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darcness

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darcness last won the day on January 14 2012

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About darcness

  • Birthday 02/28/1979

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Michigan
  • Interests
    My VW GTI (2008), my friends, my amazing family, computers, R/C cars, and hanging out with my bestfriend and wife, miss Tink!

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  1. (((Meironne))) I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I actually know quite a bit about seizures because my ex (with her for 11 years) had epilepsy. It's most certainly a scary thing to witness. I actually had a similar reaction to you. I was fine during the first seizure I saw, and for the rest of the night. The next day I went to work and then totally lost it. Had an anxiety attack at work and ended up going to my moms telling her I was having a heart attack. That was 3 years ago and ever since I'm painfully aware of my anxiety, which up until that point, was unknown to me. I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from. Take the best care of yourself that you can right now. The more emotionally stable you can stay, the better off you can be for your family through all of this. It's not easy, but you can do. I did and I came out a stronger person because of it. Just know that you're not alone.
  2. Happy Birthday darcness!

  3. I've been taking Xanax for about 3 years now as needed. Never had a problem with having to take more of it for it to be effective. I think a lot of it depends on your predisposition to addiction and tolerance levels. I never took it daily so that might be why I didn't have a problem. Really it all comes down to what you feel comfortable with and if you know you're not building up a tolerance to them, it's probably ok for now. Give the Effexor time to work and hopefully your anxiety will go down. It takes time for these meds to get stable in our systems. I just got back on Zoloft and it started out really good, but even now, 2 months into it I'm still having a bit of residual anxiety. I remember the first time I took it I was all over the map for 2-3 months until it FINALLY got stable for me. Then it ended up being one of the best meds I've ever taken.
  4. (((Tenerbin))) I'm sorry to hear that you've been mislead. Trust me, you're not alone in this. I dealt with it with my ex-wife as well. It took years for all her lies to finally come to the surface. I just can't understand how some one can say they care and they love you, then stab you repeatedly in the back. It's a horrible situation and I'm sorry you have to go through it. Just know that you're not alone. You can make it through this though. I did and I'm a happier, better person for it. You can do it as well. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. I think it's good that you have an outlet to distract yourself, but don't let it turn into an obsession. We all need some place to feel "safe" in our lives, but we also have to watch that they don't interfere too much with our life in general. For now just focus on getting past this, play your game, but do some real world work too. You'll make it through this.
  5. (((caitlin))) First off, let me say that it's really hard to keep other people from affecting your emotional state. I was dealing with a similar situation myself last year in an unhealthy relationship. It's not easy to avoid becoming emotionally dependent on others. I still struggle with it to be honest, but I'm getting a lot better. The better I learn to manage my own mental health issues, the better I can cope with situations like this. Do you have anyone outside of your family for support? Are you seeing a therapist or a pdoc for your treatment? If you can find a broader support group that always helps. Especially at those times when you are feeling like you've been forgotten. I don't necessarily think that's the case, because your mom might be going through her own struggles during those times. If you have more support to turn to, you'll be better off all around. Also getting help from a therapist can really help you learn to avoid this emotional co-dependence. When it comes to mental illness and relationships, we really have to learn how to set up boundaries, maintain healthy relationships, and take care of ourselves. It can be a really difficult task, but it can be done with some help. As you've said self-esteem is important too. That will come along with taking care of yourself and working on the underlying issues (ie. depression and/or anxiety). It's another one of those things that mental illness can certainly rob from us. Bottom line is always getting yourself to a better place mentally, and the rest follows. I hope you can find a way to get the support you need.
