I had started in a back alley in what appeared to be New York. A group of workers were playing cards, the dealer busy shuffling the deck when the glasses of booze started to vibrate. Then the cards started to jump about on the table. Nobody spoke but you could sense the men thinking "earthquake!?" Then one of the guys started to stare at the worker with the glasses on, who's mouth was wide open in awe. You could just make out the reflection in his lenses - a giant long necked creature was coming ever so closer, towering over them, promoting them to run as it crashed through a brick wall followed by a stampeding heard of velociraptors. Ok, the dream was a bit more vague than that, I added the details. But it was exciting. It was like a scene from a new film.
  23. We've had a big talk since, he's feeling really low about it all too. Despite my bipolar, I am actually a very positive person and am sure we can get past this. We have a great relationship, we have a lot of fun together and we love each other deeply. However, he doesn't really understand my condition, every time I get depressed he assumes it is because of him, he seems to forget about my illness. I have explained it to him before but I still don't think he gets it. How fo' you think I should explain to him what it is?
  24. Trace! It's been such a long time since I posted here, it feels good to be back. I have a couple of dreams that have stuck in my mind for you: First one involves a kind of Jurassic Park-esque situation. I was a scientist that was sent to this island to do some research or something. The only thing I saw on the island was this building that was completely black. I went inside and there was only one other person there, who was very surprised to see me. He informed me that he was the only one left, that everyone else had been . I asked by what, and he looked scared and didn't want to talk about it. I asked where he got his food from and he said 'oh there's a Tesco down the road'!? I left to go to Tesco, then around the corner from the building was a HUGE Cloverfield style Godzilla type monster. I kept still waiting to see what it did. I had a Bluetooth headset in my ear which told me that I was in a game and that if I ended up the only survivor, I would win a large sum of money. I had my shopping from Tesco in my hand and I ran really fast back into the building to get a ray gun to destroy the monster. The second one involves me walking in a forest, presenting a wildlife programme. There are loads of baby white tigers that are no bigger than 8 week old kittens. The tigers are all accompanied by moles; each tiger has a mole. The moles protect them from danger. There's a stampede of them that are moving in a wave and I'm taking them to my house to live in my garden as pets. There has to be a good few hundred of them. They get to my garden all ;lined up, like with in Farmville when people line up all their animals, it looks like that! When I get back I find that my mum has bought me a few hundred wolf puppies! I get really upset as I'm scared that the wolves will eat all my baby tigers and moles! They line themselves up in front of the tigers though.. Two very very odd dreams!
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