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Chasing Sanity

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  1. this is the only place I can tell this because people here will understand why it's such a big deal for me! I am in a happy healthy relationship. 18 months now and yesterday my ex contacted me out of the blue. Was telling me how much he missed me since I moved across the country, how he realised what he lost by leaving me, how he still loves me. We chatted back and forth yesterday and this morning I realised he isn't worth losing my relationship over! If we keep talking I will fall for him again and losing my current partner (my LIFE partner) isn't even remotely worth it! So I told him that he is too tempting for me and that we needed to go back to not communicating. I've never done that before. I have ALWAYS given in to temptation, mainly for the thrill. I feel so proud of myself but nobody in my real life knows what a temptation it was. My partner know he contacted me, but as far as she knows I never replied. So just needed to show the other BPDers out there that healthy happy habits and behaviours are possible!
  2. We did talk about it, it caused a massive fight which ended in my being told i don't have a sense of humour. It's just frustrating trying to work people out that aren't me.
  3. I have issues with my father. always have always will. He LOVES to make me look stupid in front of people and that includes my partner of 14 months. Is it over-reacting to be hurt that she finds his 'humorous' comments funny? or is it that I 'don't have a sense of humour' which is the only reason I don't find it funny? So now I feel betrayed by her, and hurt that it doesn't seem to bother her that I'm hurting.
  4. There is hope! I'm coming up on my 9th month of my relationship and it's still the happiest healthiest relationship I've ever been in! I've learnt so much though. Mainly that communication is so so important. There are days where I just want to be left alone, and instead of just withdrawing I tell her 'black day' or 'space' and I get that respite. If something has upset me or is getting too much I tell her 'too much' or 'on the edge' and I get some space. If something has happened that I need to think about, it's 'processing'. Simple words, but so effective.
  5. I was wondering if there are any aspies with BPD. My previous therapist had doubts about it, but I god diagnosed with bpd and they dismissed it but I keep seeing many traits in me. The vast majority of my BPD traits/behaviours are under control now, so we're seeing more and more of the Aspie traits.
  6. For me it's also: Depression, Eating and sleeping disorders, Aspergers and BDD. I have bipolar mood swings too.
  7. I hope so. I tend to get heavily addicted to my job which leads to not eating, sleeping, relaxing. At least starting off slowly I can see whether or not it'll work. I hate being 26 and not working and the idea of being on Disability for life is still very scary, so I'm more than willing to take the risk. The appointment went really well, the lady has been so helpful and thinks she can get me a couple of hours a week in a nursery (I love plants).
  8. I have an appointment with a disability job network agency next week and it's looking positive that i can start very slowly back into work.
  9. I have changed my GP. It got to the point that when my mother had an appointment with him he'd harrass her about me as well. But I have taken the first steps into looking at rehabilitaion for work :)
  10. I have a GP who is very pushy. Every time I see him he growls at me about not working. About making too many excuses, being a victim and a 'professional patient'. It makes me feel totally worthless. Yes I want to get back to work, but after the 5 week burn out in my last job (that's exactly how long from hire to fire) I'm terrifed. I can't mentally or psychically afford to get that sick again. He's told me that the next time I go and see him he won't allow me to bring my mother or my girlfriend in with me. He's trying to take my support network away from me when I need it the most! He doesn't care about my history, thinks the BPD is just an excuse to be on the dole. Yes I get where he is coming from. I'm 26, it would be healthy to be working. But to just jump right back into full time work is asking for a break down. I said that, he said it was an excuse. He also said all my problems would dissapear if I lost weight, yeah great thing to tell someone who has a history of anorexia and bulemia. Just so angry. He's got my entire history there in front of him but refuses to even look at it. Every time I get out of that office I want to self harm. I want to punish myself for being so pathetic. He's the professional so he must be right.
  11. I never thought i'd find someone who wanted me even with the BPD. It's coming up on 5 months, and it's the healthiest happiest relationship i've ever been in
  12. There is hope. It's just a matter of doing the work :) Took me 10 years to find the right meds, but now I have things are just great!
  13. It's easier if a relationship ends due to another person, i'm not sure why but it is. maybe because it's more final? I've always had trouble working out where the cause of relationship issues are. Usually I just assume it's me and apologize or flip out and rage. I spent 5 years in a unhealthy relationship purely because I couldn't leave him. Now i'm in a healthy relationship and the idea of leaving her never crosses my mind.
  14. I've been getting treatment for over 10 years for my BPD, and I do seem to be to growing out of the worst habits.
  15. I have 'others' too. Not alters really, just distinct breaks in my personality. One is me at 5 and one is me at 16. Each has a different version of my name and that's the only way I know if they're in control because people talk to me differently. One is desperate for everyone to love her, and the other is like you said "the other one is very angry and she says cruel things to me. she makes threats to me and teases and taunts me." She's the one who keeps the bad rolling around my mind. She also is very cruel to those that I love. She's the anger side of my BPD. But she also tries to protect me from getting hurt worse by hurting people around me first. Both of my splits are at ages where I was severely hurt by loved ones.
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