  6. (((sdrawkcab21))) I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a tough spot right now. It's unfortunate that the stigma of mental illness and the ignorance that feeds it is still so prevalent. It's hard enough dealing with mental illness, let alone having the ones closest to us (our family/friends) not understand what we are going through. It's not something you can just snap out of. It's not just a phase or a bad mood. It's as you've said, something that is pretty much part of our every day struggle. The good thing is, people here will understand. We've been through it. The bad thing is, some one who's never been through it themselves, will probably never understand. I think that it's a good idea to see a mental health care professional about the way you're feeling. We're not doctors here, but from what you've described it's definitely something you should look in to. A lot of the things you talk about could be related to depression and/or anxiety. They can rob us of many of our normal joys, our motivation, and even our feelings at times. It could also explain why you have trouble with maintaining friendships and feeling out of place at social events. Trust me, I've felt them all and it's no fun. With the right help though, you can learn ways to cope and also learn ways to manage your mental illness. Once you get your mental health in check, many of these others problems get much easier to deal with, and things fall into place. Priority number one right now should be YOU. I myself have gotten help, and thankfully, support from my family and friends. It helps so much. If you have any close friends who you think could understand, don't be afraid to open up a bit about it. Since I opened up about my mental illness, it's amazing how many of my friends have done so as well. Trust me, you think everyone else out there is perfect or "normal" but they aren't. There's so many people who go through this, it would truly surprise you. I do hope you can figure this out. If you get a proper evaluation and treatment plan going, you CAN get well. I know you might be worried about what your parents would think, but you also have to remember that it's your life we're talking about. That's the most important thing right now, and if it means stirring things up with your parents, it's still worth it. YOU'RE worth it. Never let anyone else dictate your mental health. It's yours and yours alone. I wish you the best.
  7. (((lostjaybee))) Welcome to DF. I'm sorry to hear that you're still having so much trouble with this. I understand though because that's a part of your life that gets taken away. I'm willing to bet that their are other people here on DF who've been through the same. There's so many people here from every different walk of life. Check out our different rooms and post about your situation. Definitely make yourself comfortable and enjoy your stay here. You don't have to go through this alone.
  8. (((kittendoll))) When it comes to explaining depression it's a really difficult thing to do. It's almost one of those things that you can't really understand unless you've experienced it. I often suggest that our loved ones go to a few therapy sessions with us (if you're doing therapy). That way they can hear the way the depression affects us and the therapist can help to bridge the knowledge gap and educate both of you at the same time. If you're not in therapy I would HIGHLY recommend it for both of you. It can really help, especially when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship and dealing with your mental illness. I guess if I had to say anything I would say that depression is all encompassing. When we are depressed we feel an overwhelming sadness, and we physically hurt too. Getting out of bed can be a struggle, let alone trying to take care of yourself. It can feel like the whole world is out to get you, and that you'll never feel "normal" again. It really and truly changes the way we think and takes away all of our joy in life (if it gets bad enough). At least that's what it means to me...
  9. (((allalone))) I know you're hurting and lonely right now. I understand how that feels because I've been there myself. I know it feels like you don't have anything to go on for. I know you feel really hopeless. I'm not going to argue on those with you. I will say one thing though. You can't possible know your future and you don't know if this is "as good as it gets" as you've said. Remember that while the future can be scary, it also is something we can never truly predict. It might not happen tomorrow, or next week, or even this year. But at some point the future brings changes. Those could be the changes that lead you to wellness. You just never truly know. That's one thing I always try to remind myself of every time I feel like there is nothing left to keep me going.
  10. (((Nellyzen))) It could be a number of things that are causing you to feel this way. It could be lingering depression that is causing you to feel flat. Could be a side effect of the meds too. It's really hard to say. I myself have found that I'm sleeping WAY too much lately and it's really starting to bother me and my wife as well. I think sometimes we need to do a periodic update of our meds and maybe make some adjustments if it's in our best interest. Also it could be that you're so used to feeling so down, that feeling "normal" is still a bit foreign to you. I know for me I find it hard to enjoy relaxing right now. I was so anxious for so long I forgot what it's like to just relax for a day and be fine with that. I always feel so guilty if I don't get things accomplished during the day. I think sometimes we just need to let ourselves "be" and give our brains a break.
