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About blueskys_lemondrops

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 10/04/1991

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    Snowboarding, graffiti, guitar, music production, building character, service work, helping others, teaching, learning, exercise, being a kid

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  1. Ugh I feel like I have this, my mind has been so nuts. I need to get myself checked in fpr this condition cauae I cannot think straight. I thought I just uad depression but Im really struggling and alot of mood swings, low aelf care.. It sucks:( I just cant be at peace like this.
  2. Im speaking for myself of course. thanks for the contribution of insight Quentin.
  3. Yeah the picky analyzer is not a fruitful approach, quite the opposite. Just give yourself room to breath, albeit hollow breaths, give yourself the mercy of being miserable. It sucks, it stinks.. its life.. the tradgic comedy will roll on.
  4. Thank you braveheart, I love your screenname.
  5. I never thought Id see the light of day, or feel it, or that my mind would blossom again. Its been a long lonesome and sometimes endurable pathway.. I had to apply alot of protective layers to my thoughts and mind.. but now the armor is dropping off me and I am feeling again the life moving thru me. Its actually quite electrifying! I will always try to be an aid because depression is so painful and heavy. It gets better in time and treatment. As do we.
  6. If noone has recognized you as special or loveable today I will take the time to say "you are special" and "I love you"
  7. So depression really leaks into every aspect of life, it is painful lonely and hard to bare. Its hard on our mind especially over long courses of unlifted depression. This little paragraph is an ode to mind and just trying to understand it. Depression hurts, and I am sorry for the pain of it all. Depression tools.. slow it down... down.. down... thats better. Your mind is low, in the gutter, it isnt behaving. Thats okay.. let it be there. Say "okay I hope you feel better, we will meet up later buddy!" let your mind rest and restore. Let it wallow, let it sink.. its afraid.. as are you.. its okay. Just let it be. Let it be rebellious, let it be awful.. just let it be.. it needs time alone to recalibrate. Its okay to check in from time to time, spend some time with it, but dont cling, dont grip like a safety device. My minds a hard one to deal with, a hard nut to crack, we need our time apart. when Im ready Ill put my thinking cap back on, but for now Im just gonna share and rest. Dear mind of mine, dream well.. you may just wake up to a brighter, happier world. ❤🧠❤
  8. Hello brothers/sisters thanks for encouraging words, I think it's beautiful that you are making strides in self acceptance, me too, know it is slow painful process, with moments of clarity between low gaps. I feel better today.. I feel better today. And it is my own evolution and understanding I long to embrace. It's so hard to be full.. so when I am I make attempts to spill it over into others lives. Suffering sucks. Depression, bite me. It is like living in a coffin, so I know it just plain sucks and painful. I really love you guys/gals. I do feel heroic cause I hung in their so long, now I'm making strides and it actually means real maturity. I wish I could help more.. I actually am (with help) making brochure of mental health awareness and hope to distribute them to some clinics and people in need. There is the pain of mental health decline, and the compassion that comes for others as I climb out. In this sense it was a gift to sink so damn low.. I hope you dont despair, especially from lonesomeness, I love you guys and I hope I can contribute more. It really chokes me up to look at what I've experienced, how so many others have lost hope for recovery, and that I Know in my heart of hearts it is possible. Be well and reach out.. we are not forsaken.
  9. Attempting to heal from my self induced "cold world" syndrome. I feel elated one moment, then In the dumps. I have few things set in motion right no, no job, no interest in the outside world. I feel pretty inept and worthless. I am taking meds but I always feel this gaping hole in myself.. It feels like I'm two faced and it makes me feel kinda sick inside. Society is, imo, crap. Keep in mind I'm venting, they are just alot of Aholes.. I would love to find a place of belonging here but man is it dumb when the depression deprives you of peace and happiness. It feels like lifetimes since I've felt "colorful" and okay with my life. Another thing that's giving me grief is my masculinity. I am bisexual and I keep pushing this away due to Christian belief system.. in the bible they say it is a disgrace to sleep with another man, an abomination. I never have but I think if I could better accept the fact I'm gay or Bi it would aid me in not being ashamed. Sorry for the lengthy spastic post but I need to get going in life. Thank you, and good day.
  10. It's the worst man.. the swings of self doubt and guilt, and then getting pulled back in again. It's a waste of time fosho. I am trying to distance myself and its not going well I just need her to leave me alone..
  11. The past week or two I have woken up with a heavy feeling. It fills like a gravity or sadness and lethargy. It stems from the mind and I feel it throughout my body weighing me down, making me feel unhappy. As hard as it may be, I have been pulling myself up by my bootstraps, getting dressed, voyaging into the world. It's good to say that as I get going with my day things seem to fall away and I start to make sense of it all. I have spent so much time in life alone, reflective, apologetic. I am no stranger to sorrow. But I do believe now there is a choice, and I don't have to submerge myself in self-defeat. I know where I find happiness, I find happiness in investing in myself and others, I find happiness in nature, sunshine, and putting in a good days work. As hard as it is to challenge the stubborn feeling of "I can't because I am sad/apathetic/different" I believe each of us is built out of stronger fibers than we believe. I mean, we are still here reading/participating/figuring things out.. right? Being active, teaching, learning, and demonstrating make me happy. I like to be a member of the community. I like to address issues. I like to be accessible to those in need. So slowly and surely I am building momentum and esteem.. I'm not perfect but I am working and that brings me joy. I am moderately happy today and free to make choices that increase this, or decrease this. I do not do well being a loner. SO today I'll work to make myself happy and bring a change in my mind. Thank you for reading. -Blueskys 🙂
  12. She acts so mean and backstabbing, then like shes my favor and bestfriend. Issues, and cannot forgive the past, just wholly a waste of time. I have got to practice self care, so why spend time with those who dont appreciate my heart? Than my mood is ruined cause she takes a dump on my feelings or disregards them compleatly.. so glad this nightmare of a relationship is.. OVER. What a fool to have wasted so much time on this one.
  13. For the boy on the blues scale.. could it be any harder? I mean the paths already arduous but now I am a father and a mother and a lover and a dryer and a plumber I just spray suits at the laundromat and reformat the bothered A floormat to some, and a welcome for a few Is it any wonder I assume the hue of blue? But my method is so silent and my paradox so true I live in Minnesota, even Bunjans Ox was blue I think the name was babe, the story is still told I kinda wish that of myself when I am blue and old Oh the woe is me, so clueless what to do I am the voice of blueness and my reasoning is through 💧🌊⬆️🥌🐳🐟🐋
  14. I forget what book of the bible it is but he talks about things in the lens of futility. "there is nothing new under the sun" "life is meaningless" Its a pretty deep cycle.. I mean.. in the sense it just stretches on. and on. Who knows, I miss my younger days before the great collapse, things seemed to hold much more promise and motive. I get so down about others too. How they must feel the same way, full of hope that will eventually dissolve into disappointment. Maybe futility is a spritual marker of maturity. Whatever it is I am still wishing you all well here. Check back soon..
  15. I guess I'm just at peace with it, I dont feel the need to stand out, rather stay in.. hermitage. futility I think stems from doing to much to myself, to much effort not enough slothfulness, it's a sinking sensation that will lead me to sleep. just want to pass out and wake up to the fact lifes a dream.
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