  11. This is something you would really have to discuss with a professional to be honest. We aren't professionals here so we can't really tell you exactly what you could or couldn't have going on. I'm sure there are web sites out there that explain the symptoms of both depression and ADHD that you could check out, but I wouldn't rely too much on just those. I would find a good pdoc who can answer these questions for you. I don't think it's impossible to have both conditions co-exist, but I'm not an expert by any means. Also there are things like adult ADD/ADHD that only appear later in life without a history. Just another thing to consider. You don't particularly need to be diagnosed or even show symptoms during childhood. Again, I would speak to a doctor about this. That would get the answers you need. By talking things out, explaining symptoms, and working through that, that's how a good professional would figure out exactly what's going on. It might not be an easy thing, but in time it could be determined I'm sure.
  12. ((Jane)) In all honesty, I think many of our lives would be interesting enough to do something like this. I feel like those of us who've been through such struggles as mental illness have a lot to share with the world. I think we can help others with our own experiences. To me, that's the greatest gift anyone can really give. It's up to you though if you're ready for that kind of responsibility on yourself. If you're able to share your life story, and you want to do this, then I would say go for it. Just remember that by putting all this out there, it could cause some regret if you end up wanting your privacy back. Once it's out there, there's no getting it back. Not trying to scare you, but just trying to give the most honest advice I can.
  13. (((MissCath))) I agree that your concern and closeness with your sister is awesome. Me and my sister are very close as well, and she is moving about 3 hours away from me this summer. I'm certainly going to miss her. I can kind of understand what you're going through, especially if she is as supportive as you describe her. It's like our number one strength is away when our best friend (I'm assuming) is away. I think the best thing you can do is try to find things to do that occupy your mind. When I was dating my wife and she was living in Canada (I'm from the US), I had to do this pretty often. As long as you can find a hobby or activity that takes up your mind and your thought process, it's a lot harder for it to go automatically to anxiety and loneliness. Also look into things like exercise or even talking a walk. Just getting out and giving yourself some time to yourself is good. Just don't ruminate too much about everything. The more you can keep your mind busy, the more you can keep it away from the "bad thoughts" so to speak. Also look into reaching out to other people you are close to. Spend this time with a good friend or family member who you want to build a better relationship with. That way you're not only having some one to be your "step in" support, but you're also improving your relationships for the next time your sister is away. The more people around us who we can talk to, the better off we are. I certainly wish you the best and hope you're feeling better soon. I myself have been to the islands you speak of. Incredibly beautiful place. She will have a wonderful time.
  14. (((Luke))) Welcome to DF. I'm sorry to hear that you're having such problems and feeling so alone. I can assure you though, that you're not alone. We here on DF have felt the way you do and understand completely what you're going through. It sounds to me like you could be suffering from depression and/or anxiety. I'm not a doctor though, so that's only a possibility I suggest. I would advise you to see a mental health professional and get a proper evaluation and come up with a treatment plan if you are in fact suffering from mental illness of any kind. It seems scary to get help at first, but it gets easier with time. It could just be the best decision you ever make to be honest. I know it was for me. Definitely stick around here on DF. Check out our various rooms. We have a room for alternative sexual orientations that you might find helpful as well as a bunch of other great places. I wish you the best and hope you can find some comfort and good advice here.
  15. (((ivy whispers))) I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so defeated right now. I know I've been there myself and it's difficult to deal with. There's always going to be days where everything feels so hopeless. There will be days when we can't see a reason to go on. There will be days where it feels like all our hope is lost. Unfortunately that's depression. Remember though that it's the depression that's talking when you're feeling this way. It's not your true feelings. You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else on this earth. You have to keep telling yourself that because it's what will keep you going on days like this. I wish I could tell you something to make things better, but I'm not sure exactly what to say. I will say that each and every one of us has to find our own reason to continue on. Those reason(s) have to come from within to truly mean something and hold value to us. It doesn't matter how big or how small they are, as long as you can find them. If they are important to you, then that's all that matters. No one else can tell you what you should or shouldn't live for. You have that choice and if you look hard enough you can find what you're looking for, that much I can promise you.
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